STRANGE ALLIANCES

WANDA SUE, SALLY J. & PENELOPE........by Coralynn

WandaSue is again pacing, this time the office of the Mayor's office, which position she has been voted into through an odd set of circumstances. She feels bereft of friends. No one in the city government had warmed up to her, on the contrary, they've treated her with disdain at the municipal meetings, oft times over-riding her suggestions.
She is desperate for some human contact, almost any human contact!
She sits at her desk and mulls over the possibilities.
"Could there be any way to win back Sally and Penny?" she asks the '8 ball' on her desk. Picking it up and turning it over, the answer floats to the window....'worth a try' it reads.
She remembers Sally's phone number and dials it before she loses her nerve.
Sally picks up on the fourth ring. "Sally Jennings here!" her voice says cheerfully, as the phone seldom rings at her house. She and Penny have few if any friends and since she put her phone number on the Do Not Call list, even telemarketers have stopped calling.
"Hi Sal! It's WandaSue!"
"Oh really?"
"Believe it!"
"Why are you calling?"
"I was wondering if you and Penny would like to have lunch......my treat!"
WandaSue can tell Sally is covering the mouth-piece, conferring with Penelope.
"Sure, why not?" Sally says, "Where and when?"
"Today! In an hour at the Cafe Americana!"
"You mean that new place that just opened, that cafeteria place?" Sally's voice is unenthusiastic.
"Hey, it has the best pecan pie you'll ever eat!" WandaSue pitches her idea.
"Wellllll, OK."
"Meet cha there in an hour!"
"Right!" Sally hangs up.
WandaSue writes it in her daytimer and smiles, hoping her days of solitude will soon be over.


BESS & CECILY......by C.

Bess is sulking as Eleanor and William come back from their trip to the city; he to tape more episodes of his cooking show, she to shop.
"You look gloomy!" Eleanor puts down her packages but holds one out for Bess, "Look what I got you!"
Bess reaches in and pulls out a cashmere sweater in pale blue. "This is nice, El! But where am I going to wear it? It's too good for my job at Dr. Bidwell's office, and as you know, I don't have any dates! Not since Miss Cutesy-poo hit town!"
"Oh come on, Bess! You're a beautiful young woman....surely you'll go out on a lot of dates."
"With who? Who?! Rafe said he wants to be just friends, yuck. He wants that Cecily creature is what he wants!"

"I was just over at Rose's house. She wasn't there, but Cecily was. She said she's going to a concert tonight with Alan Carson and she's pretty excited about it."
"Alan Carson? You mean the police chief? Isn't she getting into the big leagues? I mean Alan Carson?"
"One and the same. I never saw her glow over going out with the other guys."
"HUH! So now Rafe isn't good enough for her?"
"You really have an attitude problem, Bess. You and Cecily should be friends you know. You're about the same age, single, time travelers...."
Bess gets a light-bulb moment, "I know! I'll pretend to be her friend and talk up Alan Carson so she'll marry him and leave the field wide open for me! With her off the market, I'll be the hottest single woman around!"
"I suppose that's a better plan than you walking around here spouting vitriol over the poor girl."
"The poor girl? I should be so lucky! But, I'll go over there tomorrow and ask how her date went and oooo and ahhhh all over the place and make Alan Carson sound like the hottest catch in town!"
El tips her head, "Which he may well be," gathers up her packages and takes them upstairs to her room.

Bess' mood has improved, as witness her opening Glamour magazine, scanning the ads for something hot to wear on the dates she's sure will ensue once that Cecily creature is out of circulation.


BUGGED!.....by Terri

John sat glumly at his computer. He listlessly punched the keys on his keyboard. Hell, I explained it all to her! Just because a person has a drink with another person doesn't mean he's running around on his wife. Did I pitch a fit when she had lunch with Marty Henshaw? I DID NOT! So if I have a strictly business lunch or a quick drink to close a deal, why is she acting like this? Have I ever given her cause to doubt me? These are all groundless accusations.
He sighed and put his folders in the file cabinet. He shut the drawer and sat back at his computer, his thoughts elsewhere. He kept replaying that night.
She had been cooled off by the time he got home. Cooled off? She'd been the ice princess. The kids were home. Cecily was there. Dinner was ready. Rose didn't say anything at dinner. Pleasant conversation ensued. I began to think she had forgotten. Or at least forgiven me.
The blanket and pillow were put away. I watched the hockey game and she even got me a beer. Will sat with me and Cecily was looking at magazines and showing them to Rose. They were having a high discussion. Lots of laughing and whispering.
And then Rose announced she was tired and going to bed. Usually that meant something. So what did I do? I eagerly said, 'Me too. See you tomorrow, Cecily.' What was I to think? The kids were in bed. She was wearing that nightgown that always turned me on....
Fat lot of good it did me. When I reached for her, she turned her back and told me she had a headache....
KNOCK KNOCK!
"Come in."
John looked up and who should be standing there but Billy Bob Montgomery.
"Hi, John. Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure. What's up?" He was wary. After all, this was the man who made their lives miserable at least 50% of the last two years.
"I'm really needing to join a gym."
"YOU? Look, Montgomery---from where I am sitting, you don't really look like you need a gym. I mean, you run that ranch and take care of those horses. You look really fit to me. I don't see what I could possibly offer you."
Billy Bob said, "I know. But being with the horses all day, well, sometimes it is just grooming. I mean, we aren't cowboys 24/7. I think I need some of the amenities you offer. Jameson told me you plan to get a raquetball court in here by summer. And let's face it, I need to get out and meet more people. Sure, I have lots of friends at the Dew Drop Inn. But I think I want to expand my horizons."
John went into his desk drawer and pulled out a packet.
"Here. This explains what we have and what package deals we offer." He reached in another drawer and gave him a pass.
Another knock on the door. Jameson, Billy Bob's cousin, stood there. "Uh, Mr. Gwinnett--Billy Bob! What are you doing here?"
Billy Bob grinned and said, "Believe it or not, I am thinking of joining the gym."
Jameson said, "You getting a discount because of Rose?"
John glared at him. Then Jameson said, "I thought you'd like to know that the light bulb in the sauna has burned out."
John sighed and said, "OK. Be right back, Montgomery."
Billy Bob and Jameson exchanged glances. Billy Bob imperceptively nodded to Jameson and Jameson said, "Gotta get back to my workout. See you later, BB."

John came back and said, "OK. That's taken care of. Here's the packet and the pass. It's for two weeks. Try it and see if it is for you."
Billy Bob asked, "Rose still teach a class here?"
"No!" John snapped. "I'm sorry. I haven't had a very good night's sleep lately."
Billy Bob said, "That's OK. I was married to her too."
Before John could answer, Billy Bob was out the door.

RING!
"Hello?"
"It's me."
"How did it go?"
"I'm joining the gym."
"Oh. Think that is wise?'
"I need the exercise."
"Can't hurt."
"One thing..."
"What?"
"Husband should call an exterminator."
"Huh?"
"The office has...bugs."
CLICK!


THE SOCIETY REPORTER.......by Coralynn

Daisy Moonbeam Freedom is excited. After pestering the life out of the editor of the local newspaper, he finally assented to letting her freelance with the caveat that the paper would print only what they considered quality society reporting.
To Daisy, that translated into a 'yes.'

Her business as a psychic has gone bust. She can't understand why the people in the area are so averse to having their fortunes told. God knows some of them need it!
"There's a concert tonight in that new hall half way between here and Pleasantville," she says as she looks through the listing of events in the paper. "Now, let me see if anyone important is going to be there....." but there is no listing of such, of course.
She drags out her folder of clippings which she's carefully collected the last few months, perusing it for pictures of the dignitaries and social lights of the area. She sees photos of William, Eleanor, Bethia and Roger Bidwell, "hmmm.....he's a doctor and she won that huge lottery, so I'll have to look for them for sure....." and the mayor, "I guess she counts even though she's white trash,"......and the police chief, "He's pretty handsome, I'll bet I'd recognize him if he's at the concert,"..........and of course Bill and Hillary......"I'll know them right away!"........and a few super-rich people who regularly attend such functions....."I know, I'll take some of these pictures with me and see if I can match them up to the people in the audience".........
She takes out the designated pictures and slides them into her voluminous purse.

Now, what to wear? It has to be classy, she thinks, it has to be expensive looking.
She finds a solid black dress in her closet. It has a very large skirt with crinolines attached on the underside. She puts it on and admires her reflection in the full length mirror. But something is missing......
She opens her enormous jewelry box and fishes around till she finds a set of necklace, bracelet and earrings that contain about 20 karats of cubic zirconia, the necklace falling in cascades almost to her waist.
After putting these on, she smiles at the results.
"High class, Daisy! You'll fit right in!"

