Hey PPl!! My name is Cassandra Nicole Maus.....ahuh ahuh.....but everyone just calls me Cassie. I live in Baudette, MN but its really not that much of a town its actually quite like a village lol. There is like only 1146 ppl in this town so yesyes it is quite small. Yea....uh i am like 14.....but almost 15!! I love to hang out with my friends, listen to music, write poems, go to parties, cruise around, and yesyes many other things. Umm, I havent lived in Baudette my whole life. Ive actually lived in many different places. Fourteen different towns and 18 different houses to be exact. But yea now i think im stayin put here until i graduate. So anywho....... yea my parents got divorced when i was like 4 and oh yes! i have a sister Amanda (16), and she was like 6 when my parents divorced. We lived with my father for a while and then moved with my mother and kept moving around with her. Then like we moved with my dad and then like when i turned ten my mom came back here to Baudette and we moved in with her. Then like that year she went to treatment and we had to go live with my dad again. Yesyes it did suck quite much. But then when my mom got out and we moved back in with her. Oh yes just to say my dad also lives here in Booooodette...haha.....so anyways, my mom went back to treatment and like we had to move back with my dad again. This went on for like a long time. And then in like 2000 my mom finally like stopped drinkin for a while and like ahh we moved into a new house with her. Then for like 2 years my mom didnt drink but then she started again and she had to go to treatment and me and my sis had to go live with my dad again. But then she got out and she was all better and shit and like we went back and lived with her. Then like that year while me, my sis, my momma, went down to go see my moms parents in Flordia and on the way there our dad called us on the cell phone and said that my grama maus had passed away. I cryed for a long time cause like i was really close to her and then like when we got back to Flordia i started suffering from sever depression and i would like cut myself and try to kill myself and pop pills and bad shit like that. So like i had to go on depression pills and like had to see this phycyotrist dude and like i was all awwww happier. Then like a year and a half ago i met this dude Blake and we started dating and like i lost my virginity to him (ahummm which was a big mistake). Then like he started getting mean to me and started verbally and physically abusing me and like i went into a big depression where i like wouldnt go outside and i wouldnt go anywhere and all i would do is stay inside my room and cry and listen to music. But then when he was with me i felt so whole and like someone loved me and that like no matter how much he hurt me i knew that i couldnt lose him. I was like to scared to lose him cause i thought that i would never find love again. And if i left him i figured that everything would be worse then they already were. Then my mom started noticing like what was goin on with me and him and she said that she didnt want me and him together anymore. I liked freaked out and said that like she cant make me brake up with him and yea all that shit. Then this summer i found out that he had cheated on me with this albino slut (really im serious she was like albino!! shes fuckin ugly!!! hahaha) just to get a piece and then like i went into a more serious depression and yea it really sucked i cant even explain it. He would like buy me all this shit to make me forgive him and it was like the more he kept buying me shit the more depressed i became because he should have never cheated on me in the first place. And yea as stupid as it sounds i stayed with him. I didnt care how much he hurt me cause i loved him and i thought i would never find that kinda love again so i didnt wanna lose it. Then like at the end of the summer he started like ignoring me for weeks and i would even try to buy him things and shit for him to notice me. Then one day i just broke down and i couldnt take him ignoring me so i went out to his house and i told him how i felt and he freaked out and like pushed me and i like fell over and hit my head really hard on the mirror and like i started crying and i was like so scared. But i still didnt want to lose him. He kept tellin me how much i had fucked up his life and how i brought him down with my depression and that he didnt love me and never had. Well by this point i think i like kinda cracked and went insane. Like for weeks i wouldnt eat or sleep or do anything except for stay in my room and listen to music and cry. Well my sister amanda, my best friend caitln, and my best friend amanda e. helped me get through it. My sister would like drag me outta the house cause she couldnt stand seeing me so depressed anymore. I like finally almost got back to my normal self because me and blake were over and like there wasnt anymore drama and i felt like so free instead of so trapped. Then one day he came over to get his stuff and like my feelings for him had came back and he had told me that he wanted to have a future with me and marry me and that he loved me and then he kissed me and he left and i started crying and i broke down and i didnt know what to think. So the next day i thought that maybe he had changed and that i knew that i still loved him and i thought he loved me and that me and him could be together and happy. Well that day i was all happy and shit and then i was talkin to my friend on msn and she told me that she had seen blake at holiday that day with this girl Mindy and Jackie and that he was callin me a phyco bitch and that he had just used me for a booty call and i like just kinda cracked. I had to go to the hospital and they sent me to this mental health clinic in duluth called Miller Duan and like i got out that night cause they didnt think anything was wrong with me. And like the next day i called blake and freaked out on him. I found out this year that he had cheated on me four times while me and him were together and that the whole time that he was ignoring me he was with that Jackie girl. Yea shes a super uber duper big slut so yea haha. So me and him were completely over and like i went on depression pills and like got all happy! and shit and yea i met this girl amanda over the summer cause she like moved here this summer and like me and her clicked right away and now we are like super duper tight. I love you Mandy!! And oh yesyes!! Im so happy that your back Caitlin!!! And i love you too Dani!! Oh yesyes love you too Taylor;)!! Cant wait til Halloween!!! hahaha! Well i guess its time for me to stop talking and yea get off here so i'll chat with ya'll later!! Oh yesyes if anyones got any ?s or just wanna chat my email address is mauskag@msn.com!! Mk tty'all later!! Love You's!!! Peace Out!! ~*Cassie*~ Oh yesyes heres a new poem i wrote tonite about someone if you'd like to read it. Thanks!! Buhbyes!!!~ Like a shock machine, Into the depths of your eyes, That controls my heart beat, Makes my nerves die. Your the one thought, Inside of my mind, Thinking of you, As time passes by. You steal my breath, Make my blood run cold, My love lost in you, I'm no longer alone. I can be what you need, You can fold me in, From the air that you breathe, To the heart of your sins. The thoughts in my mind, That words can not tell, I want you even more, Than life itself. I'll sleep at night, While my lips become cold, Your face in my dreams, My fantasies unfold. Your touch seems so warm, Your eyes gaze so dark, Your picture is burned, In the deepest of my heart. It will stay there forever, Your image is there, I'll close my eyes, And see the one that I care. But if I die in my sleep, You may never know this, I would give anything, Just to slip your kiss. I will be gone, Be a simple memory to you, You will never know, How much I cherished you. Like a shock machine, Into the depths of your eyes, That controls my heart beat, Makes my nerves die. ~By Cassandra Nicole Maus
My Favorite Things To Do In My Time
