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The Emo-Scale!

Everyone starts with a base of zero-points. This means they are not emo. Higher points make you more emo. Lower points make you more cheerful, I suppose.

To use the chart: keep track of your points with a little piece of paper or something, we're lazy and don't like to do your adding for you. There will be new categories in bold. If you answer no to the emboldened category, commence to the next bold category. Otherwise, continue underneath the bold category with the other sub-options. As you answer questions affirmatively, note the points you earn/lose.

Do you cry?+5 pointsCrying is a big part of being emo.
Have you ever cried at an emo show?+1 point
Have you ever cried while listening to emo in a non-live setting+2 points
Do you have a significant other?-3 poinstIf you have a significant other, why should you be sad?
Have you had a relationship end painfully within the past 3 months?+2 pointsYou have extra reason to be sad.
Do you write poetry?+3 points
Is it poorly written, or often about girls, death, depression, or 'generalized teenage angst'?+1 point
Do you drink coffee?+1 point
Is it black? (no sugar, no cream)+1 point
Does it have cream or sugar or both?-1 point
Are you currently in high school?+2 point
Are you living without parents while under the age of 18?+5 pointsLiving on your own is very emo.
Do you play an instrument?No points. Category opener.
Do you play guitar or bass or keyboard?+1 point
Do you play an instrument other than guitar/bass/drums/keyboard/'exotic' instrument?-1 point
Do you play in the school band?-2 points
Do you play an exotic instrument?+2 pointsGlockenspiel is exotic, clarinet is not.
Do you wear sweaters?+2 pointsSweaters are an emo-fashion staple.
Are they tight?+1 point
Are they used?+1 point
Are they brightly colored?-2 pointsBright colors are not emo.
Are they gray/dark(navy)blue/black/brown?+1 point
Do you wear black, brown or grey hoodies? (hooded sweatshirts)+1 point
Are they 'fuzzy' (fleece, for example)-2 points
Do you wear button down shirts?+1 point
Are they too small for you?+1 point
Do you button them all the way?+2 pointsImpeding breathing for fashion is very emo.
Are they threadbare or ripped?+1 point
Do you wear threadbare or too-small t-shirts?+1
Do they have random slogans on them?+1 point
Are they from old heavy metal bands? (AC/DC, Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath)+2 pointsEmokids love kitsch, apparently.
Do you wear too small pants?+1 point
Are they 'heavy'? (thick fabric, as opposed to thin)+1 point
Are they faded or ripped?+1 point
Do you wear things on your feet?No points. Category opener.
Do you wear Chuck's?+2 points
Do you wear low-top, oldschool Vans?+1 point
Do you wear Docs?-2 pointsThose are for skinheads, silly!
Do you wear Nike's, Reeboks or other athletic shoes?-5 points
Do you have and use a messenger bag?+1 point
Is it authentic?+1 point
Is it black?+1 point
Do you keep a diary/notebook?+2 pointsYou need somewhere to keep your angst.
Is it marblebound?+1 point
Does it have stickers?+1 point
Is it stolen or had its use reassigned?+2 pointsSchool notebooks which became diarys count.
Do you wear glasses+1 point
Do you wear them even though you don't have to?+1 point
Do they have thick, black frames or horn-rims?+2 points
Are you bald?-3 points, unless you have big glasses, then +2Skinheads aren't emo!
(There are exceptions, like Dick in High Fidelity as xm pointed out to me)
Do you have hair?No points. Category Opener.
Is it short?+1 point (+2 points for girls)
Is it black?+1 point
Is it artificially colored? (bright red, blue, green, etc)-1 point
Is it greasy or dirty?+1 point
Guys: Do you have long hair?No points.
Do you wear it in a ponytail?-2 points
Is it shaggy and unkempt?+1 point
Do you wear makeup?No points.
Are you female?-2 points
Are you male?-5 points

Add up your points. The more you have, the more emo you are!