Elspeth: Hmm, that’s strange. I seem to be having a premonition of approaching great evil…
Jadali: Hi!
Elspeth: Oh, that explains it.
Jadali: L Thanks. And by the way, you seem to be the only one who thinks I’m evil.
Elspeth: Just me? What about Knives, Legato, Max, Zack, Logan –
Jadali: I’m not evil. I’m misunderstood. Stop being mean, this is for the purpose of entertainment only.
Elspeth: Could’ve fooled me.
Jadali: *sniffle* You’re beginning to hurt my fragile feelings.
The Knives Conspiracy
Elspeth: Oh great, a conspiracy theory ficlet. Where did you find this?
Jadali: MediaMiner. It’s at FF.N as well, but I nabbed it from the former.
Elspeth: I’m seriously going to have to delete your bookmarks
Summary: watch out for impiled and possibly to come~ yaoi, ya know all that stuff, dont like it, dont read it dumdum! speaking of dumdum i dunno really what a conspiracy is
Both: Uh-oh.
but just play along with me! it sounds right doesnt it?!
Both: NO.
Disclaimer: i own.... nothing! ...maybe my chair? ...no not even
that.....
Jadali: Hey, say that with the pauses in, and it sounds like the author’s been smoking pot for five hours straight.
Ageldi: Now I think of it, this author reminds me of my high school principal. Odd pauses, seems to like sound of own voice, blah blah…
J&E: Go away!
Ageldi: *grumbles* Bear in mind I can make you two do horrid things if I feel that way inclined.
Jadali: Like what?
Ageldi: I can sequel Jadali’s Tale and make you develop a thing for Mr Popo.
Jadali: *gulp* Um, have a seat. Are you comfortable? Can I get you anything?
Elspeth: *cough*ass-kisser*cough*
Far far away, to a place that was...... far away....
Elspeth: Great, it’s Star Wars on Black Afghani.
well, ok... its not that far.. but still... pretty far... lived a man. He was an evil
man! ...who lived pretty far away.
Jadali: (snoring loudly)
Elspeth: *poke* Wake up!
Jadali: Huh? Has something happened yet?
Elspeth: …No.
Jadali: Why’d you wake me up, then?
Elspeth: Considering you’re the one who picks most of this stuff, you change your tune pretty quickly into it. And…*looks up at last chunk of passage* I’m not doing this alone.
He lived away from human civilization, because, well... evil people.. you know the deal.
Both: No, we don’t. Explain it and your devices to us, evil one.
He only had a few human ..ehh.. pets... for a lack of a big word that i dont know the meaning to,
Jadali: Slaves.
Elspeth: Ass-kissers.
Jadali: Must we go on?
who he could actually
Elspeth: Eat.
Jadali: Delouse.
Elspeth: Run over with a truck.
Jadali: You win.
care less about. He would later dispose of them once he had what he wanted.
Elspeth: Howsabout a grasp of basic narrative structure?
Jadali (Yoda): You much ask.
And he only wanted one thing.
Jadali: (singing off-key) I—want candy…
Elspeth: (holding ears) Stop that.
.......ok so maybe a lot of things but if you say you dont want more than one thing, your lieing to yourself, so stop it you liar!
Elspeth: Great, the writer is a paranoid schizophrenic.
Jadali: Who learnt English by solving the puzzles on Happy Meal boxes, apparently.
...em well the main thing that he wanted was...
Jadali: There are way too many opportunities to do this. But it’s still fun, and makes up for a lack of detectable plot. Okay, he wanted…beer!
Elspeth: Isn’t that a Vash thing?
Jadali: -.- Shut it. Um, dried apricots? A Winnebago?
Elspeth: You’re delusional…
Jadali: And you’re not helping.
his brother. Yes, twin brother to be exact. And, by now, I'm sure you know who this evil man who wants his brother so is! ......no...not that guy.....well... no... uhh... closer! ...wait.. no... okok! His name is Knives alright?!
Both: Uh-huh.
Elspeth: Goody, you had to pick another interactive fic.
Jadali: I didn’t do it deliberately. ^_^*
Elspeth: And I’ll bet you any money you like this person thinks he or she is riotously funny.
Jadali: What’s up your ass today? A pinecone?
Elspeth: Shaddap.
So.... what is this evil man planning you ask? ...oh you didnt....?
