Past Month's Gripes

I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.

yes - now you can come back to gloss over the long list of things that really tick me off. . . . november 2002

what is with people carrying crap around in the back of their trucks and not securing it down? yesterday i was hit by a huge piece of plywood that was flying around on the freeway. it bounced off of the top of my truck's grill and luckily it did not go up and through my windshield. this is not dissimilar to the time that when my first truck was recently new, a large construction bucket came flying at me and, after striking my grill, lodged itself between the lower part of the bumper and the ground causing it to make the most hideous scraping noise. this, of course, required me to pull off the side of the freeway and GET OUT OF MY VEHICLE, thereby endangering my life, to divorce my truck from the foriegn and unwelcome bucket. i might point out that had i been driving a car, both of these objects may have crashed through my windshield endangering not only my life and the lives of others but, and most imporantly, the well being of my vehicle. i would take this opportunity to ask people to consider the ramifications before carelessly throwing refuse into a truck bed and not properly securing it. due to your ignorance and lack of concern for others, my truck which has 4,500 miles on it now has a scraped front bumper area. indeed, this is the first installment of my new poor sparkly green truck. and haaa ha SF giants! you are LOSERS!!! so sorry barry. 10/27/02

november 2001
(aka my 2 weeks before everything is due bitch session)

imagine for a moment that there are just about 3 weeks left in the fall semester. i am sitting peacefully inside the hallowed hayden library, pondering the meaning of life and any given line of john milton's poetry. in a sudden and violent burst, i have been transported into a filthy lounge in a really bad las vegas casino. that's right - it is once again time for a really REALLY bad cover band to "play" and "sing" music on hayden lawn.
maybe i'm mistaken but i have the crazy idea that when you are INSIDE of the library you should not be attacked and offended by bad and loud music. i'm not talking about a kind of murmuring, droning annoyance but rather music so loud that i can clearly hear every single lyric that is being wrenched out of a disgustingly screechy and raspy 19 year old throat. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, make it stop! i pay money to the university to learn and use the facilities. implicit in this would seem to be a right to a quiet study area. if the library, the place where you are not even allowed to SPEAK because it blemishes this sacred silence, is not that quiet area, where the hell is it? how many brain cells does it take to figure out that setting up a "rock" band outside of the library is not a good idea?
really, i have enough stress without having to try and block out bad music while i read and try to THINK (yes, think). i am trying desperately to hang onto that part of my brain that has not yet turned to mush. is that too much to ask? sigh.

August 2001
the bobblehead fiasco.
it has been a few days now and i think that i have had time to recover enough from my trauma to complain publicly about this. the arizona diamondbacks promotional department has once again failed not only me, but all of the diamondbacks loyalists. that's right. i am referring to the gonzo bobblehead night massacre.
gametime 7 pm. gates open at 5. at 3:00, my nearly elderly parents line up in the 110 degree heat to get a gonzo bobblehead. we joined them at 4:30, the earliest time that we could get there. at that point, things were looking good. i mean, there was no way that 15,000 people were in line and certainly not in line ahead of us. then things took a turn for the worse. the lady ahead of us in line passed out. that's right - fainted and slumped down onto the ground. by 4:50, things began to get ugly. have i mentioned yet that a whole bunch of other lines spontaneously appeared out of nowhere? and that these lines turned into nothing more than a massive mosh pit of pushing and shoving? and most importantly, that no line barriers were present which meant any degenerate dishonest person could just barge up in "line" unless someone beat the crap out of him or her? or that there was no security outside of the ballpark to watch over things? yes, on saturday, july 28 we learned why the diamondbacks cannot put together a truly winning season. heck, they cannot even organize the fair distribution of their promotional items!
to make a long and very sad story short, we did not get our bobbleheads. we entered through gate C, the gate most approximate to our "line," where the people told us that the bobbleheads were gone. of course, this would seem to be impossible since there was logistically no possible way that 15,000 people got in before us. well, my friends, this is the point where we boarded the escalator to the upper deck (in really REALLY far away seats that we were confined to because all of these losers who never go to games bought up all the tickets so they could get a bobblehead and sell it on ebay for $100). but i digress. . .
as the escalator climbed, we noticed several boxes containing numerous smaller white boxes, containing gonzo bobblehead dolls being distributed to people at gate D. how could this be, you might ask? we wondered the same thing so we ran down the stairwell and quickly converged upon the crime scene where we were informed that these bobbleheads were for people entering gate D only. the gate E people had been given the same story that we heard so there we were, two gates of angry people left to deal with the most horrible customer service people i have ever seen. a full 45 minutes after i entered the ballpark which would be 3 hours after our spot was secured in line, people were entering the ballpark through that gate and receiving bobblehead dolls. and 45 minutes is not an exaggeration because i stood there the whole time, waiting for my golden opportunity to pounce upon a box and run. of course, the dbacks personnel were draped all over the boxes to protect them from the rioting crowd and there was security all around them (where was security outside?!). i never had a chance.
even the gonzo guy who sits up in section 308 with the bubble machines did not get one. if anyone deserved a gonzo bobblehead, that man did. saturday was my 24th game of the season and i do not have season tickets people! it is a damn shame that we, the faithful fans, were deprived of the prize when greedy vultures, seen offering their dolls at obscene prices even inside the ballpark, went home and brought up ebay on their browsers. the sacred gonzo bobblehead doll has become nothing more than the whore of the greedy jerks who took them from us!
tonight during the game, thom and joe sr. announced that the system will be different for this friday's game when randy johnson bobbleheads will be distributed. they mentioned that the turnout on saturday was unbelievable and that many fans were "disappointed." SCREWED would actually be a better term, i think. this time, they apparently think that it is a good idea to make one line only for bobblehead dolls that will enter through gate A so that people won't get screwed if their gate "runs out." well you know what diamondbacks? TOO DAMN LATE. you can take the rest of your bobbleheads and stick them sideways where the sun doesn't shine !! the gonzo one was the only one i really wanted anyway and you betrayed me.
i would like to end this gripe with a lovely haiku, written by tamar:
I thought you'd be mine
But I see others hold you
It hurts me inside
July 2001
jury duty: your tax dollars at work.
the time comes when all valid excuses have been exhausted and each desperate soul must own up to her responsibilities. thursday, july 5th was one such day for me. i had a date with maricopa county superior court and the not-so-friendly recording beckoned me to show up or else. using my july 4th holiday to reflect upon this great land of ours, i noticed the inherent irony of this whole jury duty scam. you are essentially impressed into servitude for one day at least because this is a FREE country with a justice system. God Bless America.
so, i arrived at the courthouse at 8am. at 11:00 (yes ELEVEN), they finally called in the first group of jurors to enter the jury selection process. fortunately for me, i was the last person of the 35 to be called and i at least did not have to spend the rest of my day in that very same waiting area. after a relatively short but intense period of entrapment in an elevator that the bailiff personally guaranteed to work (ahem), we arrived in one piece on the 13th floor where we once again stood around and did nothing but at least this time we could look longingly out the narrow windows as we mused over new ways to escape. by 11:40, he had finally taken roll call and we filed into the courtroom - 16 people in the jury box, an additional 6 lucky contestants in the first row, and the remaining sworn in jurors (including myself, #35) in the remaining rows, chomping at the bit to fill the space of someone who conflicted with big-time questions (ha ha). i'd say two questions max had been asked of the panel when the judge looked and her watch and said "well, it's noon. time for lunch. we will recess and return at 1:30." 1:30?!?! how long of a lunch break do we need? where i work, we take a half an hour!! besides, we have been in here for 20 minutes. my friends, we actually continued at about 1:45 and then we took another "10 minute" break at 3. meeting again at 3:30, they selected the 10 member jury and told us we were free to leave at 3:45pm. would someone PLEASE explain to me what purpose, if any, i served ALL DAY? i didn't even get to answer any questions!! i had to get up early, drive to the courthouse, pay $7 for parking, buy an overpriced lunch and suffer all this frustration when i did not even get a shot at doing anything whatsoever. where is the justice in that?
May 2001 until forever:
the graduation gripe, aka "so you graduated. big deal. now what?"

