Don't look at me with your puritanical spectacles on. I wasn't drinking, you ninny. I'm diabetic and I don't have too much of a death wish. I'm not a moron.
Anyway.
I got bored at one point. So to combat boredom and my unease at being a minor in a bar, I took out my legal pad and began doing free-write poetry. I think I would like to share with y'all. Enjoy my crappy poetry!
ONE
i feel slightly out of place
more like a space
empty holding this
for someone else.
how do i get roped into these things?
TWO
sitting here illegally
(yes, i said "illegally")
I wonder if my head
could feel more thick
or if my eyes
could drop more;
can i be more paranoid
or losing my new coat?
...and why does it feel
like everyone is looking at me?
THREE
"do you need anything?"
she asks helpfully
well if you happen to have
a spare skull lying around,
i'll trade you gladly
"no i'm fine" i lie
FOUR
after listening to loud music
blasting in my ears
for so long
even the silence feels deafening
more so than normal -
when i try to shut noise out
by plugging my ears
FIVE
i've come to realize
why mom only leave when
SHE ABSOLUTELY HAS TO:
a room full of people
i cringe in the noise
of heartbeats and music and conversation
and wait for my head to explode
SIX
when bored in a bar
the best thing to do
is swirl ice
around in a plastic cup
while counting all the places
you'd rather be
while refraining from
leashing out some primal scream
as another cancer
lights another goddamn cigarette
SEVEN
i hate being paranoid
being scared sucks
of course, staying home's not an option
and walking the dog gets old
seems lose-lose to me
EIGHT
sorry i'm not being more exciting
sorry i can't be entertainment again
you may not say anything about it
but you don't dare deny that you're bored.
Believe it or not, I actually had fun that night. I was just tired after having spent the entire day with a friend who I see every six months and only talk to every couple days...if that often. And by the time I've been up for over about 15 hours, I get irritable usually, depending on who I'm around. And I was in a bar, where I have no place to be, to see a band I wasn't sure I was going to like. If that doesn't make a person edgy, I don't know what would.
But Kitty Little rocked and I actually had fun. And I was rebellious and stayed up until 12:30! OH NO! I'm gonna go to Hell for that one, kiddies!
*panicked face*
Oh, well. I don't believe in Hell anyway.