Vol. VI No. August 05, 2007

Honey vs. Vinegar

Written by Christopher Mentzer

Last month my “friend” Ryan Hoover had mentioned a time when he had a problem with his daughter, Rachel and a temper tantrum. I’m sure that this is not the first time, but that this particular incident stood out. Sure enough, at the beginning of the month he sent me this e-mail:

RYAN: Hey Chris, Happy August!! Not too much longer and the kids will be back in school. Rachel starts school this year. Although she won’t be five until October, she did well on the tests that they will let her start this year. We are so happy for her!

Last month I mentioned a time when I had a bit of a problem with Rachel and no, it’s not the first time it’s happened. But the outcome caught me a bit off guard and I wanted your advice. Around the middle of June I took Rachel out to the department store to look at the school uniforms that she would be wearing plus we were going to look at backpacks as well.

When we got to the backpacks, she went straight for the most expensive one as it had her favorite cartoon character on it. I told her we couldn’t afford it and that she would have to choose a different one. Well that was pretty much the kicker, she stomped her foot at me, crossed her arms, and narrowed her eyebrows.

Well to make a long story short, I attempted to remain cool about it but she was very defiant. I guess I uttered a threat of spanking her, which usually gets her attention, and then this guy, about my age, walks past and mutters to me: “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.” For some reason that made me stop and think a moment. Maybe I was being too hard on her. Well we didn’t get a backpack at the time as I ran out of patience and we had to get back home.

When we got home, I told Regina what happened, and what the guy said, but she didn’t agree with him and thought he was interfering in something he knew nothing about. So Chris, what you do you think?

A couple days later I wrote back this response:

CHRIS: Dear Ryan, First off let me say that I totally agree with Regina. If that was all he had to say, he wasn’t really helping. Plus he probably wasn’t a parent so he had no knowledge in that area either. Second, you’re not catching flies you’re disciplining your child. Yes, I do know what the phrase means: “You’ll get farther with kind words than bitter ones.” However, let’s look at some examples in the scriptures. In Genesis chapter 4 tells the story of Cain and Abel. Let’s look at verses 3-5, “3.And in process of time it came to pass, that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the LORD. 4. And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering: 5. But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell.”

You know how the story ends, Cain rose up and slew his brother (vs. 8). Now ask yourself this: “If God used honey to commend Cain instead of vinegar, wouldn’t his brother still be alive?” Maybe, but it wouldn’t have fixed Cain’s problem. Look at verse 7, “If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.” Basically something wasn’t right with Cain’s offering and God rejected it.

If there is something wrong with a child’s behavior it has to be fixed quickly. I’m sure you know Prov. 22: 6; Prov. 13: 24; 22:15; 23:15 as far as correcting a child. But remember in Matt. 7: 7-11 concerning giving good gifts to your children. If your child asks for the stone or the serpent, do you give it to them? No, you give them what is needed whether they agree or not. You are protecting them and want what’s best.

A couple days later he wrote back,

RYAN: Thanks again Chris! You are right as is Regina (btw, she won’t let me forget that you sided with her). Sometimes you have to serve vinegar if it’s the right thing to solve a problem. Too much honey is not good for the diet. Thanks again!