ok, on may 10, 2001 i graduated with a bachelor's degree from arizona state university. immediately, the fun begins (not that it hasn't been this way for the past year at least). "so what are you going to do now?" sleep? "what was your major?" english. "so you are going to be a teacher." NO. "well what the heck are you going to do anyway?" it never ends. the worst thing is talking to people (i wouldn't call them FRIENDS) who say, smirkingly and with a look on their face that is intended to cause me some kind of shame, "well, an english degree. THAT'S terribly useful!" you know what? SCREW YOU. the best part is, i know that these very same people don't have a college degree so who are they to tell me i have no job prospects? if someone can get a good job without a degree, why can't i get a job with one? (not to say that i want one) and why are all these people who don't really know me so concerned about me "making something of myself"? are they worried that their tax dollars will go to paying my welfare check? people are so damn nosy. and stop treating me like i'm a moron because i have an english degree. reading tons of stuff and writing 2 papers a week was no cake walk, ok? besides, i've put a lot of work into my logical reasoning skills and the technique of writing with just a *touch* of sarcasm. i kick ass in the literature category during jeopardy. i know some pretty nifty literary terms and i can tell you the difference between assonance and alliteration. i would make a fabulous persuasive speaker. i'm really good at telling people why they are wrong. any job openings for that?

April 2001

ok - i am angry. local phoenix area people may have seen the commercial to support the racing industry. not only did the commercial support this but it ripped the indian gaming industry for taking away a lot of their business and the whole commercial is spent whining that "it's not fair! (waaaah!)". it is the touching voice of a young teenage girl, asking her father why they have to move and why they are going broke ("why honey - it's all because of indian gaming, of course!"). by the way - they also have a website: http://www.fairgaming.org/ which is nothing short of propaganda. they point out that their employees pay such and such amount of money in taxes every year and the bad bad native american tribes pay NOTHING! can you imagine that? come on down and bet on horses and dogs instead! it's not exactly a real sport but we do get to whip the animals to get money for us, and you too, if you place a lucky bet. what does the horse get? oh - some sugar cubes and a carrot or two. he doesn't mind. how about the starved greyhound?
anyway, let's get back to the topic at hand rather than the fact that i find animal racing as a sport to be asinine anyway. so, lots and lots of people are employed in the breeding and racing industry. good for you. they threaten to pick up shop and leave if they don't stop building indian gaming and they say that jane hull is a bad governor who isn't protecting their intrests. it's just not fair. well excuse me for just one moment. was it FAIR when the british and then american governments stole land from the native americans? was it FAIR when they coerced them into signing treaties that would destroy their culture and their way of life? was it FAIR when they finally pushed native peoples off the land of their ancestors and herded them across hundreds of miles to little reservations? and is it FAIR that when they suspect abundant resources exist where the reservations were, they push the natives further and further west until they are left with untillable soil and nothing left to hunt because trigger happy explorers have ravaged the plains? i think not. i'm thinking that allowing them to be independent nations that don't have to pay taxes to the US government would be the least thing that could be done in the face of 400 years worth of atrocities.
i would suggest that if the racing industry doesn't like it, they should get the hell out of dodge or consider a career change. indian gaming is here to stay in arizona and i see nothing wrong with it - really, it's too bad that it is necessary at all but we know why that is, now don't we? it's just one more story in the dark side of american history that no one likes to talk about.

November 2000
PEOPLE WHO SUCK:
people who steal your license plate,  the ASU police, the people at the DMV 
who you have to fight to get a new one, and finally - ASU parking services.
out of all the license plates on all the cars in all the ASU parking lots, why the hell does someone have to steal the one off of my truck while i'm at band practice? why do the police take 6 hours to call me back? why do they tell me that it is "illegal to drive without a license plate so you had better go get one tomorrow morning" even though this will require me to take time out of MY day , to miss MY classes, to pay with MY money when *I* am the victim? why do i have to sit at the DMV when my only goal in life is to never ever go there again and then i have to pay them for new plates and on the new registration it says "lost plates"?? i did not LOSE them, they were unlawfully and unscrupulously TAKEN from my poor and innocent truck. why can't you just tell the damn asu parking services person over the phone what your new license plate number is when they will accept a fax or you showing up in person to tell them? can you please explain to me how TELLING you the number on the phone is any different that faxing you the new plate number or standing right in front of you at the counter and telling it to you?

