THE ARTS OF WAR:
Hand To Hand Combat:
A Tutorial: (by the Mighty Buttphish)




1. Pounce upon your adversary, preferably while they are sleeping.


2. Attempt to break your opponent’s neck and shoulder by twisting each in the opposite direction relative to the other. This will serve to disorient and injure them.


3. Place your body as in the diagram (again, if opponent is sleeping or unconscious it is much easier to maim them)

Then Perform a series of abrupt jabs into your opponent's chest in an attempt to compress his/her heart into malfunctioning.


4. Next, utilize your laser vision to burn a hole in their chest. While doing this, attempt to remove their head with tugging.


5. Attempt to form a mind-link with your opponent and think deceptive thoughts while pressing hard on their larynx and biting them on the mouth. Such a blinding combination of attacks is a very painful and confusing assault indeed.


6. Karate Chop your opponent in the forehead thus crushing the brain-pan. Combine this maneuver with a two-fingered voice-box-disabling thrust.


7. A: Drive your fingers into the groove cut in to their chest with your laser vision and trace the incision, removing the breast-plate.
B: Then poke them in the sternum.


8. Place your hands into the exposed chest-cavity and:
A: Finger-throttle both of the lungs.
B: Perform an abrupt clapping-attack upon the sternum.
C: Clasp the sternum with both hands and squeeze. This will most likely kill your opponent.

Soon, you too can be an engine of doom, similar in many respects to the Buttphish!!



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