MEANWHILE:

WandaSue waits impatiently for her two former friends to appear at the Cafe Americana. Standing inside the door she peers out to watch for them, checks her watch, then peers out again.
Ten minutes of this and she's beginning to seethe. What makes them think they can stand me up, me the mayor of the town for cripesake! Tiffany and Holly would have been on time, but they moved to Boulder, Colorado just a few days ago. Must have been because of that fiasco with Billy Bob. Rats! and we came so close to getting an incriminating picture of him! If Tiff had only left that back door unlocked it would have rewritten history! ...... Ohhhh, here they are!
Sally and Penelope enter the cafeteria and look around, not seeing WandaSue standing off to the left behind them. "Hi!" they hear her raspy voice call out.
They turn and see her all smiles, "You ready for a lunch fit for a king?"
"You mean almost as good as HungryMan dinners?" Sally jokes.
"Maybe even a little better......follow me!" WandaSue leads them to where the trays are stacked, handing them each a tray, then taking one for herself.
The menu is posted on the wall behind the counter. They see their choices as meatloaf, lasagna, stuffed cabbage and catch of the day.
All three of them opt for the latter.
The bored cafeteria workers slap portions of the meal on plates and shove them across the counter. Going to a table, WandaSue carefully takes her plates off the tray and sits.
After the other two do so as well, she begins, "Would either of you like a job with the city? A few just came open and I thought of you guys."
"What are they?" Penny nudges the fish with her fork, trying to ascertain just what is beneath all that greasy batter.
"Well, there's a job as an assistant to the assistant animal control...."
"Dog catcher? No thanks!" Penny hacks open the fish with her knife, which shows a very thin layer of some mystery fish. She takes a small bite, then uses her napkin to spit it out.
"OK, that one isn't good. How about a job in the sanitanian department?"
"Sewers? No way!" Sally grimmaces.
WandaSue regrets having told them about these awful jobs, so in a fit of desperation, invents. "I have two openings in my office, the mayor's office as you know. Both of them handling secret documents and serving as liason between the mayor and the state government?"
Penny and Sally look at each other and shrug, "Those sound good," Penny says.
"I'll have to do some paperwork on this and let you know when you can start," WandaSue tells them, thinking 'I'll have to find a way to create these jobs which isn't going to be easy with all the red tape and the city council being so tight with money, being a bunch of dolts....'

The threesome consumes the parts of the lunch that are edible, which means they eat salad and rolls, then drink large glasses of water.
WandaSue can't resist and takes a big chance on bringing up a topic that has gotten her into trouble with these friends in the past, "Hey! you been on any time travel trips lately?"
"Can't think of any place to go!" Sally responds, "but if you get us those jobs with the city, the three of us can go time tripping!"
WandaSue smiles, hoping she can pull this off. There has to be a way. If she spends much more time in her condo all by herself she'll go mad!


PLOTS AND SCHEMES.....by Terri

"I thought you'd never get here!" Billy Bob sat in the deli with a corned beef on rye and all the works.
Jameson slid into the booth and motioned for the waitress to bring him the same thing.
"Just what were you doing at the gym?"
Billy Bob swallowed and took a sip of beer before he answered. "Thinking of joining."
Jameson narrowed his eyes. "Uh huh. OK--now you owe me an explanation. Why did you call me on the cellphone and tell me to unscrew the light bulb in the sauna in ten minutes and then report it to John?"
"Because I needed to get into his office without him there?"
"And what would that be? You aren't planting a bomb, are you? Because if you are, tell me when it is set to go off so I can stay home that day."
The waitress set Jameson's platter down in front of him and asked, "Another round?"
Billy Bob said, "Sure--but make it a pitcher this time."
When she left, he motioned his cousin closer. "I've been hired to do a little surveillance on Mr. Gwinnett."
"From a competitive fitness center?"
Billy Bob took another bite of his sandwich and chewed thoughtfully.
Jameson said, "Well? Well?"
Billy Bob took a sip of beer while Jameson simmered.
"Not by the competition. By his wife."
Jameson sat back. His mouth opened and closed but no words came out.
Finally---"By his wife?"
Billy Bob leaned back and put his booted feet up on the chair across from him.
"Yep. And his office is now wired for sound!"
"Wired for sound..you BUGGED it?"
Billy Bob hissed, "Will you keep your voice down? You never know who is listening."
Jameson leaned forward. "OK, OK--so what is the deal?"
Billy Bob picked up his french fries and dipped them in ketchup. "Oh, nothing really. Except that the 'wife-formerly-known-as-Mrs-Montgomery-soon-to-be-the-ex-Mrs-Gwinnett' has serious doubts as to the veracity and fidelity of her wedded state."
"HUH?"
"He's a cheating bastard."
"Oh! That I understand! And just where do you come into the picture?"
Billy Bob leaned back and took a drink of his beer. "Ever hear of the consolation guy?"
"Huh?"
"That is the guy who continually says, 'I'm here for you.' And after a bit, it is just 'I'm...here. For you.' Then it just becomes 'I'm here.' Hell, she already knows how well we go together."
Jameson asked, "Didn't you make her life miserable every single day she was married to you?"
Billy Bob snapped, "We had some good times!"
Jameson snorted, "Oh yeah. She had the privilege of yanking your boots off when you drank too much and passed out on the bed."
Billy Bob signaled for the check. "I got to tell you, I thought they would last a little longer than 18 months."
Jameson said, "You think he really is cheating on her? He'd be a fool to."
"Anything is possible. But think of the poetry of it."
"Poetry?"
Billy Bob took out his charge card and signed the lunch check.
"Yeah. I get to cuckold HIM. Like he cuckolded me. And..."
"And what?"
"I can get that jacket back!"


PRESENT OR PENANCE?.......by Terri

John came home at 5:30. Rosamond was trying to cook dinner, help Will with a science project, feed Jenna and keep Julie from putting lipstick on the cat they had just acquired.
"JULIE BETH GWINNETT, YOU GIVE THAT BACK TO ME!"
"Don't wanna!"
"Will, take Jenna!"
Rose wrestled the tube out of her hand and smacked her fingers. "Now look what you did to Barney!"
Barney the cat ran under the table, hissing and spitting.
Julie was crying, Jenna was fussing and Will was complaining, "Mom, Jenna is wiggling and I think she puked on me!"
John said, "Hi. Need a hand?"
Rose pushed the hair out of her eyes. "I think I need two."
He bent down and picked up Julie. Julie buried her face in John's shoulder and whimpered. Rose was exasperated, "She has got to learn not to get into things. Don't go spoiling her, John."
He said, "Aw, Rose, they are only little once."
"What brings you home so early?"
"Early? I always get home at this time."
Her eyebrows raised. He said, "OK, so I screwed up once. What is for dinner?"
"Spaghetti if I can ever get the salad made."
"Tell you what. I'll take care of the kids and you can finish up."

After dinner, the kids were bathed and Will had his science project done with the help of John. Rose was sitting in the living room reading.
"All quiet on the western front," he said.
"Good."
John reached over and gave Rosamond a black velvet box. "Happy belated Valentine's Day, love."
Rose took the box and opened it. Inside was a ruby and diamond necklace. She held it up. "My, my. It looks very pricey, John."
"Well, nothing is too good for my wife."
Rose felt like saying 'that may be why I got nothing then.' but she refrained.
"Is there a reason you spent so much, John?"
He was taken back. "Can't a man buy his wife a nice piece of jewelry without getting the third degree?"
She sighed. "Of course. Thank you, it is lovely."
He said, "You're welcome. Now I want a kiss for each stone and something special for the clasp."
"I'm sorry all I had to give you was a nice romantic dinner."
John was abashed and said, "I'm sorry I missed it."
There was an awkward pause. To change the subject, he asked, "What are you reading?"
"The Planet script."
"Planet? What is going on? We were both on hiatus for six months!"
Rose picked it up and studied it again. "Yes. Well. That has changed. I met with Marty---"
"Marty? You met with Marty?"
"Yes. He was the appointment I had in the City and he has a fabulous part for Daisy. You see---"
"Why wasn't I asked?"
Rose sighed. " He isn't ready to bring Brad in yet. He has a gothic storyline for Daisy. A stranger blows into town and totally turns her life around."
"But--I thought we were a pair, Rose. He never had one of us without the other."
Rose shrugged. "I guess he figures you were too busy with the gym, John."
John stewed. "Did he cast the stranger's role yet?"
Rose said, "Yes, he did. I haven't met him yet. His name is Sage Hunter."
"Never heard of him."
"I hadn't either but Marty called me and said one look at this guy and he knew he was right for the part."
"Sage Hunter. Is he replacing me with this dude?"
Rose said, "No, John. He's a totally new character."
"Why didn't you discuss the part with me, Rose?"
"Discuss? What is to discuss, John? 'This is my career and this is the way I choose to run it.' Sound familiar?"
John was quiet. "And if I forbid you to go back to Planet?"
Rose flared up. "Don't pull that crap with me, Gwinnett! You hated it when Montgomery pulled the same stuff. So drop it. Because it is not even up for discussion."
John knew he had lost this round. So he said, "OK, OK.. Did Marty say if and when he wanted me back?"
"Not really but not quite yet."
"You are comfortable working with a newcomer?"
"I think I can work with him. The script was just FedExed to me this afternoon. So far it is pretty ordinary."
John took a sip of the wine he had poured them. "You're right. You love working on Planet and who am I to forbid you. Go right ahead, honey."
Rose was mollified. "I'm glad you understand."
"What about the children?"
"Celeste is watching them. If she can't, I have a whole house to choose from. I'm paying her extra even though she refused. She said she thinks of them as her grandchildren."
He rubbed her shoulders and then whispered, "Ready to go to bed?"
She smiled. "Yes. I think so. The children are asleep."
As they climbed the stairs, Rose thought, 'And I have to find out once and for all if he is faithful. Billy Bob will get me the answers and put my mind at rest. He just has to. And then I can deal with Miss Pat McMahon in my own way.'
She touched the ruby and diamond necklace and thought, is this really a belated Valentine's Day gift? Or a gift of penance?