october 2000

this one is dedicated to an anonymous teacher who is VERY bad. i mean, if this guy can earn a doctorate, ANYONE can earn a doctorate. first of all, he wants to teach a literature class (sorry, i can't be more specific) like a stinkin' history course. this is supposed to be about literature, you know, i'm taking it as a required course for my english major, not for the hell of it. point number 2: we read pretty much a book per week and then we NEVER discuss it. he comes into class and talks about associated topics at random but is only prepared to talk about what he has notes on, God forbid someone asks him a question - "i don't know the answer to that, it's not on my yellow notepad!!" point number 3: he gave the book list to one flippin' bookstore (which happens to be a very small one) that only ordered half as many books as were needed for the class size and when you finally get the books piecemeal from amazon.com and everyplace else, the grand total came to about $150. for ONE class. the worst part is, they will never buy these back. argh.
lastly, the jerk does not know how to grade. he gives quizzes on things that we have not read, he considers them "easy" and "doesn't understand" why we get such bad grades on them. a 5-6 page paper he gives the grade weight of 10 points so that the grades are all messed up like 7.8 or 8.3. honest. can you imagine how horrifying it is to receive a paper that you spent hours on (not to mention how long it took you to read the book) and it says on it "9.0/10 - this is excellent work!"? if it is EXCELLENT, why is it not a 10? or a 9.5 or some other asinine grade? I HATE HIM. luckily, since the first paper has come back, the class sentiment is beginning to turn against him as well. a few short weeks ago, these poor classmates of mine were still deluded into thinking that everything would be ok. now they have come to see the light. you'd better believe that i have already begun to formulate the "teacher evaluation" in my head.
"someone is going to pay." - steve finley

april/may 2000

it's been so so long. i have a couple of issues to touch on. where to begin? hmm - i know. census 2000 forms. believe it or not, i am not going to complain about them not only because i do not care if the government knows how many toilets my house has but also because i work for the census. let me tell you, it is the best job i have ever had because i don't have to talk to anyone. still, at first, i was consumed with misanthropic anger every time i had to key a form that cussed me out, railed about too many "foreigners" being allowed into the country, or claimed constitutional protection from answering the questions. then it occurred to me that if it were not for morons who wrote nasty things all over the forms, the computer would be able to read them and i would not have a job. so thank you, morons of the united states, for giving me a job where i can make ungodly amounts of money without dealing with anybody! and if you want to not fill them out because it "invades your privacy" - great. just don't be surprised when someone is knocking on your door or when your house burns down because there wasn't a fire station nearby.   by the way - the census form that comes in your mail is not an outlet for all of your frustrations with the government, no one who is keying the forms can do anything about it, nor do we care. . .write your congressman.
NEXT - the billing "services" at asu. first of all, they don't send you an original bill but you receive one that says "final notice" with an extra $15 late charge tacked on. you call the people, the same ones from past gripes, and interestingly this is over the exact same issue. the problem is that this time they never sent a first bill. all the idiot on the phone can tell you is that "we sent it so you have to pay the late charge." they do tell you that you can appeal but like the website says, it is not really worth the effort. it is the same with parking "services" - aka the gestapo. there really is no use in trying because all they are concerned with is putting more in their own pockets which are already bursting at the seams with the dirty money extorted from other students. isn't the system supposed to work for us? damn the man. . .

febrero 2000
you are not going to believe this. just when you think that snowbirds have taken over every last aspect of your life from freeways to crowded streets to even spring training itself, there is more. were you aware that there are snowbirds right now LIVING in walmart's parking lot!? not just one RV load of them, but 4 or more (depending on when you head down there). what in the world would possess someone to drive to arizona and live in the parking lot of walmart? how cheap do you have to be not to pay at some RV park? for goodness sakes, what kind of tightwad ,jerk snowbirds are prowling our streets?? so tell me this - in april, you go back to minnesota or iowa and you reassociate with all your group of old people who have nothing better to do than bother honest desert dwelling people during winter months. your friend says to you, "oh we spent the winter in orlando at (insert name here) RV park and resort. you?" and you are supposed to say what? "oh - i drove down to phoenix and spent 3 months in the walmart parking lot?" since the walmart is close to my house and i drive by it usually more than once a day, i notice that these are the SAME people, not different ones. they are there in the morning, they are there late at night. that is WRONG people! aren't there laws against this?
enero 2000
hey look! it's a special "festive" edition of your favorite and mine, the gripe o' the month. what better way to start off the new year then to laugh in the faces of all the freaks who prepared for the end of the world!? ha ha - it didn't happen, did it? you didn't really need 5 propane tanks, 3 generators, 40 gallons of water, and enough dry rations to feed your family for 30 days, did you? how about the industrial sized canning machine? NO. and guess what? my computer didn't even explode because here i am this morning. . .same as always. even if you wanted the world to end, it wouldn't happen just to spite you, so why worry about it? that would be too easy.
i would also like to gripe about all of the morons who randomly fire their guns into the air at midnight (or in the case of my neighborhood, from about 10:40pm to 12:45am). what are you thinking? i wouldn't have a problem with it if the bullets were to, say, come down upon the idiots that fired them and remove one more imbecile from the earth. but that never happens, does it? it is always some innocent person, worse yet a child, who is just trying to enjoy the new year like everyone else but ends up with a bullet lodged somewhere in his skull or kills him. where is nemesis? i'm talking about retributive justice people - it will come. stupidity can't pay off forever now, can it?
and one last gripe - why oh why is the box office not selling tickets when it says everywhere that it starts sales on Nov 28, 1999? you make long distance phone calls and people act stupid - "oh, i don't know. spring training is a long time away. were not selling them yet." first of all, as of today, jan 1 2000, it is only 60 days. that's 2 months. and when you say "so the webpage and the team newsletters that SAY Nov 28th and expressly give your phone number are, in fact, incorrect?" and you hear "yeah - i guess so." what is wrong with these people? don't print things that you cannot make good on. dude. that just ticks me off. plus, starting monday, i will be truckless for a whole week as the money grubbing vipers fix my truck. sigh. happy new year.
diciembre

