The Compilation of Jonny heroes!!!!

My favs from some old ones, and some new suggestions…

Jonny as a Jedi…….

"That's no moon.  That's a space station."  "Slammin'!"

If Jonny were a Jedi, Bandit would be green, have a creaky voice and speak
expediential crap.

This says it all – "May the bleach be with you.  Always."  (Otherwise you'll
have roots, Jonny, and that ain't a good look, baybe.)

Jonny as Indy…..

Jonny would have a nervous breakdown when he finds out that the cars aren't
very fast in the 1930s.

Can you just imagine Jonny in an Indy Jones type fistfight?  He'd hit
someone, and then he'd yell "Ow!  That really hurt!" and cradle his
knuckles.  Then he'd hit the guy again; ("Jerk!") just to get his own back.

Since Indiana was named after the dog (according to "The Last Crusade")
things would turn weird when Jonny/Indiana is then called "Bandit".  Scary.

Jonny as James Bond……

He'd get love life advice from Race

Jonny would have exactly the same attitude towards car mortality as the real
James Bond – cars are there to be wrecked

He'd be more upbeat than the real James Bond – he wouldn't need to settle
for a Martini, he'd just order 4 Buds and have a good time

Race could be Q.  Can you imagine that?  "Pay attention Jonny.  I would like
this car back in ONE PIECE."  "You gotta be kidding Race."  "ONE PIECE
Jonny.  Or I'll bust YOU up."

Jonny in Back to the Future……..

He'd be Marty, duh.  And he'd still have his hoverboard!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everybody go YEAH!!!!

For some reason he really does fit this role.  Was someone naughty at the JQ
writer's meeting and shafted the character ideas?  I tink so….   Anyway,
hoverboard!!!!!

Jonny as Neo……..

Jonny's nickname would no longer be 'bleachhead'.  It would be… wait for it…
'Plughead!!!!'  (Geddit?  Plughead?  Like, he has a plug thing at the back
of his head?  Jeez, you people.)

Hee hee hee.  Sorry, just having a chuckle at Plughead there.

Jonny/Neo: What is the Matrix?
Jessie/Trinity: The answer is out there, Jonny, and it's looking for you,
and it will find you if you want it to.
Jonny/Neo: Okay, you're sane.  What is this, like a twisted version of the
X-Files?

Sorry, I've just had a vision of Jonny in Keanu's leather.  Could we have a
moment of silence please, while I recover?  (Feel free to think about Jessie
in leather if you want to guys…. or girls as it may be.)

Jonny as Ethan Hunt
Well, let's face it, Jonny would fit any Tom Cruise character….  Simply cos
of the voice!!  Their voices are duplicates of each other!!!  Seriously,
listen next time to Tom, and you'll see what I mean.

He's a jack-of-all-trades, a maverick, quick-witted, physically pristine,
all that and a grinning idiot.  Remind you of any two people?  Nope, me
either.

"…. This is Mission Impossible.  Difficult should be a walk in the park for
you."
"Oh man, this is too tall for TV…."

Jonny as Superman…….

"Is it a bird?  Is it a plane?  No, it's a….. teenage boy with bleached hair
flying through the air at breakneck speeds!"

Jonny/Superman: Don't thank me Warden.  We're all part of the same team.
Goodnight.
Random citizen: Wait, wasn't that a teenage boy with bleached blond hair,
superhuman strength and pants (see below*) on outside his tights?
Random citizen 2: I think so.
Random citizen: I think I need to lie down.

*You Americans call them something else, I don't know what.  In fact, tell
me about that.  Someone, please, just tell me all about it?  What are pants
in your country?  I just don't get it...

Jonny as Robin Hood... (The Errol Flynn one, the Kev Kostner one was just
too bad)

"I'll organise revolt, exact a death for a death, and I'll never rest until
every Saxon can stand up a free man and strike a blow for Richard and
England.  Slammin' or what?"

English Peasant: Wait, is that a teenage boy with bleached blond hair,
outstanding fencing skills, a broad *American* accent and, um, *green
tights* on?
English Peasant 2: I think so.
English Peasant: I need to lie down.

Guys, Jonny would also fit into the main role in Starship Troopers, can't
for the life of me remember what his name was... Rico, I think it was…….
Oh, I dunno…..  He was gorgeous anyway.  And that movie was just too much
fun.

Jonny as Mulder………

(They are staring down a sink, looking at a strange green gunge in the
plughole)
Scully: Besides from your usual explanation Mulder, what do you think this
is?
Mulder/Jonny: What's my usual explanation?
Scully: Aliens.  Government conspiracy.  Ghosts.  Ghouls.  Whatever isn't at
all scientifically proven, you suggest it.
Mulder/Jonny: I do?  Slammin'!  And what do *you* suggest this is then?
Scully: A simple plughole blockage, Mulder.
Mulder/Jonny: Tell me again, are we supposed to be going steady, or does the
world end when we kiss? (I added that cos I'm fed up of them not getting it
on, it really bugs me)

Mulder/Jonny: What's that nickname that everyone calls me, Scully?
Scully: Spooky, Mulder.
Mulder/Jonny: Yeah, why is that?
Scully:  Because your hair scares everyone.  (Author bursts into laughter
here.)

Jonny as Dr Maluchi from ER……

He's insensitive.  He drops wisecracks.  He always sees the funny sides of
things.  He's cute.  And he bleached his hair blond for a while.  IT'S
JONNY, people!  IT'S JONNY!  Maluchi could star in his very own series of
unanimated JQ: TRA when Jonny's 20-something.

Oh yeah, and Doyle from Angel?  He has Jonny personality.  The thing that
ruined it was the accent and the hair...

Is anyone here fed up of Helen Hunt?  I am.  Go away Helen.  Too much
exposure.

Bloody hell.  Se7en is out on DVD release over here, and I've just seen the
poster.  Bloody hell.  Brad Pitt.  Well, you didn't think it was Morgan
Freeman did you?  Jeeezzz.  I mean, Brad with the hair, and the goatee.
Phwoar.  Bloody hell.  (Did I just say that again?)

Oh yeah, and I call Brad Pitt for Jonny when he's 30.   Without the goatee.

Jonny as Pete "Maverick" Mitchell from Top Gun

Jonny would fit the whole 'fly boy' thing.  You could just imagine him in an
F-14, grinning away.  Of course, he'd be broke and all, with the whole
paying for the ones he's already crashed sorta thing.

His name would be Jonny "Maverick" Quest….  Or, if you can think of any
other callsigns he would suit, send em on!!!!  Perhaps Jonny "Bleachhead"
Quest, or um, Jonny "Slammin'" Quest….

Hadji "Goose" Singh!!!  Or, Hadji "I like evil women" Singh!  Or….

Yeah, so anyway, feel free to write to me and I'll add gladly.  Any
suggestions for other heroes I've missed out?  Of course, some heroisms are
impossible to translate into Jonnyisms, simply because the character or the
look isn't right.  For example, Rick Deckard from Bladerunner (I tried like
crazy to translate him, but it just wouldn't work, much to my bitter
disappointment) or Bruce Lee, or Maximus Decimus Meridius, or John McClane
(Die Hard) or, for obvious reasons, Ellen Ripley (Alien).  (These are all
the people I've tried and failed with).  But if you've got a hero you'd like
me personally to write, I'd be more (more, more) than glad to.  Get with the
doing something peoples!

That's what I wrote when I was on four cups of coffee guys.  Sorry about
that.  I'll be a little less insane next time.

Luv Cara
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For Passion and Jonny Quest