THE CONCERT.........by Coralynn

The new concert hall is lit like the spaceship in "Close Encounters" as the attendees make their way from the parking lot into the hall. Clusters of people chat in the vestibule, commenting on the splendour of the place, and catching up on who made a hole in one at the country club that day.
Alan and Cecily go inside and find their seats, which are in the sixth row back, center, a prime location for hearing the music.
He hands her a program and points out the salient information.

Daisy Moonbeam Freedom doesn't go directly to her seat, but mills around in the crowd looking for dignitaries and socialites, a camera at the ready in her cavernous purse.
She can hardly believe her good luck when she sees Hillary and Bill enter, and quickly whips out the camera, pointing it in their direction. They notice this and smile, thinking that this person is simply an admirer.
When Daisy sees William the Conquering Chef enter with Eleanor and that guy she hung around with at the 1843 House and a man with wild-looking hair, she snaps a picture of them as well, though she doesn't receive the smiles from this group as William is all too aware of who she is. "Tough rocks!" she mutters softly.

"I feel like I have a harem," El comments to William, Jerry and Luke (aka Beethoven).
They all chuckle and enter the main part of the hall, finding their seats three rows behind where Alan and Cecily are seated. Eleanor smiles when she sees them, though they don't notice their friends as they're engrossed in conversation.
Luke flips through the program and sees that the orchestra, an amalgm of players from the two towns, are performing his 5th Symphony. He shows his program to William and points to the list of works to be played. William smiles and comments, "Too bad they don't have your 10th symphony for jazz ensemble, Luke!"
Luke laughs and, as the house lights dim, settles back in his seat, ready to hopefully enjoy the concert.

The first number is "The Rite of Spring" by Stravinsky. Luke doesn't recognize the name, "hmm, must be one of the newer guys!" he thinks as he prepares to enjoy it.
After 30 seconds Luke begins to fidget and looks distressed. He whispers to Jerry, "This is just a lot of noise!"
Jerry puts his finger in front of his lips and "shhhhhhhh"s.
"But it's horrible!" Luke's voice becomes louder.
The lady sitting in front of him turns around and glares at him for a moment.
Luke becomes agitated, but listens to the rest though in great distress.

Daisy Moonbeam Freedom notices Alan Carson the police chief down several rows and to her left in the middle section. She tries to figure out how she'll get his picture, as she is 6 rows in from the aisle.
When the clapping begins for that first really awful number the orchestra played, she stands and tramples the five people who sit between her and her way to get down the aisle.
The applause covers up the sounds of distress the people make as she makes her way out. She then tries to get down to where she can take a picture of Alan and that girl he has with him, which necessitates her walking almost down to the orchestra pit. By the time she thinks she's in the right place to take said picture she sees people staring and hears, "sit back down, lady!" and "I can't see with you there!"
Alan and Cecily see this blousy wreck of a woman point her camera at them, and after seeing three quick flashes go off, watch her trundle back up the aisle.
"Who was that?!" Cecily whispers.
"Looks familiar....not sure.....shhh, Luke's 5th Symphony is starting."
The five people Daisy has to climb back over to reach her own seat make loud noises of displeasure, which the conductor hears and waits to start the symphony. There's one in every audience! he thinks, his baton at the ready.
The symphony starts.
Luke sits there listening attentively. He doesn't think they played the first few measure correctly, and whispers to Eleanor, "Those are supposed to be triplets!"
She has no idea what he's talking about.
The orchestra is playing the first movement like they've been told to hurry up because the stage is on fire.
Luke groans.
"Too fast!" he tells William, two seats down.
The same lady turns and glares again.
Luke glares back, "Pardon me madam, but the conductor is racing...."
She turns back around.

Alan and Cecily are enjoying the music greatly, smiling occasionally at each other, feeling a definite warmness pass back and forth.
Cecily feels very relaxed and happy......until she hears a voice behind her yell out, "STOP!"
The music stops.
Cecily and everyone else in the audience sees this shaggy-haired man thunder up on stage, yank the baton from the conductor's grasp and yell out, "Let me do it! This is what happens when you leave it to amateurs!"
The conductor is shocked, stunned, "I beg your pardon...." is all he can manage.
"Well, you should. Let the composer show you how it's done!" Luke then instructs the orchestra, "From the beginning, and note the tempo!" and off they go into the first movement, the conductor simply standing there dumbstruck.
Eleanor whispers to Jerry and William, "I can't believe this!"
The two men nod in assent and shake their heads in disbelief.

Daisy knows she has to get a picture of this! and again tramples the five people between her seat and the aisle. Hmmm, how to do it when the guy is facing away from the audience?
She sees some curtained stairs to the right and goes for it. Sure enough, they lead back and up onto the stage behind the orchestra.
Daisy tiptoes behind the percussion section and positions herself to get a straight shot at this madman who's conducting. As her first flashbulb goes off, Luke sees the interloper and screams out, "CUT!" making a motion that stops the orchestra.
"And just what do you think you're doing?" he directs his wrath at Daisy.
She puts on a weak smile and tries to beat it back to those stairs again, but the tuba player grabs on to her voluminous skirt and as she runs, it rips and tears and the whole thing lies in tatters on the stage floor.
The audience, after gasping, is now laughing uproariously.
Luke tries to gain control again, but sees the situation is impossible and thunders down from the stage, up the aisle as someone else with a camera takes his picture, and bursts out the doors at the back, letting them thud shut as he leaves.

"Think we oughta go?" Jerry asks Eleanor, "Luke must be distraught, and obviously this is not going to be an 'evening at the symphony.'"
"Right, let's scram!" she agrees.
William follows them out and soon they're outside where Luke is, surprisingly, laughing.
"Ahhh it was like the old days!" he tells them as they walk to their car.
All William can think of is the headlines in the next morning's paper!


DREAM DATE..........by Coralynn

Cecily and Alan stay at the concert long enough to hear some Strauss waltzes, the Beethoven's Fifth given up as a disaster, and leave with the rest of the assemblage.
"Well!" she exclaims as they head off to the parking lot, "This evening was certainly eventful!"
"I know the man who jumped on stage and insisted on conducting...."Alan begins.
"I met him, too, remember my welcoming party?"
"That's right, he was there. Do you know much about him?"
"Not much. Eleanor said he composed music...."
"He did, back a couple hundred years ago. He may be the most famous composer of all times."
"Really?" Cecily is surprised.
"Yes, Beethoven is well known and loved all over the world, so having him here in the 21st century is something of a big deal."
"Yes, big deal indeed! My question is: does everyone know he's here?"
"They didn't because he lives with Henry8 in that castle, and William made sure his haircut was modern, but I see he's let it grow out again. Now he does look the all the pictures people see in the books and such."
"Oh my! William had better fix that!"
"I'm sure he will after tonight's fiasco, and Luke will have to lie low, very low for awhile."
"Who was that woman running around taking pictures anyway? She got one of Luke."
"That's a wacko psychic named Daisy Moonbeam somethingorother."
"Wacko?"
"Right. Strange, weird. When the group was at the 1643 House back last year, they told me that this woman laid on the ground and talked to the vegetable garden to make it grow."
"The 1643 House, what was that?"
"They went to a deserted place and had to live like it was back in 1643. It was very primitive; they even had to build their own houses. It was filmed for a television special."
"I'd love to see it!" Cecily's eyes shine.
Alan puts his arm around her, "Well, young lady, so you shall. I have a copy. How about tomorrow night?"
"Wonderful!" Cecily is on cloud 9.
As they drive back to Winding Willow, Alan tunes his car radio to soft music and Cecily smiles contentedly, feeling safe, feeling joy.


