It Only Takes an Hour



I


you were always a shy one shy and small smaller than me and even more scared scared of the world scared of people scared of love but i'm the one scared to get too close you had a girlfriend i was taken too but i waited i knew you were it you could be one of the ones you could be my page-boy if not my knight in shining armor i waited waited for you for us for whenever and you came through that first saturday afternoon you were not so shy and seemed not so small you were not so scared but brave and strong and larger than life though only five foot five and scrawny you think you're getting fat i tell you you're not you're still terrified you're still scared of being pudgy but i don't care i'd still love you regardless fat skinny medium you'd still be my shy one i'd still open my front door i'd still tease you about your clothes we'd still watch weird movies i'd still burn the popcorn and inhale all the smoke just don't play around don't tease you can shave your head get fat get a tattoo i don't care be my shy one be my five foot five giant you think you're getting taller maybe you are maybe i'll get shorter but you're not so small but shy you're quiet you fidget tick-tick-tick your leg shakes the bed shakes the floor shakes the world shakes tick-tick-tick is it fear or habit is it me or you will you be my shy one my little drummer boy full of fear of little things i'll still open my door for you and your fears

II

just  a few hours everything changed one week's separation i know it wasn't my fault it wasn't really you except for your procrastination and your fear you weren't so shy last night on the phone no news of your trip just a rapid stream of excuses all of two minutes on the phone it wasn't

me it was school it wasn't me it was your parents it wasn't me you never said so but i know it in my heart i didn't do anything but it's still just the same why doesn't it hurt i can't cry it doesn't feel real why weren't you shy so straight forward so blunt you don't want a girlfriend right now i know i know i know but it's not real right now no it's not okay no i won't go down kicking and screaming no i won't guilt trip you i can't do anything but hang up

III

i feel a void it's not a cold sucking wind not a vacuum just a vacant hole no amount of smoke can fill it no amount of guilt or apologizes can fill it maybe a couple of saturdays maybe time maybe when school starts again in the fall the trees are in bloom and you'll go away the leaves will go when you come back will you come back to me everything dies i'm not letting this go yet i'm not ready i won't let this go until i can cry i can't cry you were always so small don't feel smaller be strong it's just the tough times i'll be there i'll be your friend even if you get fat or get a tattoo you scrawny thing don't waste away if a piece of me hasn't died yet don't let it eat away at you i'll always be okay i'll always be here just don't play around don't use me just work get your life straight come back to me

IV


you've set yourself free i've let you go but i'll still open my door to you we'll still keep in touch i'll see you around take a nice trip to buffalo i'll see you next fall

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