What if
I had more than just a distorted maybe
and a fading memory?
A love so raw and real
it could not be escaped on either end?
What if
you waltzed back through that door
and danced with my heart a little longer,
then took it and ran again?
What if
the words whimsically whizzing forth
from your lips
were genuine gurglings of the soul?
What if they're not?

In a life built upon what-if's,
I grow even more weary of
wishfully waiting for
something so alive and fulfilling
that I might never again deal with a
what if.

Honesty--
I give it.
I crave it.
But it's personal reciept forever eludes me.
To give myself as openly as possible
and to be met with meager lukewarm response
is not enough to let the lonely hurt subside,
merely make me regress to a time wherein
I never dared to care
or get too attached to anything.
It makes me grow lukewarm
and uninterested in the human race as a whole.

Evolution is an ironic cycle
that apparently hasn't led us too far
from the primordial,
animalistic lives of our ancestors.

I ask you this:
What if
you restored my faith
and reminded me of the feelings
you claim to still share,
half-heartedly at that?
What if
you were done dabbling in my river of
dreams,
hopes,
and needs,
you just blatantly blurted it rather than
stringing me along,
adding to this dwindling fountain of hope,
that learns to hold no more?
What if
the powers that be just finally sent me
something REAL,
something as genuine
and open
and NEEDING as myself,
that fits every other mold of a mate
as well as you do,
internally AND externally?
What if,
just once,
these matters of romance
and giving
and loving--
yes, LOVING!--
could turn in my favor just long enough
for me to remember why the human existence
is as wonderful as I know it can be?

What if
the phone just rang. . . .