2/2/03

    2/3/03

    2/4/03

    Let's play catch up!

    In the material world I spent most of the weekend in Gainesville visiting my bro, Jon Simon the Zealot (relative not homey) and his girlfriend Jax. Jax treated me to the theatre with some nice seats to see Les Miserables Breathtaking and french! I was young when I saw it on Broadway and didn't appreciate fully but now trust me I do... Who couldn't? Stupid people probably... *shrugs* Then on Sunday I went to see the movie Chicago and ate some pie! Good times... Also recently H-Frawg died... But today my moma and dada got me two new fish; Almitra and Hicky the Second (moma branded him so.)

    In the ephermal world I'm a tossed salad or if you prefer a frosted raspberry breakfast bar. Either metaphor will do. Yup, a million emotions a minute! I'm in what we would call my own personal hell. And I'm FFFFFEDDDDD up with it... I don't know what must be changed but it will be. Or atleast I hope... I just.. I just... BLARRRG! I'm so confused so hurt... so scared. So... tossed...

    2/5/03

    So what? I'm doomed huh? Nothing I can say? This was supposed to be closure... I was supposed to accept and move on. Maybe a little hope was allowed though it must not go to a silly girl's head. This is closure? A wound that is constantly messed with will never heal. So what now? Sit and smile? Reason tells me this must be done. It's in our best interests... but the wound is picked at. To constantly be reminded of those tender moments.... those damned tender mercies with their blunt scissors... And I know it's no one's fault but my own. Tangled in the cosmic web I can't fight time... but I continue to toss and turn. Ricocheting through my brain... at peace and then just one thing... a piece of clothing, a familar scent causes ripples of pain and regret. Lost amidst memory lane. I just can't find my way out. A week they say for every month you date... But what if it felt like you knew him your whole life? Then what? 199 weeks... almost 4 years... maybe an eternity... maybe i'm just... i'm just... exhausted... I need a nap... Forgive me for my rambling this is the only thing that keeps me from acting on what I should not... and bugging my friends about this. It's really quite sensible... no really... it is? *lays down*

    2/7/03

    My spacer is all twitchery. I like that Justin Timberlake video "Cry Me A River." I'm ashamed. My fish are pretty. Something stuck in my tooth... I can't think well... oooo... tasty... Kangaroo Jack must be torture... kangaroo torture... mmm... kangaroo torture...

    2/8/03

    Life is but a variation on a theme... Today was spent like yesterday only at a different mall and a different movie. Doomed to repeat or something like that...

    2/9/03

    My stomache hurts... everything hurts.. my fish is dead.. my hair is black... I'm Shemo... this sucks...

    2/10/03

    Well... Either my life is over or... it's over... yeah... *shrugs* *apathy sets in*

    2/11/03

    Well, today turned out better than I expected! A little humilation... a little pizza... In the end it adds up to "moving on"! Slowly... but surely nonetheless... In other news I got a valentine from a "secret admirer." That's sweet... probably just from a friend but makes me feel special that someone thought of me... Made me smile. *smiles* So thanks who ever you are. *smiles again*

    2/12/03

    I was thinking... *shrugs* You know what? I won't even try to make a point today. I just really don't care... at all. I had an idea of what I wanted to say but... umm.. yeah... I'd rather just ramble about how I'm not gonna do that. I've been trying to be less lazy these past few days and get my life together but I've been even worse... I needed it though, I've been so exhausted emotionally and physically. And I'll be all rested up for a nice 4 day weekend! Too bad I'm not going up to PA... But I'll get to spend some time with the A-meister and after this weekend well.. things just won't be the same. :( The navy is taking him away... Speaking of the navy my fish have the ick and half of them died. I put some tablets in there to treat it so the survivors (Babyface, Dilingerface, Scarface, Sette, Sarah, and Ying) should umm... survive. It's funny cuz there is all this algae, the fish have white spots, and the water is now blue from the tablets so it looks like some sort of fish rave... I hope they be all cool and stay away from the "E".

    2/13/03

    greetings from the mind of dani.. sheila told me to do her moment of zen for thursday february 13, 2002.. my moment of zen.. *thinking*.. noone appreciates childhood.. or atleast the innocence of childhood.. when i was 5 i didnt have a care in the world outside my toys, not sleeping when my parents wanted me to and watching cartoons.. im still obsessed with my toys and watching cartoons, but i cant seem to get enough sleep.. i love to sleep..
in light of recent events going on in the world ive come to the bitter realization that when i was 5 (the same things infact where going on.. or atleast something simmilar) i didnt realize how evil people can be.. especially powerhungry men... i didnt know about nuclear bombs or weapons of mass destruction or biochemical warfare... i surely know about it now.. and shielas fish are acting funny.. but.. i wish i could go back to being five and playing with my toys while watching cartoons and not sleeping... gosh... ok.. well.. peace out all.. im off to greener pastures.. "ahh the simple joys" <- sheila

    2/16/03

    Its been a non-stop weekend hence no updatey. But I haven't been home at all.. let alone on the computer. It was a very pleasant weekend and will hopefully continue to be so. I had both friday and now monday off. I gota run tell you more about it later loves. Hope all is well.

