The Wilson Chronicles

I am in love. Jamirca Orza-Lugo. She will be my future wife. I guarantee it. I'm too pretty for her to resist me. Sure, there's the whole pregnancy thing. Big deal, I can hit it after she gives birth. I'll hump that bitch right after that kid comes out. BLAOW BLAOW! She's married too which sucks ass. Lucky bastard that lucky bastard is. Organizing Saturday's football game has been surprisingly easy. I sent out ONE email. That's right people. ONE. And I let everybody else do the rest. Hopefully there's good turnout from ex-Stuyers and my beloved BX people. THE ZOO! Thursday into Friday was Linda's housewarming party. Jose and I got to Linda's at the fashionably late time of 930. Everyone was twisted already. Except for Kevin. I promptly dismissed his ass in ping pong. Then, the liquor was busted out. It's funny how Jose gets when he's drunk. He touches girls all over the place, laughs and anything and everything and....ok he's like that when he's sober too, but to see him stumble and see the fright in people's eyes when it looks like he's gonna fall on them is hilarious. So yeah, all i kept thinking as I saw red asian face after red asian face was "Damn, those crazy Asians". Eventually it became, "Damn, those Crazians". Later it became, "Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahaha.......hahahaha." Shit was dumb funny. What was not funny was Naijia puking his lungs up. IT WASN'T ME THIS TIME! YEAH! Taking care of someone sucks. Kevin, Linda, and I alternated taking care of the bastard. He's alright now though. I want to fuck up Will Wong so bad. What a cock. If he was my cock, I wouldn't even stick him in a pussy. I'd leave him there and beat him until he died and then I would get another penis. Yeah. I saw the Mrs. today. For those of you that don't know, I've been taken for about a year and 9 months now by one Neelja Kumar......alright, I spent most of Friday with her. And that's all I'll say about that, this ain't no sapfest, if it was it wouldn't be The High. Or The Champ Chronicles section of The High. Ah, shameless plug. Football on Saturday, I will dominate. Brian sucks.

December 29 2001

you want correspondence? YOU CAN'T HANDLE CORRESPONDENCE! Always, always have at least 5 contingency plans. Christmas night I went to see Ali with Roger. We almost ended up seeing Ocean's 11, Lord of the Rings, or the much hyped Jimmy Nuetron Boy Genius. I actually wanted to see that! Ok, so our Plan A was to see the 815 Ali at the AMC. Sold out. Plan B was to go to Loews 34th to catch 830 Lord of the Rings. We go over there. Sold out. As is Jimmy Nuetron. THE MIDNIGHT SHOWING OF JIMMY NUETRON IS SOLD OUT. WTF? Plan C was to catch the 945 Ali at AMC. On the line for tickets I saw that Ocean's 11 was earlier. Ocean's 11. Sold out. "Hi, can I have two tickets for the 945....whaddya mean it's sold out?" Plan D was Loews across the street for Lord of the Rings 1030. Sold out. Plan E, back at AMC for the 1045pm showing of the 2 hour long Ali.....WE GOT TICKETS! YEAH! WILSON BUMAYE! WILSON BUMAYE! The line to get into the actual theater was as long as hell. Literally. Down a corridor, around a corner, down that corridor and around that corner. God damn. Well Ali entertained me. I was hoping of rmore of his famous fights like his last two frazier fights especially Manila where they literally pummeled each other to the brink of death. But considering they were telling a "story" it was hot. A must see for a sports fan, a good see for a movie fan. Classic Ali, Bundini Brown, Howard Cosell quotes everywhere. Gran Turismo 2 is the greatest PS1 game ever. I've had it for two years, I am 49.3% completed and I still love the game. Why do I play? For the love of the game. Why do I live? For the love of the bitches. Be sure to cop my new album, Wilson's Last Supper: Where Even Jesus Said, "There's Some Fine Bitches Up in Here!" out in stores now.

December 19 2001

This was not posted on my last chronicle, but as mother told me, and I later found this to be true, I flatlined on the 7th of december for 2 minutes plus. Going thru that whole day and the week that ensued just thinking about what it would mean to me and the people I care about if I were to have died. That would not have been cool.

I said I wasn't gonna drink again until New Years. That lasted about a week. On saturday, a bunch of people from my job went out to Viva Tequila's, this barspot on 46th st. It was mad fun, it was like a mini club and yours truly got his freak on. I limited myself to a teq sunrise and 3 lime coronas. This week shall be the true test. And the week after that. And that week after that.

