Trip TV: Japanese Animation

 

One time during World War II, Japan got all these crazy ideas that they were going to rule a huge empire or something, and they attacked us. We responded by dropping two devestatingly powerful bombs on them. After their surrender, one would have thought that they would hate us, but amazingly we have gotten along quite well with them over the years.

 

But there are some that have thirsted for some type of revenge, and since we had taken their army, they couldn't use military means to extract it. That's why these renegades began to develop high quality electronics at affordable prices. That way they took our money and endangered the jobs of our workers. Cunning, eh? But obviously that wasn't enough. Now they want to control the minds of the children! And take more money, too. Money is good...

 

They are now successfully completing their mission by the use of-what else?-cartoons! Japanese animation, also known as "anime"*, is like many other Japanese exports inasmuch as it is incredibly better than anything made in America. And for those of you quick to guffaw at such an incredulous statement, I present Scooby-Doo, the staple of American animation, as prime evidence. Now don't get me wrong; I am not saying that Scooby-Doo is a bad cartoon (I would be killed by Scooby cultists!), but generally it was the same cartoon over and over, in which:

 

1.The "gang" would discover a mystery, which always involved someone dressed up as a monster.

2.The "gang" would split up.

3.Scooby and Shaggy would spend roughly half the show running from above person dressed as a monster, even if they should've known that every monster they've ever come across has just been a person in a costume. Naturally, this scene always involved awful 70's music and the same door or window flying past in the background.

4.Velma would solve the mystery, although the credit is always given to all of the "meddling kids."

5.Scooby and Shaggy do something else stupid, and the show would end.

 

Most anime is not like Scooby-Doo. In most anime, a plot actually develops from episode to episode. You begin to learn about the dreams and feelings of the characters, and possibly even get attached to some of them, while the only thing you ever knew about the characters in Scooby-Doo was that Scooby and Shaggy were very hungry, and that Scrappy was a bad idea. Anime is a lot like little animated soap operas, and that's part of the reason they are so addicting. That's right, I said addicting! You could proclaim your hatred for every cell of Japanese animation out there, but if some is on you're going to be attracted to it like a sumo wrestler to a sushi buffet. You'll even have a favorite character for each show! Or at least that's what I've been told.**

 

You can place all anime into three basic categories:

 

>Action Anime

>Pretty Anime

>Smut

 

In Action Anime, conflicting forces constantly fight for control over something, usually the Earth, and just generally beat the crap out of each other while countless people die for no apparent reason. That's pretty much it because there really isn't time for a plot when you've got to save the world, or whatever! The best known example of Action Anime is Dragonball Z***, which features the hero, Goku, and his band of poor, good-guy fighters that die every other episode. But no problem, they are simply wished back to life every series! "Ha ha!" the laugh while lying dying of a gaping chest wound. "Just wish me back soon! Remember ~cough, cough~, I still owe you money!" Fortunately, not all fighting is done hand-to-hand, but also gigantic robot mecha-to-gigantic robot mecha. Series such as Gundam, Voltron, and Neon Genesis Evangelion all involve the lives of people in their desperate struggles to... uh... well, I never really cared what for-but stuff blew up real good!

 

There is some fighting in Pretty Anime, but it mostly deals with the magical variety and not as many people die. Well, maybe a lot of guys die in them because there only seems to be roughly one for every gazillion girls in these shows, and of course they're all after the same one. The first real anime I ever saw was the Pretty Anime Urusei Yatsura, where I first realized that animation can actually be more touching and serious than what I had previously watched. Oh yeah, and that this one girl wears a tiger-skin bikini!^^ Other mentionable titles in this category are Tenchi Muyo, where a group of crazed girls fight over a guy, Vision of Escaflowne, where a group of crazed guys fight over a girl, and Ranma 1/2, where a group of crazed guys and girls fight over a cursed boy/girl combo^^^. Then there is the infamously well-known Sailor Moon~, in which we learn that the future of the free world depends on a girl named Serena who while definitely caring, is pretty simple-minded and wouldn't be where she was without the help of her friends. Some people hate Serena, but I say slap a "W" on her middle name and put her up for office! If we're going to have someone like that up there, they might as well be a good looker.

 

However, the overly popular Pretty Animes have been Pokémon, and Digimon+. These two are the money whores of all anime out there, and the influence these shows have had is mind-boggling! It seems you can't fling a chopstick without hitting some kid carrying Pokémon cards! In fact, I don't have to talk about these shows. You already know much more than you should about them! Run, while you still have control over your own mind!

 

Finally, on to the Smut. I've never actually seen a Japanese-animated porn (or "hentai"). Honestly! Don't look at me like that, I really haven't! But the fact that this stuff even exists is pretty frightening to an American audience who's only foray into sensuality has been imaigning why Fred and Daphne always team up to search for clues, but never find anything.++ Of course, being animated the only limit to hentai is the imagination of the artist! But if you want to watch the fantasies of some overworked, sake-drinking dude from Tokyo just don't tell me about it, okay?

 

All of this anime is out there, and more is being made available each day. But really, how far can these crazes go? Just type "anime" into any search engine and watch your lights dim as a bajillion web sites flood your screen, that's how far! I've found such things as an endless debate over which hair color is coolest and even a site where you can compare the results of a professional personality test to figure out which Sailor Scout you're most like.+++ But as long as you don't take it too far, Japanese animation can actually be entertaining and time well spent. If you would like to begin your own adventure into the world of rainbow hair and big, freaky eyes I reccomend starting with Disney's imported anime Kiki's Delivery Service.

 

Just make sure it isn't Kinky's Delivery Service, okay?     

 

 

*Pronounced "anime."

**Of course I'm lying. I have a favorite character for every anime I've ever seen. Stay tuned down here.

***Favorite character: Krillin

^Favorite characters in each: Duo, Sven, and that girl with blue hair

^^I don't have to tell you that she (Lum) was my favorite, do I?

^^^Washu, that cat-girl, and Shampoo.

~Sailor Mercury's my fave in this one. I wish she were real. I didn't just say that.

+ Squirtle and Gomamon. Is it getting tedious checking back here all the time? My next footnote will be something different. Promise.

++Although I've personally always been attracted to Velma more than Daphne.(See, I told you this footnote would be different!)

+++ I'm a Saturn. I guess. http://www.fortunecity.com/rivendell/empiriana/129/ptindex.html