Vol. 5 No. 5, Feb. 5, 2006

How To Have A Perfect Preacher

Written by Christopher Mentzer

I subscribe to a “Daily Religious Joke” e-mail and recently I received this list. I’m not sure if the survey is legitimate or not…

How to Have a Perfect Pastor

A recent survey has compiled all the qualities that people expect from the perfect pastor:

1. Results of a computerized survey indicated that the perfect pastor preaches exactly 12 minutes.

2. He frequently condemns sin but never upsets anyone.

3. He works from 8 a.m. until midnight and is also a janitor.

4. He makes $60 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about $80 a week to the poor.

5. He is 28 years of age, but he's been preaching for 30 years. He is wonderfully gentle and handsome.

6. He gives himself completely but never gets too close to anyone to avoid criticism.

7. He speaks boldly on social issues, but must never become politically involved.

8. He has a burning desire to work with teenagers, but he spends all his time with senior citizens.

9. He makes 15 daily calls to parish families, visits shut-ins and the hospitalized, spends all his time evangelizing the unchurched, and is always in his office when needed.

Although this is an amusing list, there is a lot of truth in it as far as what congregations expect of their preacher. The preacher, however, is not intended to satisfy people’s wants but people’s needs and that is the message of the Gospel. Paul wrote in Rom 1: 16, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek.”

Paul, himself was not a perfect preacher. He said so in 1 Cor. 2: 1, “And I, brethren, when I came unto you, came not with excellency of speech or of wisdom, proclaiming to you the testimony of God.” But he did preach the “whole counsel of God” (Acts 20: 27), “he didn’t preach in a corner” (Acts 26: 26), and he preached nothing but “Christ and him crucified” (1 Cor. 2: 2). Paul even compliments those who are preachers in Rom. 10: 15, “How beautiful are the feet of them that bring glad tidings of good things!”

Instead of looking for a list of things you want in your preacher, be thankful for the things you have in your preacher.