At
the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly
deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," replied the patient remorsefully.
Dr.
Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One
day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband
had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later,
I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive
internal fart."
Dr.
Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I
was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed
the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye
with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your
left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested.
There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned
and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there
with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr.
Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
A
Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair
styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing
strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had
acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she
was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that
her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that
read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the
surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry,
had to mow the lawn."
Rick Bennett