OYYY, THE MORNING PAPERS!....by Coralynn

Wiliam has barely opened his eyes when reality hits him. The morning papers! He shudders as he puts on his robe and slowly descends the stairs.
"Gotta do something about this weight!" he thinks as he waddles down step by step by step.
No one else is up yet, which is typical. William is the super early riser in the 'family.'
He glances out the window to see if the dreaded newspapers have been thrown on the driveway, and he sees they have. Leaving the front door ajar so that it doesn't close on him, locking him out, he retrives the five papers and carries them inside, carefully closing the door so that it doesn't make enough noise to awaken the others.
Pouring himself a cup of coffee, he opens the first newspaper. Good, nothing on the front page!
He separates the sections and with trepidation glances at the Arts & Entertainment one. And there it is: a big picture of Luke conducting the orchestra, his hair standing out from his face like Albert Einstein's.
The caption reads: "Wild man takes over orchestra during concert!" Gads, William thinks, the editor of this paper must have held the presses to get this in so quickly! He then reads:

Beethoven's Fifth Symphony had barely begun before a shaggy man lept onstage, ripping the baton from the conductor's hand, insisting on conducting it himself. He said that 'the composer would show this rank amateur how to do it.' The identity of this man in unknown to the reporter, but, at the insistence of the esteemed conductor, who was all but attacked, an investigation is underway."

'The shaggy hair has to go!' William thinks, and reaches for the phone, pushing in the numbers over at the castle next door. It rings seven times, but William is not deterred. It rings ten times, and on the tenth he hears, "Henry8's Castle, this had better be important because you just woke me up!" and recognizes the voice as Henry's.
"Is Luke available, Henry? This is William."
No reply, but he hears the phone being laid down. It takes Luke a full ten minutes to get on said phone. "What is it William?"
"Get yourself over here and do it pronto! We have to do an extreme makeover on you! Did you see the morning papers?"
"Well, I hardly think so, as I was asleep till just a few minutes ago when Henry told me I had to talk to you. Is that all you have to say? Couldn't it have waited?"
"NO! Now get over here....now!"
William hears Luke hang up. "He'd better do as I say, or we'll have another one of our 'incidents'........this time one very hard to talk our way out of!"

When Bess emerges from her first floor bedroom she sees William doing something that makes a sort of whirring noise to another man's head.
She goes closer and almost recognizes Luke. "What cha doing, William?"
"I'm making Luke impossible to recognize! After I get done shaving his head, I'm going to the store and buying him western ware!"
"What ware?" Luke is suspicious.
"You, my impetuous friend, are going to wear cowboy boots, jeans, a western shirt complete with bolo tie, and learn to speak with a drawl!"
William turns off the clippers and propels Luke into the downstairs bathroom to view himself in the mirror. "I'm BALD!" Luke says several times, shocked.
William pushes him back out into the kitchen and shows him the picture in the newspaper taken just the night before. "And you don't look much like this fellow, now, do you?"
"No!"
"After I get you new clothes it will be all but impossible for anyone to recognize you, which is what we want, Luke. You damned near blew your cover last night!"
Luke grins, "But.....but it was glorious!"
"Maybe for you, but we don't need the paparazzi swarming all over the street looking for you."
"Why would they know to come to this street?"
"Why? Because anything weird that goes on in this town they automatically think of us! We are on the shall we say 'list of the usual suspects'?"

Eleanor and Celeste converge on the kitchen at the same time, and when they see Luke's shorn head proceed to laugh. "Good one, William!" Eleanor comments.
"I don't get it!" Bess says, confused.
"Of course you don't, dear," Celeste says kindly, "are you off to work at Dr. Bidwell's office today?"
Bess wrinkles up her face, "No. He told me to take a long weekend....wasn't that nice of him? I must be his favorite....." she searches for the appropriate word.
"I'm sure!" Celeste grins.
"Was Cecily at the concert you guys went to?" Bess asks.
"Yes. She and Alan Carson were several rows ahead of us," Eleanor answers as she pours a cup of coffee.
"You think they had a good time? Does Cecily have the hots for him?"
"Now how would we know that?" Eleanor asks.
"Well, did they hold hands? Did they sit there and kiss?!"
"Not at a concert!" William breaks in, "why the interest Bess?"
"Ohhhh I just wondered, that's all. Ya know, I can go over to Rose's house and make friends with the crea....I mean Cecily."
"Good idea!" William says as he escorts Luke back outside and sends him home, yelling, "Come back around noon for your new clothes!"
Eleanor, who knows Bess' motivation for befriending Cecily, sighs.
"I'd better get dressed!" Bess tells them happily, "Now what would a person wear for a day with a new best friend?" She all but dances back to her room.


NEXT DAY QUARTERBACK.....by Terri

Cecily came bouncing downstairs for breakfast. Rosamond was wiping down the table after Julie had tried to feed Barney the cat her cherrios. Barney was having none of it and had jumped on the table, landing in the cereal bowl.
"Good morning!" she called out cheerfully.
Rose paused, dishcloth in hand. "Sounds like you had a good time."
Cecily took an apple out of the bowl and bit into it. "Not just good. Wonderful!"
Rose continued to scrub down the table. "Alan was a gentleman?"
Cecily sat down. "Rose, I've never been with such a gentleman! He was strong, he was sure of himself, he smelled good! Which is important!"
Rose poured herself a cup of tea and sat down with Cecily. Cecily continued, "I would have told you all about it last night but no one was up when I got home."
Rose said, "We turned in early. We were both tired."
Julie tugged on Cecily and said, "Ce-ce! Ce-ce!"
Cecily bent over and picked her up. Rose looked warily at her little daughter. "I would give anything to know how the wheels turn in that little mind of hers. She reminds me of something I heard about DisneyWorld..'if you can dream it, you can do it.' Well, this little chicky can certainly do it. If it is mischief."
Julie looked innocent sitting with Cecily. Cecily asked, "The concert was wonderful! I love all kinds of music! Alan said someday we should go to a Brooks and Dunn concert. I think he is a man of varied interests."
Rose stirred her tea. "He was very nice when I was in jail. Except about Victoria."
"JAIL??"
"Oh! You didn't know? Alan didn't tell you? Well, it is a long story but I was in overnight for brawling with my ex-husband's wife. I can't even remember the reason. Then Travis McGee arrested me for..well, let's just say it was a big misunderstanding. And Alan's girlfriend was blackmailing people and she was murdered right over there."
Cecily looked and said, "Where? On this street?"
"No, in this kitchen! John found her. She was blackmailing me over something and I had to stand trial because they thought I did it. Turns out the mayor's wife did it. She's doing 10 years in the prison upstate."
Cecily's head was swimming. "I sure missed a lot."
"Oh, don't get me wrong! Alan is a nice guy. Very steady and since he was promoted to police chief, things are getting done around Chappaqua."
Cecily put Julie down. "He was telling me about the 1643 house that some of you all were involved in. He invited me over tonight to watch it."
Rosamond looked troubled. Cecily asked her, "Is there something wrong with that?"
"No, not really. I would just hate to see you tie yourself down to one man so quickly."
"Rose, don't worry about me. I like Alan and he is a perfect gentleman. He didn't even kiss me goodnight."
"He didn't? Wow. That is a rarity."
"So...what shall I wear? Shall I bring something over?"
Rose said, "Not quite yet. Don't appear so eager, Cecily. Keep them wondering."
Rose was worried because as much as John liked Alan, he was always suspicious as to the motives of any man around his sister. He should be so concerned about me, she thought.
Cecily said, "I saw two wine glasses by the fireplace when I came in. I take it you and John made up."
Rose shrugged. "I guess. He bought me an expensive necklace."
Cecily said, "Really! That is wonderful!"
Rose said, "He just doesn't get it, Cecily. It almost looked like a guilt offering. I would have been happy with a bouquet of wildflowers. Except you can't get them in New York in February. As long as he remembered."
Rose looked out the window. "Here comes Bess. Wonder what's up?"
Cecily said, "I like Bess. I think we could be good friends."
Rose thought, 'Right. Like a cobra and a mongoose.'....


