FROM: Rob Abele (I think this is the first piece of mail I got from Rob and it is exquisite, too beautiful for words.)

Brian, How's it going? Sorry it took so long to write back, Things in my life have been pretty hectic lately. So how's the job going at Target? It's too bad that creative alive individuals like ourselves have to work in places that drive us mad. It should be that society accepts that our true spirits are not meant to be shackled by modern responsibility. But I think this universe will take some time to understand that! My paintings are coming along nicely and my creative spirit is alive and well spirited. All of my attention is phocused on my November show which with some good fortune you may be able to attend. I took a trip to a small island in Long Island Sound this past Saturday. Eddie had a friend who was renting a house there and invited us to spend the weekend. The island is called Block Island, it has to be a special very place on Earth. The spirit there is relaxed and peaceful. The houses are as ruff as the landscape they exist in, there tall and strong and stand with great dignity. Every turn I took I saw a painting. The light was sharp colors were so alive I sat and watched a beautiful Hippie girl move her body in the moonlight dancing to Van Morrison. I did 2 small paintings, one of a winding road and the other of the lighthouse. As I was painting the lighthouse in the background a man played the bagpipes to a wedding ceremony that was going on. I was right there in the middle of it going on. At night I smoked 5th generation Block Island homegrown. Every star in the sky was out and I just layed there for hours losing myself to the night. It would be so easy for me to live my life on that place truly beautiful people, real they were, I so not often meet people like them! I've been spending time with Lori-Beth lately she is my muse, I'm happiest when I'm with her and am so trying to turn her into a true artist. I think she has potential. Keep writing Brian about what your experiencing, its so important to keep a memory of all your experiences I know someday that it will make sense if we're lucky! I'll talk or write to ya soon, Peace/Love Rob "The stone that the builder refused, should will always be the headcornerstone" (Bob Marley)

10/24/00

FROM: Rob Abele (This letter accompanied a package with art stuff in it and pictures of his girlfriend.)

Everything but the article in the Times is here Brian. That I will send you when it comes out. Everything is happening so fast, I wish I had more time to talk with you. After the show I'll be looking forward to that. Your starting to scare me lately with the way you feel, these are the best years of your life, absorb them Brian, they will make great fodder for future work. ~Breathe~ That’s my girlfriend, hope you like her you really would, she's very fiesty and has strong political views and she's great in bed. HA-- Love-Rob--Peace-

??/??/02

FROM: Rob Abele (This, like the first is a work of art. I don’t know exactly when this came, but it could be figured out rather easily, I think...)



11/12/2002

TO: ROB ABELE
Sitting in this deep corner, there is no quiet. Booming Beaming Bright Alive! And smiling, boldly, into the depths of forever. Life doesn’t escape a person, it transforms that person. In death, I think, that is more a changing of the guard, a quirk of life that transforms a person into "death", but never really dead, always living. And the secret, is to always feel alive, I have found that much. And because of this knowledge, I do my best to spend every moment in truth, in ALIVE, in now, and, especially, in forever. Always living, always working toward that goal, of tomorrow. A special feeling glides across my being when I think of tomorrow, that feeling is closely attuned to excitement, but something wholly its own. It is wondrosity. I was thinking today of how long it has been since I have seen NY, and it is two years and a couple days too long. I don’t know exactly what it is that binds my being to NY, I have such fond memories. I felt so young, so much younger and newer then. More open, my doors were like a saloon, now, there are a few boards across that door, and a padlock--locked. It isn’t all bad, I just find it harder to accept things around my life fluctuating, things that I once thought were stone are corrupting under the weight of acid rain. And letting new things bond inside of me...it is just tough. Sometimes, I feel like a less than whole individual. Like, I think there is some key thing that everyone learns when they are seven years old, but for some reason I missed out. And now, no matter how hard I knock, the door to normalcy isn’t going to be opened. So, I come to accept not being "all there" all the time, internal struggles with human interaction; and I am getting used to being alone all of the time, truly loving myself, and I am doing well, I think. I have been writing like four pages of nonsensical blabber a day and it is beginning to form into something. Something tangible and real, since 1999, I have 290 pages (typed in ten-point Times New Roman) of jibber jabber and documents. It grows every day and I am impressed with myself, it is my personal accomplishment. I have this overbearing voice in my head that I should do something with all of that documentation, poetry, theory. But I am sitting on it, probably afraid of how I feel about it...I don’t know. Basically, I want to put across the notion that I am living life very well right now, I hate my job, but am happy. I am (always) struggling and working through it. I think in the next few years I will be dangerously close to becoming a whole person. Scary. I hope Ireland has treated you well, and that everything is going terrific. Get together some art and give me an excuse to visit, I was in Olympia this weekend, so NY is due! Hope to see you soon, take care. Peace.Love. Brian

