A little forage into the Slayers world...

A Slayers MST

Author's Notes: Well, my first Slayers MST ever, and boy are the immortals hating me right now.^^;; I'm really bad at getting permission from people; I sincerely hope no one is taking this too seriously and thus getting offended by it.-_-;;;
Anyway, I apologize now for any brain damage you might receive. The Advisor and Cerberus are mine, the Sentinel and Charon aren't. Okay?

On with the show!


*On one fine sunny day in the House of Lost Souls. . . oh wait, scratch that.*

*On one fine pitch-black period in the House of Lost Souls, the Sentinel was currently trying to figure out what he had ever done to deserve such trouble.*

Sentinel: What had I ever done to deserve such trouble?
Advisor (grumbling): Ask me after I figure out what Iíve done.
Charon: This. Is. Stupid.
Cerberus: That helps a lot, Charon.

What has our immortals griping so? You guessed it: itís another MST. Fortunately though. . . .

Evil Voice: Oh, donít look so down. At least itís not Sailor Moon any more.
Advisor (perking up): Really?!
Charon: Itís probably a YYH story.

[All four immortals turn green.]

Sentinel: Isnít. . .isnít that the anime. . .
Cerberus: With those four guys. . . .
Advisor: Who. . .who. . . .
Evil Voice: Are always having sex? Yes, in fact it is.
Charon: Iím not reading.
Evil Voice: My dear Charon, I donít think you have a choice.
Charon (getting angry): I have work. I have extremely important work! The rest of them can read if you really want some MSTs done, but Iím busy!!!
Sentinel: Excuse me? And Iím not?!
Advisor: Yeah, Charon! Whatís that supposed to mean?!
Charon: Hey, I donít live in a place without time.
Advisor, Cerberus: Neither do we!
Charon: Oh. Right. Okay, fine. The Sentinel can read!
Sentinel: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I need to work myself!
Charon: Time doesnít flow in your workplace.
Sentinel: So?!
Advisor: So you donít have any time to waste.
Sentinel: Thatís exactly my point!
Cerberus: What?

[All four immortals pause to figure this out.]

Charon: Well, *ahem* At. . .at any rate, the Sentinel can read.
Advisor: Send us back!
Cerberus: Yeah! Time flows where we work!

[The Sentinel fumes.]

Evil Voice: I appreciate your efforts, but no.
Cerberus: Come on!!!
Sentinel: Ha! You all have to suffer with me!
Advisor: Please?
Evil Voice: No.
Charon: But. . . .
Evil Voice: No.

[The Sentinel looks smug as the others slump down glumly. His smug expression vanishes, however, when a file the size of Texas drops down on his head.]

Sentinel: OW!!! What was that?!
Evil Voice: Files to brief you on the series youíre reading fics from, so youíll make better informed comments.
Cerberus: Oh, not those again. . . .
Advisor: Iím glad the stupóum, great and talented fanfic chronicler didnít show us reading those files for Sailor Moon and Lord of the Rings, otherwise we wouldíve been here forever!

[Humph. The author will refrain from commenting.]

Charon (picking up file): This says, Slayers.
Evil Voice (rather happily): Yup!
Advisor: Slayers? People who kill other people?
Cerberus: Well, not necessarily people slayers, I wouldnít think?
Charon: You could be killing cows and still be called slayers.
Sentinel: Itís an anime, guys.
Advisor: About people who kill people?
Sentinel: Well. . . .
Cerberus: God, I can feel the bad vibes already. . . .
Evil Voice: You might as well read it, since youíre not going anywhere.

[Immortals grumble, grumble, and then hunker down to read.]

Some time later. . . .

Advisor: Well.
Cerberus: Hmm.
Sentinel: That was actually sort of interesting.
Charon: What a crazy series.
Sentinel: Sounds like the people in there would keep you busy, Charon. All those deaths. . . .
Evil Voice: Ah, done reading?
All immortals: NO!!
Evil Voice: Oh yes you are. [Room dims, candlelights flare out to reveal words, despite wild protests from the immortals.] So hereís the fic. Enjoy! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Sentinel: How many times did we tell him not to do that?

*Authorís Note:
This is taking place in America.

Sentinel: Which makes a whole lot of sense because not only do all Slayers characters speak Japanese, but they donít even live on Earth!

Lina and CO do know English, but they use some Japanese phrases. So itís all well and good ?

Advisor: Since youíre asking us, Iíd assume you have doubts about this yourself. . . .

