So these are all from Olympia, no dates. From the time I got there until the time Steve got there. Read these and see how they become my future. BB (2/20/03)

TO: Steve Rousseau

Across the world and still writing! Greetings good buddy! Seeing as though I documented my travels on film, and you were constantly present; I decided to send you the film that you would most enjoy. Please, give my regards to all subjects pictured, and distribute those that you wish to the intended recipient. I wish you the most happiness that could be attained, and I hope you wish the same for me. If you do, then you would be willing to sacrifice your dignity and take care of The Girl I Deeply Care About. You need not ask her out, only entertain her and keep her safe and clean. I know this is an arduous task, but I hope you will do your very best. Peace + Love, Aris

TO: Steve Rousseau

one step from freedom
one step from prison
from these gray souls a vision has risen
of life (freedom); of death (prison)
of one next to one
living together--living life as it seems (empty hopes + dreams)
once become one, we get things done--together
move along, forward, but we're slow
division was spoken, the middle was broken
souls led astray (accomplishments in ashtray)
apart once again and begin--life (as it seems)
--This is my good writing, it is about the movement, if you couldn’t tell--
beyond the window
that creatures crawl into
a world of pain, shame--injustice
should I leap from my perch--possible rebirth
or stay on the street--beating my meat
--I like this too, the loneliness of my life leads me into; about not being able to identify with others--
Haikus!
A vision of sanity
attacked +
erased

child-like children
running
with wings on
*ask me about this one, it is really beautiful

masturbating to memory
wishing on stars
this is not wrong
like running in water

There you go, now you can actually say you've read some of my work. Those are basics--poems about the movement + loneliness, then haiku's + weird stuff that should be explained. These aren’t the ones I would call my best (a sigh of relief from whoever reads this), but they are a precise representation of my poetry. My essays are harder to explain, because most of them are in outline form. I write them out fully when I transfer them and they are different every time. In my new book, I have attempted to combine all of my main three elements into a movement/lost love poem with haikus not pertaining to anything in particular thrown in for change-ups. In case you wonder, the punctuation is a very important element; I could explain it, but it doesn’t make much sense in my head so conveyed on paper would be near impossible. Do with these as you please. Peace + Love Brian P.S. Oh yeah, don’t be alarmed by the proficiency of self satisfaction!

TO: Steve Rousseau

Let me tell you, life is rough. I can never let it through my vocal chords, but what the hell did I leave NY for? That is the omnipresent question in my head. What happens if I cant pay rent here? My rent is $380, electric will be $30, phone will be $80 (one time startup fee of $50, those bastards), I am looking at $500 needed before July 1st. I have like $240 right now, but by the time I need to pay bills that will be down to around $200. Jobs wont call me back, I cant find some places; I have been here for a week now. I am such a scared little boy. If you want an easy autonomous life when you leave your Mom's, stay close. I cannot fathom the thoughts I had that brought me out here...... It is too late to be whining, I am one with myself now. I made my first "friend" out here. This guy named Bob, he lives at the end of the hall; supervises the rec. room on the weekends. We were watching game 3 (basketball), talking. Turns out he was born in Indiana; Fort Wayne area and he moved to NY when he was young, White Plains/Valhalla area, a couple miles north from where I was. He has now been living in the Olympia area for 25 years. That’s his story. People are very open here, watching basketball Bob tells me about being in AA and his father dying. It is a culture shock for me, I cant compete, I really don’t talk about myself that much, especially to people I don’t know. This will be a good life lesson for me. Weathermen/Women cant predict anything. I bought the paper yesterday, it said that it was supposed to be beautiful--no rain. It was raining from 6:a.m. to 9:47 p.m., but they say that Tues. thru Thurs. are supposed to be excellent......I hope. It is nice right now, 70, sunny, but I am doing laundry, buggers. Another movie I couldn’t remember is "Happiness", by John Waters......definitely check that one, and the ones I previously mentioned, out. I hope you and Rachael enjoy the films. Peace + Love, Brian

