What Oz Character Are You?

You stare into your mirror, right above the grey steel sink of your cell like you do every damn morning. What do you see?

Big muscles and a wide smile. You're one strong, impressive mofo.
A cocky smirk and a wandering eye. You could charm anyone, given the right incentive.
A sharp mug with a sly grin. You always look like you're up to something.
A stern face and a calculated stare. You can never be too hostile.
A worried look and a resigned expression. Another day you have to make it through. You can only hope for the best. *sigh*
A fearful, primal shifty-eyed look. It's not a matter of if someone's after you-- it's how soon they'll strike.
A blissful grin and an honest face. Why expect the worst? You never know what could happen.
A proud and dignified expression. If you can look like you're confident, others will respect you.
A thoughtful gaze. You're not sure whether to wish for a change of pace or pray that nothing out-of-the-ordinary happens

Hey! Want a drink?

Yeah. Gimme that beer. I'll even open it with my teeth, if you want.
Oh man. I could totally go for some Jolt, y'know?? Gotta keep my wits about me, gotta keep alert.
Got milk? It's so pure and clean and tasty. Makes you strong, too.
I like apple juice, if you've got any. And a bendy straw, too, please.
Sure, just water, though. I don't want none of that bottled kind either, okay? That shit's for yuppies.
Oh babies. A martini would be great right now. On second thought, make it 4.
Slip me a mickey of vodka so I can spike it with rum, okay? What, you think I can't handle it, pretty boy? I am invincible!
I'll tell you what, I'll give you this pack of smokes for that gin in the paper bag you're holding.
No, sugar and alcohol will cloud my mind. Just a few cleansing breaths are all I need.

What accessory can you not leave your pod without?

My blue bandana. Looks great on my head or hung casually in a pocket
My favourite socks. They're fun *and* practical!
My black gloves. They don't have fingers but they make me look tougher that way.
My beaded necklace. Their simplicity soothes me.
My wifebeater. Who knows when I might be asked to man a carnival booth?
My black boots. They'll kick the shit out of anyone and they go with everything!
My green satin jacket. It has my name on the back so you'll know who just rocked your world.
My hat. Doesn't it look fucking fabulous sitting jauntily on my head?
My hoodie. When I don't feel like talking, I just pull it over my head and away I go!

Say Unit B is having a shindig. Where can you be found?

Laughing at people's jokes. I don't always get the dirty ones, but I love to laugh.
Changing the CD's. It allows me to stay under the radar, but I still get to observe all the action and keep on the lookout for what's happening.
Spiking the punch. These losers don't know how to have any *real* fun.
Why would I go to their party? I would rather have a meaningful encounter with someone I like than pretend to have 'fun' with a bunch of drunken idiots.
Making connections and schmoozing the floor. You never know when opportunity could knock.
Watching everybody else make a fool of themselves.
Grabbing a couple of laughs and making out with anything that ain't tied down. Why bother going to a party if you can't hook up with someone?
Rolling my eyes at the freaks and making sarcastic comments. Where do these people think they are, a party?
Chatting nervously with people I don't know, getting a couple of drinks in me for courage and then dancing with some friends. I'm no party machine, but I can hold my own.

So some punk comes up to you and they're making noises like they're gonna fool wit' ya. What you gonna do?

I don't act out in anger against them; violence for violence's sake accomplishes nothing.
I let it slide-- for now. But as soon as he's gone I'll concoct a plan to have him killed, in such a way that it can't be traced back to me. Revenge is sweet, baby.
I'll ease him with my charm, make him my friend. Then, when he's most vulnerable-- BAM! I'll break his heart... and his neck.
I'll instill fear in him by harming someone else to show how powerful I am. If he doesn't back off, I'll go after his family.
I try to reason with them and turn on the sweet charm. Being friends is better than being enemies.
I'll kill the motherfucker. Burn him, shank him, poison him. I have no morality problems when it comes to my own existence.
I pretend like I'm their friend, that I'm on their side-- then I report their punk-ass to the authorities.
I bite 'em.
I shank them first before they get the chance to shank me.

What's Your Favourite Curse Word?

Drop Fucking Dead.
Fuck My Ass.
Motherfucker's always good.
I don't need to resort to infantile profanity to get my point across-- but a good 'fuck' now and then can get the ball rolling.
Jesus Fucking Christ.
You got it, I'll use it.
Fuck You, Ya Fuck.

What Do You Look For In An Ideal Mate?

Someone who needs me to love them. I want them to love and forgive me even when I don't give them much reason to.
A strong-minded, sexy person who can be forceful when he or she wants to be. Someone who doesn't mind a little rough play now and then.
A family-oriented person who understands the importance of having a good standing in the community and who loves me despite my imperfections.
A hot dish that aches to be with me and lets me have my freedom. My baby's gotta love it when I'm bad.
A woman who believes in family and has good strong ethics. We should agree more often than we don't.
Someone who can make me smile and who looks out for me and looks for the simple pleasures in life. Like ponies.
A woman of strong faith with a good moral code who is politically active.
Someone who's faithful and loyal and who won't bail out when times get tough.
Someone who'll stand by me and who isn't afraid to get in a little trouble now and then.

If you could go anywhere (provided you're paroled or escape, of course), where would you go?

Hawaii. Just to relax, watch the people go by, soak up some rays-- that's the life.
New York. The hustle and bustle of the big city draws me.
Africa. There's so much history there, it'd be an unforgettable journey.
Mexico. It's got hot food, hot weather and hotter people. Who could resist?
Some exotic jungle, where nobody could bother me.
I'd go on a road trip with my family. Just to have the wind in my hair and my loved ones around me is enough.
I'd travel the world for years, trying to learn as much as I could.
I'd make my way through the Southern United States. A place doesn't have to be exotic to be interesting.
Disneyland. C'mon, it'd be fun!

What's Your Best Asset?

Dude, I'm built.
My powerful intellect.
My caustic sense of humour.
My good heart.
I don't mean to brag but have you seen my collarbone?
I have great hair.
My gorgeous grin.
My puppy-dog eyes.
My kick-ass ass.

When You Blow Out The Candles On Your Birthday Cake, What Do You Wish For?

To be the most powerful person in the world. I want respect and admiration from the masses, damnit!
To have a healthy, happy and hopefully long life.
To become truly enlightened.
For a whole bunch of hot horny 20 year olds to rub their bodies over me like on those "College Kids Gone Wild!" tapes I saw.
To be able to walk up to a travel agent and go on a trip to anywhere I feel like.
To be a rockstar. Fast cars, faster women.. not to mention the after hours parties.
I'd wish for more wishes. Money, flunkies, I want it all.
A loving family. And a puppy. A cute one. With spots.
To have a magic shot glass that makes my troubles disappear when I drink from it.

(Coding tricks nabbed from the Kitchen Utensil test, which was taken from somebody else which was taken from somebody else and so on and so on.)