Austin, So That I Might See...Aug 10, 2001 @ 12:42 am
Currently playing: Mazzy Star -Fade Into You
Currently feeling: extremely depressed

Michelle used to play this when she was sad... so this is for her:
Fade Into You

I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath that's true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life
You go in shadows
You'll come apart and you'll go black
Some kind of night into your darkness
Colors your eyes with what's not there.

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew

A stranger's light comes on slowly
A stranger's heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew
I think it's strange you never knew

Auntie Patsy...Aug 9, 2001 @ 7:40 p.m.
Currently watching: AbFab - France
Currently feeling: sick like always!

My friend from high school was killed, Austin Hughes. I'm shocked. And on top of that my roommate's brother's friend was killed. All that news in one day. It's hard to hear about people dying because it takes me back to the days of my sister. I try to pretend I'm not feeling anything, but bottling up makes it worst in the long run. I'm going to visit his mom tomorrow on my way home. I'm absolutely devastated.

Bollocks....Aug 8, 2001 @ 10:20 p.m.
Currently: Pissed as hell!!!

I hate this f*cking internet connection! Takes me 20 min of non-stop pressing connect to even get a reaction. I've called the bollocky company more than five times, and put in a 10 million buggery complaints!! So I'm sitting here talking to Maddie on telly and a memory comes into my head. V.v. sad... if I could just hold him... how could we have known it would turn out this way? That night was so sad, it breaks my heart to think about it. I forgot it on purpose, haven't thought of it since because it just kills me to think about it. *heart broken* My tummy hurts from the Chinese food me and Lyra ordered. I got General Tso's chicken... I wrote my paper I had to write and I've got a midterm tomorrow. Someone shoot me now. Me and my ovaries are leaving....

Schizophrenia, pop specs...Aug 6, 2001 Currently doing: Chatting with roommie
Currently feeling: Fat and unworthy

It's been confirmed... I have several personality disorders, along with my doctor's diagnosis, check out my online results:

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

Harvey Nichols...Aug 5, 2001 @ 10:05 p.m.
Currently watching: James Dean
Currently feeling: Very impressed

Wow! James Franco is doing such a fabulous job as James Dean, I want this boy's autograph! I'm very non social at the moment. Dad came over for a bit of dinner... he's so stubborn and difficult and un-emotional that I want to shoot myself. He didn't hardly look at me, let alone talk to me. All he cares about is the cars. He simply won't acknowledge my existence. I'm sitting here fighting for some attention from him. I just feel like he doesn't care about me. And after he left I just cried like a little baby. And I haven't had that good of a cry since I was a wee one. I get so frustrated. Finally on my birthday last year I spent two hours yelling and screaming and getting things off my chest at him. At the end he shrugged and said he had to get back to work. He is a workoholic that if he stops he'll realize that he's left his family. He doesn't talk about Michelle, my sister, at all. He was ashamed of her. I wonder, is he capable of loving me at all? If I could just do something right in his eyes I would be so happy. But there's always something wrong. He doesn't know anything about me at all. He's missing out. Don't get me wrong, I love him... but it's breaking my heart the way I get treated when I'm around him. And my mom just acts like a little puppy dog whenever he comes around, doing whatever he says, and making me go along with it. I'm just so fed up with it. I come down every bloody weekend to see them, but my dad won't even take notice. When I talk to him on the phone he's like "I'm so tired I'll talk to you more tomorrow." And when he comes on Sundays he's like "I've got work to do, I'll spend more time with you next week." Bollocks to that sweeties, I'm pissed...

Harrod's Hampster...Aug 3, 2001 @ 10:33 p.m.
Currently watching: F&S - The Ingenue Years
Currently feeling: Very excited

Today I came home to CS and waiting for me on my bed was a big package. I was surprised since I know my ebay comes to my apartment in Houston. I opened the box and there were 2 posters, 1 picture, and one guitar pick with Nick Hexum's autograph on it. I screamed jumping up and down. So as soon as I could catch my breath I went to get a frame for one of the posters. I had gotten an email the day before saying thank you for posting the 311 banner on all my sites, and for making a webpage for 311. So this was their way of thanking me. Isn't that the coolest?!?! I was literally screaming. My mom thought I was onc crack when I first came home because on the way home I was listening to 311 (like always), but got extra pumped when I was coming home and was jamming like mad. *bows down to Nick* Then I come home and a fabulous package was on my bed! Wooohoooo!! I am sooooo *in love* sweeties... I mean no one, N-O-O-N-E, can ever match up to him. I have to change my undies whenever I hear his voice, haha. We're not anorexics, we just don't think eating is very clever. So I'm off sweeties... pop open the bolli for me! B-day count down: 55 days left.

My A-Ha pencil case...Aug 3, 2001 @ 1:51 a.m.
Currently watching: French & Saunders - The Ingenue Years
Currently feeling: Like a miserable fat old cow

I am O-B-S-E-S-S-E-D.... I won the most fabulous picture on ebay last night with all five autographs from the cast of AbFab and then the poster for it. WOW, i am so excited, the pic cost $240!! *please come NOW in the mail*. And I live and breath on those forums when I'm not in school... someone operate me now! LemonPie is coming to Dallas, and I do so wish to meet her. She's got a beau now and supposedly he's God's gift to her, so I'm excited for her. *looks for nibbles* This b*tch who used to be our neighbor has been callng my mom for the past year to get her to come visit her, and she is absolutely crazy, seriously. My mom comes, with such the sweet heart she has, and the woman goes out to the pool and swims while my mom picks up her house like she's the bloody maid! And the house is covered in poop and dirty clothes. The woman would not turn on the air, and wouldn't permit my mom to bring in a fan (into another room) because she couldn't stand the noise. i want that b*tches phone number, I want to give her a piece of my mind, taking advantage of my mom like that.

Other news, I've been recognized by 311 for the banner at the top of all my websites... so supposedly I'm getting something in the mail fromt the band, which is fabulous. Because I want to have mad sex with Nick Hexum. *goes to get some nibbles* I'm off.... I think I'll have a Buck's Fizz....

Married in Covent Garden...Aug 2, 2001 @ 1:24 a.m.
Currently playing: Julie Driscoll and Ade Edmonson - This Wheels On Fire
Currently feeling: Stuffed

I just don't know what it is, but whenever I get stressed or something is about to change.. all I do is eat eat eat. I just went to the store and bought some more food. I have no money on my card so I wrote a bloody cheque. It's no wonder I am sooo fat, my cells keep dividing and multiplying... Whenever something new happens I run for the kitchen. It's such an addiction I can't handle. I won the most fabulous thing off of a yahoo.co.uk auction!! It's a framed pic of the cast of AbFab with all five of their autographs!! I nearly peed when I saw it. I'm so excited! Anyhow I'm off now, I just had to vent about eating. I hate it, but I'm so drawn to it it's sickening.

Bicycle with some onions... Aug 1, 2001 @ 9:39 p.m.
Currenly doing: Planning my escape to London
Currently feeling: Full of pizza

Okay, I've worked it out here, I'll be moving to London, getting a job at the BBC and then I will meet Jennifer Saunders *bows down to her*. Dreams are so big, but rarely come true... *sigh* I think about it all the time, planning and hoping. haha. I've already got a potential flat-mate. And tonight I got hooked up with a job for $3000 a month! *yikes*! I'll be a financial consultant... the second I found out my salary I thought "ebay here I come!" More F&S and AbFab things, oh goody! Weehee! So I'm off to bid some more on ebay sweeties! Ciao!