11/25/02

TO: Rob Abele

In this life of mine, I have known many people, chance meetings, life-long friendships, one-night stands, whatever. I have noticed that people tend to gravitate toward me. When I first recognized it, it was dismissed as a cruel joke. Then I studied some astrology and came to the conclusion it was merely the sign I was born under, I was born under LEO, the lion, the leader. And, many times in my life I have attempted to play down and outright denounce that heritage. I tend to like being absorbed in myself and look with ignorance and misunderstanding of the life that promotes the gravitational pull I was previously speaking of. It also runs in my family, my father, my brother. I don’t like it. The way I view my person, tends to denounce these "inherited" traits. When I went from California to Indiana I had every intention of cultivating my "self", and through an odd stream of events, I think I did...although completely detached from the way I had once imagined. It seems to me that my most recent sojourn in Indiana taught me many things, and reinforced previous modes of thinking. It allowed me to understand the capacity I have to influence people, it focused my attention on material gain, and thusly reinforced my previous beliefs against material gain. My overall mindset and the mindset I adopted in Indiana are so contradictory it hurts. Mental pain when thinking about it. But, at the time, the bodily, material, fake pleasures far outweighed and even duped the mind into being happy, content, sane. But, one of the things I harnessed and abhorred, at first the latter and towards the end, the former, was the gravity of my being. It was amazing, it part by personal positioning, but mostly it was because a personal un-understandable force I'll call "peravity", meaning: personal gravity, or the force that draws one person to another. Anyway, this is not the proper forum to introduce new thought, right now I just want to expand on old thoughts. When I first got to Indiana, I felt super-elite so built up that people might pay an admission just to see me. So I dropped myself on a few people that would spread the word, and then set myself up as a chef at a local benefit concert. I don’t think it worked and my ego was justly deflated. So, as I withdrew, things started to kick in and I stayed locked within myself. Learning, cultivating, little. Then I stopped being vegan, started working for my Dad, and became regular. Taught myself how to be regular. Regular, of course, being everything that my house in Indiana was (TV, nintendo, couches, cat, bills, parties, friends, a car, a feeling of emptiness, thoughts of destruction, lying to myself, etc.) and making, or trying to make, regular looking extra-ordinary. I am not sure, exactly, where this is all going, but I know whatever I did in Indiana was not what I went there for. I was expanding in ways that I wasn’t ready for and going headlong like that has a high rate of ending in disaster. So, when Steve was visiting, I took control (finally, and with some reluctance) of my surroundings. In one swift decision my life turned around and I understood. I saw how to wield the power of my peravity. People flocked to me and I continued to be myself, sometimes tweaking one button on the switchboard of self control, and the reaction I received justly turned. The only person that didn’t alter her switchboard in relation to mine is my friend Diane. Coming out of that life and looking back on it, she is the friend I gained from it, the lifelong beneficial friend. And I learned so much about my personal parameters. It was a great turning point in my life, re-working so many parts of myself to say that I am a mostly different person, with all the same beliefs I held before going into it. It wasn’t entirely lateral growth, but not many new things (that I hold onto) have come out of it. The biggest thing, and something I only fully realized a couple days ago, was my ego and how I can manipulate it. The other day, the realization came to me in the form of me admitting to myself that I am an elitist. It was something that had been lingering and denied many times. This acknowledgement and acceptance opens so many doors and roads and really allows me to take my life into account and progress. It is a wonderful time for me right now, things seem a little tight on the surface, but inside it is like diamonds...and the mine is full. I feel that the goal I went to Indiana to attain, I am progressing toward now, and that side road was wholly necessary because I let life get away from me in California. I needed a reality check...to be shown the reality I was escaping to remember and revitalize the reasons I had chosen this path in the first place. When I started writing this, I think I had a very different vision of where it was to go, and to end. I am happy, however, of where it has gone and what has been said. I feel very positive about the future and have every hope I can imagine invested in life, love, living. With every hope, also, I trust your present and future to be wonderful. Peace. Love. Brian

12/9/02

FROM: Rob Abele (included pictures of him in Ireland and postcards of his paintings)

Well here I SIT.... Nursing a massive hangover from a night out with Mike at the Wheel. Two Sarah Lawrence girls invited themselves to OUR table, you know by the window and began sporting their therios and philosophies about a life they have not yet begun to live, how hard it has been to turn a deaf ear to such well-fed kittens, brought up with all the modern amenities BMW's, travel, french food. You know the types, they wear Salvation Army clothes and spend Daddy's money on heroin and beer. 21 years old, it seems so far away for me, sitting close and talking, laughing did feel good though, even though all would be forgotten at dawn, just another townee Me and Mike are, but I gave myself to these two girls no bullshit, filling their sponge brains full of stories (Puking in the Guggenheim waking up in a police station) Painting trains at 14 in the 233rd street yard whatever, the paint is a connection between two people was made and a memory was all that resulted, a tiny moment floating in space, that’s powerful, if only on a minute scale, it is what being human is all about. I've spent the last ten years of my life worrying about, dwelling on the subject of my paintings, never once thinking about the technique, or how the process of making a painting, creating it. The subject has always been of the utmost importance. I felt that the emotion shared with another individual was the most important. Recently I have been phocusing more on the technique and it is amazing the gift I have been giving myself. I've never thought of myself as a selfish person and in concentrating on my technique I have always felt that this would make me selfish, in spending most of my time on the subject I felt more of a sense of giving so I was satisfied, not any longer my gift is for me, not the world and since I've taken this stance my whole being has changed actually I feel I have more to offer. Your experiences Brian are for you your only setback is that you feel selfish to keep them for yourself. That was my crime and my punishment was 15 years of trying to please everyone but myself. The process of age is what brings you closer to freedom, parole. That is what happened to me at 33. I only hope you awaken much sooner than I and understand that everything you have accomplished is for you and no other. That is BLISS! Love ya brother---Rob--- (on the back of this sheet are sketches of hands)

