Things That Make You Go Hmmm

7/01/2003 - "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave"
Today was the second day of summer B classes, and I had the privelege of attending my first Forests, Conservation, and People lecture. I walked in about 10 minutes late, which is my custom, to find that this class was exactly as I hoped it would be. It's in a huge room in Norman Hall, which benefits my tendency to show up when I please. The professor is one of those hopeful types that actually believes there are students who want to learn about the ecosystem and how trees provide many functions we take for granted (For those interested, he made sure to provide a long list...which we had to copy. So if you want me to pass it along, well, i feel sorry for you.) The truth is, everyone in there is just lookin for an easy 3 credits and couldnt care less about the many uses of sawdust. But I'm sure I'll get to how ridiculous this class is later. What I saw during the 15 minute break caught my attention.
After a good hour and a half of tree lust from the professor, it was time for a trip to the restroom. Unfortunately, Norman Hall was apparently constructed as an intricate maze meant to confuse the aimless student. After walking through a dark, uninhabited corridor in one of the far corners of the building, I found it. The restroom...the handicapped restroom. Now, i've always preferred the more spacious handicapped stall in your common restroom, but somehow an entire lavatory intended specifically for the handicapped seemed wrong to use. Nevertheless, I wasnt about to brave the labrynth any longer, so I pressed the oversized button with the handicapped logo to the right of the door, hoping the door with no handle would open. Sure enough, some hydraulic system slowly opened the door, revealing a small hallway to another door which led to the restroom. As I walked into this seemingly pointless intermediary hallway, I actually thought to myself, "you know, I bet this is kind of nice for those in wheelchairs. It's simple things like this, not having to push open a door, that probably makes things alot easier for them." Then as the door closed behind me, I noticed the disturbing reality that there was indeed no button for the next door. That's right, were someone in a wheelchair to make it to this point, he would find that the nifty door behind him has enclosed him in a hallway that leads to a door he will have to struggle to open. Worse than that, even if he thought to himself, "are you kidding me? this isnt worth it," he would then have to press the button at the end of the hall (which only opens the first door, mind you) and wheel himself out backwards since the hallway is too narrow for any maneuvering...like turning around. I just stared at the door for second, wondering how this brainchild could have been thought up and actually built, and arrived at 3 possible conclusions:
1. It was just an honest mistake on the part of the construction crew. Whoever built this was probably so impressed with his craftmanship in developing an effortless door, that he overlooked the need to make yet another to actually allow access to the restroom.
2. A more sinister explanation, this was all some sort of sick joke. Somewhere in that hallway, there is a tiny camera embedded in the wall, and behind that camera there is some psycho sitting back, eating popcorn, and patting himself on the back as he watches the confused expressions of his ensnared subjects.
or #3, the most disturbing theory. In the deceptive hallway, there is a locked door on the right side that I didnt mention earlier, and didnt really notice myself until I was leaving the restroom. The only thing I can figure is there is someone behind that door ready to pounce on his prey once he unwittingly enters the hallway. Apparently, there is some well-kept Norman Hall conspiracy to be rid of the less fortunate...some 'Task Force for the able-bodied' with their ears pinned back eager to ambush the handicapped in the few moments in between their initial confusion and their attempt to escape.
Go ahead, see for yourselves and draw your own conclusions. But I'm pretty sure you'll end up at the ones I've listed. I mean, really, do you know this Norman character? I dont. And until I do, I'll just assume that he has it in for the handicapped.