Title: One Fine Night At The Magick Box  
Author: Ripe Wicked Plum
Email: Ripewickedplum01@aol.com
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All belongs to Joss and UPN.
Summary: Spells gone bad, naked Spike, and how exactly do you install a security camera?
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Season 6

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"What's taking so long?" Anya complained, watching as Xander stood on a ladder, wires hanging down around him from the ceiling, and Xander glanced down at her, "Anya...installing these security cameras take a certain amount of finesse and techinical expertise...Spike! What are you doing?!"

Spike glanced up from Xander's tool box, currently making the wrench and pliars fight with each other, making loud, dinosaur sounds as they did it, "Huh? What?"

"Stop playing around and do something useful and hand me...the...eh...thingy...with the thingy..."

"Ten to one, one of them eletrocute each other," Buffy muttered to Dawn from where the girl was studying at one of the tables, and Dawn snickered as Spike dug through the toolbox, holding up a hammer.

"No! The thingy with the lights!"

"Oh, excuse the bloody hell out of me!" Spike muttered as he handed up a small black box with green and red lights on it, "Like they had half this crap when I was a kid."

Buffy shook her head with a small, amused smile as Spike went back to making the tools have a Jurassic Park style fight, the hammer now joining in, and Anya gave the vampire a look, "You're supposed to be helping."

"I'm helping..." Spike replied, making the pliars and wrench tag-team the hammer, "Rooarrr...I'm the big bad pliars...fear me..."

Buffy giggled, and Spike shot her a lopsided grin before returning to his life-or-death play fight.

"I should have hired professionals," Anya bemoaned, "They're going to destroy my shop."

"Hey! Professional!" Xander protested.

"Damn it, Jim...I'm a vampire...not an electrician!" Spike cried out in a dramatic voice, "I suck! Not wire!"

"Got that right," Buffy replied, and Spike gave her a look, "Oh...come on. You're just making it too easy. Go back to playing with your tool." She flushed, "Tools...I mean...your hammer...I'm shutting up now..."

"Thank you...now I'm visually scarred for the rest of my life," Xander said from above them, and Spike glanced up at him, rolling his eyes.

"Please...I'm more scarred from what demon girl told me yesterday then you are by that."

"What?!" Xander almost fell of the ladder as he turned to look at Anya, "What have you been saying?!"

"I was just telling Spike about the time when I came home from work and all you were wearing was that hat and the toolbelt...and singing that YMCA song..."

"ANYA!"

Dawn burst out laughing, and Buffy slapped her hands over Dawn's ears, "Guys! Little kid!"

"Oh, come on, Buffy," Dawn scoffed as she removed her sister's hands. "I watch HBO when Spike's over. I know all this stuff. I mean...Oz is a million times wors--" She glanced at Spike, whose eyes had gone wide, and was making a slashing motion across his throat.

"What?!" Buffy turned in her seat to glare at Spike, "You let my baby sister watch a prison show with naked men?!"

"To be fair...you were a little dead at the time..." Spike replied, "Couldn't exactly ask..."

"Were you not born with common sense?!"

"Nope," Spike gave her his most charming grin, but she only crossed her arms over her chest, still giving him the dreaded look, and he sighed, going back to playing with the tools, muttering beneath his breath something about women.

"Could we focus?" Anya asked, getting irritated, "Shop...cameras...install!"

"We're on it, Anya...hey, fangbreath! Make yourself useful. Down in the basement, there's a bunch of wires I stripped...take the black one and the blue one and twist them together."

Spike sighed as he stood up and headed down as Xander turned back to his wires, and started to connect them.

He yelped when there was a spark, and all the lights in the shoppe went out.

"You killed the power!" Anya cried, "What did you do?!"

"Does anyone else smell burning hair?" Dawn asked, and Buffy's eyes widened.

"Where's Spike?"

"Oops...what color wires did I tell him to twist?" Xander asked.

"You killed Spike!" Anya cried as she rushed to the top of the basement stairs, and the rest clambered after her.

