"Pain is forever and forever is pain... fate's sweetness is but a speck in the desert dunes of fortune." Kai's words were vague and grim as he stared vacantly at a phantasm visible only to his unseeing eyes. He had drifted away from his companions, and stood on the apex of a tumble of granite boulders and smaller shards. Lord knows how he made his way up there, but cautious instinct had led Kai to the spot, drawn him along on an invisible rope, and now as the grey clouds thundered past, a fitful breeze buffeted him gently as he leant into it, welcoming the pressure.

Kai's attention was diverted from the wind by the sound of other feet scrambling up the ridge, and he visibly relaxed as he heard familiar breath puff and curse sporadically as pebbles came loose.

"Kai? It's me. How on earth did you get up here?" Vida looked searchingly into his face, and judged his frame of mind with exasperated triumph. "No, wait. Don't answer that. I'd recognise that mood a mile away, and you give me the creeps talking the way you do." She took a seat, uninvited on the rough granite and brushed away Kai's jacket tail as the heavy fabric slapped against her shoulder.

"I think father would appreciate a place such as this... would have." Kai closed his eyes and lifted his chin to the breeze, oblivious to the strands of flaxen hair that stole loose from the band at the nape of his neck and played across his wan features.

"I don't think your dad would have had much of an appreciation for anything that wasn't shooting at him, let alone for a valley full of rocks." Vida blew through her nose in defeated bemusement, and the simple action was enough to break the wind's pacifying spell over Kai.

Snapping to attention like one possessed, Kai tore off his dark glasses and glared accurately into Vida's eyes, his blindness belied by his frigid stare. Vida squirmed under his hostile gaze and opened her mouth to apologise for the tactless jibe, at the same time making a mental note not to joke about Tarin. Kai's pain and grief were still too raw, even after the time that had elapsed. Cursing her stupidity, Vida attempted to speak, but Kai cut her off.

"No. Just shut up. You know nothing about who he was or what he was and especially nothing about what he stood for. Nothing. He saved us both, and that's how you honour a dead man's memory? Get away from me." Kai let the glasses slip from his fingertips, and they fell in a graceful arc to smash on the jagged stone underfoot. He passed his queer eyes over her in disgust, then turned from her abruptly. Vida watched the chain of events in horror, and a cry died in her throat as Kai stalked away, unerring in his sense of direction.

She knew she had gone too far. Kai never took off his glasses for anyone - he hid the evidence of his misadventure and his pain behind them. Reaching out to the pile of shattered glass, Vida gingerly picked up one of the wickedly sharp slivers and turned it in her hands. No light reflected from its many facets, and sensing her last chance to reach him fluttering out of reach, she decided to make a more poignant attempt at apology.

"Kai! I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. You know I didn't. Where are you going?" Kai paused in mid step, but kept his back to her.

"I don't think that's of any real consequence."

The rigid set of his shoulders and the flatness of his tone brought tears to Vida's eyes. Kai was her childhood friend - they'd endured every obstacle and time of happiness together. He had always been the strength and wisdom of the outfit, and she was vivacity and charisma. But all things change, and their security and constancy were two elements not excluded from the scheme of all things.

He was disintegrating under the pressure of shame and guilt.

It was Vida’s idea to creep through the battlefield. Kai had been reluctant, but drawn inexorably in by the possibility of seeing the father he’d never known. They had crept through No Man’s Land unnoticed, but just as Kai and Vida were about to make a break to freedom, the enemy launched an attack, and they were out in the open! By sheer chance or kindness of fate, a soldier standing fearlessly on top of a bunker caught sight of the pair and rushed to their aid. He took Kai under one strong arm and Vida under the other, then dove for cover.

Safe at last, or so they thought, Kai forestalled the soldier’s impending lecture by shyly asking if his gallant rescuer knew, or knew of, Tarin. The soldier looked stunned then nodded assent, asking why Kai wanted to know. Kai had produced a small amulet from a chain around his neck, and told the warrior he was Tarin’s son. The older man’s eyes widened further in shock, and said that was he. He groped for a chain encircling his own neck, and produced a small but identical charm to the one Kai held in his hand. Before greetings could be properly exchanged, the unseen enemy launched another, more savage attack, and great blasts of energy and heavy shells began to rain down on the bunker. What had been a safe haven only seconds ago was instantly transformed into a raging hell of screams and death.