TO: Steve Rousseau

My God Man! You missed out--read all about it. Most beautiful punk show I have ever seen, further solidifies my desire to attempt roots in Oly. If you--I would give anything if you could have seen this show, it was very inspiring. "We have to remember, that we control the corporations powers, we determine what they distribute, it is our lives at stake." That wasn’t a quote, sorry. I wanted to quote, but I didn’t. The Need play extraordinary music. Truly poetic in a physical way. This is what I expected everyday in Olympia (before I came here), marches, mixes, shows, theatre, parades, get-togethers, love/peace/whatever-ins, punk rock girls with hairy legs + armpits, unification, excellence in the pursuit of beauty. Here is a quote: "This whole experience breathes life into my lungs, that change is possible. It is. It also redefines my view of society--and forms my view of transexuality, it is wonderful. This life that allows freedom and diversity (however choked they may be) is beautiful and wonderful. I am in love and could never express that enough."" Organic excerpts from "Oly Journal" by Aris Hedon That was about the "Transfused." I cannot even comprehend or transcend my feelings, they are so elaborately strewn amongst other ideas + convictions + feelings that to describe it perfectly would entail me writing a masterpiece of mind. A philosophic book, perhaps: "Philosophy, Freedom, and Diet," perhaps not. It doesn’t matter truly, what does is how I utilize my bestowments (gifts and destinies), what will I do now that I am aware of this knowledge I hold? I had a realization today, I ask questions I know the answers too to provoke diversity in how I view things, but one recurring question I cannot answer and you may: How did I arrive where I am (physically, mentally, spiritually)? Offer insight to my dilemmas please. Peace + Love, Brian P.S. It was a really great show.

TO: Steve Rousseau

(written on the cover of the first draft of "People w/ Papers", titled New York Journals Poetry + Oddity...by Aris Hedon)
This is what $200 buys you. The first in-depth look into how I feel day in/out. Good luck with it man. I am really scared about how you will interperate it, but I hold high faith in you and I want your honest opinions. Just think, if this is actually published and wins awards, you could make a ton of money selling this on EBAY or something. Thank You. Peace + Love Brian

TO: Steve Rousseau

I wrote a poem the other day, called "Dragging SUV's". I picked a book up at the library about all of the different forms of poetry + how to write them. I emailed BeeJay. I wrote Alexandria, she got the first stanza. I wrote the poem in four parts, each a five-line stanza. In the book, I read about collaboration, poets working together. I thought about our letter to BeeJay. I decided to have a group poem, undefined, perhaps unending. I want to have a give/take session with you, Alex, +Rob. Like I said, Alex got the first stanza, she will write back with a five-line stanza about anything + send it back, we will keep it going. One day this poem could be 100 pages long with 4 minds involved, it could be beautiful. The only reason I picked this one is 'cuz no one has seen it, it is new. Take it anywhere and tell everyone I said "hi". Peace/Love, Brian

TO: Steve Rousseau

Just to let you know, you are missing an amazing festival. They made enough money to cover the costs + expenses in the first day; result: free festival. The rest of the festival events are free, ticket holders come first. That is a beautiful thing, so I learned how to start a grass roots community resource/not-for-profit group today; very interesting, down to earth and informative-I took notes. There was only one other boy and he was a guest of one of the people to talk about grants. Two boys came in halfway through. And, my god, I cannot begin to tell you of all the beautiful people here. I met a girl that lives in a tree in Montreal. Another girl who hitchhiked here from San Antonio or Austin, I don’t remember. I am really learning alot, and spending time with Tiffany is so fun, she understands my potential, so I can speak easy, frankly + freely with her. We are on another level, I really missed her, and I am very happy to spend time with her now and to ultimately know she is my friend. She thinks I should stay here for a long time, she says I look alot healthier, happier, and skinnier(?)--she is boosting my spirit to unknown levels, and I am thoroughly enjoying it. About spirits, Frank told me my spirit is 500 years in the future, because of the way I envision nature + my anarchist/peace political beliefs synonymous with nature + oneness. He is a great man, fearless, you should meet him sometime. So this tape is the Transfused/Macaw. Listen to them both openly, you should like them. You should know the Transfused if you read the book, and Macaw is about Peace and Unity, Freedom. I am completely astounded + overwhelmed everyday with the things that happen in this town, from the alternative library to Ladyfest, it is all free-form, user-friendly, all-ages, hyphenation-city. It is pure, I am still reveling in the fact that I lived in NY, because it was big, and things happened. This is 100% better, it is small and one can watch + participate in the things that happen. I will soon. While you have $, there is also a flyer + check out: www.veganoutreach.com! Peace/Love/Freedom Brian

