“The same thing that happens to everything else,” The bolt of lightening hits the railing, and somehow manages to electrocute Toad - hero of this story. Of course, we all know that Storm can break the laws of physics twice in one minute and not only make the lightening miss the Statue of Liberty, but also somehow cause Toad to conduct electricity when he isn’t earthed. Weird that, isn’t it? Anyways, the lightening travels up his tongue and zaps him - flinging him out towards the dark and murky river.
“Aaarrrgh... huh?’ he yells, spotting a bright section of white hovering three feet above the water. "Hey look! A rip in the space-time continuum... Oh wait... AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!”
Like a glob of slime heading for Jean Grey’s face, Toad hits the rip head on and falls through space-time! Betcha didn’t see that coming.
“Oof!”
He lands on a dusty and altogether sandy floor. He looks up and, using his Toad-like reflexes, manages to duck out of the way in time to avoid a sword being swung at him.
“That’s no way to welcome someone!” Toad shouts, flicking out his tongue. He grabs his assailant around the wrist and throws him onto the nearest spiky thing. He is suddenly grabbed and pulled across the floor. He realises just why as a sharp blade thwacks the place where his head just was.
“What the f...?”
“Get up and fight gladiator!” a voice shouts. Toad frowns. Gladiator? Wasn’t that a movie?
He gets up quickly and looks around. He is in the biggest fricking amphitheatre you ever saw. It’s seats are filled with screaming, blood-thirsty people. All around him - on the dusty, sandy ground - dead bodies litter the floor. Two chariots are racing around - with archers hanging on the back - with a serious advantage to the poor unarmoured men who are trying to avoid them. This is unfair. But the unarmoured men seem to have Russell Crowe on their side.
“I’m in a movie...” Toad mutters as a slight grin starts to cross his face. “Cool!”
A chariot dashes past him, with the archer firing and just missing our hero. Toad turns, scowls and uses his jumping powers to leap onto the back of the chariot. Archer guy gets thrown off the chariot, to the blood-thirsty masses. He then wraps his tongue around guy #2’s face. With a quick flick, guy #2 is flying through the air - ready for a meeting with Mr Wall.
Toad grins. This is much more fun than being
electrocuted and being forced to make fun of someone
who’s twenty times bigger than he is.
Well, it was fun until another rip in the S-T C
appears right in front of the chariot. The horses
pulling the chariot - naturally scared of the bright
lights in front of them and not the green guy in the
back - rear up. The chariot comes to a very abrupt
halt and Toad is thrown through the air and directly
into the rip. From a distance, he looks like one of
those green discs that Cyclops was aiming at earlier
on.
He lands on some sort of saffron-coloured block street
(Saffron block street? Yellow brick road? Geddit? Huh?
Aw, forget it...) He looks up and is almost blinded by
the brightness around him. He blinks.
“Woah... This colour is intense...”
“We’re off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of
Oz,” Toad is almost run over by four
pairs of skipping feet.
“Oh look To-to! Do you think that he wants to see the
Wizard too?” A girl in a blue gingham
dress bends down to Toad, holding a small dog in a
basket. A very tasty looking dog too.
“Oh yes! I’m going to get a brain!” Was that a
scarecrow?
“I’m going to get a heart!” A guy who wouldn’t look
too out of place with those X-men.
“I need some... well... I’m scar...” The huge cowardly
lion seals it for Toad. He gets bored with the
do-gooders and starts to wreak havoc. Scarecrow goes
straight back into the field headfirst. Tin-man gets
slimed so much that rust will never bother him again.
He doesn’t actually do anything to the Lion - the fool
gets so scared that he runs off to the forest to live
with a hermit called Jim who smells slightly of
muesli. Dorothy is flung in the direction of the
Wicked Witch of the West - ruby slippers and all. And
To-to gets eaten. Just to add insult to injury (and
because travelling through space-time was making Toad
hungry)
The rip in the S-T C made it’s appearance right
underneath him this time - just as he was picking bits
of To-to out of his teeth.
