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may second today was a bad day. Bad bad bad. At first I thought it wasn’t as bad as yesterday, but it was. If not worse. Nothing particularly bad happened in any of my classes, but I just had an. . .empty feeling inside. It wasn’t like how it usually is when I’m depressed. sometimes my throat kinda aches, like after you’ve sobbed for a little while. Most of the time though, I don’t feel anything physically. Today though, it felt kind of hollow inside, and I felt heavy. It was terrible. When it’s just emotional it’s one thing, but the physical makes it 10 times worse.

I get to see amy tomorrow. Yay. That’s one thing I can look forward to. . .i’m going to visit her because I want to ask her how she thinks I should tell my mom I need help. Not the most cheerful thing, but we won’t have to talk about that for the whole time. Today when I was staring at the ground while sarah & kyle were saying bye to each other, sarah said "is the ground interesting?" I said "yeah, I have problems, I stare at the ground a lot. . ." she was like "you have problems?" and I said "yeah". Later when she asked me what kind of problems, I just said that I don’t know. . .which is a lie, but two people were walking with us whom I do not want to know. Besides, what would I say? ‘well, I think I have depression. I’m not sure though.’ Actually. . .yeah. hehe.

I’m talking to virginia on AIM now. :) how lovely. :) I haven’t talked to her on AIM for months and months. . .today when I got home from school I got kinda happier. And after I’d been home for a while I got like back to normal. I read about that kind of depression, where you’re sad in the morning and then you get better and better up until you’re normal again, in the afternoon/evening. grr. . . i really don't want to have depression, but that's all i can think of. . .these feelings i have aren't normal, that's for damn sure. i have to go. i hope tomorrow's a better day. . .

there must be some kind of way out of here