Both: NO.
...i coulda sworn you did....
Jadali: No, really, we didn’t.
oh well I'll tell you anyway!
Elspeth: That’s not necessary.
Muhahahaha!
Jadali: ::shudders:: The evil personality of the insane fangirl emerges for all to see.
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Elspeth: Ooh, and a pretty line. How…pretty. Don’t you think??? i know you do……
Jadali: Nice mockery.
"Noooooo!" screamed a rather frantic voice
Elspeth: Sorry, that was me. It originated from that point in time when she decided it’d be fun to MST "Dreams and Secrets," and it’s still echoing around.
"Eeeeek!" the voice shrieked desperately, being tortured by something unthinkable, no
doubt.
Jadali: And that would be me, being strangled by her for deciding it’d be fun to MST "Dreams and Secrets."
The *camera* then focuses on a large room decroated rather nicely with a big white, round bed in the corner draped with white see-through curtains to add to all the *prettiness*
Elspeth: Um, is that a sound effect or just severe sarcasm? They seem to be odd words to stress.
GAMEOVER! *WAP WAP WAAAAAP* said a computer soundish voice as *it* now focises on an arcade screen of PacMan.
Both: TYPO OVERLOAD!
"NO!" yelled an angry Knives as he pounded his fists on the screen. "Damn you!...." he started as he looked and waited as the screen named the many different colored blobs, "..... Pinky... and .. Inky! ....Cornering my so...." he said glaring at the screen, " You time will come.... soon enough."
Jadali (Knives): When I’m done with this half-assed author making me sound like a moron…(deep, raspy breathing sound effect) YOU’RE NEXT!
At that he then turned from the game and went toward the opposite wall where three pieces of paper and a hangy pen stuck to it. He started to laugh *evilly* as he took the pen and in between his grocery list and death list he begins to write on his deathly death list.
Both: …Pardon?
Jadali: Whoa, this chick lives in a fantasy world.
Elspeth: I think we might have found our stinger already.
Jadali: Now you’ve gone and ruined it! We’ll have to find another one! *SWAT*
"...Pinky......Inky....." he says to himself
Elspeth: And let’s throw in a random tense change for good measure.
Jadali: At least it’s not an Anime fic. She (I think it’s a she) has problems maintaining characters’ genders.
while writing the two name under the name Nicholas D. Wolfwood but respectively above the ame........ Nicholas D. Wolfwood.
Jadali: Huh? This is bad, very very bad…
Elspeth: Don’t panic, it’s apparently an ‘ame,’ not a ‘name.’
Jadali: Wish someone’d fill me in on the weird words being used in this thing.
Once done he then let the pen fall back into place as he contiues his histerical laughter.
Elspeth: If I hadn’t seen way too much of it, I’d probably be in gales of laughter about the spelling. Now I just groan and pray for the madness to stop.
.............After a couple of minutes of laughing, he finally got bored and looked for something to do.
Jadali: You know what? This is so excruciatingly boring I’m having a hard time thinking up wisecracks.
Elspeth: I feel your pain.
He picked up his gun from a table near a wall covered with ads and pictures of a one "Vash the Stampede". He turned from it and then quickly clicked the trigger to his gun
Elspeth: As opposed to slowly clicking the trigger…
sending a bullet towards a picture of........ Nicholas D. Wolfwood... adding another bullet in his forehead. At that he continued his laughter once again.
Jadali (Knives): I just shot a picture! How hysterical is that?!
"Ahem.." said a voice that had entered the room. Knives turned to the voice, stopping his laughter, to see... Midvalley the Hornfreak.
Elspeth: And another attempt at a dramatic pause …falls flat on its face.
The brown haired man put his head down, in a bowing manner as he spoke.
"Master." he said, looking to the floor.
Jadali: No, Bambi.
"Where is Legato?" Knives asked, putting down his gun.
Patches: I ate him.
Elspeth: Eh?!
Jadali: Long story, don’t worry about it.
"He's.. still getting ready..." Midvalley said looking up a little "..but actually... we have a problem.." he finished tentataviley *use your imagination peoples! ...its a word! i promise~...misspelled but still a word!*
Elspeth: (confused glance) You think she’s going for ‘tentatively’?
Jadali: Could be. Whatever the heck she has written there looks like a Pokèmon gone wrong. But at least we all agree about the ‘misspelled’ part.