my first groupwork problem of this year. why? because until now, i have not been forced to do groupwork. so, it's for u.s. women's history, a subject that is interesting enough. your mission? research what it is like to be a particular woman during a particular time in u.s. history (you know, WWII nurses, etc). you are expected to research together, make a group presentation, and then write a paper completely on your own. this part, i do not object to. i can, in fact, write my own paper as is proven numerous times each semester. the problem is this - the group consists of tamar, me, and this girl (i do not even know her name because i have seen her twice since our group formed 1 1/2 months ago). therein lies the problem, see, it's kinda hard to do groupwork with someone who never comes to class, who you would never see otherwise, and you have absolutely no way of contacting her. like i said, i don't even know her name. the teacher says to go on without her, which is fine until she actually showed up to class yesterday!!! our presentation is tomorrow. she comes over after class and says "what do you want me to talk about?" (since we all have to speak) as if i'm supposed to hand her a script?! i suggested that she talk about whatever it is that she actually researched (probably nothing) which elicited only a blank stare. helloooo? have you done anything? have you been in a cave? let's see if she comes to class tomorrow. . .
SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS! groupwork sucks!
and a mini-gripe about irresponsible, scum sucking graduate assistants (you know who you are): how is it fair that i show up to class (almost) every day and read the material, take the tests, write the papers on time yet you show up whenever you feel like it, promise to return the papers graded on november 24, don't even show up to class on that day, and then on monday nov 29th you actually have the AUDACITY to show up without papers!!!??? DUDE - that ticks me off right there. you are a jerk.
update: on friday december 3rd, he actually returned the papers!! i was shocked, frankly. he gave me an A+, but i'm not letting him off the hook it is still inexcusable. ~micaela

noviembre

let me tell you what happened today. we just finished our last class. we are walking toward the closest FLASH stop (which, by the way, stands for free local area shuttle and although implies speedy service, it is actually quite the opposite). a flash is coming down the street and we all start running - we weren't that far away. the guy a little ways in front of us, also running and headed toward the bus, makes eye contact with the driver and i believe even waived his arm (as in "HELLO! i need on this bus!!") it appears that the bus driver looked at him. right after the look, instead of stopping at the stop and waiting the 5 seconds that it would take us all to reach the bus, he stepped on the gas and literally floored it down the road. what the heck is wrong with the world today? his JOB is to drive local patrons (mainly students) around the asu campus/downtown tempe area. regardless of how badly he needed to rush toward his next cigarette break, another 15 seconds of stopping the bus, letting people on, and *making sure they are seated* before you peel out of there is not too much to ask.
**as for the seated issue, there also seems to be a problem with drivers remaining oblivious to the fact that people in large numbers are often crammed onto the bus and consequently, they drive like maniacs. they especially like to take off right when you got on and before you have chance to grab a seat or grip a bar. i bet they just live for that.

and here is the quote of the day from john rocker, the braves closer. he just cracks me up.
<<Rocker also fueled the fire before Game 4, yelling toward Yankees fans in the left-field corner during batting practice and encouraging them to retaliate."I'm a 25-year-old millionaire, and you're a bunch of degenerates," he screamed at the fans before the game. >>
degenerates. that is FABULOUS.
octubre

ok - september got skipped over, but i have a nice gripe for october. this goes out to all of the incompetent morons who say things without having any kind of clue as to what they are talking about.
some idiot who writes for the illustrious State Press (asu newspaper) took a recent local issue way too far. here is the actual article, which appeared thursday september 23, 1999.
Marching to the beat of a lazy drummer (actual headline of article)
"If you grew up in Arizona you will undoubtedly remember putting on those cheesy polyester PE. Uniforms in high school and sweating through beginning racquetball, flag football and - when the weather got really hot - square dancing.
Yeah it sucked, but we all went through it together.
But these days, some high school students in Tempe don't think they should have to go through this traditional rite of passage. Marching band members in the Tempe Union High School District are trying to get the school board to allow them to count their marching band practices for PE. credit.
The idea is that marching around a practice yard every day during football season, holding and blowing into a cumbersome musical instrument, is workout enough - they shouldn't have to take PE. also.
Now, maybe this argument would hold water for a tuba player or a kid toting around a huge bass drum. But what about piccolo players? How much of a workout are they really getting? Or even saxophone players, heck, they have a neck strap on their instrument.
The truth is, while marching band practice is a time consuming activity (most high school bands practice for more than an hour every morning before classes) it really isn't that strenuous of a workout. Sure, there is a lot Of walking around, but there is also a lot of standing around waiting for instructions and little, if ever, call for lap running or calisthenics. They actually teach you in marching band how to take small, smooth gliding steps in order to keep an even musical tone as you walk.
Anyone whose heart rate gets overly elevated from that probably should be taking advantage of some kind of exercise regimen.
These students contend that they are not lazy, that they aren't doing this simply to get out of taking P.E. They simply feel that marching band keeps them so busy that it is hard to fit a physical education class into their schedule. Mesa Unified and Chandler Unified school districts already offer marching band members P.E. waivers. For the Tempe Union High School District, curriculum requirements only call for one credit of physical education. That's one year spent doing stupid calisthenics and learning the basics of basketball, and most students take it their freshman year when (let's admit it) the academic load is at its absolute lightest.
Granted, this Tempe proposal to eliminate a P.E. requirement recognizes this fact and calls for band students to complete three semesters of marching band in order to get the PE. credit. But what if they (god forbid) drop band before their three semesters are up? Then they'll have to take P.E. junior or senior year when their lives are even busier and more stressful. Plus they're already getting class credit from marching band, usually as an elective. And they know marching is a requirement of this class for the football season before they sign up.
Do the actual football players get to opt out of P.E. as well? How about other extracurricular sports that students actually have to train for? They don't get any class credits for them. Do they still have to sweat through PE as marching banders go about their more important business?
Suck it up band kids. Plan you schedules, get out there and learn how to attach those flag belts to your waists. We all did." (end stupid article)
excuse me?
first of all, when did the article's focus turn from debating a school credit issue to ripping apart marching band members and classifying them as lazy and ignorant? my guess would be that whoever wrote this (too much a piece of crap even to use a name) has no extracurricular talents whatsoever - especially that of playing a musical instrument. by the time we are 20 years old, on the average, as band members we have devoted over 10 years of our life to perfecting our musical abilities. ten years. not to mention, we love to march. the practices are grueling, and the temp that is over 100 degrees for the first 2 months of our season is not helpful to our overall stress factor.
and i guess that this jerk forgot that while we are marching around ankle knee on the field and trying to maintain a normal breathing pattern, we are also blowing into instruments and playing as loud as humanly possible, while of course reading music and playing correct notes. and as a piccolo player (which apparently is not that hard) i have to memorize my music for every show (six different ones during the year). gee - it's a good thing that the marching activity isn't killing me - i'd never be able to march and play at the same time.
oh - did i forget to mention how hideously warm our polyester band uniforms are? for the first game this year and also for the one just the other day on October 2nd, the onfield temperature was 120 degrees. we were wearing our uniforms. and marching ankle knee down the field, very quickly, blowing our brains out, but for who? a bunch of people who obviously don't respect us, except for an appreciated minority. and we know that these people are there, even though most of them are our friends and family. a lady at the game last night had a sign that said something like - "what football game? i'm here for the band!!" we love those people.
as for these state press flunkies, they can kiss my @ss because they have no idea what kind of dedication and commitment marching band requires. and no, high school kids shouldn't get a PE credit for marching, i didn't either, but this article should not have been an attack on marching band members across the board. at the university level, we devote over 7 1/2 hours per week to our "hobby," as it has been called, and we receive one lousy credit hour. one. but you know what? we would do it for no credit hours at all because marching band is not a hobby, it is a way of life.