NEW BEST BUDS..........by Coralynn

Bess doesn't have to ring the doorbell as Cecily has flung open the door and, all smiles, says, "Come in!"
Bess enters.
Putting on her 'best friend' face, Bess asks "I hear you went out with that dream-boat Alan Carson last night! Wow, that must have been wonderful. Did you have a good time?"
"I had a marvelous time," Cecily confides, "He is so kind, so smart, so handsome...."
"Yeah, he sure is! You're a lucky girl to be going with him. You are 'going' with him now, aren't you?"
"Going?"
"As in he is your best boyfriend. He is your favorite. You only want to date him from now on."
Cecily's voice becomes softer, "Yes! Yes! But Rose is pulling for Slim Skaggs, so she says I'd be smart not to narrow my choices."
"But you're not listening to her, are you? She's been married awhile, she's lost touch."
"I hadn't thought of that. Come up to my room where we can talk more privately!"
Rose, in the next room, has heard some of the conversation and wonders what Bess is up to, as if she didn't have her suspicions.
They close the bedroom door and sit on Cecily's big bed.
"Now, the scoop! Did he kiss you?"
"He was a perfect gentleman."
"That means he didn't even try to kiss you?"
"Right."
"Well, that was your first date after all. When are you guys getting together again?"
"Tonight! He's going to play his tape of 'the 1643 House' for me at his place."
"That was a blast! You'll love it! What are you going to wear?"
"I haven't decided. What should I wear?"
"I have just the right thing, and it's never even been worn...."
"I couldn't borrow it if it's brand new...."
"Sure you could! I would be thrilled to lend it to you. It's a light blue cashmere sweater Eleanor bought me. You could wear it with a pair of really nice pants! I can lend them to you, too, we're the same size."
"You're a life-saver! How fun!"
"Why don't you come on over to the big house with me. We can try on clothes, maybe fool around with makeup...."
"I'm so glad you came over, Bess! I've wanted to get to know you better!"
"Yeah, me too!" they leave the bedroom, go downstairs and as they head for the front door Cecily yells out, "Rose, I'll be back later!"
Rose just gets the chance to say, "Be sure you have your housekey with you," before the two girls have gone outside and can be seen walking briskly down the street, chatting a mile a minute.


METABOLIC PRESSURE......by Terri

William sat down in his recliner with another newspaper. SNAP! His waistband popped open. He looked around to see no one watching. He grabbed both ends and pulled them. SNAP! Pull! SNAP! Pull! SNAP! PULL TIGHTER!
He sighed and looked down. He couldn't see the waistband. He could only feel it. Could I have possibly gone over the limit? Will I now have to get weighed in a truck weigh station?
He tried to get up off the recliner. He rocked forward. No movement. He rocked back. AHA! A slight budge. He rocked back and forth, back and forth. Finally the momentum carried him forward and catapulted him off the chair. He teetered on the edge. Slightly back...forward..which way is he going to land?
Finally he stood upright and rocked a little back and forth. Like a weeble. What was it Will used to sing? 'Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!' He looked down at his feet. But he couldn't see them. This is just great! The only way I will know if I step in dog-do is if I can smell it!
Only one thing to do. Well, two if you count stomach stapling. Which he was not quite ready to do.
"Fitness Center. This is John."
William said jovially, "Well, my boy! Just the lad I want to converse with! I have a favor to ask of you."
John said, "Hi, 'Dad'. What can I do you for?"
William sighed. "It has come to my attention that I may be carrying a tad too much poundage."
"A TAD?"
"OK, OK," William groused. "I need to knock off some weight."
John laughed, "I've been waiting for this day! Why don't you come in and let us evaluate you? We can put you on a fitness program, set you up with a personal trainer. Like Slim or Rafe. Even Daniel. We'll put you on a diet and monitor it so the weight comes off safely..."
"Whoa! Hold it! Hold it!"
"But William, this is the only way..."
"I have an idea. I don't want to go into your fitness center like the Goodyear blimp! I would like to knock off a few pounds on my own first so I don't set myself up for ridicule. I propose this. Since you live so close by, would YOU consider being my personal trainer? Just for a few months so I can lose a bit on my own and won't feel so self-conscious at the gym. Would you go jogging with me in the mornings? It is still cool and crisp and it will be invigorating. Besides, I don';t want the ladies to find out. If I fail, I will never survive the endles barrage of criticism from Celeste, among others."
John laughed. "I guess I can see your point. It will be a good incentive and you won't have that little devil/angel sitting on your shoulder."
William chuckled, "You understand perfectly, my boy!"
"Ok, shall we get started tomorrow?"
"Sounds like a plan, laddie! One thing. Can you keep it a secret from your lovely wife? You know what they say, 'two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead!' I don't want Rose to know. She may let it slip and then it keeps going on an on."
John said, "I understand perfectly. There is a park about a mile away. Douglas Park. Why don't we meet there at, say, 7:00 AM. I have to be at the fitness center at 8:00. That will give you a good 45 minutes workout. Cardio will help the metabolism and then you can burn off the fat."
"Capital idea, my boy! Shall we start tomorrow?"
"We shall! Do I need to call you?"
"That would be wise to make sure I am up and ready. But remember--mum's the word!"
John said, "I'll use my cellphone in the library!"
"Till then, lad! So long!"
William hung up, satisfied that he had made a step in the right direction.
'Now where did I put those twinkies...?"


John sat at his desk as Daniel came in. Daniel walked over to the office fridge and got the bottle water. He made himself a protein drink. He reached into his desk and pulled out a package.
"I forgot to give this to you! You know those three women? The ones we call the 'witches from Eastwick'? Even though they are very nice? They gave this to me to give to you. I got one myself. Different brand."
John took the gift bag and threw out the tissue paper. Inside was a bottle of cologne. He took the cap off and took a whiff.
"Hey, that's nice! 'Simara'! I was getting tired of my Grey Flannel. That's real nice of them."
Danie laughed, "It was a Valentine's Day present from them. Think they wanted to be your Valentine!"
John put it in the desk drawer. "Nice of them. I wanted to switch colognes."
"Think Rose will notice?"
"Doubtful. She's so busy with the kids and she's going back to work on Planet."
"That so?"
"Yes. New storyline. And that now means....more take-out food! Unless it means 'take me out."


Meet THE DUKE...by Coralynn

Luke raps softly on the back door, his strength seemingly having been lost when William cut off all his hair, similar to Samson.
Celeste lets him in just as Bess and Cecily emerge from Bess' room, all dolled up with makeup and the latest hair styles.
The girls look at him in amazement as he looks back at them with the same expression.
"What happened to you?" he asks.
"Are we not elegant, do we not look like movie starts?" Bess twirls around so he can see her from all angles.
"I hate to tell you what you look like......I don't think it's proper to speak that way in front of ladies...."
"He's an old Poop, just like William," Bess explains to Cecily, "and speak of the devil..."
William bustles into the kitchen. "Come up to my room, Luke. I bought you the latest in western wear..."
Celeste laughs, "You going to dress him up like John Wayne are you?"
"Nothing wrong with John Wayne, they don't call him 'the Duke' for nothing!" William escorts Luke upstairs, they enter William's room and the others hear the door close firmly.
Celeste examines the two young women in their new makeup. "Cecily, I think about half of what you put on your face would suffice."
"Don't worry, I'm not going to go over to Alan's house tonight looking like this!"
"You're going over to Alan's tonight? My, two nights in a row, must be serious!" Celeste's eyes twinkle.
"Oh it IS!" Bess jumps in, "I have good instincts, and my instincts tell me that Alan and Cecily are soul mates!"

Upstairs, William is forcing Luke to put on the jeans.
"But William, these are tight! Do I have to wear them?"
"Tight jeans will hopefully keep you from jumping up on any more stages during a concert, my friend, now there.....see? Pull a little harder. Yes, that's just right."
The cowboy shirt is quite fancy, so at least the fancy part appeals to Luke, who has a fondness for ruffled shirts, but he balks at the bolo tie.
"No you don't, don't take that off, it's the piece de resistance!" William shoves the cow-horn attachment up under the other man's chin.
Luke is looking in the mirror when William plops the cowboy hat on his head. He whips it off right away, "Do I have to wear this too?!"
"Without that hat you don't look like a cowboy!" William explains.
"But I don't want to look like one!"
"Too bad! You blew your cover at the concert, and now you're going incognito. You also have to talk like a cowboy, so.....down in my den I have a number of John Wayne movies. You are going to watch every one of them this afternoon and when you emerge from the den I expect to see John Wayne, hear John Wayne, smell John Wayne...."
"Smell??"
"You get the idea, now let's go downstairs." William all but shoves Luke out of the room, down the stairs and into the den.
Celeste, Bess and Cecily witness this scenario in silence, then, after the door to the den closes, break out in peals of laughter.
"I thought I'd seen everything......but....." Celeste cannot finish her sentence for laughing so hard.


BELIEVE HALF OF WHAT YOU SEE, NONE OF WHAT YOU HEAR ...by Terri

Billy Bob shoved his gym bag in the locker. Jameson came in.
"You're serious about this? You are really going to spy for her?"
"Shhh!! Keep your voice down! This place is riddled with people who would rat me out to Gwinnett in a heartbeat!"
Daniel came in just then and exclaimed, "So it IS true! You have a guest pass! Well, well, well! Welcome! Anything you have a question about, BB, just see me! Least I can do for you since you took a chance on me with the band in another lifetime ago!"
"Sure thing, Daniel. But I think Jameson can show me the ropes!"
After Daniel left, BB hissed, "See? You never know who is listening in!"
Billy Bob put earphones in and had a CD player attached to his side. He whispered, "This enables me to listen to any conversation Gwinnett may be having in the office. And look! See that spicy red-head who just knocked on the door?"
Jameson said, "Oh...YEAH!"
"Well, I can listen in...oh nuts! I need to replace the batteries!"

