by kaly
razrbkr@juno.com
Title: Winds of Change
Author: kaly (razrbkr@juno.com)
Homepage: the shadowland - kaly's fan fiction - http://www.geocities.com/kalyw
Rating: G
Fandom: Jurassic Park 3
Pairing: Alan/Billy
Archive: list archive and my page. For now, that's all.
Classification: short story
Spoilers: not really
Warnings: none
Summary: Two years after the events on Isla Sorna, the dig season's ending and things are changing.
Feedback: happily and gratefully accepted.
Notes: This is possibly the first story in a series set two years after the movie. If the muse moves it will be, anyway.
Thanks: to Nix for beta reading and cheerleading :)
Disclaimer: They're mine I tell you! Mine! Oh wait... never mind. Just a temporary delusion of grandeur, don't mind me. ;) So, the moral of the story, bet you thought there wasn't one! Nope, gonna slip one right by ya there: no money, no sue me.
"Billy."
The young man turned, looking at Alan, who was walking up the incline where Billy stood. He smiled, a sad, faint gesture as Alan reached him.
"Hey," he said softly, looking back out across the lake.
Alan's arms slipped around his shoulders and Billy leaned back into the embrace. When they were pressed together, hips to shoulder, Billy felt as much as heard Alan sigh. For a long moment Billy was content to stand there in silence and watch as the sun dipped lower toward the horizon.
Billy wondered briefly how Alan had known where to find him, but brushed the thought aside. Alan always did, that was what mattered.
"What are you thinking?" Alan's quiet voice was warm on his ear and Billy shivered, even in the warm summer air. "Is it about that phone call you mentioned earlier? You've been distant ever since."
Closing his eyes, Billy let his head fall back onto Alan's shoulder. He took a deep breath, held it for a moment and sighed. "This, us. Life."
Alan nuzzled Billy's throat. "Big thoughts."
Letting out a wary breath, Billy opened his eyes and shook his head. "Everything changes. Isn't that right?"
"What's wrong, Billy?" Alan asked, tightening his hold on his young lover. After a minute of silence he brushed his lips across the skin behind Billy's ear. "Talk to me. Please? Tell me what that phone call was about."
Covering Alan's hands with his own, Billy laced their fingers together. "I'm going to miss this." He took a shaky breath. "Just... being like this."
Any resemblance of a smile faded from Alan's face. "Are you planning on going somewhere?" Unwittingly he found himself holding his breath, awaiting Billy's response.
Old fears -- that it couldn't work out between them; that he was too old, Billy too young; that the forces that tore at them on Isla Sorna would be too strong; that their work would pull them apart -- rushed back. Maybe things were changing, had changed, just as Billy had hinted at. The longer Billy was silent, the more worried Alan became.
"Billy?"
Billy sighed, turning within the circle of Alan's arms. He wrapped his own arms around Alan's waist and for a few seconds he was content to simply stare into Alan's eyes. "I love you," he whispered. He searched Alan's gaze. "You know that right?" Sudden uncertainty gripped him, although whether for Alan or himself he wasn't sure.
"Billy..." Alan shook his head. Blinking he again met Billy's gaze. "Why would you even ask that?" Looking toward the horizon, where the sun was just sinking out of sight, Alan pulled Billy into a tight embrace.
"Just..." Billy shrugged. "Just in case."
Alan rested his chin on the top of Billy's head. "I know I don't say it very often..."
Billy shook his head, trying to interrupt Alan. "I know."
"But I love you."
"I know," Billy whispered, his moist breath warming Alan's skin. After pressing a kiss to the base of Alan's throat, Billy laid his cheek on Alan's chest.
Concerned by the out of character insecurity in the normally exuberant graduate student, Alan ran a hand through Billy's hair. The short curls caught on his fingers, wrapping around them. "What's wrong?"
"The off season is coming up."
Alan nodded. "You're worried about the funding?" Billy shook his head, but Alan continued. "We've survived before. The funds always come back... eventually. You usually remind me of that."
"Yeah," Billy said, not looking up.
"But?" Alan thought for a minute. "If that's not it, then what?"
Billy moved back, shaking Alan's arms from around him. Taking several steps away, he shoved his hands into his pockets and looked across the lake. "I talked to my advisor today."
Alan stared at Billy, processing that for a second. Understanding shook Alan, and he searched for something to say, but words failed him. "Ah."
Billy's head fell until his chin rested on his chest. He was silent for several moments, wishing Alan would wrap his arms around him and at the same time not knowing if he could stand the contact. Not and say what he meant to say.
"She says my dissertation is ready to defend."
Alan nodded, keeping his distance. "Of course." They had known Billy was close for quite a while, but hearing it confirmed was still a surprise. "It's not... unexpected."
Taking a deep breath, Billy looked up and toward the dig site. "No." He continued to stare at the site for a minute. It was silent and still in the twilight, peaceful. "She mentioned something else, though," Billy said, finally turning to face Alan.
His mouth dry, Alan licked his lips. "Oh?"
"She's aware the dig is up, at least for the season." When Alan made to speak, Billy shook his head so that he might finish. "That the funding might not be there next season." Glancing back toward the dig, Billy crossed the feet that separated him from Alan. "She wants me to have other options, for the winter at least." Billy sighed, looking into Alan's eyes. "And, she hoped, beyond."