"I hate him! I hate him! I HATE HIM!!" Lina and Amelia watch as flames of fire

Sentinel: Leading me to assume there are other types of flames, right, Advisor?
Advisor: Of course. Havenít you heard of flames of water? Or air? [The two fire-wielders roll their eyes simultaneously.]
Cerberus: See that, everyone? Itís called, "commiserationóto express sorrow or feel pity for; commonly done with someone else in the same situation."
Charon (snort): I, for one, do not feel anything akin to sorrow or pity for this author. One line into the story and I already want to leave.

appeared around Filia, making her eyes turn pure pink.

Charon: Right. Real threatening.
Cerberus: According to the briefing we received about this series, doesnít this character have blue eyes?
Advisor: Well, I think the authorís saying the red flames are turning them pink. . .I guess. . . .
Sentinel: Of course. Red flames plus blue eyes should actually equal purple, but who am I to say anything?

"Er, Filia-san." Amelia tried to calm her down.

"Filia, Filia, Filia.... You canít let him get to you like this." Lina said.

"Sore wa himitsu desu! Sore wa himitsu desu! Sore wa himitsu desu!"

Charon: Must you announce to the world that you have a secret?
Advisor: Why do these people always use random Japanese phrases with no explanation whatsoever?

Filia balled her fist as she mimicked Xellos.

Sentinel: What wonderful writing skills. Do you realize this author has introduced exactly four characters without any attempt to tell us who they are?

"NAMAGOMI NO BAKA!" She struck the wall with her mace.

"Er Filia..." Amelia and Lina sweatdropped. Filia continued on ranting about how she hated Xellos.

Advisor: When did this start? What brought this on? Who are these people? I can name about ten other things this author forgot to tell us.
Cerberus: And Iím pretty confused by all this.

Lina and Amelia snuck out of the room.

"I hate her! I hate her! I HATE HER!"

Sentinel: What is with all these gender changes?!
Advisor: I think this is someone else talking.
Sentinel: Oh.
Charon: Wow. Youíve been hanging around Satan way too much.

Xellos yelled, punching the wall with his fist. Black energy swirled around him.

Cerberus: Any relation to Charon?
Charon: I am not related to anyone in this ridiculous, pointless story.
Advisor: Well, itís not the charactersí fault that theyíre so well loved everyone wants to write about them.
Charon: This idiot is smacking walls and expending energy needlessly. What kind of a fool would like him??
Sentinel: Arenít you the one who said to me that Ďmortalí and Ďfoolí should be synonymous?

"Um Xellos?" Gourry tried to get his attention.

"Seems like Xellos really does get upset." Zelgadis commented with a grin. Xellos didnít even hear him.

"Namagomi! Namagomi! Namagomi!"

Sentinel: Well then, I suggest you get a garbage can and put all that stuff in there before you throw out your back from all this wall-pounding.
Advisor: I think thatís his nickname.
Charon: Thereís a confidence booster! "Whatís your nickname?" "Oh, everyone calls me raw garbage. Some people even go further and say rotten sewage. Itís all the same to me."

Xellosís black aura spread around him, in the shape of a cone.

Cerberus: "And all shall know the depths of despair when the bestial power of Namagomi unleashes itself upon the earth, in the shape of the fiery cone of hell!!!" Oh cripes, that sounded even worse than I expected. And I wasnít expecting anything!

"DRAGON NO BAKA!" He yelled, landing another punch on the wall.

Sentinel: I donít know this guy too well, but I have a feeling this is really OOC. . . .
Advisor (checking Slayers files): Um. . .letís see, Xellos. . . always smiling, always saying, "Sore wa himitsu desu," never gets irritated except by Filia Ul Copt, never punches walls, never expends his energy needlessly. . . . There we go, itís established.
Cerberus: OOC to the extreme!!
Sentinel: See, Charon. Heís not an idiot. The author is.
Charon: Well, heís an idiot in this fic, so heís an idiot to me. End of story.
Advisor (staring at the stats for character popularity in Slayers): Well, for your own safety, Charon, Iím glad youíre immortal.

"Er Xellos...?" Zelgadis looked up from his book and sweatdropped. Even Gourry got irritated. They both snuck

Sentinel: Thatís not correó
Charon: Keep reading, you grammar freak.
Sentinel: Excuse me if I have higher tastes than you!

out of the room. Xellos ranted on about how he hated Filia, not noticing he was talking to himself.

"Hmph!" Filia and Xellos turned in the other direction when they saw the other looking at them.

Cerberus: The last I saw them, those two were doing great damage to poor, innocent walls.
Advisor: The guy who never punches walls was punching them and talking to himself.
Charon: A sure sign of insanity. . . .
Sentinel: Or of being at least ten sentences into the story and still not seeing any sense.

Lina sighed placing her head in her hands.

ĎThis has been going on for days and they are still acting like this!" She said to herself. She looked up to see Amelia, Gourry and Zelgadis with the same expression.