augusto

just when you think that you have registered and paid for all of your classes and are all set to go for the fall - the incompetents strike again. before i graduate, all i ask is for ONE bloody semester without any mishaps. is that too much? first of all, i received a letter about a month ago that one of my literature classes had been cancelled, but if i want to get up really early in the morning instead, i can take it then. i don't think so. eventually, i found some history class that is pretty much only going to count as an elective, unless i develop some kind of double major. whatever. . .it'll have to do. when i registered for this class, i made sure that everything had been taken care of. enough credit hours, applied scholarship money to tuition payment. balance "zero dollars and zero cents" (imagine that in the annoying computerized intouch system voice). then i got another letter last week, this time from the student business services department.
"Our records indicate that you may not have completed the tuition payment process necessary to secure your classes for the fall 1999 semester. . .in order to acknowledge your intent to pay, please call InTouch on or before August 3, 1999. . .failure to pay fees by the above referenced date could result in the loss of your classes."
but how could that be? - you might all be thinking. it is almost positively the SRC (aka student recreational complex) fee, which by the way is about 35 bucks. too bad i have never come within 500 yards of this place. i am willing to pay the fee just to get it over with. thing is, intouch says that i owe nothing, therefore i cannot select a payment option and i can never reach a live and breathing person at the tuition payment office. so today, i will surely be dialing in futility to reach out and touch someone (ANYONE) at the tuition office. sigh. why can't they fix this?!?!?

julio
yes - more baseball
the relief pitching for the dbacks is ridiculous (not that you need me to tell you that). i am just so full of animosity toward the bullpen that i must speak out. catharsis is a beautiful thing. ah yes.
you can't help but wonder "what if" when you think of how many wins the diamondbacks could have. our relief pitching is the absolute worst and if you are a starter, you have to be pissed. how many times have they pitched decent, even excellent games, only to be blown by a reliever? granted, we got rid of frascatore and olson (grrr) has not pitched since he WALKED runs in a couple weeks ago, but then buck is putting in young guys with no experience. i am no manager, but i know that the best time to put in a guy for his first major league appearance is not when you hold only a one run lead over a team that has won the last 9 games in a row. and today, yet again, late inning pitching errors cost us the game (ahem - plesac mainly). when the bats have deserted the dbacks over the last couple of weeks, excellent starting pitchers have kept us close only to be blown by horrendous appearances by the crappy relief pitchers.
AND - i am really ticked off that they traded tony batista (for plesac, who "is having the worst year of his 13 year career"). he was awesome. now we have frias for the short stop when andy doesn't play. frias - who has not done very well (except for an awesome hit that won a game for us). i can't believe we traded tony. . .geez. what are they thinking? and i have heard rumors that travis is being shopped around for a closer? i DO NOT believe this, but if it ever happened, someone would die. don't do it.
junio
did anyone ever notice that the majority of my gripes are traffic/driving related? well, my main focus this month is the construction. it is absolutely ridiculous down here in phoenix - and on some highways out of the city also. (case in point, a "one way road" conveniently located along my last trip to vegas). anyway - they are supposed to use those really expensive highway signs to warn drivers of upcoming delays, right? well at 11 o'clock at night, very few of these signs have been getting use. and by the time you come upon the stoppage, it is too late to get off of I-17 because all of the exits are closed due to - you guessed it - construction. one lane open. ridiculous. the worst part is, by the time you actually get to the area where they are "working," there are rarely more than 5 "workers" there, usually on a break. surprise. the worst part of all this is, the highway construction will never be able to keep up with the traffic - the extra lane that they are adding now will be useless by the time they are done. it is a no win situation. there will always be traffic jams any time of the day in phoenix. there will always be extra air pollution from the hundreds of thousands of cars sitting in traffic. give it up. this realistic rendering was provided by a friend from temperance, mi / toledo, oh. it was taken from a memo called "welcome to ohio."

