It wasn't anything serious. No death of a loved one, or memory of love lost and heartbreak, or abusive adult . It was simply an unpleasant experience from a long time ago.

What suprised me was how intense the memory was. The impact was like a fist in the guts; sudden, unexpected, eclipsing every sensation around me. It took my breath from me. The pain was almost physical. Have you ever felt such a thing?

The particular memory in question has come up before, with much the same results. I'll be going along with my life, calm and contented, and such a thought will completely blindside me, with no warning. Generally its a memory of something stupid or humiliating I did during my misspent youth. The feelings are as vivid now as when I first experienced them, and only grow worse with logical analysis, because I was indeed stupid and humiliated. Granted, the opinion of those around me mean a great deal less than they used to, and the opinion of most of those involved in my life all those years ago hold all the influence of a stranger looking through my front window. And yet they meant something to me then, and that is what I remember.

So why do I go into all this? It doesn't change a thing for me. I will still go through this every now and again. But it always bugged me that I might be the only one who felt like this until the day that I found out that I wasn't the only one who felt like this. If I can help anyone else come to this realization any earlier than I did, then I've done something worth doing.