KNOCK KNOCK!
"Come in!"
"Hi, John! Are you busy?"
"No, did you find something?"
"Yes, I found a nice beach house. Several, actually. They are quite pricey though. Are you restricted by price?"
"Not really. We were considering buying a place in New Jersey. But--and this was kind of funny in retro--my wife gave birth there! Long story but she doesn't really want to go back. I can't blame her. The screams are probably still hovering over the house like a woven tapestry of obscenity!"

"Can you hear anything?" Jameson asked.
"Shhh! It's coming in...."
Billy Bob sat down on the bench in the locker room and listened intently. He heard the following conversation---
"Is this what you really want, John?"
"More than anything in the world. A place where we can escape the world and not let it in."
"The beach. What a wonderful, romantic place!"
"Ahh, Sharon! Nothing like it in the world! You open the door to the bedroom and listen to the sea breeze, the moonbeams shining through...making love by moonlight! Nothing like it in the world!"
"*sigh* You are such a romantic!"
"We just need to get away for weekends."
"Does your wife suspect?"
"Not a bit! And she's going to be so busy with working on Planet to notice what I am up to!"
SKREEEEECH!!!!

"OW! Damn!" Billy Bob yanked the earphones out of his ears. "Interference! I hate that screech!"
Jameson said, "What did you hear?"
"Enough to know that he's cheating on her. With that red-head in the office. And who knows who else!"
Jameson said, "Yeah, a guy in that situation...all those little hotties coming in wearing spandex and sports bras..*sigh*..some guys have all the luck!"
Billy Bob put his headphones back on. Nothing.
"Oh hell! Must have blown something in the earphones!"
He threw them in his gymbag and shut the locker.
"Come on, Jameson! Show me how to work the elliptical runner!"

Sharon stood up and said, "You have one lucky wife there, John! A beach house! You two will have a wonderful place to take the children. I think I can arrange for you to see the Van Dusen estate in Southampton by the weekend. Do you want to take your wife?"
John said, "No, I think I want it to be a total surprise for her. Can I see it this weekend?"
Sharon said, "Yes, but a place of this price, the realtor has to be there to show it."
She opened the door and gave John a brilliant smile. It was a realtor's smile but only John knew that.
As Billy Bob and Jameson 'casually' walked by, Sharon gave John a little wave and whispered, "I think I can manage it this weekend. I'll give you a call!"
John smiled and said, "That would be great! I'll think of an excuse to get away for a while."
Jameson ran into the back of Billy Bob. But only because Billy Bob stopped short.
"Ow! What's the big idea?"
"Well, what's the big idea of following so close, Jameson?"
Jameson rubbed his nose. "Am I bleeding?"
"NOT YET, YOU AREN'T!"
Jameson asked, "You think he's going away for the weekend with Red?"
Billy Bob said, "Oh yeah! I am sure of it! But I am not saying anything to Rosamond until I have more info. When I blow John Gwinnett out of the water, I don't want any survivors! Exit John, enter The Consolation Guy!"


PROPOSITION.......by Coralynn

"I propose we hire two mayoral assistants," WandaSue tells the town council casually, not letting the intensity of her desire for such creep into her vocal tone.
"Are you mad?!" Joe Spear blurts out, "We have a hard time making our payroll as it is. Two new assistants for you?"
WandaSue is jolted by the rudeness with which she has been treated by most of the council, and is gratified when Rachel Henderson says, "Your work load is awfully full, mayor, and I wish there were more funds to hire assistants. Could we come up with an alternate form of raising capital for expenditures such as this?" Rachel looks around at the other council members, none of whom look the slightest bit interested.
Silence.
Glen Hawkins says, "Moving on, what new business do we have...." and so on.
WandaSue can see that if she is to give Sally and Penny jobs, she's going to have to finance them herself. But how? 'I still have most of the mil and a half I extorted from BB, but I hadn't planned to use it to pay salaries. Where can I get my hands on more?'
The meeting breaks up and the council members go their separate ways.
Sitting at her desk, snacking the end of her pen on the desk repeatedly in nervous frustration, she considers her options.

1. I can pay out of my own pocket......oooo, no.
2. I can have car-washes and bake sales and stuff to raise the money. oooo, too slow. no.
3. I can blackmail BB for another mil, that should pay their salaries for a couple years, plus add a hefty amount to my own bank account. But blackmail him for what? How?
4. I can strike a deal with BB: he gives me two mil and I divorce him and sign a quit-claim or whatever to all or at least half of all his earthly possessions. ooooo, that would mean I'd take a huge loss. Half of his possessions must be worth about 10 times that. But, what are my chances of ever getting that lousy divorcer? I tried to find him a babe he would be so crazy about that he'd want to marry her and be forced to divorce me first. I did find him a babe, Tiffany, but the whole thing blew up in my face.

How else can I make him want a divorce the worst kind of way?
Move back in with him and drive him nuts? The mayor of the town living out at a horse ranch? Nooooo.
She throws the pen across the room with force, "@^#%!"

Then it suddenly occurs to her as in a light comes down from the heavens and surrounds her and the Tabershnacle Choir sings hosannas.
"The COIN! We can use Sally's Coin to threaten him. We can tell him we'll take him to the desert or oh! this would be good: back to Atlantis before Eleanor and Celeste and those guys reformed it, back when the men were treated like slaves at best! He'd hate that!"
She reaches for the phone and dials Sally's house, and when Sally answers tells her, "You have the jobs, but we have to raise our own funds, and this is how we're going to do it......"


10 WAYS TO SPOT A CHEATER....by Terri

Rosamond walked over to the Big House with the kids. She needed to go over a few things with Celeste before she went back at Planet tomorrow. Will was in school so she just had the little girls. She walked into the kitchen and called out, "Hello?
Anyone home?"
Marilyn hollered, "I'm the only one here and I am in the library. Come on in!"
She was seated at the computer, a pencil stuck behind her ear. Rose set Jenna's carrier down. She was sound asleep. She struggled to get Julie out of her snowsuit.
"What are you up to,. Marilyn?"
Marilyn took off her reading glasses and rubbed her eyes.
"Just writing a week's worth of letters. I got an interesting letter from someone for my 'dear Marilyn' column. This poor woman! Here--read it!"
Rose read out loud, " 'Dear Marilyn: I have been married for about 18 months. I am beginning to think my husband is cheating on me. There are no overt indications but some oh, so subtle ones. I need to be sure. Is there any list of things to watch out for? I need to know before I go forward with my life."
Rose handed the letter back to Marilyn. "I feel sorry for her."
"So do I," Marilyn said. "Men! They can be such bastards!"
Rose bit her lower lip and then took a deep breath. She tried to sound casual.
"So...how are you going to answer that one, Marilyn?"
Marilyn leaned back in her chair and stretched. "I did some research on the internet. And of course, there is my own personal experience."
"And what did you find out?"
Marilyn said, "Let's get a cup of tea or coffee and maybe you can add something that I may have overlooked. Come on!"

