Once in a while, the hours and the days build up, and I start to get tired. I get to that point, now and then, where I start thinking of a nice, normal job, or perhaps still saving the world, but in not such an active, people-shooting-at-you and leaving-everyone-you-care-about sort of way. Perhaps I would be a decent teacher of mathematics, or go into social work. Maybe I could hold some public office, or work for an environmental organization.
Then something like this comes along. Please make sure to read down to the bottom. If you are pressed for time, look here first, then get back to the other story later.
I do not remember if I ever met CSM Blankenbecler, but it is possible, as I spent a good amount of time in Killeen, TX, USA, at the military installation on which he served, and some of that time was within the last 8 months. He has the distinction of being the most senior of the enlisted personnel killed here in Iraq. He leaves behind a widow and a daughter still in high school, as well as other adult children. He was 40 years old. Also killed in the attack was PFC Analaura Esparza-Gutierrez, 21.
I hear these reports every day. I hear about them from many countries. Sometimes the weapons are sophisticated, and sometimes it is a man with a sword, or with a rocket launcher on a donkey. And every time I hear the story of another death, another father, or son, or mother, or daughter, or lover, or friend that will never see home again, I have a similar reaction. I am convinced that, if I can do what I do well enough, I can prevent some of these deaths, and someone will be able to go home that might not have otherwise made it out of here alive.
But, as often happens, I ask myself questions.
"So, E., what about you?"
What about me?
Don't you want to get home alive?
That is about the stupidest thing I have been asked all day. Therefore, I know you're up to something. OK, I'll play. Yes, I would like to get home alive, and I think what I am doing will get me through this, too.
And if it doesn't? What is the acceptible trade? How many lives have to be saved to make yours a fair exchange? How many husbands and fathers will need to avoid an untimely and painful death, returning to their wives and children, in order to enable your widow and your children to stand at your graveside and say, "We will miss you, but your death allowed "XX" families to avoid this very moment, so we understand"?
Well?
There are times when I think that I think too much.
Updated: Wednesday, 26 November 2003 3:22 PM GMT
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