This manager at my job is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Bar none. I'm hoping once she gives birth to that kid in 3 months and divorces her husband she just married in June she'll see the light and get with me. I would be so happy. If my penis was a professional penis, I think it would retire after getting her. I'm serious, she's that fucking hot. Jamiaca

Roger, you're a penis for not continuing The High. The East Coast concensus is that you're a flaming homosexual for retiring. You weren't even at your writing peak. You're like in the minor leagues dude, a high ceiling prospect. Soooooo many experiences and people to keep writing about, even if it's not funny, just to know what one of, or in some cases, many of our friends are up to via one common site. That's the best thing I like about the High. That, and seeing my name whenever it comes up. Like it did at the top of this bar. Hopefully this won't be the last edition of the High. Cuz damn, I just started this gig for the 2nd to last update, so I better not be out of a job. Fuckin batch.

December 10 2001

i visited that criminal site. i turned out to be charles manson. other than that. i thought i'd share my latest adventure. Tip of the week: Do not drink Remy Red and Bacardi Limon in a short period of time. you will get alcohol poisoning. you will most likely end up waking up in the emergency room not remembering how you got there and have your mom and sibling looking at you and knowing that they're thinking that you're a total fuckup and how you should never....ever, be trusted...again. Yes, even the general was made to be a mortal last nite. ugh. puking endlessly sucks. only being able to eat soup sucks. waking up with two iv's in you, sucks. ruining a very nice black cashmere sweater by throwing up on it many times, sucks. isn't vomit supposed to be any color but red? puking up red, sucks. oh, i guess that wasn't puke. feel free to edit this whichever you want man. just wanted everybody to know what happened and whatnot. umm, the reaction here to the ventura justice trade seems to be, Huh? it doesn't make sense for either squad unless the mets can turn justice into an infielder to replace ventura and the inept offense at every single infield position. i rarely cry when the yankees make a signing. i cried when they got clemens after 98. i cried after the 3 team deal that brought piazza to the marlins in 98, then thinking that the marlins would trade him to the yanks for posada and some other crap. i also cried when the yankees got nelson and tino from the m's after 95. for sterling fucking hitchcock. jesus. sterling hitchcock! I would have been a better throw in than fuckin hitchcock. tino and nelson for Wilson. yes. i am the greatest GM ever.

Sometime near Memorial Day 2000

It's true, it's true. Roger did stay at my house on Sunday, decontamination immediately followed. Let's go back to Saturday night when a couple visitors from upstate NY came to my humble abode and stayed for the weekend. CJ and his homo bro Danny came over because they were to accompany me, Roger, and a member to named later to the biggest game of the year to date, Pedro VS Clemens on Sunday. We spent the whole night annoying the hell outta my mom by talking on my walkie talkie pretending to be 2 drunk Mexicans. We were talking to this lady "boricua morena". What a ho. She was all horny and stuff yet she had a very low self-esteem. I played a very convincing Paco Chulo, while CJ played a "person" by the name of Nadie (nobody in Spanish). That was pretty funny mostly due to CJ's butchering of the Spanish language. But then again, we were "drunk". Suffice to say, my mom was pretty pissed the next morning.

The member to be announced was still unannounced mainly because I didn't want Kevin to go, so I ignored him so Mike could go. Yeah, I'm evil.....so? After breakfast we proceeded to Fordham to get Danny some sneakers. In VIM I was paged by a certain Canadian. When I arrived home, I called Roger but he wasn't home. The fag had left to the Stadium so freakin early. What a homo. I call and his sister calls me a homo. Shut up bitch. Then she says Roger told her to say that. Oops. Shut up bitch. Anywayz, i tell that he's gay and she agrees. We then go with CJ to get his haircut. We leave the place at like 3:20 and we get on a cab to go to the Stadium.

3:45- I arrive in my Red Sox jersey waving my Dominican flag yelling "PEDRO!!!! PEDRO!!!!!". I get heckled by some parking lot people and i curse at them in Spanish. Ha, bitches. We see Roger at the big bat. What a homo. I tell him AGAIN that he's not sleeping at my house after the game. He says, yeah right. Shut up bitch. Homo. After we introduce everybody we went to the player's entrance to score some autographs. I'm out there with my Sharpie standing next to the security railing and I'm pretty bored. Oops. I started writing my name, the mariners rock, Arod #1, my website's address, and I even wrote that Roger's gay several times. I even wrote that he wasn't gonna stay at my house. Bitch. And the attentive NYPD didn't even notice. Fags. Once nobody stopped, except for Charley Steiner (Follow me to freedom!), we went to eat.