Charon: Humph. No big deal. I look around here and I see the Sentinel, Advisor, and Cerberus with the same expressions.
Sentinel: Expressions of disgust? Anger? Mortification?
Charon: Actually, you all look like youíre ready to eat the author alive.
Cerberus: Iíd like barbecue sauce with that.
Sentinel, Advisor: Ugh!

ĎYaaah! I canít take this anymore! If it happens any longer, I wonít be able to eat!í

Cerberus: After looking at the girlís profile, I think the world will be in peril if that happens.

Lina yelled mentally. She grinned to herself

Charon: These mortals bounce from mood to mood like Indian rubber balls!
Cerberus: Boingy, boingy, boingy.
Charon, Sentinel, Advisor: . . . . .
Advisor: Um, Cerberus? Are you sure youíre still sane?

when she remembered what she and Amelia planned

"Hey Amelia! You still owe me an ice cream cone!"

Advisor: And that is relevant because. . . .?

Lina said to the younger girl.

"No I don.... Oh yeah I do.

Sentinel: Oh right, kid. What a save.

Well we better get it now. Better sooner than later." Amelia sighed, playing her part right.

Cerberus: As the girl Linaís maid? Okay.

She got up and sweatdropped as Lina glared at her.

"Thought you were going to get away with it?" Lina asked. The walked around the corner and Lina placed her arm around Amelia.

Charon (as Lina): Listen, I didnít want to tell you this, but I canít hold back anymore. I. . .I love you!!
Sentinel, Advisor, Cerberus: Charon!!!
Charon: Hey, it happens. Iíve seen it. Of course, right after the confession one of them tripped and died, so it was all quite pointless.
Sentinel (dryly): Now I see why you think Romeo and Juliet was a pointless play.

"I canít stand how Filia and Xellos are acting. So we are going to have to use THE PLAN."

Cerberus: Dum dum dum!!

Lina said.

"Nani? THE PLAN? Theyíll kill each other if we use THE PLAN." Amelia protested.

Sentinel: Seeing as how theyíve mentioned "THE PLAN" three times in 4 sentences, not to mention they shriek it out whenever they say those words, it must be some plan.

"Thatís the only way to go." Lina shook her head sadly.

"Alright. We can do that tonight." Amelia sighed reluctantly.

Advisor: Good heavens, they sound like theyíre planning an assassination!
Cerberus: How do you know theyíre not?

"So Gourry, Zelgadis. How are you on this wonderful day?" Filia asked, sipping her tea.

Cerberus: Wasnít she just completely pissed off a scene ago? What is going on??
Advisor: Schizophrenic. She must be schizophrenic.

"Great. Itís nice out, ne?"

Sentinel: Like the Knights of Nee?
Advisor: Whatís a Ďneí?
Charon: Japanese for Ďhuh?í.
Cerberus: Huh?
Sentinel: Nevermind.

Gourry answered cheerfully. Xellos scowled.

Sentinel: What did this guyís profile say? ĎAlways smilingí?
Cerberus: Heís failing miserably as himself.

"I guess itís alright." Zelgadis looked up, then looked back down to his magic book. Gourry went on stealing sausage from Linaís plate.

Advisor: The characters in this story arenít exactly role models, are they?
Sentinel: What anime character is? Theyíre all either delinquents, intercourse-maniacs, hotheaded, airheaded, gluttonous, or all of the above.
Charon (snicker): Intercourse-maniacs?
Sentinel (flames appearing around him): You have a problem with my wording?
Charon: No, no. Your wording is just fine.

"Decided to ignore me, ne Filia-chan?" Xellos asked, his eyes opened.

Advisor: Okay, from the briefing we received of this lovely series called "Slayers," appropriately named because its main characters have this odd fetish for killing peopleó
Charon: You mind getting on with it?
Advisor: óit seems that this guy only opens his eyes when heís about to do something dangerous.
Cerberus (snort): If I wanted to kill someone, I wouldnít be giving them hints as to when.

"No reason to talk to you, Xellos-chan."

Charon: Huh? This Xellos characterís a girl?
Sentinel: Nah, just more mis-usage of honorifics, Charon-chan.

[A beat.]

Charon (shaking): What did you call me?
Sentinel: By the gods, donít ask me to repeat that.
Advisor, Cerberus: Charon. . .chan?
Sentinel: It was supposed to be humorous. But I think I just wound up grossing everyone out.
Charon (shaking): What did you call me?
Sentinel: Oh boy. . . .

Filia rolled her eyes.

"Oh but on a beautiful day like today, who is there to ignore?" Xellos asked.

"Oh nobody! Itís too beautiful to ignore anybody. Itís also a wonderful day to sing, ne Xellos-chan?"

Sentinel: Well that was just a great comeback. "I hate you, Satan. Isnít it a wonderful day to sing?"