Spike was standing at the foot of the stairs, his hands badly charred, and his hair sticking straight up in the hair, smoke rising up out of it.

"Utoh..." Xander muttered when he saw the murderous look on the vampire's face, "Sorry...I meant the black and yellow wire..."

"That's it. You're dead." Spike rushed up the stairs, and Xander squeaked, whirling and making a run for it, Spike closely on his heels.

"Stop it!" Anya whimpered when Spike side-swiped a shelf when trying to grab the back of Xander's shirt, "You'll destroy my shop!"

Buffy and Dawn were nearly in hysterics, they were laughing so hard at the sight of the electrocuted vampire trying to catch a screaming Xander.

Xander grabbed a spell book, "I'll speak latin in front of the book! I swear I will!"

"Don't you bloody dare!" Spike growled at him, taking a step towards the boy, who was backing into a corner.

"Decium golurm sinic!" Xander said, making up words as he went along, and his eyes widened when Spike disappeared in a poof of smoke, nothing left but his clothes lying on the floor. "I made them up! How could that have been a spell?!"

"You poofed Spike!" Buffy cried, and Dawn glared at Xander, "You bastard!"

Buffy sifted through Spike's clothes, eyes widening when she pulled out a white and black hamster, "You turned Spike into a gerbil!"

"Actually...that's a hamster..." Everyone gave Anya a look, "But I can see how you'd make that mistake."

"Whoops..." Xander looked sheepish, "On the bright side...at least he's not a bunny."

"Make him a non-hamster!" Buffy demanded, holding the little bundle of fur.

"I don't even know how I turned him into a hamster! How am I supposed to undo it!?"

"Try saying the spell words backwards," Dawn suggested, and Buffy gave her a look.

"How do you know?"

"I read," Dawn said, looking insulted. "And I do hang out in a stupid magic store all the time."

"It's not stupid!"

"What did I say before?" Xander asked, "Decium..."

"SHUT UP!" All three girls shouted, not wanting to become hamsters like the one Buffy was petting in the palm of her hand, the rodent snuggling down into her warm skin. "Just say the spell backwards!"

"Fine...fine. Uh...Cinis...um...Mrulog...Muiced..."

There was another poof of smoke, and Spike blinked in surprise, looking around, "What happened?"

Anya's mouth dropped open, and Dawn's eyes widened before Buffy was covering them, gaping herself at the nude vampire.

Spike glanced down, and his eyes went wide, "I'm starkers!"

There was a jingle of the bell over the door, and a old lady walked in, and she froze when she saw the nude vampire standing in the middle of the shop, "I'll...come back...later..." She said before slowly backing out, and Spike would've blushed if he could've as Dawn attempted to move her sister's hands, "Hey! I wanna see!"

"No! You don't!" Spike grabbed his clothes and dodged behind a bookcase, and he glared at Xander when he stepped back out, now dressed, "Does anyone want to tell me why I had the urge to have a million kids and then die?"

"You were a hamster. That's pretty much what they do. Mate and die," Anya told him and Spike's eyes widened, "I was a what?!"

"On the bright side...you were a cute hamster," Buffy assured him, then smirked, "Not nearly as annoying. Too bad he turned you back."

"It was an accident!" Xander insisted, "I swear I thought I was making those words up!"

"No bleedin' jury would convict me," Spike let out a short growl, and Anya stepped between the two men.

"Hey! No bleeding till my cameras are installed!"

"There's no bloody way I'm touching anymore wires!" Spike protested, pointing at his hair, "Look at me! I look like the undead Don King!" Buffy snickered, and the vampire glared at her, "It's not funny! My life flashed before my eyes!"

Xander clambered back up the ladder, more to get away from the still angry vampire, "All right...I got it now...Anya? Could someone twist the yellow and black wires together downstairs?"

"Yeah! You!" Spike glared at the boy, "You twist downstairs, I do upstairs. I'm not getting fried again because of you!"

"Fine, fine..." Xander climbed down with a sigh, "Just hold the blue and red together..."

