The death of my first child has prompted me to began writing in my diary. I felt that it would be a good way to vent my emotions.
Entry 1: My first child was born today, the Day of Worship, 6th of the Month of the Rabbit, in the year 214. My beautiful son. He didn't live through the birth. I cried until I didn't have the strength to do so anymore. Devlin was there with me, assisting me with the birth. I knew by the look on his face that something was wrong as I delivered my child into the world. I had Devlin take him and bury him. I don't know where that finally ended up to be. I can't bear to ask him. When he returned, I was still lying in bed. He didn't say a word as he came in and started to help me clean up and dress. Although the labor had been long and I had been plagued with sickness for a few weeks before, I somehow managed to pull myself unsteadily to my feet and pull on my still ill-fitting armor, strapping it to my body. I then pulled on my swords and stumbled out of the door. I must have been a mess. I can only imagine what I looked liked, a woman who had given birth just a few hours before hand, skin pale, knees weak from the loss of blood. I couldn't bear to stay in the house and I had intended to go out and relieve my pain and sorrow by putting an end to someone's life. I didn't know who it was I sought, I simply wanted to drain my body of all the anger that I had held in. It was then that I realized my only way to end all the terrible emotions that I felt was to end my own life, and, therefore, end my suffering. I returned to the house. Devlin was there, sitting on the couch, his face buried in his hands. I dropped my swords on the floor and it was then, just as my knees gave out from beneath me that Devlin realized that I had returned and was near me in an instant. I had lost all reason. I only looked at him for a moment before I scrambled backwards across the floor and came up against the wall. It was then that I reached in my pack and pulled out my dagger. It was then that Devlin realized what my intentions were and flew across the room, grabbing me by the free wrist. In my state of mind, I was crazy. I began slashing at my arm wildly just below where he held me, screaming like mad before he wrestled me down, taking the dagger from me. I've got such a terrible pain in my heart as I read these lines. I was so selfish in my own grief that I didn't recognize his. He's a good man. He has taken care of me most of my adult life and, no matter how terrible I am to him, he loves me still. I know it's not possible to find someone who comforts my soul as much as he does.
Entry 2: It has been two and a half weeks since I've suffered the death of my first child. I'm beginning to regain my strength and realize that I've got to move on and continue to live my life.
Entry 3: Its been eight months now since my last entry. I've been doing quite well and I've come back to this book to write the good news. I am expecting another child. Yes, I've been asked, "don't you think its a little too soon?". My answer to that is no, I don't. I've considered this event greatly and I am, without a doubt, ready to pursue a piece of happiness in what I hope, results in the live birth of a child.
Entry 4: Today is the big day. I've begun to feel the pains of labor start. I'm terrified, I'll admit, but I'm also very excited. Devlin has been wonderful through the whole pregnancy and still, he manages to remain calm even now.
Entry 5: This evening I gave birth to our son, Menicius. He is such a beautiful baby. He was born with an amazing amount of beautiful, dark hair that feels like silk. His skin is soft and pink and his little hands are perfect. He has been such a good little baby. He hasn't cried since he arrived, and even now, as I write with his tiny form nuzzled comfortably in the crook of my arm, he watches me with his dazzling dark eyes. There has never been a happier time in my life. I've got my son, Menicius, and my love, Devlin.
Entry 6: I was looking for a missing piece of armor today when I came across this dairy. I was surprised to see it. I dusted it off and opened the book and realized that after the birth of Menicius, I had forgotten about it. So, today I've decided to start writing in it again. I've gone through the pages and I remember the past days. You'll be surprised to hear that Menicius had his seventh birthday today. It never ceases to amaze me how much like his father he is. He is such a daring child and so full of courage and strength. He's grown so much that he will soon be taller than I. Every time I see him, he makes me smile. He is so full of questions and intelligence that I find it hard, at times, to keep up with him. Devlin is an excellent father, but he spoils Menicius so much that I am left being the punisher when Menicius misbehaves. It's alright though. We're both quite new to this and only time will give us the experience we desire.
Entry 7: It's been 2 month since since my last entry and again, I write with good news. Devlin and I have been quite busy and are expecting another child. I'm having a fairly easy pregnancy with this one and can't wait until its arrival. I am secretly hoping its a girl, but Devlin is surely positive its a boy. We'll just have to wait and see.
Entry 8: We were again blessed with the birth of another child a few days ago. A son, Draedon. He looks much like Menicius did when he was first born. The same dark and eyes. He's a bit smaller than Menicius was, though. I would say that Menicius weighed about nine and a half pounds while Draedon is eight and a pinch. Our family is growing and it makes me proud to see that Devlin has always remained my best friend and confidant.
Entry 9: Today we celebrated Draedon's seventh birthday. It seems that upon the birth of a child that I get so busy with my family that I don't have time to write. Now that both my boys are older, I can get a moment to myself and sit down to my diary. As the days pass, both the children seem to grow more and more like their father. Devlin is always taking them out and teaching them how to hunt and how to wield their weapons with deadly accuracy. I worry about them all the time. I fear that one of them will get injured or possibly killed, yet, I know that they need to be allowed to grow into men, even at their young age. I also know that Devlin will protect them with his own life. I've never had more faith in anyone as I do in Devlin.
Entry 10: Yes, I know I've written this before, but..surprise, Devlin and I are expecting another child. Oh, how I hope it will be a girl. Don't get me wrong, I love my boys more than anything in this land, but how I would love to have a little girl and be able to share things with her that mothers and daughters share. I'm so excited and I can hardly wait. I'll let you know what happens.
Entry 11: I gave birth to another son this evening. Amadeo. He is such a beautiful child, inheriting more of my fine Sidhe features rather than the Tautha looks of his father. He is about the same size as Draedon when he was born and his head is capped with dark whisps of soft, fine hair. Who would have thought that I would be blessed with three handsome boys and not a single girl? Nevertheless, my children are my little miracles and I am proud of them all.
Entry 12: The children have grown up so fast. Menicius is ten years old, and Draedon and Amadeo are 7. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly time passes.
Entry 13: My diary, my long forgotten friend. I came across it as I was cleaning out my storage trunk. How things have changed since I last wrote in you. Devlin has finally achieved the title of a Knight and is the high priest of his religion. I have two more children now. Blaise who is seven and Krishan who was just born a few days ago. Think of it. Five boys. I told Devlin that I, the Valkyrian Manhater, must be cursed. I don't really mean that. I said it with a smile. Still, I long for that daughter that it seems I'll never have... I've also made some achievements. I've grown powerful enough to restore my youth which is something that I have craved for twenty years. I have also been sent on the quest by the gods in order to obtain the title "Lady Wolf". My eldest son, Menicius, is also to be married tomorrow. He's twenty seven and has found a girl I actually like. In a way, I suppose, I am getting a daughter. Draedon isn't around much. I suspect that he is busy on his own adventures and hasn't the time for his family. Amadeo has found a little friend, a girl who he brings to the house to swim in the hot springs. She seems sweet. Blaise...my dear Blaise. I worry about him sometimes. He doesn't seem quite right. He's so full of anger and prone to outbursts that I haven't the first idea what I can do to help him. I've just continued to love him as best as I can and hope that he will come to realize that we, as his family, will always be here for him. And of course, my little Krishan, he's such a beautiful child. He looks just like his brothers except for his blue eyes, which troubles me. Devlin and I both have brown eyes. I sometimes gaze upon this baby and wonder if perhaps he is marked, by those eyes, to do something great in his life. I sense that he's not quite like the others.
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