Some People Are Just Stupid!
1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old
man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two
(counterfeit) $16 bills.
2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-
year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him,
while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each
other's head.
3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect
safety record showed its workers a film aimed at
encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job.
According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's
depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic
that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in
their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen
others fainted, and one man required seven stitches
after he cut his head falling off a chair while
watching the film.
4. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban
on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone
detonating one within city limits.
5. A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in
St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the
scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and
had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back
pain.
6. Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored
13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions.
He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to
have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds
when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.
7. A convict broke out of jail in Washington DC, then
a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her
trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a
sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him
paged. Police officers recognized his name and
arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car
he had stolen over the lunch hour.
8. Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a
suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and
connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The
message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and
police pressed the copy button each time they thought
the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing
the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
9. When two service station attendants in Ionia,
Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an
intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the
police. They still refused, so the robber called the
police and was arrested.
10. A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of
walking," stole a steamroller and led police on a 5
mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought
the vehicle to a stop.
Horseback Riding
The President and Mrs. Clinton were in the
front row at the Yankees game, surrounded by Secret
Service agents. Before the game started, one of the
agents whispers in the President's ear, and Mr.
Clinton smiles and nods. Then he grabs Hillary by the
scruff of the neck and heaves her over the railing.
She falls 10 feet onto the field, cursing all the way
before landing in a heap in the dirt. The President
raises his arms triumphantly and gets high-fives from
fans all around him and then the agent leans over and
whispers, "Uh, Mr. President, I said they wanted you
to throw out the 1st PITCH!
A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do
all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?"
And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that
begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"
A dedicated shop steward was at a convention
in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local
brothels.
When he got to the first one, he asked the madame, "Is
this a union house?"
"No, I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20."
Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man
stomped off down the street in search of a more
equitable shop.
His search continued as long as you want to draw
things out, until finally he reached a brothel where
the madame said, "Why yes, this is a union house."
"And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!" the man said. He looked around
the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive
redhead. "I'd like her for the night."
"I'm sure you would, sir," said the madame, gesturing
to a fat fifty-year-old woman in the corner, "but
Ethel here has seniority."
One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for
Adam and Eve, but couldn't find them. Later in the day
God saw Adam and asked where he and Eve were earlier.
Adam said, "This morning Eve and I made love for the
first time."
God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would
happen. Where is Eve now?"
Adam replied, "She's down at the river, washing
herself out."
"Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell
funny."
There were these two elderly Jewish gentlemen
visiting the Big Apple when they decided it was
getting late and they needed to find a room for the
night. As they passed one hotel, one man says to the
other, "Why don't we try this one?" The other
says, "Are you crazy? It says on the sign that this is
a restricted hotel. You know what that means? It means
they don't let Jews in!" To which the first man
replies, "Restricted, reschmicted. Let's go in and
have a little fun. Just let me do all the talking."
So the two men enter and approach the desk clerk.
Man: (in thick Yiddish accent) We want a room!
Clerk: (Flustered. With a "Connecticut clench") I'm
sorry, but this is a RESTRICTED hotel. We do NOT allow
Jewish people to stay here.
Man: What makes you think I'm Jewish? I'm just as
Christian as you are! Come on, ask me a Christion
question!
The clerk decides to amuse him.
Clerk: OK. OK. Where was Jesus born?
Man: Such a question! Everybody knows that Jesus was
born in a stable. Come on, ask me another Christian
question!
Clerk: (Impatient) Look. I know you are Jewish and you
are not staying here!
Man: Come on, ask me a question. Ask me, "What for was
Jesus born in a stable!"
Clerk: (visibly angry) All right! Why was Jesus born
in a stable!?
Man: Because a schmuck like you wouldn't give his
mother a room either!
