Larvae's Home....well the internet one at least....
Hey guys, this is my movie quotes page. The most awesome quotes from the most awesome movies! Some of these you'll probably find offending, but have no fear, its all for humor's sake!
The Clerks Quotes
Randal Graves: Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as an oral bowel movement.
Randal Graves: There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
Randal Graves: I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.
Dante Hicks: Yeah, I mean aside from the cheating, we were a great couple. I mean that's what high school was about, algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity.
Customer: It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys, that's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.
Jay: You know, Silent Bob, you're a rude mother-f*****...but you're cute as h***. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys and make like a circus seal.
Mallrats Quotes
Renee: Brodie, I've always taken you with a grain of salt. On your birthday, when you told me to do a striptease to the theme of "Mighty Mouse," I did it. On prom night at the hotel when you told me to sleep under the bed in case your mother barged in, I said okay. And even during my grandmother's funeral when you told my relatives that you could see her nipples through her burial dress, I let that slide. But if you think I'm gonna suffer any of your s*** with a smile now that we're broken up, you're in for some serious f****** disappointment!
Brodie: Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent--I don't care which one--but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator!
Brodie: You're gonna listen to me? To something I said? Hasn't it become abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know s***?
Brodie: My Grandmother always used to say "why buy the cow, when you can get the sex for free".
T.S. Quint: She said that?
Brodie: All the time, before she became a lesbian on her 60th Birthday, but that's besides the point!
Brodie: One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his a**. True story. He bought it at the local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all. But the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with a trip to the emergency room. Then, last week, I saw him in the pet store. He was buying another cat! I said, "Walt, what the h*** are you doing, you know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your a** too, why don't you knock it off?" And he says to me, "Brodie, how the h*** else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy.
Brandi: Second suitor, would you ever make whoopie in public?
Brodie: I already did once today! But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on this plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane starts spinning around, going out of control, so he figures it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad! So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, the hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and they land safely and everyone puts their penises or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.
Gil Hicks: Well, did he cum, or what?
Brodie: Jesus Christ, man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public!
Shannon Hamilton: You wanna say something?
Brodie: Yeah! About a million things, but I can't express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand it all.
Chasing Amy Quotes
Banky Edwards: All every woman really wants, be it mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep-d***in'.
Alyssa: I love you, I always will. Know that. But I'm not your f****** whore.
Banky Edwards: I feel a hate crime coming on.
Holden: So, uh, what do you wanna do tonight?
Banky Edwards: Mmm, get a pizza, watch "Degrassi Jr. High."
Holden: You got a weird thing for Canadian melodrama.
Banky Edwards: I got a weird thing for girls who say "aboot."
Holden: It's not who you love, it's how.
Dogma Quotes:
Rufus: People only want to hear the good s***...life eternal, a place in God's heaven...but as soon as you hear that you're gettin' all this good s*** from a black Jesus, you freak. And that, my friends, is called hypocrisy. A black man can steal your stereo, but he can't be your savior.
Nun: You don't believe in God because of Alice in Wonderland?
Loki: No, "Through the Looking Glass". That poem, "The Walrus and the Carpenter" that's an indictment of organized religion. The walrus, with his girth and his good nature, he obviously represents either Buddha, or...or with his tusk, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha. That takes care of your Eastern religions. Now the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter's son, he represents the Western religions. Now in the poem, what do they do...what do they do? They...They dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensure the destruction of one's inner-being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions...by inhibiting our decisions, out of...out of fear of some...some intangible parent figure who...who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says...and says, "Do it--Do it and I'll f*****' spank you!"
Bartleby: The humans have besmirched everything bestowed on them. They were given Paradise, they threw it away. They were given this planet, they destroyed it. They were favored best among all His endeavors, and some of them don't even believe He exists! And in spite of it all, He's shown them infinite f***ing patience at every turn. What about us? I asked you...once to lay down the sword because I felt sorry for them. What was the result? Our expulsion from Paradise! WHERE WAS HIS INFINITE F***ING PATIENCE THEN?! IT'S NOT RIGHT, IT'S NOT FAIR! We've paid our debt. Don't you think it's time? Don't you think its time we went home? and to do that, i think we have to dispatch of our would-be dispatchers.
Cardinal Glick: Fill them pews, people, that's the key. Grab the little ones as well. Hook 'em while they're young.
Rufus: Kind of like the tobacco industry?
Cardinal Glick: Oh, if only we had their numbers.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas Quotes
Raoul Duke: Few people understand the psychology of dea