6 PM: We go in the Stadium and realize that it's Pedro Martinez Stadium tonight. Hellz yeah. We go in there and all except for Roger (who's a 362 days older than me) and Danny get the umbrellas for 21 and older people. Ha, bitch. I started vandalizing the bullpen wall while searching for cops. All the while I failed to notice the cop that was 30 feet directly in front of me. Sneaky NYPD. Just another case of the man puttin us down. So all i put up was P and half of the E. Oh well. The game itself was kick ass even though my flagstick was taken away and then broken by ballpark security. Bitches. But Pedro kicked butt and the Yankees lost. And that's the bottom line.....cuz Pedro said so.

After the game, we walked around the neighborhood while waiting for CJ's mom to pick us up. All the while I'm telling Roger to go home. Bitch. He doesn't so he ends up following me. Damn him. Danny and CJ get their stuff and Roger stayed. What the hell? Why are you still here? Oh well, crash on the bed or on the couch. Bitch. Oops, Roger has to pee. Well he can't use my bathroom. Now that I think back on it, there really wasn't a reason why he couldn't use the bathroom. I mean, I told my mom in Spanish that a friend was staying over cuz he lives in Brooklyn and that he's too scared to go home, so he stays in the bronx. Yeah, she laughed too. I guess I just wanted a few laughs so I told him to go pee on The Rock. "no, I don't wanna expose myself. blah blah blah". Oh well. So Roger goes to the corner and picks out a dirty Snapple bottle from the garbage can. Loser. He pees in my stairs in a bottle while contracting syphillus or some other disease. Maybe he had sex with the hobo sleeping there too. I dunno. After that, he spent the whole time looking over my shoulder while I was online. What a loser. I let him go online. 10 buddies? I have more than that on my Jibronies list. Loser. Anywayz, he went home and thus began my Memorial Day.

I went to the game with Mike, Sabrina, Lauren, and Sabrina's "guy friend". Note: Sabrina is Mike's girlfriend even though her "guy friend" got more play than he did on that day. Hehe. I "got" a beanie baby. Details.....never. Decent game, but a total letdown from the previous night.

Wednesday: Oh god.

My first visit to Staten Island. It's like a friggin country all to itself. There was a key next to the bus stop. Could it have unlocked some magical door to someplace magical? I'll never know because of Flynn's persistent insisting on it remaining where it was. Oh well. By the way, I didn't call Flynn gay or bitch the whole trip. It must be Roger. I had to take a train, then a freakin boat, then a train, then a godamn bus just to get to the mall. Jesus christ. But on the way, I met The Law. He seemed very eager to meet me. Or not. Bitch. Also along the way, I saw a huge green mountain. Oh wait. No, that's a large pile of garbage. A VERY GARGANTUAN pile of garbage covered with greenery to make it appear like a hill. Doesn't cover up the smell. They should use Secret for it or something. Strong enough for a NYC dump, but made for a woman. Interesting girl on the bus.....hehe. We arrived at the mall only to get momentarily lost due to Flynn's lack of direction. Eh. At least he's not Roger. The indoor mall experience was pretty cool. I got a fitting for my prom tux but I didn't get anything due to my possession of a grand total of $1.37. Thanks to Flynn I didn't starve to death on my first visit to this nation of SI. They're a gentle people, those SI'ers are. Stinky, but nice. On the way back, we came across the site of the Unofficial block party for the postponed Wilson Day. The corner of Richmond Ave. and Wilson Ave. Yup, I'm everywhere baby. Even in other countries. Well all in all my first papal visit to SI was a pretty positive experience save for the fact that i came home at 9:45. Shut up Roger. Homo.

According to Greek myth (which can't be denied in any way), Wilsonus owns all trademarks (tm) and all royalties shall be forwarded to his accountant, Wilson (tm). All proceeds shall go towards the Wilson Fund (tm), the Wilson's Ego fund (tm), and the postponed Wilson Day fund (tm)......

Bitch

The Pennsylvania Entity Trademark Empire Resolve is a Faction Against Greekgods.....read the acronym....yeah he is.....(Wilson (tm) thought this was funny so he's gonna leave it in here)

And now as a complete and utter rip-off of the Moogleville site, The Wilson Chronicles (tm) will now have a Quote of the Day (tm). I would have stolen Roger's asshole (award), but that would have been mean...besides, his site is sponsoring the now VERY postponed Wilson Day (tm).

"Chrebet's their best receiver? No, wait a sec, what about Keysh........oh riiiiiiiiight, hehehehe." -Wilson, immediately followed by a smack to the head from Flynn......Roger's gay.