One roasting Albuquerque day in July 2001, two bored Mexicans and a white kid decided to form a punk band. The Mexicans Victor (Graves) and David (The Zit) and the white kid Derek Valenzuela and his flying guitar, formed the Dirty Ones. They then became:
THE VISECTS- (n) a beer-drinking, cop-hating disease-infested punk rocker born from a visectomy gone

                                                           WRONG!

 

The origional line-up consisted of Victor on bass/vocals, David on the drums, Derek on guitar/vocals, and Diego on guitar/vocals. Diego caught syphillis from Derek and was forced to leave the band after a year. After trying out different singers including singer Terry; Victor, David, and Derek stumbled upon an old, drunken Mexican/Italian-American punk rocker named Antonio (Reflux) who joined the band in January of 2003. They had by then recruited another guitarist named Paul who also contracted an incurable form of gonorrhea from Derek and had to be quarantined in a special hospital in far away Guam. He was never seen again. Finally, Antonio's crazy girlfriend's brother Jakey (another bored white kid) joined the band in July, 2003 as lead guitar.

 

 

 

 

Sickeningly, as if they aren't already revolting enough, all of the Visects suffer from disgusting diseases...

 

Antonio (Reflux)- suffers from a heartbreaking case of esophagus-eroding, ulcer-causing acid reflux disease. He can often be seen vomiting excess bile across busy city streets while running from the cops.      

 

Victor (Graves)- suffers from a goiter, which is in his own words, "a giant ball of puss 'n' goo that inflates within my throte which is caused by graves disease. In the future this ball will eventually explode causing my horrible painfull death... and that my friend is a goiter."

 

David (The Zit)- suffers from a rare form of acne, which causes his pimples to grow to abnormally large sizes, filling up with a greater amount of oozing pimple juice then is in all the raw sewage contained on earth. No acne medicine from any infomercial can cure this fatal disease.

 

Jakey Vanhalen (Intestinal Blockage)- suffers from a phobia of shitting in public places. This causes the masses of fecal matter to build up in his intestines into bricks harder then Antonio's dick on a Friday night at the farm. The result of this is intestinal blockage, which can only be cured by a case of blow-out diarrhea. Because Jakey is an artist, this often causes a beautiful work of abstract art on someone's bathroom wall.

 

Derek Valenzuela and his flying guitar- Not only does he suffer from the envy of a white boy who desires to emulate his Mexican idol Richie Valens, but he is a carrier of the most disgusting STDs imaginable because he refuses to use condoms when he goes out on Friday nights with Antonio to the Mexican-owned farms in the South Valley. Watch out, this boy is nasty!