TO: Steve Rousseau

You know, I was sitting here and planning to start a list of things to talk about with you. I will just write you a letter. I remember you talking to me about those girls you went to school with (that weren’t "cool"). And you talked with them about WDC protests and May Day. What ever came of that? And I just cannot remember if I told you or not, but one of my poems is being published--in a collection titled "Natures Echoes". Fitting. Anyway, it is the one that begins "at night or daybreak", the format is different from what you have. Go to www.Poetry.com, and type in my name. I bought 6qts of soy milk today. They were two for $1. I couldn’t pass it up. You know, I really want to travel, walk/bike for a long time. I also really want to stay in this town, did I tell Olympia is the hippest city in the west according to Time magazine. And I live here and would like to be part of this collective beauty. I know your answer: Do what you want. But, I want your opinion, would YOU leave or would YOU stay? That is this weeks topic of discussion. Summer 2000 brought Ladyfest to Olympia, Summer 2001 brings Yo Yo A Go Go III, and I want to be here for it. I just got the live mix of Yo Yo I, and it is amazing, really just a bunch of local bands singing and performing for five days at Capitol Theatre. It is awesome. Capitol Theatre is the best place, and OlyWa (Olympia World News), and 4th st. in general. This place is a great staging ground, a great great place, I want to go to college, but only at TESC (Evergreen State College). It is a public liberal arts school, run by students. There is just so much stuff that is accessible, it is really wonderful, I just need a little bit of leverage. I cant just walk up and "get to know someone", I need to be initiated, I need someone else to take charge, because I will only when all else fails. And Sleater-Kinney is from here, during Ladyfest they were "among the crowd". Tiffany pointed them out--I wouldn’t have known otherwise, right now, I am hearing then for the first time, at Yo Yo '97. They are playing with the Need and it is really good. I am sorry I talk so much shit, I convey Ideas as I have them, I may never "walk", but it is the second time I have seriously considered it. If I get that leverage here, I'll probably stay. Peace/Love/Anarchy Brian

TO: Steve Rousseau

(This is written on the first page of Philosophy Freedom and Diet, so I am going to write what is typed and what I hand wrote...)
PHILOSOPHY, FREEDOM, and DIET
ARIS HEDON
In reviewing philosophy as an ideal for human nature, one will find that the IDEALS OF PHILOSOPHY rest in freedom--that is human nature, to be free of chains and bonds to hold one back from experiencing real (pure) life. One should also pick up on the fact that freedom and Utopia complement one another, in a sense, true philosophy is Utopia. I remember when I was a child there was a housing community that was named "Utopia," I never knew what it meant, but it was always in my mind because of the commercialization (that, I think, is a bad thing--commercialization of the word Utopia allowed me to know the word, but not its true meaning, I was appalled when I learned what Utopia meant and when I really went into that community, it is a long walk away from Utopia.)
Going back into Socratic times, wait, we cannot do that--time travel has not yet been introduced to the public; reading history, we find a strong link between Socratic Greece and Philosophy, and we need not mention that Ancient Greece was without a reigning government, the society was anarchaic. (And that is the end, now for the had writing)

I just got off the phone with you, I really want you to have this program. You also get the very inkling beginning (before I even had the notebook) of my new works. This is subject to change, but you see where my mind is headed with this a little. Peace + Love Brian P.S. Routes 13 + 48 are my two most used.

(This was part of a package that included, from what I can decipher, two bus routes and the program for the Transfused. And I think this next part was also in there, but it could be something totally different... BB 2/20/03)

My manuscript has taken an entirely new shape. I have decided to integrate alot of the shorter poems that correlate to make longer mass poems that convey better. I have gone so far as to totally change one to fit another, my poetry is reproducing--it is cool. Anyway, here is some newer stuff, from Oly. And the title is different, because it encompasses more than just NY. Right now the title is "Yes to Infusion" but is all very subjective, you know, there are some really good journal entries too (I will add some), but the copy I am pittering is the copy with necessary changes on it. Peace/Love/Anarchy Brian P.S. up to 75 pages now!

