The Tale of Greenclaw

As I came home from a long day, of my never-ending battle against the Normals, I was having a moment of self- doubt. I crushed so many minions of the Man, sliced through so much propaganda of the Machine, and liberated so many slaves of the System. Yet it seemed for every one my slain foes, a hundred more would take their place. Like a Hydra of hypocrisy and apathy that simply won't die. I was starting to wonder...can I ever win this battle? Even with my heroic brothers and sisters of the Fists of Righteous Harmony fighting along side me, that night I felt weak. Lo, my brethren, my heart was heavy and sad. But then a miraculous thing happened to rekindle the fire within my soul to vanquish the ignorant. And it came in such a simple and pure form.

When I slumped into my home, I noticed that my kitchen floor was covered
with bright green splotches. and a trail of these stains went into the
bathroom. When I clicked on the light, I found a small bottle of green food
coloring missing a cap and my kitten, who was also covered in green
splotches. He apparently had been batting it around my apartment, as he does
to anything and everything that hits the floor. Somehow, he managed to smear
a vertical blotch of color on the crest of his head, right between the ears,
so that it looked like a lopsided mohawk. He also had a long heart shaped
stain on his chest, and both front paws up to the elbows were almost
completely green as well as the tips of his ears. Normally I would be quite
upset when my cat makes such a huge mess, but it suddenly occurred to me. My
cat wasn't a bad kitty, he was just PUNK AS FUCK!! This cat had taken it
upon himself to don warpaint! (and did a pretty good job for not having thumbs and all)Even a Fist's pet knows how to fucking rock hard! My tiny
little cat has obviously decided that he was big enough to take on the evil
oppressors of our society. In the chest of a tiny little housecat was beating the heart of a fearless warrior. I suddenly felt ashamed of myself for doubting my purpose here on the planet, and I felt reborn in my quest to rid the world of the slack-jawed sheep who seek to destroy it. And now I have a new ally to fight next to me. Has Noise the Cat has proven himself worthy as a Fist? hmmm. Probably not, besides he can't type. But he should get a warriors name. From this day forth I shall call him Greenclaw the
Mouseslayer. Tomorrow I am teaching him to attack on command, I think I will
start with meter maids, but tonight he gets a nice can of tunafish.

--Always Rocking, Never Surrendering,
Pat " the Skullcracker " McCann