Filia asked, her voice dripping with sugary sweet venom.

"Oh I have to disagree, Filia-chan. itís too good of a day to sing." Xellos said. His voice was cheerful, but strained.

"Ooooh no! Itís a perfect day to sing. *Ahem* I want to become a bird and fly in the sky, Searching out a far-off, distant hope..." Filia started to sing Breeze.

Cerberus: A sure sign of bad fanfiction. Authors have a strange tendency to get their characters to sing the seriesí theme song.

Xellos blinked, he assumed she would sing like some Ďlife is wonderfulí song.

Advisor (looking at files): Hmm, I think theyíve got the wrong character here.
Cerberus: Whatís wrong with a song called "Life is Wonderful"?
Charon: Besides being cheesy and unrealistic and idealistic and lame and pointless and unfulfilling? Nothing.
Sentinel: If there were ever a contest for "The Most Cynical Immortal," Charon would win hands down.

"But if I looked down on myself, far below. I wonder, would I only be living recklessly?" Filiaís voice was getting some feeling into the song.

"If I can look at the present in this manner, Then even getting hurt, or what will come tomorrow won't scare me..." Xellos added.

Sentinel: What? Why is he singing?

He always liked the song, spite the fact it was positive.

Charon: To heck with spiting facts. Spite everything. Spite the fanfic world. I spite you all, you hear?!! All of you! I spite you in your face, HA!!
Sentinel, Advisor, Cerberus: . . . . (at Charonís blatant OOC-ness)

Likewise did Filia. So they easily sang together, without realizing who was singing along with them.

Cerberus: They must not be the smartest people in the world, if they canít recognize the voice of their hated enemy.

"I want to go ride the wind to the ends of my dreams, Putting on the wings called bravery. I want to keep a spirit that can turn into a bird and gaze down.

Sentinel: I donít know. Iíd much prefer a spirit which would remain the creature it was when it was still alive. Makes everything that much less complicated.

I won't lose to everyday reality!" Filia and Xellos made it a duet their voice blending in perfectly.

"A difficult road, like it's chosen by a beast,

Charon (low, deep voice): Beast!!
Sentinel: Oookay. . . .

If the key is lost, I won't have even fallen..."

Cerberus: Tell me. Exactly what does losing a key have to do with falling?
Advisor: Well, letís say youíre in the dark, and youíre about to open your house door. But then you drop your key. So you bend down to pick it up, but since itís dark, you canít see. Therefore you bump your head on the door and fall over.
Cerberus: Well gee, I knew that, but the line says that losing keys will prevent falling.
Sentinel: Itís symbolic.
Charon: Of what, pray tell?
Sentinel: I donít know. I just know when thereís something in a bad fic that I donít understand, itís safe to call it an attempt at Ďsymbolismí.

Filia started the next verse. She stood up as she said this

Advisor: Funny thing is, I thought she was actually singing this. But whatever floats your boat.

walking to the front of the room.

"But, people are always getting confused, and when they're alone, they lose their once-high strength."

Sentinel: ĎOnce-high strengthí??!
Charon: Ugh. Even I have to admit thatís pretty. . .bad.

Xellos followed her.

Amelia and Lina walked back in the breakfast room (Ice cream in hand) And where startled by the site of Filia and Xellos, joining hands and singing... together.

Advisor: And they still donít notice each other, huh?

"Sure, I want to ride the winds to the ends of my dreams, straining my eyes, called bravery.

Cerberus: All those people you see with eye problems out there? Thatís a sure sign of their commendable bravery.

And even if I walk this beastly difficult path, I won't lose that keep-fighting spirit."

Sentinel: ĎKeep-fighting spirití??!!!
Charon: Letís hyphenate words that donít need hyphenating! Letís put awkward sentences from an awful translation of a good song into an awful story and succeed in driving my colleague up the wall!

They joined together on the duet again.

"If I can search out my tiny self so far below..." Filia sang.

"I want to go ride the wind to the ends of my dreams, Putting on the wings called bravery. I want to keep a spirit that can turn into a bird and gaze down. I won't lose to everyday reality!"

They ended the song with their eyes closed.

Cerberus: But they kept walking, thus smacking straight into a wall, knocking themselves unconscious, and ending this pathetic excuse for a story.

Filia and Xellos had one of their hands stretched out; the other was holding each otherís.

Cerberus: Darn it, itís still going!

The people in the breakfast room clapped for Filia and Xellos, who blinked then, looked at each other. Then down at their hands.

"Nani?" They asked, blinking.

Advisor: Oh my gosh, are these two really supposed to be intelligent?
Cerberus: From their behavior? Iíd say not a chance.

"Beautiful! Beautiful! Iím the owner of this hotel. This is the biggest hotel around here.