    2/19/03

    Well, today was a nice day out on the town eating and laughing it up with the drama department... But as I sit here at 10:23 PM, I think of a snowman a friend made for me in my old yard as I doze with a mix CD made long ago in freshman year by Jessicang. Never truely gone... *hums eyes closed*

    2/20/03

    Due to weird sleeping patterns and a faulty clock I got no sleep last night. I mean I usually get little but... this was lower than usual. So the day I spent as if I was in a haze. A soft white snow flurry blew through the vast expanses and empty plains of Sheila's mind. Combined with the fact I was dressed in one of my old "winter-PA outfits" and the snowman picture I recieved yesterday from a friend.. I was in a winter mood. And often I retreated to a soft place in my mind... Now I'm pretty much sure if not absolutely that this picture will never materialize but I retreated in it while I could. It was one of me in my comfy outfit, all nice and clean, curled up in my bed with the blue sheets and fluffy old white comforter in the early morning light. Outside a quiet snow fall continued. There is perhaps a glass of red wine or a mug of hot chocolate next to me on the end table. The only sounds are the clicking of the keys of my lap top as I type out a play I've been writing or the turning of the pages of a well worn book. But surely there is the soft breathing of the warm body next to me. He doesn't have to make me laugh like he always does or debate with me about time or gravity but just lay there and dream sweetly. I glance over at him and time has frozen... it must be a dream.

    2/21/03

    I'm all moody... *eats something* I need to start working out... I wana go to the Ren fair but my brother can't take me... I'm hungry again... I now officially hate all Alaskans... Wait no... let's make a broader blanket statement... I hate all people... My brother is talking about politics... Save me... *teleports to livingroom*

    2/22/03

    Today's moment of zen will be brought to you by the letter LAUREN. Shemo is currently indisposed. Very good food will do that to you. I must say, her relatives are some of the most interesting ever. Sheila is randomly venting, and I am grouchy because my boyfriend is at the beach with the OTHER woman he loves. Wouldn't it be really cool if it snowed in Florida? I have the urge to go to the beach. Is that wind? I hope it rains. The sky is red. Is my screen in the window? Nope. Sheila's dad has a hat that lights up. Really neat. Fishes. "See you around." Bastard.

    2/24/03

    I've been looking out my window in a state shock thinking of how slowly but ever so quickly my life has changed. If I would of told "Last Year Sheila" of the poor little broken hearted Shemo in Southern Florida. She would of smiled and turned to thoughts of how she broke a poor boy's heart and the everlooming OM competition... not a second thought in her mousey brown head of the one's whose is black... It couldn't happen to her... Besides Shemo's life is not so horrible. She has good friends and potential beaus. It's just such a different life... such a different view. Gosh, I just turned around and looked back out my window and it is almost pitch black... I only looked out there into the bright but beginning of twilight 5 minutes ago... time is funny... And ever so fucking present. ha.. ha.. present...

    All day I've been typing up my play but it's almost done. I'm fully proud and I hope it wins the competition. that would be dandy. Maybe when it's all done I'll put it on the site. My neck hurts... I put a crink in it from typing at the computer and then every 10 seconds turning around to look at the stupid TV. Usually it's background noise but today I was interested. Damn it! I keep on turning around! *smacks neck* OW! bites hand Blimey! knocks out teeth* ... *you get the point*

    2/26/03

    I came home and then the whirlwind started. Me yelling at my mom. Her yelling at me. Us both rushing to get my script done and sent. But we got it all nice and fixed up (I hope) and sent in on time. Fuck grammar and its "rules." My mom also astutely pointed out that I use "..." a lot. It's nice and expressive damn it! I think we greatly improved my script though. My mom pointed out a lot falasies... or however it's spelled. We of course tore each other apart... I hate proofreading with her but it's necessary. We just don't mesh... I'll be the first to admit I act like a horrible little brat towards her. Be she can be nasty and pushy herself. But the end product is good. I create, she edits. When we went to Kinkos to get it bound and sent, I saw some food lying out and I took a peice of chicken.. figured it was an open lunch for costumers... it wasn't... it was for an office party... oopsie! *cute face towards camera* *canned laughter* :D

    "Do you know who I am? I'm Juanita and I can sing and I hope you can find out who I am!"

    2/27/03

    The defendent's closing statement, "I'm gonna take all the money I'm not gonna be giving her and fly to Disney World and ride a million times on "Space Mountain" shouting, 'SHE'S GONNNNNEEEE!! SHE'S GONNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!'"

    The plaintiff's reply, "Good, now I don't have to perm his hair anymore."

-Divorce Court