Get Up Pretty Early in the Warning
Topic: Technology
As a Pigge County Sheriff’s Deputy, Cleophilus Bibb lived for one thing and one thing only: to finally nail the dad-blamed Barron brothers. Those impeccably-coiffed rapscallions had been burning up the backroads since they were butt-high to a bollweevil, and made Cleophilus look a damn fool at least once a week (usually on Friday evenings at 8/7 Central).

Unknown to Bibb, Oz and Tad Barron were armed with the Early Warning EW-3100 Radar/Laser Detector. Every time Bibb lurked nearby to nab the Barrons, his radar gun set their EW-3100 to beeping – no matter from which direction, no matter whether he used X, K, Ka-POP, or Ka bands. Even the deputy’s VG-2/Spectre units, which were supposed to locate radar detectors, only served to raise a red flag to the Barrons. And they weren’t too anxious to share their secret with the befuddled lawman.

Sitting in his cruiser, tucked away among the trees alongside County Route 65, Bibb’s corpulent head cocked at the approach of a distant motor. Could it be? Yes! He’d recognize that souped-up 1968 Dodge Coronet anywhere! It was the Barron boys’ car, the Stonewall Jackson! Grinning with oily delight, Deputy Bibb wiped chunks of boiled peanut off of his shirt and leveled his radar gun down Rte. 65. One speeding ticket was reason enough to search their car. He’d nail those Barrons this time! But when the purple chassis of the Stonewall came gliding around the bend, Bibb’s face fell: 32 MPH, the radar said, three miles under the speed limit! And that impudent scamp Oz Barron, the blonde one, he even had the nerve to blow Cleophilus a kiss as they passed by! Somehow, they knew he was there all along! Ooooh, those Barron boys!