July 4, 2001
Today was a busy day. In an effort to raise funds for a more or less worthy cause, I was distributing burgers and cold ones to various passers-by at a local celebration of American Independence. I'm pretty sure that all of them were glad to be independent from their employers for a day, and if you pressed them, tha vast majority would talk to you at length about how they appreciate the sacrifices made on their behalf by those who died in combat. But I don't know if all that many of us really understand what liberty is.
Is liberty simply a lack of restrictions? I don't think so It seems to me that often the boundaries in my life are far more liberating than the lack thereof. It is far too easy to be paralyzed by the abundance of choices. As for myself, I am the type that stands far too long in front of the menu sign at McDonalds.
Is liberty all about being unrestricted by oppressive government? If so, there are those that would argue that America is lacking in liberty, and others that would say that America is overdosing on liberty. I think that the oppressive nature of a democratically elected government is far too subjective a concept to serve as a definition for liberty.
So what do I think it is? Well, liberty is a concept I apply to a society, not an individual. In a society that enjoys liberty, the members of the society as a whole are unrestrained from activities that do not harm the society itself. As for what activities harm a society, you have to answer the question, "What is the purpose of a society?".
And that, dear friend, is another topic entirely, and one that I am not prepared to deal with today.
While I'm looking for a decent segué into some other topic, I'll mention that I'm listening to At Home With Esteban from a guitarist that prefers to go by his first name only. It has a 15 minute version of Knights in White Satin that I enjoy.
Today I also thought about what I would write here. When you come to the realization that the events of your day and the thoughts you generate could potentially be viewed by 6 or so billion people, it encourages you to examine your life, and put things into perspective. Perhaps that guy that cut you off on the interstate was being a jerk and ruined your whole day, but when you think about telling the civilised world about it, or about how long you spent trying to decide what colour socks to wear, it encourages you to focus on things with a bit more impact.

July 2, 2001
I'm on a break at my job. I haven't seen my co-workers for a few days now. They have all very politely asked about my weekend, and to most of them I said it was fine, since I know that few of them are really interested in my life outside this office. To a couple, I confided in a personal tragedy that I faced, and I showed this website to one. The only other person that can put my face to this writing is my wife, who will appear prominently in the poetry section but very seldom here. She is always a part of my thoughts and feelings, but I don't think I'm ready to share that part of me with all of you yet, even if you aren't really there.
It occurred to me recently that last month I had to say goodbye, in one way or another, to almost everyone I remotely care about over the past month. It was emotionally draining. Today is a bright spot, though, since my wife and sons are returning from vacation tonight. Yes, they went on vacation without me. My line of work necessitated it. That is the most likely explanation for my voluntary insomnia.
My family is my world. One of the most significant things I realised over the past month is that there isn't anything I miss about being single. I think that's as far as I'm going with that subject for now.
I usually tell you what I'm listening to while I'm writing. Since I'm not playing any music right now, and all I'm listening to is office gossip, I'll mention that I've got The Best of Van Morrison, Volume 2, in the car CD player. It's very uplifting, and I recommend it to anyone that would like to wax philosophical as they drive.

July 1, 2001
Today was a frustrating day. I am an occasional musician with a Christian group, and I just couldn't get into my zone. The crowd was responsive, the singers were on, everything was going well, I didn't miss any cues or make any technical mistakes. I just felt hollow. I'm just coming off a pretty rough month, so I imagine that has something to do with it. The changes I've been through left me feeling like a dishrag after a buffet on the inside.

My faith is important to me. As a matter of fact, my whole life centers around it. I know God is real, because of many experiences with Him. But today, it was as if He was giving me "The Treatment." I can't remember the last time I felt so alone. Now I know what the prophet meant when he said, "The heavens are like brass."

So, now that you know that I'm a Jesus Freak, you have to ask yourself if that causes you to lose interest in this journal. I suppose some of you will (if there are any of you out there). But let me assure the rest of you that just because I have the Red Phone to God doesn't mean I have no self-doubt, or questions, or dilemmas. It does mean, however, that I have a source of strength outside myself.

But I digress. If you want to know more about the Jesus Freak thing, e-mail me and I'll give you the whole deal.

I'm not going to go into why June of 2001 was such a terrible month, at least not yet. It's still a little to fresh for me to be peeking under the bandage.

I'm listening to the One-Hit Wonders Channel at Spinner.com. They are playing Dan Hartman's "I Can Dream About You." It seems that the vast majority of One-Hit Wonders came from the '80s. What does that say about the post-Boomer/pre-GenX crowd? Still, I groove on it, and I wonder if some of these guys just decided to take their first Million and split, or did I just never hear of their second attempt.

June 30, 2001
This is the first day of the journal. I'm listening to Van Morrison, the Irish Cowboy. There's something about that voice, whether he's talking about Hymns to the Silence or Cleaning Windows, that gets me thinking on a deeper level.
I suppose the first thing I ought to explore is why I started this in the first place. I'm not exactly sure myself. Roughly a week ago, I was just randomly bouncing around the Internet and happened to run into a list of journals, much like I imagine you did, if you are reading this. I took a look at a few sites, all of which had some neat graphics and effects, but few of which resonated with me. There was one, however, that captured my attention. It was built by a person who is almost completely opposite to me in every way. I don't even know if it is still being maintained or checked on, as the last journal entry didn't seem to be all that recent.
As much as I would like to tell you the address, I won't, since I left a message in the Guest Book that would almost immediately identify me and spoil the anonymity I wish to preserve. I will say this much, though; the things I read there caused me to examine myself, and question my motivations and actions. If reading that clues you to my identity, so be it.
So, after puzzling about why my attention was so captured, I decided I would give this a try, too. I doubt that the previously mentioned journaler could have anticipated having an effect on someone like me, so I in turn hope to impact someone whom I cannot imagine influencing.
In future entries, I will probably talk more about my internal musings, my philosophies and beliefs, and the hopes, doubts, and struggles I face in life. For now, let this entry be sufficient as it stands. I'll be back soon.