OK, people, let's review a few important lessons we learned today in regards to driving a Sport Utility Vehicle (SUV) in an Urban Combat Environment (UCE).
1. When arranging a convoy through a UCE, count the number of vehicles, count the number of drivers, and make sure they are equal.
2. When assigning impromptu drivers from the collection of passengers, make sure that the recruited drivers are aware of the safest, most efficient route from point A to point B, or, at miminum, where point B is.
3. If your unarmed civilian says he doesn't know the way to point B, and has not been to point B in a number of months, do NOT have him/her drive the lead position in the convoy.
These are the lessons we learned today. And how do we learn these lessons? That's right, through experience. That is how I ended up on the back streets of downtown Baghdad this afternoon, with nervous, well-armed, trained marksmen keeping a wary eye on tenaments and shop windows, in an attempt to make sure we did not end up being the latest "target of opportunity".
I learned a few personal lessons today, as well.
1. I remember a LOT more about Protective Services Driving than I thought I did. My American friends have a charming phrase they used afterward. Does the term "Drive it like you stole it" ring any bells?
2. There are certain people, who shall remain nameless, from whom I will NEVER AGAIN take driving directions.
3. When a government, justifiably cautions about terrorist activities, puts up unannounced roadblocks, it throws traffic into confusion to the point that people will drive in the opposite direction of the flow of traffic to get back to their workplace from their lunch break.
4. These same people, in spite of the size or condition of the car they are driving, are not intimidated by a large SUV executing a bootleg turn, crossing a concrete median, and attempting to merge into traffic.
Never mind where I was trying to go, or what I was going to accomplish when I got there. I made it, I did it, and I got back to where I started without loss of life, limb, eyesight, or even paint. In transit, though, I did end up on a back alley in a less than friendly area of town.
Several thoughts came to mind, completely of their own accord. If we are intercepted and roadblocked, I have adequate room on the left to execute a bootleg. However, should I find myself being boxed from the front and the rear, and need to ram the interceding car, aim for the trunk, as it generally weighs less and will be easier to move. Try to angle slightly to the right at the last moment, to facilitate spinning said vehicle. In the event of a chase, evade. The average high-speed chase lasts, at best, about three minutes, primarily due to gunfire and accidental crashes. In the event of pursuit, look for the nearest bank, and drive into it. Through the front door and into the lobby. In this particular area, there is an American M-1 tank, with crew, carrying a .50 calibre machine gun, within 1 mile of our present location, which I can reach by doubling back and taking the next right, which will be against the flow of traffic.
I am not a violent man, but I am aware of violence around me. I am aware that, even though Saddam Hussein has been captured, there is a substantial amount of money for which no accounting has been made, and a number of people are still promising to give some of it to anyone that will kill me. I am aware the people have died in this conflict, and that vengance is more often an act of opportunity than of calculation. I am aware that, though I am not a combatant, there are those here that do not care about the Law of Land Warfare. If they kill me, they will not send the money to my wife and sons, nor will they take responsibility for them, and so I have a duty to do whatever is required to get home alive.
Other than that, it was a quiet day. Not much to tell, really. Hopefully, I will have something more interesting to write tomorrow.