"What is it now?" Knives asked impatiently.
"...Well....its just.... we uh.. ran out of hair gel..." Midvalley said now looking up at Knives who just blinked for a while. The blonde *stick with me here, its blonde enough*
Elspeth: Uh-oh, it seems we’ve come across one of those weird individuals who think Knives has grey hair.
Jadali: ::shudders::
then turned back to his lists and wrote down in big letters G-E-L.
Jadali (Knives): (wielding oversize writing implement) The Magic Marker is my friend.
"Let me see him." Knives said turning back toward Midvalley.
"...I'm here..." said a very embrassed Legato as he came into the room.
Elspeth: (flinches) I dunno what ‘embrassed’ is, but it sounds painful.
Jadali: Hmm…a donkey hug?
Elspeth: You really need help.
Knives smirked a little as the blue haired man walked slowly in, looking to the ground. Now Knives usually didnt bother with Legato, and strayed as far away from Midvalley as possible
Jadali (Midvalley, girly whine): Knives! How could you kick it with another pink shirt-wearing henchman! I feel so dirty!
*mental note, mental...mental.....*,
Elspeth: Eh?
Jadali: I think this is the point in the story where the author takes his/her Prozac.
but... when Legato looked like *that* he couldnt help but feel... a little... excited...
Both: AARGH!
Jadali: (prissily) and I’d just like to point out to everyone that this delightful piece of work is in serious apostrophe denial.
Like *that*?
Both: NO.
Welllll.... his usual fallen hair was now halfway stuck up, with little tufts sticking out every which way since the lack of hairgel.
Elspeth: I was under the impression that hair gel created gravity defying hairdos instead of the other way round.
Jadali: I was under the impression that there might be a plot here. Looks like we’re both wrong.
Elspeth: *shrugs*
And to add to things, he also had on a long red trenchcoat, replaced by his white...whatever thingy...
Jadali: Translation from author to English: Legato was wearing a red trenchcoat with a white one over the top, and he used the red one for purposes of addition.
"Hmmm...." pondered Knives, "I guess it'll have to do..." ......"But wait!" he exclaimed while grabbing the pen and ripping it from the wall. He approached a rather suspicious but not-moving Legato as he took the pen to the blue haired man's face and under his left eye,
made a little dot. He smirked as Legato sweatdropped and a little tears ran down Midvalley's cheeks.
Elspeth (Midvalley): I wanna get drawn on, too!
"Why dont I ever get to be Vash?" Midvalley pouted, making Legato sweatdrop even more.
Jadali: Oh my Eris, you’re actually…right.
Elspeth: ’Scuse me while I go beat myself over the head with a waffle iron.
Knives put his pen down and raised an eyebrow at Midvalley.
Jadali: I’ve been raisin’ an eyebrow since we started. Now I’m raising a petition to have this crap wiped off the face of the earth!
"Wellll....." Knives started, "For one!" he said turning to him while putting up his pointing finger
Jadali: As opposed to his scratching finger or nose-picking finger.
Elspeth: You’re disgusting, you know that?
Jadali: Hey! This thing needs sarcastic input for humorous purposes. It’s pretty obvious the author blows at it. Just thought I’d be helpful…*sniffle*
"..Your ugly... And two! ....Your fugly..." adding another million sweatdrops to Legato and making Midvalley twitch
Both: We feel your pain, O Pink-Shirted One.
a little after having that said. "But!..." the blonde man exclaimed, bringing his hand back down toward his gun "You'd make a pretty good Chapel" he said with a grin on his face as Midvalley
looked at Legato for help.
Both: Oh Lord.
"Um..Master.." Legato started, and Knives looked at him "May I ask you why you havent killed Chapel yet?" he asked lacking any other thing to say.
Elspeth (Knives): Because he stole all my apostrophes and won’t tell me where he hid them! If I knock his block off, I’ll never find out where they are!
"Well thats easy!" Knives said but considered how to put it into words... "I....want Vash..... to pick me *over* that good for nothing-stupid traitor- sorry excuse-
Jadali: -for-a-fic…"
"Why arent you trying to get Vash now? ...Instead of sending people out to cause him pain, why dont you tell him how you feel?"
Jadali: Haven’t done this in a while, but blatant stupidity calls for it.
