The Circus is Coming . . .My Parents Are Idiots . . .
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: "Why Do You Love Me?" Garbage
Garden Bros. Circus is in Hamilton on Thursday and I'm going their to hand out pamphlets about how circus animals a treated by their trainers and handlers and DVDs/VHS tapes of the the beatings and abuse that are common place for circus animals.

I really have to do a lot of research on Garden Bros. Circus tonight. They're very shady and good at covering things up so it's going to be difficult to get their actual history.

I've seen their Asian elephants though, they're very unhappy looking and you can really see where they've been hit with the bullhooks hard. I'm going to try to get in there early tomorrow so I can watch them unload the elephants.

I've not seen their Arabian horses but last year when I was holding up my protest sign I had a lady going into the show who called me "a fucking idiot" that but when she came out she was in tears and she apologized to all of the protestors because she's worked with horses all her life and as soon as those Arabians came out she knew what had been done to them and she knew that they were malnurished and sick.

My mother was asking if I wanted to go pick up my cheque and my glasses tomorrow and I said "No, I have a circus protest to go to." and then she asked when and where and I assumed that she wanted to know so maybe we could pickup my stuff earlier and maybe she'd drop me off to where I needed to go, so I told her. Then she asked how much the tickets were . . .WTF? She plans on taking the grandkids there. Grrr. There is a carnival in town that they could have much more fun at for less money aswell, for fuck's sake!

*sigh* My parents are fucking red-necks. They know exactly what happens to the circus animals and it's not like they don't believe it . . .they just don't care. It really pisses me off that sometimes they GO OUT OF THEIR WAY in order to do something cruel to animals.

Bleeding On The Inside . . .For Real . .
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: "All Along The Watchtower" Jimi Hendrix
I think I'm going to book an appointment to get an endoscopy done. I think my gastric ulcer has gotten much worse. I have to get that checked out soon before I burn a hole through the wall of my stomch and food and acid get into my abdominal cavity.

First I'm going to get a breath test done to see if maybe it's bacteria that's agrevating the ulcer but I really doubt it. I know it's being aggrevated by stress. That's what it always is. But having an ulcer that's induced by stress isn't very common . . .it's usually caused by certain foods or bacteria. In order for someone to produce enough acid in their stomach to eat away at their lining they would have to be seriously fucking tweaking out. Like not just "Oh my God everything is so fucking annoying and stressful in my life, whaaaaaaaaaa" but to the point of constantly shaking and thinking about what a beautiful fucking release it would be to put a gun in their mouth and splatter their own brains across the room. . .kinda like me. Maybe that will give you an idea of how stressed out my current situation has me.

Anyway, depending on how bad the ulcer is I'll either just get a higher dose of acid-reducer than usual, have it cauterised (which is just so much fun . . .), or I'll be getting emergency surgery. Goody.

Well, I'm going to go have a quick coffee with my friend Paul. I sort of heard about the bad news that he'd wanted to tell me from Elaine. But I don't know very much about it. Anyway, I don't even know if he'd want me saying anything about it, so I won't.

Oh, I ate half a cup of dressing yesterday, by the way. Managed to keep that down. Still living off green tea though . . I'm not even hungry anymore . .

Living Dead Girl
Mood:  sad
I've just been so dead inside since Monday. I didn't sleep Tuesday night at all, so I fell asleep at 6:30PM Wednesday. I woke up again at 6:40AM Thursday but I just felt too damned depressed to even drag myself out of bed to do anything more than grab a 7Up and go to the bathroom. I woke up again at 10:49AM and finally dragged myself out of bed at 11:30AM, I think.

I took my measurements today. Monday my waist was 28", today it's 26 1/2". I wanted to eat this morning but I just couldn't. I just felt so dead inside, I couldn't even get up the energy to chew and swallow. I tried eating dinner before I went to sleep yesterday but I could only get two spoon fulls in. Eating just feels like torture. So I made myself some green tea and I'll probably keep drinking green tea until I can eat again. I'm going to force myself to eat a soft cookie or something like that later today so I can take my vitamin and my birth control . . .

It's really amazing how quick the body starts to die after your soul does . . .

Rage Against the Truly Annoying : Part 2: Why Mormon is Spelled M-o-r-o-n
I hate mormons.

