THE ML WEEKLY NEWS Thursday, January 03, 2001
Rated G Issue #008
Editor in-chief: The KodeMaster Journalists: Available
Format Checkers: Sah-Rae Hyjo Content Suggester: Micro Hue
TOO FEW FANFICS AND THE CASE OF THE LOUSY NEWSPAPER ARTICLE TITLE
by David HugoAlthough several fanfics have been posted on the ML recently, -- one even by yours truly, -- there still is not enough to satisfy the insaitible appetite of several prominent members.
Granted, we also have had two from the excellent Chihuahua and several chapters from the talented Debbie Kluge, but the fact remains that the total can still be counted on your fingers and hands.
Alright, so maybe we had to use a tally system and go up to four significant figures as our illiterate editor also involved the use of his toes and feet, but that is beside the point.
The fact remains that there isn't enough being made, and frankly, those who live in LurkerLand need to get a move on and emigrate to MLerville so they can grace us with their illustrious presences.
Those in LurkerLand might still be protesting that there is a sandstorm of immense proportions that was created from a mountian which originated as a mole-hill, but those protests have so far fallen on deaf ears -- our Ear Nose and Throat specialists are all currently suffering from laringitus, the common cold, and the repurcussions of the resident Babel Fish practicing for its new gig on their ear drums.
Now while everyone might have been wearing ear-plugs and whistling to themselves with hands in pockets at the time, the vast majority of MLerville citizens insist that they had nothing to do with it.
This journalist attempted to verify this and interview several people at the same time, but all he could get out of them was a rather slow drawl of, "Isn't that right, Al?" and a long yelling session of "WHAAAAAATT????"s.
Needless to say, this journalist gave up after the space of ten nanoseconds.
EDITOR'S ROW
In a widely unreported incident, it was rumoured earlier this week that the ML local rag is suffering from a distinct lack of joking clowns.
A check of local circuses revealed only two bat-like men, four hundred Pikachu's, and at least sixty cats suffering from varying degrees of chicken pox and were thus laying eggs. This is not to mention the thousands of Team Rocket wannabee's -- with varying degrees of success -- and the millions of flea circuses that were dissolved and moved location as soon as the fleas laid eyes on our editors thick mutt. (ED: I owns a dog? Dats news 2 me!)
Offically, this lack of humour is reportedly caused by our aforementioned editor who, feeling like he belonged in the dog-house, sent our resident clown in his place. Our editor discovered, only five minutes later, that the dog-house did not exist and his little Fido was a figment of his collective imaginations.
Upon rushing to the resident psycho-psycologist, Exekial Rage, our frightened little editor was releaved to find that this whole saga was only a symptom of the main problem, namely, that of [CENSORED].
However, the ML wouldn't have a paper if the residents of MLerville didn't want the really juicy truths behind our collective insanities.
Sources close to the editor of the ML rag, refusing to give themselves a name, have been known to whisper to our sources the true reason behind this lack.
It is believed, these black silhouettes without unidentifiable voices hissed to our perked ears, that the Editor is suffering from a deficiancy of intelligence and inspiration. What little brain cells he seems to be in possession of are running away with the dishes and spoons in his kitchen and leaving for cheesier pastures on the moon.
Astronomers can now relax and lean back in their lounge chairs, as this no doubt explains why they think the man in the moon's been talking to them on their CB radios.
As a final note, our "un-named" sources have also confirmed the rumours of a name change to the ML's local flannel. This poor, ill-informed fearful journalist would just like to know one thing: If they are changing the name of the local rag, won't the paper also need changing, especially since he used it to clean the [CENSORED] with raviolli and [CENSORED]?
When questioned about it, all the authorities would reply was: "I DON'T WANNA KNOW!!!"
WEATHER REPORT
MLerville has erupted into an enormous fireball earlier this week as the flames surrounding the computers of several MLers somehow entered MLerspace and devoured the suburb of Risqueville and the gutter.
Upon receiving the news of these areas demise, the reaction was unamious: silence amid questions of "Huh?", "Who are they?", and "What the--"
Apparently, the MLers in-question appear to have resided in a mysterious place called New South Wales -- the reasons behind them even wanting to live in such a place, however, have always been beyond this rapidly-tanning Queenslander. There are also reports of flooding in that they did not even employ a firewall to stop the conflageration in even the most rudimentary of senses.
Alarmed at this horrific turn of events, stop signs in town rotated by ninety degrees and unsuccessfully attempted to halt its advance. A countless amount of Traffic jams and Nutella sandwiches were later seen to result.
Although this supplied enough to feed all MLerville residents for at least a century, authorities are issuing warnings to be cautious and on the look out for cyclonic fibre in the sandwiches. Meanwhile, bakers are remaining tightly lipped as to how this will affect future profits.
Finally, the meteorology guys also issued a warning current for the time of the fireball's occurence, for the areas of Risqueville and the gutter: Strong snow storms were expected for the region, along with flash floods and monsoon-like rain.
These meteorology guys were last seen being chased into the firestorm that engulfed the area by citizens with snowballs in their hands.
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE RANCH
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went camping out in a tent beneath the stars one night.
Several hours later, around midnight, Sherlock work up Watson and asked him, "Do you see all those stars up there?" The Doctor nodded his head. "What do they mean to you?"
After thinking about it for a long time, Dr Watson finally spoke, "Well, I suppose that most of those stars would have planets around them, and since our Solar System says that there's a chance of one out of nine of them being of the right size to support life, and that there's millions of stars out there, there would be quite a lot of life-bearing planets out there, and even more species, billions, probably. When you think about it, it's all very fascinating, really."
"No, you idiot," Sherlock exclaimed, exasperated, "it means that someone stole the tent!"--- Anonymous