Tarin yelled for everyone to get out of there, but Kai had stood transfixed, staring with open terror as a ball of light careered towards him with sinister grace. Tarin snatched a shield and forced Kai to his knees while he braced himself. Warning Kai to close his eyes, the blast hit Tarin’s shield, exploding into burning light and leaving Kai’s still open eyes blind.

Hearing the son he never knew scream in agony, Tarin dropped the shield and turned to Kai’s assistance. At that moment, a second blast hit Tarin’s unguarded back, and knocked him to the ground.

Although he could not see, Kai knew his father lay dying at his side, and that the strong hand that grasped his was slicked with blood.

Tarin whispered something into Kai’s ear that Vida never heard, and suddenly there was no strength left in the warrior’s grip, for he was dead.

They had been sent to the nearest hospital when the fighting moved on – Vida had only scratches, but the country’s best medics pronounced there was no hope of Kai regaining his sight. There was just too much damage – so much, in fact, that Kai’s eyes had changed from blue to a strange violet. From then on, he wore dark glasses to hide the effect from everyone he knew and refused to know.

Kai had retreated into himself, and had remained locked in a shadowy world of memories and regrets. He was indeterminate and morosely philosophical most of the time, and no-one could reach him.

Pressing the memory of the incident from her mind, Vida felt something wet run down her arm and heard a faint drip. When she looked, Vida discovered she had clenched her fist around the sliver of glass. She stared blankly at the livid red stain on her palm.

"No." she thought. "This can’t go on forever – he can’t live this way." Vida turned hastily on her heel, nearly breaking her ankle in the rocky crevices, and stalked determinedly after Kai.

The blood still seeped freely from her palm, and the cut itself stung like crazy, but that was okay. That sort of pain Vida could deal with.

Kai was sitting on a rock, some distance from where he left Vida, and even further away from the picnic. He wished everyone would just quit trying to cheer him up; it was his right to be however he wanted, and it wasn’t as if he could help it. He sunk down further until the sudden pain in his shoulder blades jerked his head up. His hands lay open on his lap – the very picture of despair.

Nobody understood him, his motives, or what played through his head every second of his existence.

His left hand groped for a pebble, and when he threw it, the sound reverberated loudly around the barren canyon. Kai judged the drop for a distraction, then gave up and felt the now familiar silken scar tissue high on his cheek. He remembered the dead weight of his father’s hand dragging across the place, a ring digging in and opening the wound.

"Well, it’s now or never." Kai heaved himself up, and walked with blind grace to the crumbling edge. Tarin’s last words played over and over in Kai’s mind. He braced himself.

"No! Kai!" Vida screamed in hysteria as Kai’s head disappeared from view. Tears ran unchecked down her cheeks, and she forced herself step by step to the canyon rim. Closing her eyes, Vida turned her head to the canyon floor, expecting to see Kai’s broken body lying there. Vida willed her eyes open, and nearly fell in herself when she saw Kai, not dead, but floating inches from the tip of her nose.

"Thank goodness you’re alive! W-what are you standing on?…" Vida’s eyes travelled down to Kai’s feet, and found he was standing on air.

"B-but… how?" Vida stammered, uncomprehending. She backed away, and fell heavily onto the uneven stone, giving an involuntary yelp. Hearing her cuss at her clumsiness in the same old way made Kai’s face twitch, and he managed a tentative smile no-one had seen in years.

"That doesn’t matter. Shall we go back now?" Kai earthed himself gently next to Vida, who was by now shaking with fright. She reached out an uncertain hand to his face, as if to reassure herself of his existence and Kai took it mildly, pulling her to her feet.

"Did…did Tarin teach you that? Was that what he was telling you?" Vida flinched, expecting the usual bitter backlash, but found none.

"Not really. How could he?" Kai moved off, smoothly brushing away the second half of Vida’s question. She was too stunned to notice, anyway. Vida wondered at the change in him – his wild maelstrom of sorrow had calmed, and this had given way to a less self-absorbed, maturer attitude. Ever since his father’s death, Kai had become subtly older, and now everything seemed… right. The fury was gone; taking with it the guilt that had eaten away at Kai for so long.

Some greater wisdoms are better kept to one, and as he walked away, Kai again heard his father whisper to him: ‘You are my son. If nothing else, believe in yourself when the world is darkest, and you can do anything.’

Kai knew he hadn’t disappointed him.

"Our greatest good, and what we least can spare,

Is hope; the last of all our evils, fear."