Sentinel: Shameless plug.
Charon: Where were we told these characters were at a hotel??
Advisor: Just now. What, did you expect them to actually set the scene?
Cerberus: Yeah, Charon. Thatís what good writers do.

We have live singing for professionals on Wednesdays.... Oh what luck its Wednesday!

Advisor: This guy has the subtlety of a ton of bricks.
Sentinel: And the grammar of a toad.

How about if you sing tonight with the professionals!" The man suggested excitedly.

"Nani?" The asked again stupidly.

Charon (snidely): That is certainly the word to describe them, yes.
Sentinel: Oh boy. I wouldnít recommend you saying that out loud, considering the following that Xellos character has. Check me up on that, Advisor.
Advisor (once again checking Slayers files): Hmm, okay, Xellosí following: Approximately one-oh-three-oh-nine-oh-six-point-two-three-nine. . . .
Cerberus: Point two three nine??!
Advisor: . . .fangirls and fanguys (mostly fangirls) drool over Xellos daily. Half of his rabid fans like to slash him with every other character in the series. . . .
Cerberus: Whatís with the point two three nine??
Advisor: . . .with the exception being Prince Phil of Sailloon. (Pause) It says here that all attempts at such will result in the hapless author being stoned to death, then branded, then thrown into a pool infested with sharks.
Sentinel: Oh my.
Cerberus: How can you have point two three ninths of a person??!

"No wait. They will sing for you... If you pay us first."

"And just who might you be?" The hotel owner asked.

"I am Lina Inverse. Their agent." Linaís sunglasses rested on her hair. Her shorts where ironed perfectly along with her ruby shirt. Her face displayed her business-like attitude. The people here in America didnít recognize the sorceress.

Sentinel: The immortals here in the House of Lost Souls didnít recognize the connection of the above four sentences.
Advisor (mystified): Having sunglasses in peoplesí hair makes them look business-like?
Cerberus: Exactly what is meant by Ďshorts where ironedí?
Sentinel: My point proven.
Charon: Humph. Only frivolous mortal teenagers would wear a ruby shirt. Weighs a ton, has no practicality whatsoever, and would probably hurt like all hell. Humph.
Cerberus, Advisor: . . . . .
Sentinel: Charon, my friend, you are too much on the literal side.

"Lina Inverse, eh?" The man gave her a look over.

"Iíll be willing to negotiate." Lina said. Her voice dropped lower.

Charon: So now the other guy canít hear. Great job.

"Well... Stop by my office and we might be able to decide something." The manager said in his best snobby voice. He handed Lina a card.

"Will do..." The man walked off with a nod to Filia and Xellos.

"Yatta! Iím in the money..." Lina laughed. ĎThe PLAN will have to wait for later.í Lina thought

Advisor: Lina did this. Lina did that. Lina did this. Canít this person use some sentence variation?
Charon (snidely): Thatís a lost art not known to fanfic authors such as this one.
Sentinel: Hey, thereís no period at the end of that last sentence!!! How hard can it be to put a dot at the end of a word? It takes two seconds! It. . . .
Cerberus: Sentinel, you really need to calm down.

"Nani, Nani, NANI??" Filia and Xellos asked.

Cerberus: This is the fifthómark that, fifthótime those two have said Ďnanií.
Sentinel: Non-Japanese speaking peoples will think the authorís misspelling Ďnannyí or something.

"I cannot sing with that!"

Advisor: You just were, lady.

Filia exclaimed.

"Itís not like I want to sing with you either." Xellos said. "I could always teleport out anyway." Xellos teleported away.

"Nani!

Cerberus: Oh great, now youíre doing it!
Advisor: This is obviously a new Japanese term the girl learned that sheís trying to show off to everyone.

You canít do that! Xellos! Come back here! I need the money!" Lina shouted after him. The people in the breakfast room didnít notice them.

Advisor: The people in the breakfast room are all clearly deaf.

"Humph. Now what money will we make." Lina sat down, figuring out what she was going to do to Xellos.

"First Iíll choke him. Then Iíll kick him. Then Iíll stuff a fireball down his throat.

Cerberus: Well, if this guy can obviously teleport, what makes you think he'll hang around waiting for you to do that, girl?
Advisor: None of these people are very far up the intelligence department, unfortunately...

Then Iíll-" she was cut off by Xellos popping back in the room. He fell and landed on his butt. A stone tablet fell with him.

Charon: Flintstones, meet the Flintstones, theyíre a page right out of history!! [All other immortals are staring at him.] What? What??! I saw it on TV when I was picking up a soul!
Sentinel: Charon, please either get some sleep or be quiet. Youíre so embarrassing.

"Xellos... Yahoo! We can do it now!" Lina jumped in the air for joy.