Julie was settled with crayons and paper and Jenna was asleep in her carrier. Marilyn cut some of Celeste's coffeecake and Rose brewed the tea. They settled in and Rose asked, trying to sound unconcerned, "So, Marilyn----what signs are you going to tell her to watch out for?"
Marilyn said, "Well, he starts taking better care of his appearance. He starts wearing underwear that doesn't have stretched out elastic. His socks don't have holes. He makes sure his shirts are ironed."
Rose said, "Oh. Well, yes. Who would want to have an affair with a man who has stretched out underwear?"
"Oh, Rose! You'd be surprised! Besides..oh, never mind..."
To herself, Rose thought, 'good. John was always meticulous about his appearance so there is no change there.'
Marilyn said, "He gives you gifts for no good reason."
Rose replied, "Really? Do belated holidays count?"
"No, because that would be a carry-over from that. A man would give you expensive jewelry and maybe some perfume."
Rose quickly thought of the diamond and ruby necklace. No, that was a Valentine's gift. Wasn't it? Of course it was....
Marilyn continued, "And he takes up more physical activity. He may start jogging or working out at the gym."
Rose nodded. 'But mine owns a fitness center so it is his job. So he wouldn't take up any more sorts or activity.' "
Marilyn said, "And of course he starts to spend more time at work."
Rose felt a shiver run down her back. "M-more time at work?"
"Well, sure! Especially if the woman in question is related to work. You know...co-workers, sales people..even customers if he is in a place where there are alot of attractive women."
Rose bit her fingernail. "Oh."
She continued, "He gets another phone line or a cellphone number that you don't know about."
Rose sighed to herself with relief, 'I don't see that happening..'
Marilyn went on, "And then there is the always change in taste."
"Change in taste?"
"Yes. He may all of a sudden start eating Mexican food or sushi."
Rose's head shot up. 'Didn't we go out to a sushi bar last week with Beth and Roger?
Marilyn added, "And he could change his taste in music. Like all of a sudden he listens to country because 'she' likes it."
Rose paled. 'Didn't John borrow my car a few days ago? And wasn't the radio tuned to a country station? I mean, John always listened to stuff like Aerosmith...all of a sudden I am hearing things like, 'that's my house but that's not my truck'...and didn't we get cajun take-out? He said he had heard it was a good restaurant...' Marilyn said, "And daydreaming...hello? Rose? You still with me?"
"Huh?"
"I said, a man will start daydreaming. You have to snap your fingers to get his attention. Because mentally he is with HER."
"Oh. Maybe he is thinking of a hockey game.."
"Oh, Rose! Right! Like a man daydreams about hockey! Football--maybe. But more than likely he is daydreaming of bedsports!"
Rose's head was swimming. So many things Marilyn is saying...
Marilyn said, "And then there is the money. Money going out and not being accounted for.'
Rose thought, 'maybe the gym equipment cost more than he is saying so he won't have to account for it...'
"And then he takes the phone in another room and he answers vaguely and in one word answers and gets off quickly."
Rose thought, 'ok, well, not yet anyway..'
Marilyn then got a triumphant look on her face. "And here is the clincher!"
"What?"
"He gets adventuresome...you know! Old dog, new tricks!"

"Old dog, new tricks?" Rose asked.
Marilyn raised her eyebrows and gave Rose a knowing look. "You know...."
Rose's face flamed. "Oh. Now I get it."
"Well, sure. A man may get a new idea...and then a wife wonders, 'where did THAT come from?' " Marilyn laughed. "At least you and John are both as constant as the Northern star!"
Rose said quietly. "Yes. We are." Then Rose thought, 'Constant. As in boring?'
Celeste came into the house and said, "There you are! Are you all set for tomorrow?"
"I think so. I am meeting Sage Hunter for the first time. And I think I had better get the kids home for a nap. ..then I have to pick Will up from school. I have to be at the studio at 9:00am for a meeting with Sage and Marty to go over a few things. So I will drop them off at 8:00. Is that alright?"
Celeste said, "That would be fine, dear."

When Rosamond left, Marilyn looked at the door thoughtfully and said, "Think there is a problem?"
Celeste said, "How so, dear?"
"Rose asked me a couple questions about cheating spouse. No, it is just my imagination!"
She went back into the computer, trying to decide how to tactfully answer the young woman who signed her name as 'Wondering.'


I SPY, AN ERRANT HUSBAND?.....by Terri

A few hours later, Sharon Swanson, the spicy red-headed realtor, called John.
"Fitness Center."
"John? Is that you? It is Sharon."
"Oh, hi! What's up?"
"I think I found some spec papers on that beach house you wanted to see. Along with some pictures. My late husband was handling that particular property and I just found the paperwork on it in the file cabinet. I remember he put it on hold and the people called me last week wanting me to re-list it. Can you stop by my house and pick up the paperwork?"
Just then, Billy Bob and Jameon walked by the office door. They heard the following conversation, but just on John's end---
"I get off at 7:00 so I can swing by on my way home...no, it has to be quick so my wife won't notice....the papers were filed?.....your husband?....OK, Sharon. I'll come straight from work but it as to be a quick one....OK...(laughter)...I have to stop for a bottle of wine first...no, it will be great....OK, see you then. Bye."

Jameson said, "Did you hear that? He's stopping at her place on the way home for a quickie!"
Billy Bob groused, "I heard that. This is all very interesting. I got an idea. Let's do a surveillance. You up for it?"
Jameson grinned, "Anastacia has a board meeting in the City for the opera. She planned on staying at the penthouse so I have the whole evening free. A surveillance! WOW! Do we get to wear disguises?"
Billy Bob rolled his eyes. "If you insist. Mainly what we do is meet back here at 6:30 IN YOUR CAR--because he will recognize mine--and we wait until he leaves. Then we find out where that red-headed Rita Marino lives and we stake out the place."
Jameson rubbed his hands together. "Wowie! My first stake-out!"

At 6:30, Jameson and Billy Bob pulled into the parking lot of the fitness center. Jameson reached into his bag.
"Here! I bought these."
Billy Bob looked. "What? No fake noses? No big glasses and moustaches?"
Jameson said, "This is the only thing I could find. Halloween isn't for a long time yet."
He slammed a straw hat on Billy Bob and a big sombrero on himself.
Billy Bob said, "You look like a white gringo, senor!"
Jameson said, "Here. Put these sunglasses on!"
Billy Bob said, "It's February and it is dark!"
"Oh, yeah. OK---would you rather use the ski masks I got?"
"Only if you plan on knocking over the First National Bank!"
Billy Bob looked up and said, "OK--here he comes out the door and heading for his fancy Corvette!"
Jameson said, "Operation I SPY in effect, partner! Let's go!"


HOT NIGHT at WANDASUE'S, part 1.........by Coralynn

"Not yet! Too soon!" WandaSue grumbles as she puts a Hungryman dinner into the oven and flips the dials. "So Sally says she doesn't want to use the Coin yet! In other words she doesn't trust me to be within ten feet of her precious time travel coin. ME, the mayor, the one who can get them jobs! What nerve!"
She flips on the television and grumbles again, "too late in the day for Jerry Springer! All the good stuff is on when I'm at work. What is this world coming to?"
She watches the news, a rather ho-hum experience, same-old, same-old. War, prestilence, crimes, the same crap every night. She flips channels to find something more interesting. OH, reruns of the Andy Griffith show! She whistles along with the theme music, whistling being her one musical talent. She tried to get a recording contract using that ability many years ago, but somehow whistling songs wasn't in vogue then, which, she concluded, just showed how unimaginative the recording companies were and probably still are.
Ads come on. She turns up the volume. A furniture store is selling excess mattresses at wildly reduced cost. WSue scoffs, "Probably full of bed bugs!"
Some 'auto glass' place is offering to pay your deductible plus give you 20 free dinners at a local restaurant if you bring your chipped or broken auto windshields to them to fix. "Hmmm, I smell at rat!" WandaSue yells at the tv set.
An auto dealer is offering five thousand dollar rebates on the newest models. "Never could figure what that *&#$ is all about!"
A pizza parlor ad shows a two-for-one deal if you order within the next 48 hours. The camera pans over one of the pizzas, which makes WSue's mouth water. She quick copies down the phone number shown on the screen and dials it up. Two pizzas! Hot damn! She has no problem consuming two large pizzas, her appetite has never been modest, as her hips attest.
The Andy Griffith show resumes as she hangs up from her call. Opie is having some sort of crisis because he wants to fit in with the rich kids he met at summer camp. "Get used to it, kid!" WandaSue yells, "You'll never fit in with rich snobs! Take it from me!"

When the pizza delivery guy rings her doorbell she flings it open, grabs the pizzas and shoves a twenty at the fellow. He fumbles around for change but she says, "Keep the change!" and slams the door.
Removing the chewing gum from her mouth, she affixes it to the underside of the coffee table, tosses the boxes of pizza thereon and begins her feast as she flips channels looking for something to divert her mind from her disappointment over Sally's suspicious attitude toward her.
"I'll show her!" she says with her mouth full, though just what she intends to show Sally remains unknown, even to her.


DRINK BOOZE, YOU LOSE......by Terri

"And there he goes!" Billy Bob said to Jameson. A high powered Corvette ripped past them on the side street. Jameson slapped the sombrero on his head and said, "Follow that car!"
They followed John's Corvette for a mile or two, making a few turns here and there until they found themselves in front of an upper-scale townhouse. The two of them lingered back. John pulled into the driveway and rung the doorbell. The sharp red-head was wearing what looked like some sort of slinky lounging pajamas. And John disappeared inside.

"What have you got, Sharon?"
Sharon gave him some pictures. "This is the house I was telling you about. Four bedroom two bath frame house on stilts. The parking is underneath as you can see. There is a dock and a tiki bar. A porch off the living room with a beautiful view of the Atlantic. And you can see the kitchen is modern. There is a full bath and one with a shower. Landscaped beautifully and a widow's walk on the roof. Two dormer windows."
John looked at the pictures. "What are they asking?"
"Five and change. Is that too steep?"
John shook his head. "No. I made some investments that my wife doesn't know about and I did well. And land can only go up in value." Sharon said, "Here, take the pictures and the spec sheet. And call me Friday so I will know what time you want to meet out there."