you can assess the weekly construction situation in phx, should you feel inclined to do so
and
it really disturbs me that some of the diamondbacks games are not televised. last week, i was watching some AL game with people who were unrecognizable to me because there was no dbacks game on. this week - two games in montreal - untelevised. and why? they are showing the 3rd game of the series on wed. the tv people will all be there! the radio people are broadcasting anyway! the camera people are shooting the game for the highlight reel!   hello! would it KILL you to show the game? i think not. and buck - let's not be taking travis lee out of the game, ok?
abril
believe it or not, i don't have time to gripe in may. not yet anyways. i'll try to make june especially bitter. just a brief note - watching the coyotes lose was agonizing. aaah! (5/9)
i am so pissed about this. gas prices. really. in early march, it was 88 cents in phoenix for a gallon of unleaded gas. today, my friends, i filled up for $1.39 per gallon. it is april 6. what is wrong with this picture?? i just saw a piece on the news that said the crude prices only rose by 15 cents. so what the h happened to the other 36 cents? back then, a tank of gas cost me about $25-28 bucks (depending on how empty i was). 32 gallon tank. anyway - today, it cost me $38, and i wasn't even close to being completely empty. money grubbing jerks. and furthermore, they reviewed the average gas prices from around the nation. in the northeast - $1.05. in the southeast - $1.00. in the generic west area - $1.24. but of course, california and arizona are the exceptions, for we must be further ripped off. what a crock. i received this in an e-mail - i'm not sure if it's true, but i am desperate. it's worth a try.
"We are all sick and tired of high prices when there are literally millions of gallons in storage. Know what I found out? If there was just ONE day when no one purchased any gasoline, prices would drop drastically. The so-called oil cartel has decided to slow production by some 2 million barrels per day to drive up the price. I have decided to see how many Americans we can get to NOT BUY ANY GASOLINE on one particular day! Let's have a GAS OUT! Do not buy any gasoline on APRIL 30, 1999!!!!! Buy on Thursday before, or Saturday after. Do not buy any gasoline on FRIDAY,APRIL 30, 1999. Wanna help? SEND THIS TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW. Ask them to do the same. All we need is a few million to participate in order to make a difference. We CAN make a difference."
FRIDAY, APRIL 30. work with me people.
marzo
has anyone (at least in the phoenix area) seen the stupid commercial for shasta pools? the first thing it says is something like: "i remember when just a look at you made me blush. make me blush again" and it shows some couple. then it shows two kids and it says "[i remember] when nine months was worth every minute." it shows people floating around in a swimming pool, blah blah. great. then it puts up the logo and hits you with the line "only shasta builds master pools." would somebody PLEASE tell me how a swimming pool is going to return your life to its previous state of joyous ignorance, rekindle your romance, and/or make you appreciate your family? why don't they just say - "damn, it's hot in phoenix - build a pool"?
and one last plea. . .
will the snowbirds please go home? bo can attest to this - they are unsafe and hazardous to the health of us - the brave souls who actually stay here when it's 115 in the shade. minnesota - GO HOME!
febrero
my tribute to grammar
one grammatically incorrect sentence for ya: the class that no one should never take unless being forced at gunpoint - grammar just ain't what it's all cracked up to be.
the 50 minutes that last an eternity while morons debate the academic validity of adverbials and determiners is just too much for one person to take 3 days a week. i swear - if i have to draw one more stinkin' tree, i might kill someone. anyone - probably the teacher with the thick british accent. she seems nice enough, but anyone who would devote her life to grammar is some kind of sick person. and there is this major jerk in there who feels it necessary to share any and all thoughts aloud with us, usually making an ass out of himself. on the first day he says, "isn't that a dangling participle?" only to receive the reply, "no, no it's not." moron. and then the other day he thinks it would be cute to debate the meaning of the phrase "think different". of course, to be correct adverbially it should have an -ly, but what if the ad is trying to say 'think about different,' he says? and at that point, he and the other brown-noser carry on an at least 4 minute discussion until finally someone asks if we are holding a class or just a personal conversation. sophistry - all sophistry. then brown-noser #2 says yesterday, "why isn't 'caught the ball' a prepositional phrase?" well - your first clue might be that there is no preposition in there. note to self: A PHRASE REQUIRES A PREPOSITION TO QUALIFY AS A PREPOSITIONAL PHRASE! and it still took her 2 minutes of explaining before she broke it to him that there was no preposition. if she would only just say what is right and what is wrong, everything would just be easier!! it's not hard. and the textbook!! i need to hire someone to translate it for me - and it's in english!! it is good for something though, the golden phrase, and i quote:
"In fact, there is no limit to how long a PP can be."
yes - it's really in there. of course, it's referring to the beloved and always enthralling prepositional phrase. shouldn't someone have caught that in editing?
in the name of all that is sacred - WE MUST DISAMBIGUATE !!
Enero
as i have not recently encountered anything that particularly enraged me, i must comment on an annoyance. those damn long distance commercials. you know - the ones where you have to dial 18 numbers before you can call who you want. what's wrong with a NORMAL long distance carrier or a calling card for goodness sake? even worse, this 10 cents a minute garbage never tells you that you have to pay an initial connection fee. every time i watch tv, i see at least 3 to 4 different promotions for different 10-10-someothercrap numbers. did you see the skit recently on snl? the number ran all the way across the screen and each group of numbers had some historical significance that you were supposed to recall.   that was great. . .and that's how i feel sometimes. if you need to remember all of those numbers you'd be better off not calling at all. really. don't reach out and touch someone. e-mail is enough.
Deciembre
first of all, let me just say to the crappy UofA people - YOU SUCK! ha ha - you're still not going to the rose bowl. what a bunch of losers! and while we're on that subject. . .
WE DEMAND INSTANT REPLAY IN THE NFL NOW!! not next year. . .NOW! how many people have to get screwed out of wins and playoff spots before the league does something? this is ridiculous. how much longer does it really take? the trade-off isn't equal. . .you might save a few minutes, but end up with the wrong outcome. can't everyone see that they eventually get screwed? it's not "you win some, you lose some" when it's the refs bad call that ends to your team losing! and i really wish that people on TV (national) would stop ripping the Cardinals all the time. yes - they suck. but they have to get a break some day - don't they? in Jake we trust. . . (that sounds familiar)
and finally:
i have honestly had it with the government in DC. clinton is a slimeball, the impeachment panel sucks. what a waste of time.   it's like grumpy old men with a few grumpy old women added in. what a bunch of jerks. does anyone really care anymore? all they do is sit around and bitch all day, scream at each other about how they deserve equal time, and 10 hours later they all vote along party lines. well - i hate to break it to you, but if that's the game you're playing, the republicans will win every time. even I, with my poor math skills, can figure that much out. why not just send the dang thing to the house? you know it's going there EVENTUALLY. after they fight for awhile longer, of course. then they can sit around and bitch about it in the senate too. and how would you like to have the crappy job of counting the votes every single time when you know what they're voting. it's the same guy every day taking the votes down aye and no - aye and no - some poor, pathetic intern who didn't get off even as well as monica did. well screw them all. and be prepared for a new gripe and/or crappy adventure because on dec. 22, micaela has jury duty. i can hardly wait.
Noviembre
no more ms. nice micaela. this month, i am really disgruntled. this is a little something that i would like to dedicate to a certain TA. let's call her. . .um. . .tara. the stupid moron of the history department at the university of choice in arizona. silly me. i assumed that when they ask for your opinion on something, they actually want your opinion. apparently they only want a regurgitated form of their own opinion just like what everyone else wants. i, in fact, had 20% marked off of my paper for my opinion on the book, which was stated very tactfully. our good friend tara said (and i am quoting directly), "I understand your discontent. . .however, your assignment was to comment upon what [he] wrote about, not what you wanted him to write about. [He] clearly states his intentions, so it is difficult to blame him for something he never intended to do." excuse me, but i was not personally trying to insult him for his literary ineptitude. this caused me to wonder exactly why ms. tara might be so highly offended by the fact that i thought the book was a piece of crap. did her grandpa write it? does she feel that it was wrongly snubbed by the board that awards the pulitzer prize? oh yeah - i can see how this is one of the american classics. ranks right up there with The Scarlet Letter and The Great Gatsby. what a fine author he was. perhaps she is lashing out due to the realization of her own inadequacies?? furthermore, the first time we ever saw tara was the day that the midterms were returned, the midterms that she herself graded. note: this was in at least the 5th week of classes. isn't it interesting that someone who has never been to one single lecture is judged capable of grading the essay exams based solely on the lectures? hmmmmm. . .
hail to the queen of the imbeciles!
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking too good either.
October

