The Books
The Books. Those little things we carry around with us and give to peeps to write in. Some of the things in them are the same as sheer madness. They're an insight to our souls. So I thought I'd put up a page with some extracts on, so that everyone deprived of the books, or those who wish to see into other book holder's souls, would have the opportunity. Here goes!
From My Book
A foggy Monday morning at MTGS, mists shroud the quad, and dingy grey clouds drizzle over the whole of Liverpool. There is an ominous crack as the door to ML1 is swung back to reveal a dark sultry figure, features obscured from sight by a Navy mackintosh. A voice comes from inside the coat...
PIP: Bl**dy hell, its FREEZING today!
(she is greeted by a huddle of girls, engrossed deeply in conversation about their arch nemesis and all round bad guy, REID)
(Sarah follows Pip, her shocking pink highlights still visible from another wild Saturday night out on the town)
SARAH: I bring grave news. I have heard a rumour...(all present prick up their ears) that prince William is marrying Sarah Michelle Gellar.
(Lucinda swoons in a rage of passion and is carried off by Mrs Rice Oxley to the sick room)
(Amy drops her Frasier file in horror and all gasp theatrically)
TRACY:(evil manic laughter) I knew she would never marry Will! Never! NEEEVVVERRR!!!
JESSICA: lets consult the newspapers in the library to see if its true.
KATE: (Simpson's style) To the book depository!
SCENE 2: The prestigious library at MTGS, the smell of decaying books and teachers fills the air. 8 girls squashed round the library tables, reading "The Daily Star", one of the many educational tabloids to be found in the library, and indeed, the staff room.
AMY: Oh-my-God!!! (Janice style from Friends) It says here that Will likes watching Buffy and was heard to remark "She's a very talented actress" Then its true! Before we know it they'll be married and have twelve kids!!!
GNOME:Let's try and stay positive - this means ANGEL is free!!! (eyes glazed over, indulges in a 10 minute Angel fantasy then awakes when...)
(a dark blur streaks into the library, a sinewy hand holding a bouquet of red roses)
GNOME: Angel! It's you!
ANGEL: Marry me Gnomi darling!
GNOME: (casually) yeah, alright, if you insist...
(Gnome is swept into Angel's arms and they jet off for a meditteranean paradise near Barbados)
SARAH: You never know your luck do you?
PIP: (slams fist on table) Something must be done. Cadet Hargreaves, what do you suggest?
JESS: Will must be protected at all costs (she marches out of the library, rallies the RAF who subsequently begin a 24hr watch on Buckingham Palace, and create a 50ft barakade to prevent Sarah Michelle Gellar from visiting)
(Sarah and Pip follow suit using their indispensable Navy skills, they block the Thames with every vessel MTS boat house can spare)
KATE: I have a plan! We must kidnap prince William and MAKE him marry Lucinda (not that he doesnt want to of course) then we solve the Gellar problem.
(Lucinda staggers out of the sickroom, half delirious from the mad flowers on the sickroom wall, but she is greatly revived by the kidnap idea)
LUCINDA: Fantastic!
(they leap into an RAF 'copter, as piloted by Jess, and they fly off to Buckingham Palace, where Jess deposits them into an open palace window, conveniently close to Will's bedroom)
(suddenley, they are set upon by a wild herd of deranged Corgi's that roam the palace.)
ALL: AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!
KATE: Stand back everyone!
(she whips out her trusty crutches and flails wildly at the drooling Corgis)
KATE: Take that! And that! Cowabunga!
(a corgi flys across the room, shattering a Queen Anne glass table. Another ricochets off a painting. The corgis retreat, yelping in fear, down the spiral staircase, as Kate glares menacingly, crutches poised, ready for any vain acts of heroism from the crazed dogs. There is a ringing sound as Tracy produces a pager. Everyone gasps)
AMY: Oh my God! Tracy doesn't have a pager! This must be Tracina, Tracy's evil miscreant twin!
TRACINA: yes! I confess it all! I am Tracina the vampire! (the plot thickens) I wanted Sarah Michelle Gellar to marry Will, then she wouldn't slay me, so I smuggled some videos of Buffy into Will's room, then later I introduced them at Ascot and started some vicious rumours about their forthcoming marraige!
AMY: That's mean!
TRACINA: I'm worse than mean, I'm...
(Tracina is knocked stone cold by an agile swing of Lucinda's mighty school bag. There is a faint tapping from the inside of the nearest cabinet. Amy drops her ever present Frasier file on it and it crumbles under the enormous weight. The dust clears to reveal Tracy, gagged and bound, inside the remains of the cupboard)
ALL: Tracy!!!
(Pip & Sarah use their Navy knot untieing skills and free Tracy, who reveals her terrible fate)
TRACY:Thank God you came! I've been in this cabinet for a week! My evil twin couldn't resist causing some trouble by taunting Will's true love Lucinda. She knew she could do this by impersonating me and getting to you at school.
LUCINDA: That's awful. Where's Will now?
TRACY: Next door I think (Lucinda dashes through the double doors at the far end of the room to see WILL sitting on his four poster bed)
WILL: Oh Louie! Will you marry me?
LUCINDA: YES! YES! YES!
THE OUTCOME:
Gnome gets to marry the gorgeous Angel. Tracina is thworted in another attemp to ruin our fun. Lucinda marries Will & becomes Queen and has 6 kids. Jess, Pip & Sarah get promoted due to their excellent use of CCF skills and have something shiny to put on their CV. Amy is made Queen of France by newly crowned Queen Louie, and France is renamed Frasierville. Tracy is released from a week of torture inside a cupboard and wins the school prize for initiative in difficult circumstances. All the excitement makes Kate's leg TA DAH!!! Heal miraculously quickly.
THE END
Email: childofsatan84@hotmail.com
