THE $SOMONEY$ AWARDS by Alan Dennison and Brian Lubas

So that wraps up another year. It's hard to believe I'm gonna be a Senior in the fall and a few people are graduating. To the guys that are graduating...good luck with everything. To the people that will be here in the fall. Have a good summer and rest up because were gonna make next year twice as crazy as this year...PSU style. Things that will never be forgotten: ridiculous 507 parties, Hockey team, beer pong,  Myrtle Beach, 205 parties, Beer Olympics, IM team, concerts, Gin and Tonics, beer pong and a bunch of other stuff I cant think of right now.

This year I decided to give credit where credit is due. I decided to do this with The $SoMoney$ Awards. These awards are given out to individuals that rose above the rest or did something extraordinary that impacted the good times we've all had here. There will be many categories, and if you aren't one of the few to recieve an award this year. Do something crazy next year and make up for it. 

Of course we will be giving a Most Valuable Player award. This is the most prestigious award of all $SoMoney$ Awards. Its recipient should not take it lightly and possibly consider adding it to their Resume'.  This award goes out to the person who added the MOST to everyone's experience as well as partying the hardest. When I polled a group of people they all agreed on a certain individual that should recieve this award. 

                                                                                                      

        

MVP

Name: James Derek Davis (Ch/Skipper. Jimmy)

Age: 22

Major: InArt

Status: hmm not single anymore.

Chipper is definitely the best recipient of the MVP award. He truly drank and partied the hardest throughout the whole year and I believe he holds the record for most missed classes. Today he told me that he didn't think a single day passed where he didn't miss at least one class. His  insatiable love for gin proved to become a weeknight tradition @ apt. 205. When asked why he goes so hard he replied by simply holding out his hand. Being sober his hand was shaking uncontrollably. Later that night, after a few G&T's he showed me his hand and to my amazement it was still. He also holds the record for supplying the most alcohol to minors. You may think he sounds like an alcoholic, but this is not the case. Chipper is merely preparing himself for the world outside college.  Good game bud.

THE WINGMAN AWARD

The honorable Wingman Award: given to the individual who was always lookin' to go out and never give a lame excuse. This award goes to Dan/Staniel for never letting anyone fly a solo mission. HERES TO YOU WINGMAN!!!  Whether he's out w/ you all night or he comes in solo at 10am he's always up for a good game of Yahtzee.

THE R KELLY AWARD/GATORADE MAN OF THE YEAR

This years recipient of the R Kelly Award goes to my roomate mike, because he knows how it goes at the R Kelly party. And as far as the Gatorade goes, just ask Mike, it always comes with a free re-fill.

THE ROOKIE OF THE YEAR AWARD (CALDER TROPHY).

New to the PSU crew, Scottie B from NJ is this years recipient of the ROOKIE OF THE YEAR award. He came on the scene and boozed hard w/ the best of em.' Welcome to the big show !!! He is also the best ultimate Street fighter ever seen. When the fight busts out Scottie B squashes it w/ one swoop. Teaming up w/ Lubas next year he should be a strong candidate for the Bob Saget Award.

BOB SAGET AWARD

Mike is the recipient of the Bob Saget award because...well we dont really know why. Make up your own assumptions. Most likely because Saget rhymes with....hmmm...When he's not striking up a stunning rendition of "More than Words" he enjoys unicorns, poetry, nights in front of the fire place and sushi, should not steal his stuff...and keep him away from your sister, especially Cam's sister, as a matter of fact particularly Cam's sister...CRIPES Mike stay away from Cam's sister...

THE PSU PURPLE HEART

When deep in the trenchs of the social battle Bill will always watch out for his buddies and jump on the grenade. BILDO...BILDO...BILDO

SIR SMOKE A LOT AWARD

Obviously this award goes to Scotchua the Weed Wookie with bowl in one and the lighter in the other w/ his body firmly planted in a tenacious 205 couch groove, dont count on him being out at the bars on a friday night. The S-C-O-tippy tizzle keeps it cracka-lackin'.

MIA AWARD

He's obviously a crime fighter &  he's our Clarke Kent.in the phone booth busy workin under cover for the FBI. DJFPBA is makin' hot traxx for the people gettin on down."F'n Ho's at PENN STATE"

VANISHED WINGS AWARD

Lucas Curry is the recipient of the VANISHED WINGS AWARD. This is also givin' in place of his recetntly revoked BbfH membership. Even though this award gets a bad rap, Luke did try to redeem himself in a endofyear tour of chaos. CONGRATULATIONS

SERIAL KILLER AWARD

Killa-Killa Cam...nuf said !!!

ANGER MANAGEMENT AWARD

Burger recieves this award because of his many rampages down the streets of State College as well as in and out of all the Gateway buildings. As well as throwing fits about riding the bus alone. I mean seriously....you get under his skin a little bit he packs a bigger punch than a box of sour patch kids. And we recently heard after graduation he's going to start his internship w/  the Morton Salt company. We do love him but dammit burger your crabbier than the Chesapeake.

THE "OOPS I CRAPPED MY PANTS" AWARD

This award is obviously self explanatory...TWICE in one semester. Who pulls their pants down, spreads em', and puts his posterior in someones face and lets it rip...c'mon Otto, you're 22yrs old, you're graduating, and were all very proud of you, and Love you very much but you almost crapped on Stoney.

THE GAY PORN STAR AWARD

This kid is so infatuated with himself  he is on ever rating site on the internet (bangme.net) and he's done numerous gay porn video's including "SUPERHUNKS II" ...see above. And even though he's lost his manly physique, over the years his ass has taken quite a pounding but he obviously still thinks he's extremely tough. We'll miss you bud. 

THE MUSHMOUTH AWARD

Mushmouth.

Thanks to Patrick we all now speak Rambo. Deciphering Pat is a task unparalleled to any linguistics exam you'll ever take. We attribute to the large amount of foliage he partakes in everyday that ends in Y. Good game. "GOOD WORK ASSHOLE"

MATT DAMON/CHRIS CONELLY LOOK ALIKE AWARD

What a dork.

THE DALE ERNHEART AWARD

Why us? Why the Dale Ernheart Award? Because were awesome. From the founding fathers of the $SoMoney$ Awards, Alan "The Strong Man" Dennison and Brian "The Yellow Dart" Lubas offer you a laurel and a Hearty handshake and a thanks for the laughter and the memories.  We Hope everyone has a great summer, Goodnight and Good Boozin'!!!