in a tribute to bo, this gripe is about teachers. first, those who think they are god. you know, the ones who insist that they be called Dr. such-and-such and constantly tear down their students to elevate themselves? not impressive. am i supposed to be impressed by the fact that someone who has been in school since before i was born is (supposedly :P) smarter than i am? i think not. GIVE IT UP! next, the ones who pile test, after test, after test, and papers upon you until you drown in a sea of procrastination. am i paying for this kind of treatment? it's ridiculous. example: we just had a midterm in my history class (9-30). our LONG novel/text just became available at the bookstore on 9-29. the paper on it is due 10-9. then we have to read another additional text and write another paper by 10-19. did i mention that we still have over 30 pages of regular boooring textbook reading every night? i must've forgotten that. and that was ONE class. and finally, the teacher who gives you a 2 page paper restriction (on 3 stylistic devices - 3 body paragraphs) that you have to squeeze the margins,line spacing, and header just to fit it on 2 pages and then they tell you the paper is underdeveloped (yes - this is an un-punctuated run-on) ! HELLO!? by the time i do the intro and conclusion, i only have about 1 1/3 pages left for the actual paper. my advice - if you want fully developed papers, a minimum length rather that a maximum length might be a good idea. don't waste my time people. . ..
September

this month's gripe is about all of the ignorant morons who abuse animals. it seems like every time i watch the news there is another story about some jerk who has tortured someone's innocent pet. for those of you not in az who actually visit my page, i'll give you a few examples. there were a few cases this summer in phoenix where some morons duct taped kittens to the road and/or freeway (yes - in the heat of day when it is 110 degrees) - and you know what happens next. (actually, one of them was rescued before being run down and fried). what kind of sick person would do this? then someone duct taped the legs on a dog together and split him open in several places only to 'stitch' him up with a staple gun. honestly. and finally, just the other day, someone set a kitten on fire and left it to die in a back alley. all i can say is, it takes a real LOSER to do that to something so defenseless. i will now take this opportunity to applaud sheriff joe (yay) for enacting a strict policy on people who abuse pets. sheriff joe arpaio is the greatest. thank you.
"All the arguments to prove man's superiority cannot shatter this hard fact: In suffering, the animals are our equals." ~ Peter Singer, from Animal Liberation

p.s. - i'm not sure what happened to august, but there really was one.
july's gripe - parents of kids who play sports
you know who they are - screaming at the top of their lungs at their 8 year old sons and daughters. worse yet, the parents who scream at other people's 8 year old sons and daughters! come on folks, we ARE talking about young kids here. how are they supposed to build up their self-esteem when you are all standing/sitting there like a pack of hungry (and rabid) wolves waiting to rip them to shreds? even worse, the kid gets the ball (or whatever) and then so many different people are screaming at him/her that he/she really screws up. than, just to top it off, even more people scream! my perfect nephew, sean, is the greatest. really, he is. especially at basketball - i'm going to make him the next jason kidd/michael jordan (or reggie miller, at least). he has great point guard skills but can shoot the lights out also. anyway, i digress. his current basketball coach tells him and the other halfway decent kids on the team to shoot whenever they get open. sean has been trying to use his point guard abilities by passing the ball, but no one can actually CATCH the darn thing unless they are really wide open. therefore - the coach makes him and the others shoot and look like ball hogs (which he is not). the coach said that he doesn't want anyone griping about not getting the ball - rebound. i agree that at this age, everyone should get a shot at playing in order to improve. in fact, we have tried to hint it to the coach, but he is determined to do it this way. what i don't appreciate is one particular parent (who, by the way, has only brought his kid to 2 out of 10 or so practices) screaming 'pass the ball' at everyone but his son. even worse, when another teammate travels or something, he yells "TRAVEL/DOUBLE DRIBBLE" or whatever. at a kid that is on the same team as his kid! it's just easier to write what i would like to tell this jerk, so here it is: first of all - these are 8 year old kids who are trying their best and just doing what they are told to do. perhaps since you have not mentally passed 3rd grade, you feel somehow vindicated by screaming at poor little 8 year olds. maybe if you would actually GO to practice (and bring your kid), you would know what is going on. if people want the ball, they have been told to REBOUND. hello! get it your dang self! if you can't teach your own kid to do that, then YOU sir have the problem. thank you. the end.
an extra 'gracias' to bo for her editing skills ;)
june's topic
"my father smoked like a chimney for 50 years and then died of lung cancer. pay for it."
you know what really bothers me? people who sue tobacco companies because their father/grandfather/mother/whoever smoked for 50 years and then died of lung cancer. no kidding? give me a break people. what is even more ridiculous is that fact that most of the time they WIN! just this week some pathetic people won $1,000,000 from a company because one of their relatives who smoked for many years died of lung cancer. so what is next? people suing alcohol makers because they are alcoholics and now have liver problems? besides the fact that "i got addicted to it and it's their fault" is a pathetic excuse, we all know that smoking is bad for you. i seriously doubt that even 50 years ago they walked around promoting cigarettes as the solution for a healthy lifestyle. and even after all of this, everyone dies. yes - i know that is hard to believe. WE ALL DIE! face it. one day everyone has to take responsibility for their own actions and deal with the consequences. quit whining about your self-induced disease and demanding that others pay for your problems. that's just pathetic.
may 22 - i finally wrote one. it's short. . . .

