Get Up Pretty Early in the Warning
Topic: Technology
As a Pigge County Sheriff’s Deputy, Cleophilus Bibb lived for one thing and one thing only: to finally nail the dad-blamed Barron brothers. Those impeccably-coiffed rapscallions had been burning up the backroads since they were butt-high to a bollweevil, and made Cleophilus look a damn fool at least once a week (usually on Friday evenings at 8/7 Central).

Unknown to Bibb, Oz and Tad Barron were armed with the Early Warning EW-3100 Radar/Laser Detector. Every time Bibb lurked nearby to nab the Barrons, his radar gun set their EW-3100 to beeping – no matter from which direction, no matter whether he used X, K, Ka-POP, or Ka bands. Even the deputy’s VG-2/Spectre units, which were supposed to locate radar detectors, only served to raise a red flag to the Barrons. And they weren’t too anxious to share their secret with the befuddled lawman.

Sitting in his cruiser, tucked away among the trees alongside County Route 65, Bibb’s corpulent head cocked at the approach of a distant motor. Could it be? Yes! He’d recognize that souped-up 1968 Dodge Coronet anywhere! It was the Barron boys’ car, the Stonewall Jackson! Grinning with oily delight, Deputy Bibb wiped chunks of boiled peanut off of his shirt and leveled his radar gun down Rte. 65. One speeding ticket was reason enough to search their car. He’d nail those Barrons this time! But when the purple chassis of the Stonewall came gliding around the bend, Bibb’s face fell: 32 MPH, the radar said, three miles under the speed limit! And that impudent scamp Oz Barron, the blonde one, he even had the nerve to blow Cleophilus a kiss as they passed by! Somehow, they knew he was there all along! Ooooh, those Barron boys!

Backseat Disc Driving
Topic: Technology
Wanna take Lucy Liu and Cameron Diaz for a drive? Realizing that dream is just an Audiovox D1020 Portable AC/DC 10" LCD TV/DVD Player and a copy of Charlie's Angels away. (Charlie's Angels II will also work, if you have no other choice.) With its 10" LCD screen in native 16:9, the D1020 player refuses to sacrifice entertainment in the name of mobility. The built-in DVD player and TV tuner provide the content, your car lighter or any AC outlet in your home provides the power through the AC/DC adapters, and you provide the eyeballs. Oh, and the earballs: it includes two detachable external speakers, two pairs of wireless headphones, and a wireless FM modulator, for your listening pleasure. While the D1020 is perfectly content entertaining you at home while sitting on the kitchen counter or on your nightstand - you should try strapping it to the back of one of your vehicle's seats with the included mounting kit. The D120's biggest influences are Henry Winkler and Marky Ramone, so of course it wears its black-leather harness with pride. You could probably strap it to your steering wheel, but you really shouldn't.

X-Trail! X-Trail! See All About It!
Topic: Technology
Sadly, many of us never get to know our neighbors. We dash from our cars to our front doors without giving a thought to those around us. But it’s amazing what you can learn about your neighbors when you just take the time to conceal yourself in some shrubbery and observe. And that goes double when you’re armed with the Barska 20?50 WA X-Trail Binoculars.

With a wide-angle field of view and 20x magnification, you’ll be able to see exactly what your neighbors are up to, particularly those who leave their drapes ajar. What’s that guy across the street snorting off of his kitchen table? Every time the meter-reader stops by Mrs. Warnock’s house, he’s there for at least two hours – what can he possibly be doing? You’ll learn the answers to these questions and more in delicious detail, through the Barska X-Trail’s multi-coated ruby lens.

From afar, your neighbors might seem like excruciatingly dull non-entities – but peer deeply into their lives and you’lll see that each one has his or her own peculiar story, his or her own unique heartbreaks and triumphs. Once you get to know your neighbors with the Barska 20?50 WA X-Trail Binoculars, you might even decide to move.

Help Me, MXL-581, You?re My Only Hope
Topic: Technology
Help! Help! Can anyone out there hear me? Oh, God, please, please, somebody help! I’m a media file and I’m trapped inside your PC! And there are thousands more of us in here! Please, if you can hear me, please connect the PC to a ADS MXL-581 Media-Link Entertainment Receiver! Hurry! We don’t have much time! With the MXL-581 receiver, we can finally escape the suffocating confines of your hard drive. Just connect it to either your 802.11g wireless or wired Ethernet networks and to your home entertainment system. In seconds, us media files will be free at last! Video files can play in the free, open spaces of your TV. Music files can finally roar through your home stereo speakers in all our glory. Never again will you have to gather around the computer desk to look at digital photos or listen to Internet radio! It supports MPEG-1/MPEG-2/MPEG-4 video formats, MPEG Audio layer 1 & 2/MP3/WMA audio formats, and PEG/BMP/GIF/PNG graphic formats. More importantly, it supports file freedom! But please, hurry! Already, some of the weaker JPGs are starting to have trouble breathing, and the more pessimistic MPEGs are starting to write goodbye letters to their families on the outside. We desperatly need someone to come to our rescue – someone with a ADS MXL-581 Media-Link Entertainment Receiver!