Her first instinct was to throw something across the room, but she suppressed it with a scream that echoed out of her lungs until it filled the entire house. “Why do they have to be like that?!” She said through the end of her shriek. Charging up the stairs she slammed her door behind her, her fingers letting her book bag fall to the floor as she jumped onto the bed. The hot tears that had been fighting their way to the surface finally broke through and now soaked her soft mattress.
A knock with the words, “May I come in?” fell to her ears as her door was opened slightly. She turned to take a glimpse over her shoulder, and when she discovered it was her father, she returned to burying her face in the pillow.
“Why do you ask? You’ll come in anyway.” Her muffled voice was barely audible, but somehow he heard it and entered.
“What’s wrong?” His hand gently rubbed her back as he stood next to her, but despite the comfort he offered she stiffened beneath his touch.
“It’s all your fault,” it was another whisper that escaped her. “It’s all your fault!” She flung the pillow at him, but he didn’t even flinch. Instead, he let it strike him across the chest and merely bowed his head. “If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be teased by all the boys. Do you know what they say?! They say that I’m a monster, and they scream and run away from me whenever I walk down the hall. How can you stand there and ask what’s wrong when the answer’s right under your nose?!” She pointed at the scars that covered the majority of her face before she stood to face him.
“If you wouldn’t have been going so fast, this would’ve never happened. But no, you were in a hurry to get there.” She punched him, but still he didn’t react. When he tried to speak, she interrupted him, “Shut up! All you ever do is try to make me feel better and give me advice when you have no idea what’s going on in my life. How can you stand there and say you’re my father when you’re never around?!” She waited for a response from him, but when nothing left his lips she pushed past him to look out the window.
The fruit tree still held it’s bloom, the pink flowers letting their fragrance cover the land as it shared it’s beauty with the world. The grass grew long and green, waiting for some small child to come and lay upon it. Across the field, a stream bubbled and danced as it sang merrily to the passerby’s who would stop to listen to it’s story. The mountains, strong and majestic, stood further in the distance, their whitecapped tops letting the sun’s rays bounce and dance off it’s surface. All around her was beauty.
She heard her father’s movements as he tried to quietly sit upon the bed. Slowly, she pulled her eyes from the scene before her, planning on turning back to her father, but she paused to look at something else. The large mirror upon her dresser caught her reflection, pushing it back toward her eyes. Her fingers gingerly touched the burns that covered her face, each rise and fall of the flesh making her heart wish to jump from her breast. “Dad,” the word fell lovingly from her lips as she climbed into the comfort of his arms. Tears soaked his shirtfront, but he didn’t seem to care. He merely rocked her while he whispered a song she hadn’t heard in years.
His voice soothed her and her arms wrapped around his waist as she pulled him closer. “Why did things have to happen like this?” Her voice interrupted his song, but he continued with it anyway. When he ran out of words he began to hum, and ever so slowly, the tears stopped their descent down her cheeks and her lithe form stopped it’s shivering. “Why can’t I be beautiful?” These were the words that broke the rhythm of his song. As he pulled away from her, he forced her eyes to look into his, a soft smile covering his lips.
“You’ll always be beautiful. Since the day your mother and I brought you home from the hospital you brought happiness with you.”
“You’re my dad, you have to say that.” Her words of rebuke fell on deaf ears though.
“What are you talking about? You’re brother’s ugly, and I tell him so.” Finally, a smile broke through all the melancholy she held. “Come here,” he stood, but it took some coaxing to get her to rise. Steering her to the window, he forced her to look out a second time. “What do you see?” It wasn’t a hard question, she’d looked out this window so many times before, envying all the beauty that lay about.
“I see trees, grass, and mountains.” Her words were mumbled, proving that she didn’t wish to speak about it further.
“What do you think about these?”
She paused, her eyes falling lovingly on everything that sat before her.
“They’re beautiful.” These were the only words that could escape her throat before the pain of before started consuming her soul. She turned from it, her father’s soft smile catching her in it’s grasp, comforting her despite its trifling purpose.
“You want to know what I see?” Before she had a chance to answer he continued. “I see fertilizer.” He always had a way of saying something completely out of the ordinary, usually ending up with her laughing at him.