Just thinking about these fucking assholes gets my blood pressure up about a hundred points. Don't these people get the message when we're slamming the door in their faces, spitting on and beating them? GO AWAY!!

Do you Mormons need a CAT scan? God was not once a man. You are not going to get your own planet and become a god yourself when you die. There is ONLY ONE GOD in Christianity and He does not have any 'Goddess wives'. Your bible was just something some idiot pulled out of a hat and I mean this LITERALLY, look it up for yourself. The Book of Mormon was translated by a man who read it out of a hat. God does not live on a planet near the Earth. God is infinite and is not limited by a physical body. Jesus and Satan were not brothers because Jesus was God's only son. Mary WAS a virgin. Africans and other people of colour are not the "cursed people" or the "children of Satan" and God loves them.The color of a person's skin has no merit with God. No prophet of God ever made a statement like Joseph Smith's. King Nebuchadnezzar had similar pride to Joseph Smith's. He was driven out by God to live with the animals (see Daniel 4:28-33). If Christianity is actually correct ( which I *think* it is but I can't say I know because no one does) God will be your judge and not your stupid false prophet Joseph Smith. Your dumb book has been corrected over 4000 times and is highly plagerized. You are all idiots and need to seek help.

I should get a bunch of vicious dogs and starve them for a few days so the next time a damn mormon shows up, I'll let my ravenous killers tear this dickhead a new rectum. Another excellent solution to dealing with these wastes of space is to chain their arms and legs together, load them onto a boat and torpedo the hell out of the ship. All the mormons can then suffocate and spend eternity getting shit on by fish.

I hate them even more because I once had a dream about a mormon. One came knocking on my door and as soon as I opened the door, started preaching about Jesus Christ. I then karate kicked the torso off and proceeded to punt each limb off my property. Ok, so the dream wasn't that bad but you get the point. I'd sooner become a chew toy for a pack of lions than to ever devote my life to Mormonism.

Rage Against the Truly Annoying : Part 1: Put Down The Fork You Fat Bastard
While sitting with a friend I brought up the subject of gym memberships and how much of a waste of money I thought they were.

"So you're against physical activity?" They said.

"No . . .I just think they're a waste of money. I've never really set foot in one and I've lost more weight and I'm in better shape than the 3 of you that do combined."

"Well maybe that's just what works for you" They said.

And that's where the stupidity of that sentence fustrates the bejesus out of me 'Maybe *that's* what works for *you*'. Do you even understand the stupidity of that sentence? Doing what I did worked for me, yes, but in order for that sentence to even make any sense as a comeback what they're doing would have to be working just as well for them. AND IT'S NOT.

I'm stronger, leaner, faster, and a whoooole lot more limber than they are and I didn't have to waste absurd amounts of money at the gym. That's my point. You can do just as well or better than at the gym without wasting money. Is that concept soooo hard to understand? Maybe it actually wouldn't be such a waste of money if they actually had a plan about it or didn't eat garbage everyday but that's not the case.

You may be wondering why this topic fustrates me so much and I guess I should make that a little more clear. I've known a lot of people who thought going to the gym was just the answer to their fitness prayers and then a year later they're still fat or weak and they always end up complaining to me about it eventually and it's all I can do to not laugh right in their face.

This culture is obsessed with fitness and dieting and yet 60% of us are overweight. Over half of those people aren't just overweight, they are morbidly obese by medical standards. All of those fat people ( and some of they skinny ones who think they are fat who are getting a virtual bitch slap from me if they're reading this ) are just searchin g for real quick fix. They want to eat as much as they want and avoid the outdoors as much as possible and then whine and complain that they're still fat. Here's an idea: PUT DOWN THE FORK!!! GO OUTSIDE AND RUN, JOG, SKIP . . .DO SOMETHING!

Being healthy in this country is free, okay? I don't hate fat people or anything like that. Horay for those people out their who are fat and happy about it.m good for you. It's those one's who whine and fucking complain as they don't even bloody try anything or if they are trying something it's so stupidly absurd that even the dimest simpleton could see that's it not gonna work.

