Jadali: Hey, all! We refreshed and ready for another chapter?
Zack, Max & Elspeth: No.
Jadali: Since we’re all so enthusiastic, let the torture begin!
Elspeth: I swear, I’m really starting to hate you…
HARMONY’S P.O.V.
Elspeth: Uh-oh. Here’s your woman, Zack. (Eyes him critically) I don’t care how far you jut your jaw out, you’re going to have to face it sometime.
Zack: No I’m not. They couldn’t make me talk at Manticore, and you two sure as hell can’t.
Jadali: *evil smirk* Don’t be so confident in your abilities. You’re a mere mortal, and I’m extremely annoying.
Zack: …
Max: Well, if he’s not going to talk he can’t tell me to get out of Seattle, so that’s a plus.
Elspeth: We’ll just have to read aloud so he can hear it.
Zack: (death glare) …
Jadali: And I’d just like to point out that this chapter is one huge paragraph. Not a break in it to be seen. Anyway, onward!
Ok Max has already told me this a thousand times get over him he’s not worth it.
Jadali: (eyes Max) You have?
Max: Um, no. But apparently here, I have.
Elspeth: This is just a poorly constructed sentence. And (starts the evil happy dance) Zack’s no-ot woorrtthh it! Zack’s no-ot woorrtthh it!
Zack: (panicked glance) …?!
Jadali: Both of you, quit that. Especially the dancing telepath.
But he is Zack is worth it
Zack: (triumphant expression)…!
I remember when I was 9 and he kissed me it was the best moment of my life but he had to wreck it by asking to never bring it up again.
Max, Jadali & Elspeth: (glare at Zack) Pig.
Zack: (panicked glance again)…?!
I understood it was to keep me safe, but still it hurt oh well anyway I’m running for my life. Running away from a man who wants to put me in a cage so he can make money selling me off as the worlds only Amazon.
Jadali: Hey, congrats, Max. You’re apparently an Amazon.
Elspeth: But the thing says ‘world’s only’.
Jadali: Since when does that mean anything?
That’s why I’m on my way to Seattle to see Max. When we were kids we were close, when I told her what Zack had done she listened while I talked she told me then to get over him to move on.
Jadali: So, let’s figure out who the author’s avatar is trying to replace here. Personally, I have my money on Jondy.
Elspeth: I’ll second that.
Max: (gives Zack a pointed Look) …And just what did you think you were doing to my girl?!
Zack: I swear, it wasn’t me! It’s the author trying to portray me with a heart! I didn’t touch her!
Jadali: I told you we could make you talk.
Zack: Witch.
Jadali: Mage, to you.
Maybe I should have listened to her, out of my brothers Zane and me were close. When Max told him what Zack had done he wanted to kill him but he settled for holding me while I cried. But back to what I was saying I’m hoping I can find Zack there to not that I’ll talk much to him but I need his help as well as Max’s.
Jadali: And I’m only going to say this once—
Elspeth: Yeah, right.
Jadali: Shaddap. Ladies and gentlemen, if you’re setting out to annoy me by confusing to, too and two, you’re doing a damn good job. WHAT DID YOU DO, SLEEP THROUGH KINDERGARTEN WHEN WE LEARNT TO DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN THEM?!
Elspeth: (whips out taser) Down, I tell you!
Jadali: (meekly) I’m done.
Max: Look, it’s obvious you two have some things to discuss as you’re threatening each other with weapons. Maybe we should go find some more stable MSTers…
Elspeth: Siddown. Now. I’ll just point out that Jadali has about a three-incident fuse when it comes to stupid mistakes. You should see what happens when someone screws up eye colour… not pretty. (Notices Zack slinking back to hammerspace) Oi! You get back here, too.
Zack: What’re you gonna do about it?!
Jadali: (starts waving around Zack/Lydecker slash) How ‘bout this?
Zack: Oh. That.
He used to try and talk to me after the escape but I refused to talk to him and he got mad I guess because after that he didn’t want to have anything to do with me which is fine in my book.
Jadali: And yet, this absurd romance thing. Where’s it all coming from if they haven’t talked since they were kids?
Elspeth: Got me beat.
Max: Ditto.
Zack: Why do people have to do this to me? What’d I ever do to deserve it?
Jadali: The romance-y crap or the MST?
Zack: …Both.
Max: It’s probably karmic retribution.
But now I’m standing here in some fancy apartment listening to Max’s husband ask me stuff.
Zack: Maxie is hitched? When exactly did I approve that one?!
Logan: (waving L/Z slash) Watch it, cat-boy.
Zack: Where’d you get that?!
Jadali: Where did you think we got it?
Zack: I’m gonna…*grumbles incoherently*
Zack’s watching me I can feel it and it makes my blood broil.
Jadali: Nice effect you have on people here. First you and Logan are bosom buddies, and now you piss off girls on sight.
Elspeth: Correction – you piss off girls pre-sight.
Zack: Both of you, quit it.
Max: I think it’s funny…
I’ve heard I’m very pretty I’ve got, long strawberry blond hair that comes down to my elbows. I’ve also got this hour glass figure that some girls say any guy would kill to get to.
Jadali: (pulls out bullhorn) PATCHES! IT’S ANIME! DUCK AND COVER!
Elspeth: Eek!
Max: Who, or more to the point, what, is Anime?
Jadali: (from under chair) A really scary author notorious for self-insert characters. All of them are female, seventeen, have long reddish or blonde hair, perfect hourglass figures, sparkling eyes (either blue or green), take the place of a character in an established relationship. They all suffer from Sudden Ability Syndrome (SAS), are revered amongst their companions, have no personality to speak of, and are all apparently "genuses". Yes, that’s how her incredible characters call themselves geniuses.
Elspeth: I thought she only bastardised the Anime section (no pun intended), but it appears her evil influence is migrating…
J & E: (shudder)
Max: And who is Patches?
Jadali: My friend, the resident Anime-fic slayer.
Well any guy but Zack he’s never seen me as anything but an annoying little girl and I wish with all my might he didn’t. Logan is a poetry kind of guy and Zack is a soldier tough and hard.
Jadali: I thought Zack was nearly crying over a poem before…
Zack: Bullshit. On the day I cry over a poem, Satan will ice-skate to work.
He only even looks at something sappy if it’s handed to him and he’s told to read it or look at it.
Zack: Hey! I don’t DO sappy!
Max: Apparently you do here.
Sometimes I laugh about the look Zack got on his face when he watched me talk to another guy I wonder sometimes if Zack is jealous.
Jadali: I thought there was a whole minimum-contact thing going on.
Elspeth: There was. I think. It’s confusing me.
But after the thought comes I laugh myself silly but I can’t deny it I love Zack. But don’t tell ok
Jadali: Okay.
Elspeth: OK.
Max (Cindy): Aiight.
Zack: You’ll be the death of me.
but I need his help so I’ll have to talk to him I hate my luck.
Zack: I think I hate mine, too.
Jadali: Well, there’s another chapter. Nice-n-short.
Elspeth: ‘Nice’?
Jadali: Okay, just short then.
Max: You do this often?
Jadali: Only when the quality of fics out there dips below an acceptable level.
Max: (under breath) You’re both nuts…
Jadali: I heard that. And I’d like to take this opportunity to predict the end of this story: Zack and Harmony get into a shitfight. Harmony leaves with or is followed by Max or Zack. Harmony is nearly caught. Harmony is rescued by Zack. Both proclaim undying affection. The End.
Elspeth: You realise how stupid you’re going to look if you’re completely off-mark, right?
Jadali: I’m willing to take that risk.