To our dear Ellen,
We are sorry we missed you.
It's a long story.

Shit. Three-three-oh-four.
Did we get the number right?
What floor is that on?

We almost made it.
But things went horribly wrong.
We were almost killed.

Elevators suck.
Their doors are teeth of peril --
Someone lost an arm.

It was kinda gross.
Nina tried to repair it
But made worse instead.

Glue can't keep limbs on.
Cement didn't work either.
I tried duct tape, too.

We could not help him
So we cleaned him up instead.
Horray for Douglas!

Covered in red blood,
Douglas, not the carpet.
See? Another use.

After we were done
We started for you again
But more shit happened.

First the earthquake came.
Then the large plague of locusts.
Like in Exodus!

To make matters worse,
The fountain ran with thick blood
And all the first borns died.

So I lost a kid,
Maeve lost a pint of her blood...
'Cuz we missed your round.

But we learned one thing
On our misadventure here.
JB is Satan.

The railroad tycoon
Came back from eternity
To avenge his name.

It was...different
To see the nerds duke it out!
Anti-climatic...

The dead guy fought well.
But JB got a rifle --
Shot him in the head.

He lost points for that.
Outside weapons not allowed.
He's disqualified.

Oh, well. That's too bad.
Guess that just goes to show you:
No sawed-off shotguns!

He can't win them all
But JB sure was upset!
He shot the judges.

It was quite messy,
Whatwith all the blood and guts.
So we used Douglas.

We started for you...
But Douglas was all bloody...
Went to laundrymat.

We cleaned him up good
Used a lot of clorox bleach...
But now he's all white.

We started back here
But were suddenly attacked
By fat homeless men.

Still so full of rage,
JB wanted to destroy
The forensics tourn.

He wanted revenge
So the nut started an army
With homeless people.

Amazing, really,
All the bums marching like nazis
Without the black boots.

Boots made of duct tape!
Yes, that is off the topic
But we were impressed.

And so was JB
That's how he chose his recruits.
Yay, Duct Tape weapons!

We ran very fast
And managed to get away
...some weren't so lucky...

They brought down the door
Rounded up all the judges
And held them hostage.

They spit and they cursed
The judges, they were scared
We knew we must help...

But we left instead.
No use getting ourselves killed.
It wasn't OUR fault.

We managed to live.
The judges...not so lucky.
We felt kind of bad...

Maeve did, anyway.
I'm more apathetic so
Hey...didn't matter.

Back at the hotel,
My GOD! The rounds were over.
We wept like children.

So did the families
Of all the deceased judges.
Where did JB go?

We had to find out.
It was his fault we were late!
JB had to die...

We hunted him down --
Helped by the DiBuri Twins --
The Hyatt's too big! The twins, they were armed
With sporks and sawed-off shot guns.
JB had no chance...

Or did that bastard?
For a big guy, he runs fast.
He can dodge bullets.

Jeremy was killed
In this sick, worthless battle...
Eric got upset...

...he wept like a girl.
JB kicked him in the groin
And ran up the stairs.

With tears in his eyes...
Eric cried to the heavens
"You killed Jeremy!

You bastard!" he said.
But he couldn't get up well --
His crotch was squished.

Then who should appear?
Ben Seymour! Clad in fatigues
Ready to kick ass.

Wow. Who'd have thought that
Forensics can be so cool...
Back to the story!

He cracked a sly grin
And patted us on the head.
"Leave this to me, girls."

So we gladly did.
We didn't want to get hurt.
We're just little girls!

He looked up the stairs
And bit into his altoid.
We shuddered and hid.

Ben floated upstairs --
He was curiously high --
Eric crawled with him.

"Do you think they'll win?"
I asked cowering Nina.
She frowned and sighed.

"We have a slight chance..."
If only Jer'my had lived
JB would be toast.

I nodded sadly.
"And Eric can't reproduce!
No reinforcements..."

No more DiBuris...
We heard music from afar...
"Is that a minstrel?"

We looked to the sky
And our faces looked hopeful.
Could it...? Is it him?!

Clad in tight black tights
And sporting a mandolin,
There appeared Zack Zoll!

And as he appeared...
JB decended the stairs!
...blood upon his hands...

"Ben Seymour is dead."
He pulled a head in the air,
"And so is Eric."

We wept behind Zack
But dear Zack only smiled.
Oh, what a brave guy!

We both swooned for Zack
-- But not in that kind of way --
"Our hero!" we crooned.

JB spat at Zack.
"You fools!" He snapped with a laugh.
"You cannot beat me!"

Zack shrugged, nonchalant.
He took out his mandolin
And began to play.

JB's eyebrow twitched
And his hands were to his ears.
"What...what is this thing?!"

He soon became dazed.
Zack brought him to the fountain
And pushed him over.

We both ran to Zack
And showered him with praises.
"Our Hero! Yay Zack!"

He curtsied and bowed.
Guess who showed up next! Justin!
"And for my next trick..."

We turned to Justin
Tears still curled under our eyes.
"Please! Please save our friends!"

He blinked a few times.
"Wanna see my magic wand?"
He really had one!

He waved it around
And yellow pixie dust rained
Over our fallen friends.

"They're still dead!" we whined.
"Yeah, but they sure are pretty.
Give it a minute."

We sighed, but we did.
And sure enough, there was Ben!
And...a talking head? Poor Eric the Twin.
First he can't have lil Erics...
Now he's got no legs...

But Ben was okay!
And Jeremy looked just fine.
Well, we saved ONE twin.

That would have to do.
We saw JB had turned blue
But that's what happens.

Everyone went home.
Even Eric, with his head.
Time to find Ellen!

We found Eric first.
Just his body, though -- no head.
It was a sad sight.

Your round was over!
We spent too long with JB!
Oh, that's so not fair.