"Lina-san! Look." Amelia picked up the tablet while Xellos got up and rubbed his bottom.

"Do it. Signed Zelas." Amelia said, reading the tablet aloud.

Cerberus: Isnít that Zelas supposed to be an immortal demon lord? I would think if I were a demon lord Iíd think of more convenient and less cumbersome ways to give my servant a message!
Charon: Read my lips. Itís called Ďplot contrivancesí.

"That means... You have to sing for us, ne Xellos?" Lina grinned evilly.

"H-Hai Lina-san!" Xellos looked at Linaís evil grin worriedly.

"Great! Letís see. Iím your agent. Amelia can be your, ah, uh designer! Clothes designer. And uh Gourry and Zelgadis you are their... Bodyguards!" Lina clapped her hands.

Cerberus: Eh? Is anyone confused yet?

[All other immortals raise their hands.]

"Ok lets get to work. Amelia! You get some of the best clothes ready for Filia and Xellos. Gourry! Zel! You go with Amelia and get some different clothes." Lina directed.

"Oi Lina. Whatís wrong with these?" Gourry asked.

"You jellyfish! You think thatís a good to wear surfer shorts, a baggy shirt with trees on them, and sandals to be bodyguards?!" Lina yelled at him.

Sentinel: You think itís good to attract attention to your charge by wearing full armor, complete with sword and shield, as bodyguards?

"Uh..." Gourry scratched his head.

"Never mind. Donít answer it. Xellos, Filia! You go and get some rest."

Advisor: Except those two are the only ones who donít need much rest at all!
Sentinel: This isnít supposed to be logical, Advisor. Just. . .read and relax.

Lina turned her attention to the other two.

"I will NOT work with a mazoku!" Filia folded her arms.

"Yes. You. Will." Lina looked at her with evil eyes. Filia stepped back and raised her arms in front of her face.

"H-h-Hai!"

Cerberus: How. Does. Speaking. Like. This. Sound. Threatening?

she answered. Xellos chuckled and opened his mouth to say something but was silenced by Linaís eyes.

Cerberus (Linaís eyes): Ssshhh! No talking allowed!

"Letís meet back here at noon!" Lina suggested.

"Hai!" Everyone agreed with forced enthusiasm.

"Amelia... Donít forget your lucky ribbon before you go." Lina said.

"Huh? Oh no I canít forget it!" Amelia said in panic. She ran off towards their rooms.

Cerberus: An introduction of a new fact, which does not serve to clear things up, as introductions of facts should, but only serves to muddle the story more. Exactly what does a Ďribboní have to do with all this?

"Wait Amelia you forgot the key!" Lina ran off after her.

"Women..."

Sentinel: Are ditzy, temperamental, and forgetful, apparently.

Gourry and Zelgadis sweatdropped. Filia and Xellos turned around to walk off but instead bumped heads.

Charon: Not only are they unintelligent, theyíre klutzes too!
Sentinel: I am so glad Yami Wa Tsudou is not a popular series.

"Ano... Filia, Has anyone ever told you, you have a hard head."

Cerberus: Has anyone ever told you, you spew such cr. . . .
Sentinel (warningly): Cerberus. . . .
Cerberus: . . .creative stuff?
Sentinel (satisfied smile): Thatís better.
Cerberus (muttering): Weird blonde pipsqueak.
Sentinel: I heard that.
Cerberus: Eep!

Xellos asked rubbing his forehead.

"Why you! Argh!" She pulled out her mace and it connected with his skull.

Advisor: Good heavens, I hope he has an equally hard head.

"Donít forget to write!"

Charon: He just got boinked by a ten ton mace and he wants the girl to write to her?? This guy canít take hints.
Advisor (by this time having memorized Xellosí profile in the Slayers files): His files indicate that he has never once been hit by that Filiaís mace.
Sentinel: So half the fanfic writers out there have never actually watched the series? Ask me if Iím surprised.

Xellos called as he flew out the window.

Cerberus: Faster than a speeding bullet!
Advisor: Itís a bird. Itís a plane. No, itís. . .Super-Xellos!
Sentinel (mystified): How do they manage to see all these mortal shows in Letheron?
Charon: Immortal satellite dish?

Filia stalked off.

"We may have to plan the PLAN later."

Cerberus: Look, now itís Ďthe PLANí and not ĎTHE PLANí. Mustíve gotten less important.
Charon: Plan the plan?
Cerberus: I guess. Like, Ďdo the do.í
Sentinel (turning red): Do you know what that means?!
Cerberus: Of course I do. Did it work? Are you embarrassed now?
Sentinel: You little. . .!

Lina whispered to Amelia in Ameliaís room.