Although shock rippled through Alan, he managed to breathe past the lump in his throat. "Makes sense," he said with a short nod. "She's thinking of your best interests."
"Yeah," Billy replied, staring off into space.
Something in Billy's voice told Alan there was more to his disquiet than he'd said. "And?" Alan almost laughed when Billy's head jerked up at the question. He probably would have, were the circumstances different. "I know you too well, Billy." Alan smiled softly, running the backs of his fingers along Billy's cheek.
Billy smiled faintly in return, coughing softly to find his voice. "Yeah, you do." His smile stronger, Billy's dimples grew more pronounced. "Better than just about anyone, I guess."
"So?"
"She has some connections." Billy pulled his hands from his pockets and crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't look away from Alan's face as he spoke, even though he wanted to look anywhere but at those blue eyes. "She thinks that she can get me a teaching job, gave me the contact information and a recommendation."
Although used to separation in his line of work, Alan wasn't accustomed to it where Billy was concerned. Rather, it was one reason he'd taken so long to finally admit how he felt to the younger man. That and the realization that life was far too short to waste doubting things that you couldn't control.
But somehow he knew the rug was about to be pulled out from under him. He just hoped he was strong enough to face it -- for Billy and for himself.
When Alan didn't reply, Billy continued. "The position," he paused, taking a deep breath. "It's in New York State."
Alan blinked, processing what he was hearing and at the same time making the decision to support what was best for Billy. However much it hurt. Clearing his throat, he asked, "A good position?"
Billy nodded. "Very, for a brand new PhD."
"Then you should take it."
Shaking his head, Billy argued, "There are other options."
Alan smiled, sad and touched at the same time -- unable not to love the other man if for his dogged determination and loyalty alone. Taking a step forward he pulled Billy into his arms once more. Feeling Billy resist, he held on more tightly until he heard Billy sigh and felt arms slip around his waist.
"Where, Billy? Our field isn't exactly the most stable. If you..." Alan sighed, his smile fading. "If this position works out you should take it, Billy." He nuzzled Billy's ear, his voice barely a whisper as he said, "Be the Dr. Brennan I knew you could be when you were a fresh-nosed Master's candidate."
Billy groaned, resting his forehead against Alan's. "Alan..."
"You know I'm right, Billy." Alan leaned back to stare into Billy's eyes, seeing the pain within their brown depths. Trying to smile, he said, "The bones will still be here."
"And you?"
Alan cupped Billy's cheek in his hand before letting it drop against the curve of his neck. "Oh, Billy," he said as his thumb traced patterns over the skin of Billy's throat.
Billy stared at Alan silently and for just a second Alan was back on Isla Sorna, two years prior. The same longing, the same pain laced the dark eyes. It made Alan's heart ache to see it. Alan had sworn then, to himself if not aloud, that he would never cause that look again and he could happily live the rest of his life without seeing it for any reason.
Two years had made him believe it possible. It had made him over confident. Made him a fool. "You'll be okay," Alan reassured him, forcing a smile he didn't completely feel. "You'll be great."
"And you? Us?"
"We'll survive. Just like always." And as he said the words, Alan found himself wanting to believe them. Needing to believe that maybe the past didn't always dictate the future.
Billy blinked before nodding slowly. "Yeah?"
"Reverse Darwinism, Billy." His smile coming more naturally, Alan took one of Billy's hands in his own. "Seems as if anyone should have a lock on it, it would be us."
Billy grinned before kissing Alan. Breaking for air, Billy replied, "No doubt." Everything was still uncertain, but life usually was. "So we're good?"
Alan growled, shaking Billy playfully. "Yes, already." Smiling softly, his added more seriously, "We're good, Billy."
"And the bones?"
"The bones are good."
A twinge of unhappiness swirled within him, but he pushed it back for both their sakes. He would worry about that when it happened, when Billy was half a world away and not standing in Alan's arms.
Billy's eyes sparkled and Alan knew he much preferred this Billy to before. "And the computers?"
Alan groaned, letting himself ignore his doubts and become lost in the moment. "They're evil, same as always."
"Just checking," Billy said with a smile.
"Yeah."
Billy let his head fall forward until his forehead lay on top of Alan's shoulder. His eyes closed, Billy waited a moment before saying, "There might be other options."
"Maybe," Alan agreed, running his free hand through Billy's hair.
Billy raised his head so that he could see Alan's face and brought their joined hands to his lips, brushing a kiss across Alan's knuckles. "I'll miss you."
Alan's breath caught in his throat. "I know."
"I love you," Billy whispered.
Voice faltering, Alan replied, "I know, Billy. I love you, too."
"We'll be okay."
Pressing a kiss to Billy's forehead, Alan sighed. "Yeah."
"Somehow."
Alan shook his head in resignation. "Yes, Billy."
Billy smiled, pressing his lips against Alan's earlobe. "Driving you crazy yet?"
"Every day of my life." Alan smiled, holding onto Billy more tightly. "Though I wouldn't trade it."
Cupping Alan's face in his hands, Billy looked into the older man's eyes for a long moment. Satisfied with what he saw there, Billy pressed his lips to Alan's in a light kiss. He ghosted his thumbs across Alan's cheekbones.
"Right answer."
End