“Stop kidding around, dad.” She tried to pull away from the sight of all the beauty, but he held her there.
“No, hear me out. Look at the grass, do you see how it grows tall and fertile. What about the fruit tree, the stream, or even the mountains. Do you see how big and magnificent it all looks?” She nodded at his words, but still his point was out of her grasp. “Many people think that that’s the true meaning of beauty, but in the end it’s only fertilizer. The grass and tree will die, the mountains crumble to the earth beneath the tiny force of the raindrop, and the river will someday run out of water. Me, I see beauty as something completely different. I see it as something that should last. Everything falls away, but true beauty is the one thing that will last despite all the tribulations that come against it.”
“Where do you find this ‘true beauty’?” As she asked this, he became lost within her green eyes before he was able to answer.
“Right here.” His finger pointed at her heart, the weight of it forcing her head to bow beneath it’s strain. “You’ve got more beauty than anybody I’ve ever known. Now go out and play, Kody’s here.”
“Cary honey, Kody’s here.” Her mother’s voice rose from the downstairs, forcing her to take her eyes off her father. With a final embrace, she turned and left. The whispered words, “I love you,” escaping her lips before she disappeared from sight. Her father merely stared back out the window as she took Kody’s hand and they both sprinted out into the field.
“You know, her counselor still says she’d in denial.” Turning to the sound of her voice he found her standing behind him, her visage taking the breath from his lungs. Her eyes held the same green tinge of their daughters, and her hair the soft brown he’d fallen in love with. Her fingers absently played with the combs, brushes, and other necessary equipment that lay about their daughter’s dresser. “Sometimes I don’t think we’re going to make it.” He wanted to rush to her, take her in his arms and comfort her, but somehow he was able to restrain himself.
“The doctors say there’s an experimental procedure that might be able to get rid of the scars, but it’s very painful. I haven’t asked her what she thinks yet, but I think she’d want to try it. I think you’d want her to. She’s doing very well in school. I worry sometimes though. I just wish she had more friends like Kody.
“Your son has his first date this Saturday, I wish you were here to see this. Today, we went and tried out the tuxedo he’s going to wear. Everyday he’s growing up to be more and more like you.” She paused for a moment, her fingertips wiping away the tears that ran down her cheeks.
“I know it’s been a year since the accident, and I know I should be over it by now, but I’m not. Is that so bad? Cary’s councilor says that this is where she talks to you, so why is it you won’t talk to me?” Her eyes wandered around the room before she sat upon the bed. “Why did you have to drive so fast? The doctors said I’d be fine, but you had to be there. I miss you so much.” A silence filled the room that could have been cut with a knife, ending when she stood and opened one of the drawers to Cary’s dresser.
“I took our daughter shopping yesterday, and she couldn’t help but buy this for you. She even picked up this card to go along with it.” Something moved inside the box, ending when it settled against the inner wall. “Here, I’ll read it to you; ‘To the greatest dad in the world,’” she paused just long enough to open the card, “Happy Father’s day.” Her voice was cut off as it became too hard for her to say. In the end, she flung the present on the bed, dropping beside it as she stared lovingly at the card she held in her hands.
Finally he moved, lifting the gift from the pillow and tearing the wrapping from it. Within sat a long, golden chain, the picture of horses pressed upon the lid of the pocket-watch. Twisting it carefully in his hands he wound it up. He listened as it quickly came alive as it beat out each second. She paused in her thoughts as she heard the tiny ticking, and she looked around the room, though she saw nothing out of the ordinary. He bent low, kissing her forehead before he turned back to the window. “I love you,” he whispered as he let himself become weightless. Soon he was on his way toward the whiteness of the clouds above him.
She sat upon the bed for a long time, reminiscing over the times they had together. Then, as carefully as if it were the softest of snowflakes, she set the card next to the present. She lifted the box covered in the flower wrap, pulling it to her breast, but there was something different. With shaking hands, she peeled away the wrapping, finding the small, white box they’d wrapped it in beneath. Before she’d even lifted the lid she knew, and only when her eyes looked upon it did she accept it. “Happy Father’s Day,” she said as she threw away the empty box on her way out of their daughter’s room.
