The more I write, the more I realise I have a lot to write about, and the more I am faced with the knowledge that I am completely inadequate to address some of the topics that I want to deal with. Here are a few examples of things I have been asked about via e-mail and by friends face to face:
- Faith
- Love
- God
- Relationships
- Grief and Loss
- The Fundamental Nature of the Universe
- Religion
- Existentialism
- Motorcycle Maintenance
- Pasta
Naturally, I have strong opinions on all of these topics. My quandry, however, is that which troubles every writer. I want to make a definitive statement, one that will stand the test of time and be recognised by my children's grandchildren as a profound contribution to the human dialogue. The only trouble is, gee whiz (brief tribute to the Everly Brothers), I have so many more questions than answers, and only about three-or-so pounds of what amounts to a computer made out of meat to come up with any profundity.
So I guess today's topic is insecurity.
I heard of a study that some university did about 2 years ago (obviously funded by some branch of some government) that said one of the leading characteristics of incompetent people is their complete confidence in their competence. Part of what makes them what they are is their complete lack of awareness of what they are.
On the other hand, the study continued, competent people generally felt less able to perform than they were actual ability level would indicate. And so, again, part of what makes them what they are is their inability to perceive themselves as they truly are.
It's enough to make a writer neurotic. If I think I'm a good writer, does that indicate that I'm not? If I don't think I'm a good writer, and that indicates that I actually am a good writer, does that mean I should stick to topics that I feel I don't know well enough to cover? And if I don't think I'm a good writer (which is an indication that I actually am a good writer), why am I writing in the first place? Shouldn't I be an accountant, or a mercenary in the French Foreign Legion, or an Elvis impersonator, or an automobile technician in Wisconsin (I have it on the most reliable authority that Wisconsin is where all the best service techincians are)?
Fortunately, there are reasons for writing other than whether or not I believe I am a good writer. Far more important is whether or not I think I have anything to say. Having something to say goes deeper than being opinionated. There is more of an urgency involved, sometimes for the world to know something you have stumbled across, sometimes for you to find out if you are the only one in the world who feels as you do, and sometimes...
Sometimes it's because you have to. You have feelings, or ideas, or beliefs. Your environment won't allow you to speak, because what is inside you is so different from what is around you, that if you shared it with even your closest friend, you would find yourself more alone than you were in the first place.
So we write.
We scribble our thoughts on journals, or post them on web sites, because we are insecure. The irony is that the only way to deal with the insecurity is to go here, the most public venue there is.
But, then again, I could be wrong. It's only my opinion.