Billy Bob and Jameson sat back. Jameson said, "You know what? I'm hungry! I didn't have any lunch and dinner looks like a no-show. And I'm thirsty too."
Billy Bob mimicked him." 'I'm hungry! I'm thirsty! I'm cold! I gotta go to the bathroom!' For crying out loud, Jameson, can't you hold out?"
Jameson pouted. "Well, I can't help it! Hey, look! We passed a Hooters and a liquor store on the next block over here. Why don't we just hurry over there and get some take-out? And being that it is cold, a nip from the old bottle would be in order. I wouldn't mind if Jack Daniels kept us company. How long are you going to figure he'll be in there? Half an hour?"
Billy Bob grinned. "At least. A quickie is a relative term anyhow. And he's not a kid anymore! OK. But this isn't regulation surveillance, you understand!"
"I think wings with that hot sauce and the celery with blue cheese would hit the spot. Oh! And some of those onion things."
Billy Bob said, "OK, let's go. But let's be quick about it.I don't want to lose this opportunity. I even have a digital camera."
He fired up the car and they headed out to the land of liquor and take-out food.

John put the pictures inside his jacket. He said to Sharon, "This is so nice of you to go the extra mile for me."
Sharon twirled around. "Well, thanks to you and that wonderful trainer Slim, I am now forty pounds lighter! I even have a new boyfriend!"
John said, "You do?"
Sharon laughed. "Yes! He's an investment banker. A widower. And we both don't have any children to complicate a relationship. He's coming over tonight for dinner."
John gave a sigh of relief and laughed. "You had me a little worried there for a minute, Sharon! I saw candlelight and soft music and that terrific sexy outfit and I began to think you had a wrong idea..."
He blushed. She laughed and said, "Did I disappoint you?"
John hurriedly said, "No, not in the least! I am so crazy in love with my wife. I didn't know how I would have handled it if you DID come on to me!"
She laughed wickedly and said, "Don't think I didn't have any notions. As we say in the real estate business, 'you are prime property', Mr. Gwinnett! But I wouldn't need an ex-wife with three little ones hanging on. I couldn't do that to you. But especially not me!"
John put his hand on the door knob and said, "I'd better be going. I have a nice bottle of wine for tonight for when after the kids go to bed. Nice to relax by the fire with my main squeeze! OH! Looks like your 'date' has arrived! And isn't it weird...we both drive the same car! Same color, too!"

They parked Jameson's car about a house down. Billy Bob got out his binoculars and fixed it on the house.
"Yep, the black Corvette! It's never moved. OK--let's see..hand me my notebook, Jameson."
"MMPPHHH???" He swallowed and wiped his fingers on a napkin. "OK---here."
Billy Bob wrote the date and the time that John parked in the driveway. He also wrote down the address of the townhouse. To Jameson he said, "Is red-head one word or two?"
Jameson said, "Why not just write down 'hottie'? "
"With two 't's?"
Jameson shrugged and said, "Whatever."
He got out the plastic cups, filled it with the Jack Daniels and said, "Here's looking up your old address!"
"Cheers!"

John pulled into the driveway. He carefully put the pictures in his glove compartment and came in the house.
"Hi, honey."
Rose looked up and said, "Well, you aren't too terribly late."
"Where are the kids?"
"Jenna and Julie went to bed early and Will is spending the night over at Sammy Donatelli's house."
"And where is Cecily?"
"She went over to Alan Carson's to watch the 1643 house. She said it would be fun to see all the people she knows in it."
"She's seeing quite a bit of Alan?"
"I don't know about that. But they seem to like each other."
"Alan's a good man."
Rose said stubbornly, "I still think Slim is the perfect match for her."
"Rosamond, I'm warning you..."
"Anyways she said she would be home about 11:30."
John pulled out the bottle of Chardonnay. "Look what I have for us!"
Rose exclaimed, "My favorite!"
"And the year 2002 was the best in decades. So come on, let's curl up on the couch and you can tell me about your day..."

Jameson and Billy Bob had been sitting in the car all night long. The empty bottle of Jack Daniel's sat between them.
Jameson slurred, "Looks like lo-lover boy is gonna spend the night."
Billy Bob gave him a lopsided grin. "Oh, yeah..and won't it look dandy in my report when I write it up?"
Jameson yawned, "What time is it anyways?"
Billy Bob tried to look at his watch. "Dark-thirty."
"Huh?"
"Dunno. But it is late, late, late!"
Jameson said, "Drop me off at my townhouse. Glad I bought it for when I have business here in Westchester."
Billy Bob turned the ignition. "Will do."
Jameson asked, "You OK to drive?"
"Sure. I see four lanes."
Jameson said, "There are only two."
"Then I guess I will close one of my eyes."

Billy Bob dropped Jameson off and thanks to the New York Department of Transportation, having the forethought to paint a white line in the middle of the road, provided the means for Billy Bob to 'white line' it all the way home. He managed to make it home without a DUI or an accident.
As he stumbled up the stairs, he found his house key and after fifteen tries, finally got it open. He did not stop for anything, just headed for his bedroom, dropped his clothes right where he stood and fell face first into bed.


HOT NIGHT at WANDASUE'S, part 2.....by Coralynn

WandaSue is sleeping on the couch, having fallen into a torpor after consuming two extra large pizzas, her mouth gaping open, loud snoring filling the room.
The first sign that anything is amiss comes when the automatic sprinkling system comes on, or at least one sprinker head comes on, the one that splashes water over the couch.
She bolts upright as the cold water drenches her, then realizes that her condo is on fire, ergo the water coursing down from the ceiling. She regrets having disabled the rest of the system as the only one operative, as I just said, is the one over the couch. Missed that sucker!

She gasps and grabs for her purse and looks around in a panic for anything else she might save. She decides to brave the kitchen, get those HungryMan dinners out of the freezer, but as she enters that room to do so, she sees that the cause of the fire is the dinner she tossed in the oven eight hours earlier. The room is filling with smoke, and the flames are now engulfing the entire kitchen. She regrets having to leave her freezer section behind, but, purse in hand, flees out the front door.
Not thinking to get out her cell phone and call for the fire department, she hops into her car and drives to the highway. "Where to go? Where to go, babydoll!"

She sits in the car with first the left, then the right signal indicator flashing, the approaching firetruck almost pegging her as it races toward the fire that obviously someone else called in.
She realizes that her friendship with Sally and Penny isn't yet rock solid, as witness their reluctance to allow her near their precious time travel coin. Can't go there!
She takes a deep breath and says, "There's only one place I can go......Billy Bob's. He still is my lawfully wedded husband, after all. Well, as the wedding vows say...'for better or for worse' and this is definitely worse!"

She drives out to the ranch, and as she proceeds down the long drive, her headlights turned off so that BB won't see her approach, she hears her car run over something that makes a thump. She doesn't have long to wonder what it was, as the aroma of skunk is suddenly in her car, making her gasp for breath.
She pushes the lever that controlls the windows, and after they are totally down, realizes that it only makes the smell worse. She turns on the Air Conditioner to hopefully blow the smell out of the car. That helps a little, but now she's freezing. She wishes she'd been able to save her heavy coat, or her fur coat, or some coat or other. *&*#$# she yells out. Since the windows are down, several horses in the stables near the driveway hear her and begin to whinny and snort. OH GREAT! Now BB will know someone's coming!!

No lights come on in the house. Whew! So far so good.
She parks behind the house and looks for a way inside. Now, babydolll, which door is most apt to be kept unlocked? She tries the front door, but just as she suspected, it's locked. Same with the door on the side. She wonders if the french doors off the living room might be easier to jimmy.
She turns the handle and finds them locked, then looks at the glass panes and figures if she broke just one of them......
She walks to the driveway and hopes she can pry loose one of the boulders along the sides. She feels each one, as there isn't enough light to see them clearly. Finally finding one that she can lift, she tuggs it out and carries it to the french doors. Stepping back, she hurls it with all her strength toward the glass. She hears a loud crash as the glass shatters. Still the lights in the house remain off.
She wonders if BB is out for the evening, maybe drinking himself blind at that Dew Drop Inn place. Or is he on a date? Sure as hell isn't with Tiffany! It's about 3 in the morning....if he's still on a date, it would have to be a hot date, which is unlikely. He's more likely to be at that bar getting stoned, she concludes.

She reaches in through the large hole in the glass and turns the door handle from the inside. It opens. She lets herself in, glancing around with only one small light from the kitchen illuminating her view.
Why not sleep in a real bed? she asks herself and walks up the stairs to the second floor. Why not sleep in BB's bed? I have the right after all!
She finds the door to that bedroom already ajar and goes in, takes off her shoes and slides into the bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

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