Is That Hair Gel?

These are good movies... but not great. Still, they are a good waste of time...

There's Something About Mary

Starring: Ben Stiller, Cameron Diaz, Matt Dillon, Chris Elliot
Ted remembers Mary from high school. He stood up for her mentally handicapped brother Warren, and she asked him to prom. When he gets to her house that night, he has to use the bathroom. While Ted is in the bathroom, Mary and her mother try to fix Mary’s bra strap. Ted is so happy, that when he’s whizzing, he’s looking out the window at two lovebirds, and when they fly away, Mary is standing in her window in her bra. Of course, it looks like Ted was wanking, so he’s so startled that he—ahem—catches himself in his zipper. He has to go to the emergency room and misses out on prom.
10 years later, Ted’s friend informs him that Mary is living in Florida, and Ted wants to find some way to get in contact with her, so his friend takes it upon himself to hire P.D. Pat Healy. Pat assumes that Ted is a stalker, but he goes down to FL anyway, and pretty soon, he falls in love with Mary, too. PURE CRAZINESS, IT IS, and it just gets crazier when Ted goes down there to see Mary for himself. He finally scores a date with her… and well… let me just say, it turns out that it’s NOT hair gel…
I give this movie four and a half stars. It is pure hilarity at it’s finest. Ben Stiller deserves an Oscar for his top-notch wanking. My favorite character has to be Warren, though. “Have you seen my weiner?”

Pulp Fiction

Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, John Travolta, Uma Thurman, Bruce Willis, Ving Rhames, Christopher Walken, Quentin Tarantino
This movie is a little hard to describe, but I can tell you it all evolves around a man named Marsalis Wallace. There are about 8 stories in this movie, but you have to see it to get the full effect. I must say that the best scenes are with Christopher Walken, Quentin Tarantino, and the scene with Eric Stolz and Patricia Arquette is excellent. The only part you would want to skip is the “Taxicab Confession” scene with Bruce Willis… YAWN. And the scene with the gimp and Zed is pretty disgusting…
I give this movie 4 stars. It is a work of art… but still, I would have left out the part with Bruce Willis, because MY GOD, it is really boring.

Clerks

Starring: Brian O’Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith
Dante Hicks and Randal Graves are clerks at Quick Stop and RST Video, respectively. Dante’s boss calls him in to work for him, and Dante begrudgingly agrees, but only until 12. His boss never shows (he went out of state), so Dante is stuck in that little hellhole until closing. But wait! It gets worse for Dante. He finds out his ex-girlfriend that he’s still in love with is getting married (it’s so big, it’s front page news), he gets slapped with a fine for selling ciggies to a 5-year-old girl, a Chewlies Gum representative poses as a doctor to try to scare people into quitting smoking and start pelting cigarettes at a “cancer merchant”, and he wasn’t even supposed to be there that day! Also, this movie marks Jay and Silent Bob’s debuts, as well as director Kevin Smith’s first movie debut.
I give this movie three and a half stars. It’s hilarious, but it’s also really disgusting… and anything that involves necrophilia is definitely an “F” in my book, but since Jay and S. Bob are in it, and they say the funniest-ass lines I have ever heard, its grade goes up a couple-a notches.