Both: _-_;
inturrupted Legato, who had succeeded into getting Knives to put down the gun without himself even noticing as he engaged into the started up conversation.
Jadali: Translation: Legato had succeeded in starting a conversation without Knives’ knowledge. Knives put down his gun and locked onto Legato with a rocket-launcher.
Knives then turned his back to them and looked at the floor as he *twiddled* with his fingers.
Elspeth: Hmm…we never did figure out if that was meant for emphasis, action, or sarcastic action.
"Well....." he said sounding rather childish... "Its been so long...and well look at me!" he yelled "I've gained a lot of weight, haven't I?!"
Elspeth: This is gonna hurt in the morning…
Both: _-_;
he said franticlly while looking at his stomach, which was in fact, perfect shape but being rather self-consicous ...
Jadali: (Evil grin) Translation: Knives’ stomach was self-conscious, so he sent it to counselling.
blah blah
Elspeth: …Woof Woof?
Jadali: No more Dark Angel for you!
Elspeth: Aw…
blah... Legato and Midvalley almost fell over at behavior of Knives,
Jadali: Join the frelling club.
but kept on thier feet. "And....." said Knives ,
Elspeth: Uh-oh.
his tone now rather *mysterious* turnig to look at Legato with a smirk on his face "I'm out of practice."
Jadali: Hey, O Psychic One, care to take a crack at what he’s out of practice for?
Elspeth: ::shivering:: Make it stop…make it stop…
At that, Legato then looked to the floor, his face turning a little red.
Jadali: Well, now his face matches his under-coat.
He couldnt help but be turned on by what Knives had in plan.
Both: YAARGH!! DUCK AND COVER!
The only thing that *upset* him was he had to dress and *act* like Vash to get Knives' attention. He knew that he would never mean anything to Knives himself... but... he always had times like
these... and.. Midvalley.
Both: o_O;;
*cough cough*
Elspeth: As opposed to ‘retch, retch,’ which is what most of the audience should be doing right now. Um, what’s up with you?
Jadali: Sorry…sympathetic vomiter. If I see it…or smell it…or hear it…I do it. ’Scuse me –
"Leave." said Knives to Midvalley, still keeping his eyes on Legato as he took his left hand into his own. "We should dye your hair blonde...." pondered Knives out loud.
Elspeth: Um, isn’t turning blue hair blonde more of a ‘bleaching’ thing?
Ageldi: (butts in) Hey! I dyed my hair blue the other day!
Jadali: …’S pretty black.
Ageldi: Yeah, I know. I left the dye in too long.
Legato opened his mouth to
Both: Scream in disgust at the author?
object,
Jadali: Close enough.
but closed it knowing better not to. Knives laughed a little as he then pulled "Vash" to the bed.
Elspeth: Ew, incest. Why do you always pick the ones with incest?
Jadali: Hey! I didn’t know this one had incest.
Elspeth: In future, look harder!
Jadali: *cough*bite me*cough*
So much for the plans he and Legato had planned tonight, thought a rather disappointed Midvalley as he closed the door.
Elspeth: …and a rather relieved fan base.
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Jadali: Ooh, look! It’s a pretty line thingy again! Break time.
by: a very very bored person
Elspeth: (grumbles) I could think of a better adjective than ‘very’.
Jadali: Hey, smile, grumblebum. It’s over!
Both: Yay!
To Be Continued!!!
Both: NOOO!
....maybe.... ?
Elspeth: Please no?
Jadali: With sugar on top?
i know its kinda short.. but.. it took me awhile!!
Jadali: Obviously didn’t devote much of that time to plot development or spellchecking.
so quit yer whinin if you do want more, tell tell!
Elspeth: Does that mean that if we keep whining, we’ll never see hide nor hair of this again?
I will continue the story, but whether or not I type it up is up to you!
Both: We vote for ‘not.’
You are the people!
Jadali: Um, speak for yourself, bucko. Technically I’m a Mage-Saiyan hybrid.
Even if only one person wants me to continue and 2 million others dont, ill do it for that one person! ^^ heh majority schamority and if you dont like it! be kind.. im fragile! ;_;
Elspeth: Fragile? I’d go for manic-depressant schizophrenic.
Jadali: Same thing. Let’s get outta here! I have more stuff to find!
Elspeth: …I hate you.