TO: Rob Abele

It is amazing the way life works. I got your letter today and after I read it I was in another world. I will break it down for you, in a way I don’t think I have yet. I live here w/ Steve in the mix a guy named Justin from Indiana (Steve’s friend) moved in with us, and we all moved in with a girl, Catherine (whom Steve lived with in Santa Barbara). When I got into town, I started dating Catherine about 4 days into being here and ended it the day before Justin got here. It was a good move on my part because she is bent on destroying herself. I cant deal with people like that very well, and basically things have been squeezing tighter + tighter since the day Justin got here. Living with her, unable to help, has really clouded my vision, made my way of looking very rigid. Reading your letter eased so many things, it was really just what I needed. About a week ago, her new boyfriend moved in with us (yeah, five people in a two bedroom apt.), and for the last month I haven’t been able to look at her (let alone talk to her) without tightening up with pain. After I read your words I went out and talked to her, not friendly or serious, and like it was nothing. I have been trying to care about her or what she does and I think today, with your help, we had a breakthrough. I cannot understand why people pay so much for therapy, because all the answers are right inside of you and you need to employ (without paying) means to surface your answers. And that is what is going on with me, I have set bombs to blow holes through the barriers of life and one just went off, and I feel reborn. It is all just amazing, truly. I was looking through the things that you sent and I am pretty sure this art show being promoted is for 2003. If that is the case, count on my involvement. And, all of a sudden, I am very excited again. So, in the end, I am just taking this letter to let you in on where the past few letters have come from, and to express my gratitude for your friendship. My life would be radically different if your involvement were taken away. I am kind of at a point in life where I am recognizing these wonderful things about my life, and expressing as much. It is great for me, it had been an emotional barrier that was holding me back for quite sometime and that was recently destroyed, I feel that I am moving closer and closer to becoming a whole person and I am very thankful for that. Barring anything serious, I will see you in May! Peace.Love. Brian

1/16/03

TO: Rob Abele

Stand. Look to the east. What do you see? On a clear day, rising to the heavens, the enormity that is Mt. Hood. In full grace, this 14,000+ ft snow covered mountain is a beacon of beauty in the distance, but it is not the only thing that you will see, standing. Shift your gaze to the north and you will see a mountain of destruction, in all its beauty, the talk of 1980. No, my birth didn’t make headlines, but the eruption of Mt. St. Helens did. Seen from Portland, it must have beautifully cold, and disastrous. It truly is amazing now, it is only 8,000 ft now, having lost 3,000 ft from the top in the eruption, that is now at its base...and it is a very wide monstrosity. It is entirely covered in snow, it almost looks smooth on the sides and because we are looking over some industrial wastelands of the north and North-west Portland, sometimes an eerie haze is before it, making it a spectre of itself. Of the two, I prefer Mt. St. Helens. When I lived in Olympia, a girl refused to visit me out of fear of a second eruption...you couldn’t even see the mountain from there. Moving closer to where we are standing, we see to our Northwest Downtown Portland. For a metropolis of more than 550,000 people the skyline is keeping quiet. There is only one skyscraper...standing at 40 stories. The city itself is very inviting, there is an abundance of park space, independent shops, and public art. Yes, public art has been on the rise lately, two pieces being placed within 3 blocks of each other in the past 3 months. Downtown is home to the University of Portland...I have been there once. On the other side of the river, yes, the river. A toxic waterway known to commoners as the Willamette with an exquisite array of bridges, nine by my count. As a matter of fact, this view we are taking is from the Ross Island Bridge. To our immediate east we have "hip" Portland, the Hawthorne district, which is comparable to the Village with its hip little shops and the like. Well, I guess I don’t really know how the Village is any longer, things have probably changed. If we go a few blocks north of the Hawthorne area, sooner we come to my house, neatly situated a half block south of Burnside (the main downtown route, the street those two pieces of art were placed on) and fifty-two blocks east of Downtown. It is a nice position to have, I like it. Portland has five "areas" and are not named originally, the NE, N, SE, SW, and NW sides. SW and NW really only hold downtown, rich people and hills. The SE is hip, the NE is multicultural, the N is the closest thing to a ghetto we have here, the airport is up there. Check it out on a map and maybe paint Portland from a minds eye. Peace.Love. Brian