hi tim :) ive come to the conclusion that you are probably right by thinking we should spend time apart. im impatient and always want things right away, but i can't always have that. i know you hate computers, but the difference is that with writing or in person, there is time to think about what you want to say, but on the phone there is limited time, which is why i only give short answers on the phone. if im going to say something that will take a minute to listen to, i might as well have put some thought into it.
well im guessing if you think we'll be closer when we're apart, like when you were in new york, you're talking about letters, cuz i can't use the phone, *so* i decided to write you a letter before i leave.
When I am with you I'm happier than I am with anybody else in this entire world. You're my best friend and all of the interesting and beautiful people that I have ever seen, like even including Gummo, are not even 1/1000th of how beautiful I think you are.
I wish things were different than they are and I could show you all of the places I want to be with you. In Minnesota there is this huge breaker wall that water rushes over in this huge waterfall and the rushing sound is deafening. You can climb these beams to the top and walk through the rushing water to the other side and I'd want to do that with you. I would take you swimming in the Mississippi River cuz people put up rope swings all along the side so you can fling yourself in and I would bring you with to run around the streets of Hollywood with me. Then we could be really cheesy and take pictures of the big white letters that say Hollywood, and I would take you with me to run around the salt flats in Utah because you can write your name in them and it stays.
You yelled at me today because I told you I loved you and you didn't think I meant it but it was so hard for me to say and I meant it more than anything I've ever said in my life. You are like the best thing that ever happened to me, and when I'm with you I know it and when I'm away from you I think about you and I think people look like you and I think of things you say and I make people crazy because I talk about you so much. Once (Saturday) I found this boy that looked just like you and he was smoking and playing pool and I was wondering if there were like, more Tims, but he was a generic Tim because only you quit smoking for 9 minutes. You do these unforgettable amusing things and you know exactly who you are which is one of the greatest things about you.
For some reason you are about me and you say things like "I wouldn't want you to take a pill" and nobody else has ever cared about me like that. I want you to know that I care about you like that too. I've said I'll stop smoking before, but I will stop again because you are so so muc more important to me than getting high. Tim I wanna stay with you and I don't ever want to leave you. I want to go to tJapan with you, and Russia so we can analyze the curfew situation at parks and I want to go to Australia so we can see the Living End and a kangaroo. I have all these great plans so you'll be happy to know i have yet another plan to get rich :)
*join the army...become an MP...go to school for criminal justice which *score* so does not involve calculus so i wont have to drop out...work in the CIA(Please don't let me run away from the army and end up in jail...thats like...ur duty...)*
yeah! if i got really rich id buy you um a denali, and park it right up against your kitchen window, and you'd be like *sigh. sue. you are not supposed to park a denali in the flowers.* because...maybe you grow flowers, i dunno. Maybe not. Hm.
I so admire how passionate you are about things and how into your music you get. I loved how cute you looked when you were checking yourself out in your hall mirror on Valentines Day (you looked really good) and I love how interested in Catch 22 you are...we have some totally deep conversations about that book. maybe not.
well anyway, im not mad anymore because i guess it doesn't matter. i mean it did, and i told you about it, so now it doesn't matter. i really love you and as for the whole trust thing, i trust you where i didn't trust you with the whole doing stuff when you say you will cuz you called back when you said you would which was like all i wanted. I trust you with other girls, and I trust you when you say more important things, but like *will tim be there if i need him* well i don't trust anybody like that. just so you know. i've kind of learned that you can think that somebody really loves you, and they might, but if you trust somebody like that and then they're not there then it makes it so much worse to deal with whatever, so yeah.