Don't trust earthly wisdom.  Mortals make mistakes.  If you have a question,

The King of the Gods answers your questions.
Omnipotence is cool!

Archives - V

Q:  Oh Great God Zeus,

I have been tormented by a conflict in my person dietary issues lately...
I have recently converted over to vegetarianism and have contemplated this question over and over in my mind.  Since I have made the personal decision not to eat the creatures that you have made, is it  cheating if I eat animal crackers?
Thank you for taking time out of your mystical day to answer my question oh mighty Zeus.


Animal Lover

A:  Person dietary issues?  You make it sound like you were eating people.  :)  Seriously, though, I respect your decision to not eat animals, even though I made some of them damn tasty for a reason.  Here are six questions that, as a vegetarian, you should ask yourself before you partake:  1.  Did my meal beg for its life?  2.  Did it ever walk or swim under its own power?  3.  Will it bleed when I bite into it?  4.  When the meal was being prepared, did the food howl in pain?  5.  Is Jello an ingredient in what I'm eating?  (Jello contains animal byproducts.  Strange, but true.)    6.  Does it taste best when cooked medium rare?  If any of your answers are in the affirmative, you're most likely about to masticate some critter.  So, the only way animal crackers can be considered cheating is when you take into account the millions of little microscopic guys that are on everything you eat anyway.  So, if meat really is murder...  Just something for you to ponder.  As for me, I'm off to have a nice, juicy steak.  (Cooked medium rare, of course.)

Q:  Hail Zeus, Father of Gods and men, upholder of oaths, law and justice,

If ever I poured out dark wine that pleased you, hear my question and make an answer! Send to M.A.D. in Athens [] whether I will escape this place, whether my toil and trouble will find earthly reward, and whether I will find justice against those who oppress me. For it has truly been said, "It is not enough that I win, others must fail."  I earnestly entreat you Zeus Father, to aid me in my struggle.

Molly Dauster

A:  Take note, people. That's how you address a God.  Well done, Molly.  Now on to business of answering your questions.  Question one:  You'll make your exit sooner or later.  All mortals do.  It's called death.  The Fates cut your thread of life and you'll become, to be politically correct, bodily challenged for the rest of eternity.  As for the rest, it's time to work on your people skills.  All too often, those who seek "justice" find themselves engaged in an armed rampage at their place of employment.  Not good.  Go study Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People."  It works pretty well, and you're a lot less likely to be shot at or involved in a police standoff.  After all, there's no need to tempt the Fates prematurely.

Volcano Quandary:
Q:  Zues-a-roma

If I have a valcanoe in my back yard, can i charge people to see it even if it could kill them? I already tested it by throwing my sisters cat in and it died.


A:  Bad move, girlfriend.  While I, Zeus, have no particular fondness for felines, many gods do.  Minerva is PO'd at you, as is Aphrodite.  Whoops, there goes any hope of a future love life.  Oh well.  Sad thing is that it didn't do you a whit of good.  Even the most evil gods demand no less than a virgin cat, and your sister's was no spring kitten, if you take my meaning.  Next time you need a test subject, use a poodle.  Nobody worth their salt likes poodles.  As to charging admission to a potentially deadly event, people do it all the time.  They pay to go rock climbing, they pay to go into parks with dangerous predators, they even pay to get into air shows, and those are getting really scary.  Here's the secret:  Get them to sign a waiver.  It's the way corporate america avoids anything resembling personal responsibility.

Click here to return to the Ask Zeus! homepage.

View My GuestbookSign My Guestbook