“Oh for the love of...”
“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...”
Toad looks up and frowns again. This wasn’t any movie
that he had seen. He was in a big, round room
(writer’s note: tee hee hee!!) that had a great
fricking hole in the middle. To his left was a guy
dressed in black, pulling a red glowy sword out of a
very hairy looking dude. On the other side of the
hole, there was a red wall, behind which was a very
distraught looking guy with a plait. Toad had to
chuckle.
“A plait...? Hehehe...”
His attention moves to the guy in black as he turns
and scowls at Toad.
“Woah,” Toad says. The guy in black had a red and
black tattoo all over his face. And horns! He had to
be a mutant of some sort. And if not, he qualified as
being a freak and that was good enough for Toad.
“And they said I looked weird,” Tattooed guy scowls
even more and points his glowy stick directly at Toad.
“Another? Sent here to fight me?” he asks before
stalking up to Toad - eyeballing him - until he was
only two feet away. Examining each other, they both
realise something and gasp. At the same time.
“You kinda look like me!” they exclaim. In unison.
Same height, same... um... jawline? Hell, they could
have been severely mutated twins. Sort of.
“So what if there are two of you?” a squeaky voice
shouts. Toad and tattooed guy turn to see the severely
stressed plaited guy holding up his own glowy stick.
“I’ll kill you both, and any other severely disfigured
clones you have out there!” Tattooed guy gestures to
Toad.
“Wanna help me kill him?” Toad lets an evil grin cross
his face.
“Oh yeah...”
Poor plaited guy is quickly grabbed around the ankle
by Toad’s tongue and dangled over the big hole.
Tattooed guy then pelts plaited guy with invisible
little projectiles. Then, just as plaited guy thinks
that things can’t get much worse, Toad drops him down
the hole and jumps after him - squelching him into the
ground like nothing hath ever been squelched before.
He bounced back up, pulling bits of plaited guy’s
brains off his boots and saw tattooed guy about to
walk out.
“Hey! Don’t just walk out on me! I did you a favour,”
Tattooed guy shrugs.
“Whatever. Unless you want some help, I’m buggering
off to murder some deserving Gungans,” A thought
flashes through Toad’s mind. He could use some help
with something after all.
After visiting several other movies through the S-T C
(They both particularly liked the Willy Wonka and the
chocolate factory land. Seems that neither Magneto or
Sidious allowed chocolate. Toad and Maul both found
that they couldn’t live without it...) Toad and his
newly- acquired buddy found themselves back in X-men land.
“Do you know what happens to a Toad when it gets
struck by lightening?” Storm says - in
that gloating way that she does when she thinks she’s
going to win.
“I dunno, but we won’t be finding out today,”
“Huh?” says Storm, turning around to the source of the
voice.
“Huh?” says Toad #2 - thinking he was seeing things.
Maul holds his saber up and because he’s really ‘ard
(English way of saying “strong powerful and not at all
modest about it”) he pulls the lightening away from
Toad #2 and survives the electric shock without
getting chucked into a river.
With a quick flick of Toad #1’s tongue and a few globs
of slime from Toad #2, Storm is quickly hanging upside
down - stuck to a wall.
Toad #1 grins - remembering the shock that she gave
him previously.
“Do you know what happens to a little X-woman when
she’s cornered by two Toads and a guy from a long time
ago in a galaxy far, far away?” he asks. Storm doesn’t
speak. Cause she’s scared. (writer’s note: Take THAT
you evil white-haired... Muah ha ha!!)
Toad #2 and Maul start to advance on her - chuckling
loudly. All three then break into a creepy sounding
Jar Jar Binks impression (Toad #2 and Maul had met our
favourite Gungan friend earlier, and had made sure he
was wiped from existence before they were sucked into
Batman world)
“Crunch time!”
(five minutes later)
“...
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!”