TO: Steve Rousseau

Information on Culture:
Free Mumia; write Janet Reno
Save the Forests; get green
Know your locale; Co-op news
VOTE 2000; This is interesting, reminiscent of "You" for president. New understanding, by voting you endorse so-called democracy no-matter the outcome. We cannot win by their rules, don’t vote.
Play Soccer; Ride a bike, whatever: stay healthy--it is an asset we have against the murderers.
WIP; excellent locally run publication, very cultural
No Star; while your there, voice your opinion--whatever it may be
Yo-Yo '97; Live Recordings
side 1:
1. Jason Traeger--Good Thing
2.Seagull Screaming Kiss Her Kiss Her--Pink Soda
3. Some Velvet Sidewalk--Clearhead (it is used)
4. Sleater-Kinney--Dance Song '97 this is the first I ever heard
side 2:
5. The Mountain Goats--Raid on Entebbe (my favorite, despite Canada)
6. Little Red Car Wreck--Crashing Cars
7. Nikki McClure--Godzilla
8. Mirah--Tumwater Falls (I live by a waterfall)
9. Jenn Kliese + Khaela Maricich--A girl in the Sky
Not to put any pressure on you, but you best enjoy this tape--it was a bitch to make. I had to hold the record button the entire time. So, I'll probably speak with you before you get this, I need you to get me a few things; addresses, I need them. I need Big Al's, Rachael’s, Beth + Amber's (BeeJay's ex-gfriend). That shouldn’t be that hard, and if there is anyone else you think I should write, toss their address in there and I'll scribe a letter. If you want anything, that I am not supplying you with, from out here--just ask. I really hope you consider (highly) moving out here after the wedding, or after Christmas. It is almost certain that I'll stay for longer than previously expected. I do plan to move, however. I want to get a house or an apartment closer to downtown--perhaps on the West Side even. I should have my chap-book ready + awaiting printing by the end of the week, it will be about a month ahead of schedule. You'll get a finished copy, it is a lot cooler than what you have now. Peace/Love Brian

TO: Steve Rousseau

I have sent you a number of packages, at least 4 since my arrival here. I hope you enjoy them, they are for your pleasure + expanding. Believe me, I am sitting on a ton of other things I would like you to see, I just need to copy them. How would you like to create and unending topic/assault zine? By that I mean convert PF+D to zine form with regular columns that continue off of previous issues + attacks the fibers this society is built on? Each one of these books costs me about $4, I made five. If we made the zine half the size (which is still large) it would be feasible (with large quantity discounts + a small donation for a zine). It is just another thought, with each new thing I undertake I learn 3-5 things, but open 100's of question boxes to pursue--it is tough to know which will be most fruitful. Do me a favor, okay? Edit my book. Just look for spacing + typographical errors +alert me. Also, please critique it truthfully + harshly. I cannot learn + grow without the truth, in your eyes, mine, everyone’s. I plan to print about fifty more, send you ten TO BE DISTRIBUTED to people that don’t know me all that well, those that know me + would like a copy must send for one, totally free, just requested personally. The rest will go to various places around the country TBD. I have a master plan. People will be intrigued with Aris Hedon + PAAEP--contact. I will be helpful + courteous, attempt to set-up contacts to post fliers + distribute PAAEP + PF+D material--fliers for the donations for the cross country trek + such, like CRASS records. That would be awesome if we could (hypothetically) claim creation of a CRASS-like ensemble. Please, dude, get back soon + tell me what you think about all this great stuff going on. All the people (and then some)on the thank-you credit will receive a copy directly from me (eventually). That is why I need those addresses. Peace + Love Brian (Aris Hedon)

TO: Steve Rousseau

You know, I was thinking today, much about your impending journey. I think you should travel with no music or books, only desire. Mechanical (and book) burdens, I think, will distract your thought from the true beauty of the land + your task. You should send those burdens to me + collect them upon your arrival, because, I mean, your task is wonderful + why distract your mind? Have true + only "Steve mind" entries in your journals + poetry. I looked (in the paper) at the houses today + I honestly plan to buy one--truly have a commune with acreage + vegetables + fruit. There was a house with mature fruit trees + close to the co-op + target in the paper. I think it was like $117K but I don’t remember for sure. PAAEP is so much into focus (in my mind) I am overwhelmed by the possibilities. We have the chance to really do great things, and I cant wait, I feel so ready now it isn’t funny. So, here we go, these five copies are just the beginning, if you need more, let me know. I am also working on a flier to promote the site + since the book is promoted at the site, it will promote the book, enough already, get these out! Peace + Love Brian