And for those scrawny guys who want to bulk up because they look like a god damn famine victim that could blow away in the wind or fall through a crack in the floor at any moment: yOU DON'T NEED TO GO TO THE GYM. You need to walk you're scrawny ass over to see a nutritionist and then get yourself some medium sized weights. Cost effective and the money you spend is going to last you a life time. Not just a freaking year at some God-awful misery-sucking machine that alway reeks of fat-guy sweat full of people who just think way too much of themselves.

Air Conditioning
I love air conditioning, which is really sad since I'm an environmentalist but still.

I just got my air conditioner installed and not a moment too late indeed. I was getting a bit worried that my hamster would die from all the humidity in my room ( I'm on the top floor). Also I can finally concentrate on my homework and not drip sweat all over it :-)

My cat is weird . . .
I don't know what's wrong with Shrooms lately. He's just been dying for attention 24/7. He always has to be sitting on my computer desk and if there's no room for him on my desk because I'm doing some work or something he'll sit right next to my chair and stare at me like he's the most neglected cat in the world.

At night he likes to sleep in my bed with me and that's fine by me except for the fact that he has to sleep ontop of my hair to make sure I won't go anywhere and then he starts to groom me as soon as I fall asleep. I love my cat but his breath is horrid and he makes my hair smell like that when he cleans me. It is awful cute though. Oh and let's not forget what happens in the morning when he's decided that I've slept enough. He bites my nose till I wake up and if that doesn't work he'll start biting my ears and chewing on my hair. He's the strangest little beast ever.

I Think I'm Gonna Scream!
Stupid freaking Easter Sunday and my mothers stupid Easter turkey. Grrr. Everyone that I've told I don't want to eat an animals has just had to add their two cents about how dumb they think I am ( except for Paul) and how I "don't know what I'm missing" did they ever stop to think that I DO know what I get to miss out on by not eating meat and that's EXACTLY why I don't want to eat it.

It's not like this is an easy thing for me either. I used to be a burger junkie. I can't say that I don't miss the taste of meat but oh well. I love animals and I don't want to be at all responsible for hurting one. This is the 21st century and humans can get along just fine and be perfectly healthy without eating animals, so why don't we? Any animal suffering in this day and age is completely unnecessary.

So get off my freaking back about it! I don't bother other people for choosing to eat meat so why do they have to bother me about choosing not to eat meat? Do they feel the need to "save" me or something? Save me how? By giving me cancer, heart disease, a stroke maybe? Thanks, I'll do without.

Bored
This has been a pretty fruitless week. I haven't done much lately actually so I've had nothing to write about.

My fiance finally got around to checking out my site and reading this blog and he said I was being "showy". He said that I'm like putting on a happy front or something. Dumbass. Does he really think I'm going to sob and cry and drivvel over everything bad that's happened in my life? Sorry, I'm writing most of this down because I want to remember GOOD things. The bad things are already embedded deep within my being, I don't need to write them down. Even if I did write all my depressing crap on here he'd get mad at me for it anyway. Like there's actually alot of people who read this. Ha! I'm sure my 3 readers will be revitted (sp?) by my self-mutilation and my life as an unwanted child. It's so orignal (NOT!). Everyone and their mom is screwed up these days. I wouldn't be shocking anyone.

Soooo late . . .must find . . .comfy pillow . . .nappy time now . . .me no sleep work well without . . .

A Prayer
The prayer request is for a little boy in Tifton......

The Prayer is for Joe William Sheffield (he is 9-years old)?his mother is a teacher in the school system in Tifton, Georgia. They attend First Baptist Church in Tifton. He has been diagnosed with cancer and began his Chemo on Christmas Eve.

First Baptist has a program called the Prayer Beeper. When you pray for this child, call this toll free number 1-877-546-0248. Listen to the recording and input number 733#.

What happens is this child wears the beeper and every time it vibrates he knows somewhere someone is lifting him up in prayer! What a wonderful ministry. I just did this myself?what an awesome blessing for this little boy every time he gets a buzz...and what a blessing for us to know that we are showing him God's love in such a quick way.

Please take a minute out of your day to say a prayer for Joe William...I am sure it means a lot to him and helps keep his spirits up every time he gets a "beep".

Please pass this along to all of your friends so Joe will know that even people that don't know him still care enough to say a prayer for him.