for a new topic, i will turn to television. you guessed it - jerry springer. in fact, by now i am sure that you are sick of hearing about it. well too bad - you still haven't heard my opinion. ok, i will be the first to admit that the people on his show are completely deranged. whether or not they are acting, it is still an entertaining hour of television. there are a few topics that i refuse to tune in for (among them strippers, teenage prostitutes, and KKK members because all of the above make me sick) but the majority are rather entertaining. where else can you see so many stupid people in such a small area (that remain uncaged)? nowhere. and back to that acting thing - if it is scripted (which i doubt, for the most part), i must say that these people are damn good actors. gee - i wonder what school for the arts they went to? : ) let's face it - i don't think that appearing on jerry springer would really give anyone a shot at hollywood and any legitimate actor would agree.
now i'll move on to the so-called moral issue. when did this country develop such high moral standards anyway? i personally do not want to know what jerry springer does away from his show. it's none of our business. i'm not trying to promote this behavior by any means, but come on: something is fundamentally wrong with our society if we hold a talk show host to a higher moral standard than our president. it's that simple.

April is here. . .another gripe is inevitable. why fight it?
my salute of the month goes to the general incompetence of everyone. this is mainly directed toward those select few at a certain university who don't really have a clue. actually, that comment pertains to at least 75%. oh well. no one down there has a clue - especially the majority of the so-called helpful advisement office staff. our future is in their hands. it's not looking too bright if that is truly the case. most disturbing of all is the fact that most of the professors are morons. my chemistry professor came into class the other day and announced that the test had not been graded because "the guy that knows how to operate the scantron machine is sick". i am not kidding. steps to operate a scantron:
1. turn switch to ON position
2. slide answer key through scantron
3. slide tests through scantron
4. turn switch to OFF position
that's pretty much all there is to it - i don't understand why a person with a substantial amount of scientific knowledge(supposedly) can't figure that much out. in fact, there are probably even instructions on the actual unit. yeesh. that's not even the worst of it. my TA is really clueless. if you can't figure out the lab, better not ask him. he couldn't even FIND the equipment for an hour and a half a few weeks ago. why is it that "educated" people don't have any common sense? i will never, EVER be that dense. . .
March. i have so much to complain about, so little time. . .
let me just begin by saying that the DMV sucks. i know that this is not any new observation but i swear that every year it grows increasingly worse. on my day off, i got up really early so that i could happily go and pay for my new tags(which cost nearly $400, i might add). getting there just after they had opened, i was horrified to discover that a large number of people were already congregated outside of the building. not surprisingly, the indoor 'lobby' was crammed full of poor, innocent citizens like myself - bullied by the government to go there "or else". so, what do you do when you get there? get a number, of course! #C297. and what number are they on? #C226. oh - that's not too bad, i said - using the last drop of my ever dwindling supply of optimism. not too bad - when in actuality, there are also 5 other groups of #'s (the rest of A - F) also awaiting the glorious moment when they are released from this lunacy. of course, Phoenix has closed down 7 (yes - seven) of their other DMV offices over the last few months, which just makes the whole situation even worse. supposedly, it is more convenient for the amount of people who would go to seven different offices to all cram into one office instead. sure. since they closed 7 offices, all the windows should be open - making the lines fast moving, right? are you kidding? NEVER!! out of about 18 windows, 3 were open. yes - 3. and granted, the five people total who were ever seen needed a coffee break every 15 minutes. yea - sitting there behind that desk is SO strenuous. it wasn't until a full 2 hours and 15 minutes later that another 4 or 5 windows opened. the worst part is, they have that little disclaimer sign that says 'abusive treatment will result in no service'. abusive treatment? are we, the public, not abused? do we not wait for hours on end? do we not feel pain? so - in conclusion, the DMV sucks.
HERE IT IS! another complaint - the topics are endless!
ok - once again, my main complaint revolves around driving. let me begin by just saying this - i understand how road rage happens! in fact - one day, that very well could be me. . .not shooting people, but standing on the side of the freeway screaming at the top of my lungs and wildly flailing my arms. in fact, the whole driving experience really ticks me off. i DO enjoy having a pretty sparkly green Dodge Ram - it tends to scare the more timid aggressive drivers away (if that makes any sense at all). but what REALLY ticks me off is people who use the carpool lane during restricted hours and are not, in fact, carpooling. why in the heck do you think we would all be sitting here if we could just go too? but no - some people have at least some level of respect for the "law" (the same rules that make us go to the DMV). personally, if i were not so afraid that the second i pulled into the lane a police officer would conveniently find me, i just might do it myself one day. these months of torture just build up until you just can't take it anymore. along the same lines, another large gripe of mine is the people who use the turning lane (on surface roads) as a passing lane during rush hour; using this lane while fully aware that they will have to merge in front of everyone else who is patiently awaiting their chance to cross the intersection. actually, i have seen several near-accidents that almost happened exactly for this reason. once again - WHAT MAKES YOU SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE REST OF US?!?! i don't particularly care if your alarm didn't go off, etc because that, my friend, sounds like a personal problem. deal with it, and stop screwing the rest of us over!!!! as for the dejected ones, let us watch the timeless classic Falling Down over and over again as we anticipate our inevitable outburst of frustration. . . .

The Lunatic is in My Head . . .

the lunatic is on the grass, the lunatic is on the grass, remembering games and daisy chains and laughs, got to keep the lunies on the path. the lunatic is in the hall, the lunatics are in my hall, the paper holds their folded faces to the floor, and every day the paper boy brings more. and if the dam bursts open many years too soon, and if there is no room upon the hill, and if your head explodes with dark forbodings too, I'll see you on the dark side of the moon. the lunatic is in my head, the lunatic is in my head, you raise the blade, you make the change, you rearrange me 'till I'm sane. you lock the door, and throw away the key, there's someone in my head but it's not me. and if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear, you shout and no one seems to hear, and if the band you're in starts playing different tunes, I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.
   --"Brain Damage", Pink Floyd