Spike glared at Xander's back and Anya returned to her precious register as Buffy and Dawn sat down again at the table. Spike held the wires together as directed, and Xander called up the stairs, "Ready?"

"Yeah!" Spike called back, "Just bloody well do it al---"

Everyone looked up when there was a shower of sparks, and Spike flew backwards off the ladder, and slammed into a bookcase.

"Um..." Xander came up the stairs again to see Buffy helping a dazed. smoking Spike off the floor, "Which wires did I say to hold again?"

"He's smoking up my shop!" Anya complained loudly as Buffy coughed, waving her hand in front of her face. Spike weaved a bit drunkenly on his feet, his hair even spikier then before.

"Where am I?" Spike asked dazedly, blinking rapidly, and Buffy glared at Xander.

"Great. You cooked his brain. Happy now?"

"I'm sure he's fine...vampire healing and all that. And like there'd be a big difference! The guy was making my tools have conversations about Aristotle an hour ago."

"Spike..." Dawn clicked her fingers in front of his face, forcing him to focus on them, and he grabbed her hand.

"Ohhh...pretty hand..."

"You turned his brain into mush!" Anya complained, "Now we'll never get my cameras to work!" She looked up as the sprinklers suddenly switched on, set off by the smoking vampire. "NO!"

"Utoh..." Xander watched as the water hit the exposed wires, and Buffy shrieked as they began to smoke, and grabbed Dawn and Spike's hands, dragging them out of the shop.

Xander had to drag Anya out kicking and screaming, "I'm the owner! I have to go down with the ship! Oh! The money! I need the money! I can't let the money burn!"

She broke free as the sparks hit a shelf full of books, eyes widening when they started to smoke, and flames leapt up, going bright blue.

"Utoh..." She turned tail and charged out of the shoppe, eyes wide. "The books are on fire...this is never good!"

Buffy, Dawn and Spike stopped across the street, but Anya kept on running, and they exchanged a look before racing after her, Dawn asking, "Why are we still running?"

"Books on fire! Lots of magic stuff! NOT GOOD!" Anya answered, and then they were lifted off the ground and were propelled by through the air by an invisible force as the shoppe exploded behind them.

They hit the ground, and Spike rolled dazedly, and grunted as Dawn crashed into him, and then Buffy landing on top of her sister, effectively burying the vampire beneath a mass of thrashing, kicking legs and bodies.

"OW! OFF! OFF!"

Anya squealed as she stood up, staring back at where her shop had been, now nothing more then a large, smoking crater. "No! My money! My...my merchandise!"

Xander helped Buffy and Dawn off Spike, wincing as Anya let out another ear-piercing scream, "I'm in trouble..."

"It's all gone!" Anya was nearly in tears, "Everything I worked for...GONE!"

"Does this mean that I don't have to wire the cameras?" Xander asked, and everyone glanced at him, and he looked towards Anya, who was glaring at him, her shoulders hunching a bit.

"Utoh..." He whirled and started to sprint down the street, Anya hot on his heels.

"ALEXANDER LAVELLE HARRIS! GET BACK HERE SO I CAN CASTRATE YOU!"

"Think we should help him?" Buffy asked, watching as Anya jumped Xander from behind and dragged him to the ground.

"Nah..." Spike still looked disorientated, "Let them fight it out...oh God..." Buffy sighed as the vampire doubled over, and vomited onto the street...and her shoes, and she rolled her eyes up towards the sky.

"What did I do to deserve this?" She muttered, wincing as Xander let out a womanly screech. "Well...it could be worse..." Buffy said, then watched as the flames spread from the crater to the shops surrounding it. "Utoh."

"You know...normal people don't burn entire towns to the ground," Dawn groused, "Or get turned into hamsters."

"Like that was my fault?" Spike sniffed, slightly insulted.

Buffy sighed heavily as the three turned down the street, making a discreet escape as fire trucks turned the corner, "Just another normal night in Sunnydale."

The End