"Well we might be able to pull it off." Amelia said. "Iíve got an idea." She told Lina her idea and a smile appeared on Linaís face.

"Oh great! Maybe this would help them appreciate each other." Lina said gleefully.

"Or kill each other." Amelia gulped.

"HahaÖ Donít worry."

Advisor: Donít worry! Weíre planning something that might result in double-homicide, but no, itís not a big deal!

Lina stood up and waved her hand around.

Charon: Hoping in some way to accomplish?
Sentinel: Nothing, of course. Sheís just waving her hand around aimlessly. I mean, everyone does that!

Amelia nodded.

"Miss Lina! Miss Lina!" Daniel, the owner, came running towards Lina in a panic.

"Nani? What is it?" Lina asked.

"The singers. The singers

Advisor: This guy. This guy. Canít speak. Canít speak. Without. Without. Repeating. Repeating.
Sentinel: We should have an alarm that goes off when people start sounding like broken records.
Charon: Donít be ridiculous! Weíll be deaf by the end of a story!

we were going to use had to cancel out. We need you to sing for us tonight." Daniel said.

"Nani! We canít sing!" Lina argued.

"Fifty percent raise."

Advisor: I wasnít aware they were getting paid in the first place.
Cerberus: Resign yourself to the fact that youíll never understand this, and youíll be a happier person.

The owner said folding his arms.

"You got some singers." Lina said immediately

"I will not sing out in front of those people." Zelgadis frowned.

"Come on ZelgadisÖ We are getting paid."

Cerberus: Yeah, what matters to you obviously matters to everyone else too.

Lina wheedled.

"Zelgadis-San, please?" Amelia looked at him with watery eyes. Zelgadis sighed reluctantly.

"Yatta!

Charon: Exactly what are you ĎYattaíing for?
Advisor: Sighing indicates agreement, apparently.

Letís seeÖ Gourry! Did you figure out what we can sing?" Lina said turning to her best friend.

"Hmm, I figured we can sing these three, after those other songsÖ " Gourry showed her the program.

Linaís chin dropped. ĎWell, he knows more than I thought.í

Sentinel (sarcastic): Whoa, hold everything! The guy can point to things on a program! Heís a genius!
Advisor: Well, heís supposed to be stupid.
Sentinel: A monkey can point to things on a program, Advisor.
Advisor: Heís supposed to have the brains of a jellyfish.
Sentinel: Jellyfish donít even have brains.
Advisor: Exactly.

She thought with a smile.

"Thatís great! Amelia! Go see how our duet are doing now." Lina directed.

"Hai!" Amelia went off to where Filia and Xellos where practicing.

"ÖThatís not right, Namagomi!" She heard Filia say.

"Oooh!

All immortals: Aaah!
Cerberus: What are we Ďoohingí and Ďaahingí for again?
Advisor: I donít know, the fanfic started it.

And youíre saying you are doing it right?"

Sentinel: Brilliant deduction, oh wise one. I mean, most people would think she was correcting you because she thought she was wrong.

Xellos asked her.

"I shouldnít get mad!

Charon: If that's what you're aiming for, I can tell you right now you're doing just horribly.

Thatís what he wants!" Filia said aloud, to herself.

"Filia-san! Xellos-san! You canít argue now! Itís almost time to start." Amelia cried out, rushing into the room.

"ButÖ" Filia and Xellos yelled.

Advisor: They knew it was coming. What are they so surprised about?!
Sentinel: I really hope the real characters are nothing like this, otherwise the fanworld is a lot sadder than I thought.

"No buts about it." Amelia shook her head, hand on hip.

Charon: Egads, this girl has only one hip!
Sentinel: No, she had one hand so she only needed to put it on one hip.
Charon: Great, so one half of her body is gone!
Sentinel (to himself): Why? Why me?

"In the name of justice you will practice!" She said, jumping on a microphone.

Advisor: Thereby crushing it.

She saw them about to protest.

"Now!" She growled with evil justice eyes.

Cerberus: There! Right there! What do you call that?!
Sentinel: An oxymoron. A big oxymoron. Your point?
Cerberus: That this is a piece of shió (bonked on head by the two short blonde guys in the room) shiveringly bad work. Yeah.
Charon: What a pathetic save.
Cerberus: Kindly shut up.

"Yes Maíam!"

Sentinel: These people call a 15 year old girl, "maíam"?! Good heavens, what do they call 50 year old people then? "Old hag"?

They agreed. They immediately started singing, ĎDonít be discouraged.í

Charon: Thank whoever is out there that we are spared the bad translations of this song.

"Beautiful! Beautiful! Now remember, after you take a bow, take each otherís hand and wave to the crowd, then walk off." Amelia said.

"Nani?" Filia yelled.

All immortals: Oh, shut up!!

"I will not hold that, violent dragonís hand." Xellos frowned.

Sentinel: These two are not grasping some fundamental facts here, despite having those said facts practically rammed down their throats some five thousand times!
Charon: I told you, this guyís an idiot.

"Not like I wanna hold a baka namagomi hand

Sentinel: It crosses my mind that fanfic authors donít bother translating their Japanese phrases to see if they really make any sense when they write them.
Advisor: I donít know. . . "idiot raw garbage hand" has sort of a nice ring to it.
Sentinel (stare): Advisor, youíre losing it. Youíre seriously losing it. This is just great. Upperworld is now responsible for the insanity of one of Letheronís two most powerful immortals.
Cerberus (starts singing): "The itsy bitsy idiot-raw-garbage-hand crawled out from the trash! Down came the refuse and. . . ."
Charon: Make that the insanity of both of Letheronís two most powerful immortals.

either!" Filia folded her arms.

"Yes you will!" Ameliaís eyes turned evil again. Filia and Xellos gulped and Amelia walked out of the room.

Sentinel: Thatís not the end of the story!
Evil Voice (reappearing): Of course not. Itís only the first chapter. Unless youíre dying to find out what happens next. . . .
Sentinel: No, no, thatís quite alright!
Evil Voice: Fine, fine. . .such spoilsports. . . .
Sentinel: Um, Advisor? Cerberus? Please tell me you havenít lost it.
Charon: Theyíve lost it.
Sentinel: Oh be quiet, you!
Advisor (blinks): Oh Iíve had the worst nightmare, Sentinel. I dreamt that I was forced to come to your disgusting little roomó
Sentinel: Hey, hey!
Advisor: óand I had to read bad fanfics. . .oh, it was. . .wait a minute! Sentinel, what are you doing here? What am I doing. . .? What? How. . . Oh, no. . . .
Cerberus: Forced to read. . .forced to read. . .forced to read. . . .
Advisor: Oh NO!!!
Sentinel: Um, you two. . . .
Advisor (pointing wildly at the Sentinel): How dare you not be an apparition?!
Sentinel: Well, I canít exactly. . . .
Cerberus: Forced to read. . .forced to read. . . [Eyes focus on Sentinel] Because of you. . . because of you. . .
Sentinel: Now, wait a minute. I didnít. . . [Looks increasingly nervous as the two Letheron immortals advance toward him] Charon? Some help here?
Charon: . . . .
Sentinel: Charon?
Evil Voice (way too cheerful): Gee, Sentinel, I think heís lost it too.
Sentinel: Oh, youíre helpful!
Evil Voice (shrugs): Not supposed to be.
Charon: Sentinel. . . .
Sentinel: Um, yes?
Charon: Why didnít you read this yourself? Why did you have to drag us into this?
Sentinel: Hey, thatís not exactly fair, you know. Why do I have to suffer when the rest of you. . . um. . .um, are any of you listening to me?

[Advisor, Cerberus, Charon all advance. The Sentinel starts backing away.]

Advisor: How dare you torment me by being real, Sentinel?!
Cerberus: Itís all because of you that I had to read such bull!!
Charon: You shouldíve read this by yourself!
Sentinel: Guys, guys! Canít we talk about this like the rational immortals that we are? [They advance further, their various auras increasing.] No? Not even a little?
Evil Voice: I think this is a good time for you to run, Sentinel.
Sentinel: Eep. . . .
Advisor, Cerberus, Charon (eyes glowing demonically): Itís all your fault!!!!
Sentinel: Aaarrrggghhh!!! Somebody help me!!!!

[Turns and hightails it out of there. A sword of flame, black vines, and a huge cutlass fly after him as the other three immortals leave rubber in their pursuit.]

All besides Sentinel: Come back here, you traitor!!!
Sentinel: I didnít do anything!!!
Evil Voice: MWHAHAHAHAHA!!!! A job well done!

Oh no! Three immortals have gone absolutely bonkers!
Will the Sentinel survive this horror? (You bet!)
Or will Evil Voice succeed in. . .whatever the heck he was trying to do?
Until next time. . . .

Sentinel: This isnít FAIRRRRRR!!!!

Um. Right.
The End.

Sentinel: I swear, Iíll get you for this, you stupid writer!!!!

No really, itís the end.

Cerberus, Advisor, Charon: Come back here and taste our wrath!!!
Sentinel: You people are crazy! You hear that?! Crazy!!!!
Cerberus, Advisor, Charon: Itís all your fault!!!!
Sentinel: Hey, author!!! Iíll come to your house at night and Iíll break your sorry little neck! Iíll feed your pathetic soul to my monsters! How dare you turn my friends against me, you incompetent, brainless. . . .

The remainder censored for public welfare.
And now itís really The End!


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