Hello...long time no see...or talk, or write, whatever...it would be longer but Chrissy said she'd send me a lollipop if i did a journal, so here I am. :)

I haven't written in a really long time, so I don't know where to start. I've been ok lately, mostly bad. My Thanksgiving was good though, 5 days without school!! Hooray. :D But this week it was back to hell as normal. I had a really bad week this week. Monday was the worst. I was really hating myself that day. Usually I get a little bit pissed with myself everyday, but Monday i found fault in everything. *sigh*

Tuesday was bad too, although I don't really remember what happened because I didn't write in my journal that day. I have such a terrible memory. I felt really ugly that day though, and I hated myself about the same as I did on Monday. Hating yourself really sucks...I mean, think about it. If you hate someone you used to be friends with or go out with or something, you can ignore and avoid them. But if it's yourself, no such luck. You're always stuck with yourself. :(

Wednesday was good. Yay! I didn't feel so ugly, which made me think that maybe I had especially shitty days because of that. I went out to lunch (sophomores and above can go out to lunch if they're not on behavior contract + junk like that. i hardly ever go though, cuz I have no car. :( but anyway) to my friend Amelia's, it was pretty fun. Wednesday was also a short day which added to the greatness of it. :)

Yesterday was pretty good too. Not entirely great like Wed., but good. For lunch I went to Amelia's again, with her + my other friend and another girl I am not really friends with. I thought that the girl was anorexic but maybe that was just me. In geometry, I sat outside w/my buddy Kate which was cool. We talked about junk, and although I feel bad that she feels the same way I do about things, it was cool because I always feel like there's NO ONE that feels like I do, like I'm the only sad one in my school of cheerful preps. Of course that's not true, but things don't have to necessarily be true for me to feel like they are. Oh, yesterday I had my guitar lesson. When I got there this guy was there. After he was done and about to leave, my guitar teacher introduced us (cuz he has a bad memory and didn't remember introducing us last time the guy was there, hehe) and I looked at the guy's eyes and he had the PRETTIEST eyes I have ever seen. Well maybe that's an exaggeration. They were SO pretty though, I wish I had a picture of them so I could just look at them. *sigh*

Today was pretty good also. *hooray!* So I guess this week wasn't the worst EVER, because I had 3 good days. But I hated myself waaaaaay too much, which made it shitty. Anyhow, today I felt loved and I didn't feel like a tag-along. I'm doing volleyball in PE now (well, I have been for 3 weeks but no one reading this knows that) and today we won all 3 of our games! That was great, usually we lose every one. :) at lunch I felt loved...My friend Lilja + I followed my other friend, Sarah + her boyfriend Kyle around a little...It was funny. Then we went back to where we hang out and my friend Emma, who's usually a total bitch, was nice to me and that made me happy. :D In geometry I got a 9/10 on the quiz we took (but I finished like 5 minutes before everyone else which made me feel like a nerrrrrd... :() and after school I was standing with my friends, and the guy I used to like (David...I'm sure I mentioned him in here) was standing there too. He said something and I smiled at him cos it was funny, and he was laughing too so we sorta smiled at each other...AWWWWWWW that gave me the warm fuzzies although I don't like him anymore...Also, I'm over that guy I liked at the beginning of the year...thank God. He was a dumb crush. That was the end of interesting things that happened to me today...

...and I don't know what to say now. So I'll make lists, because I like lists.

Good things:

-After this week we get to switch volleyball teams. :) I'm on a team with a guy who is really annoying and terrible at volleyball, although he doesn't seem to realize that. Anyhow, switching teams makes me happy.
-I'm listening to "Outside" by Staind right now! Ohhh I love this song SO much! It kicks ass...
-Today is the 1st of December which means ONLY 24 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS and I get to start my CHOCOLATE advent calender today. :) chocolate is always good...
-This guy that used to like me got a girlfriend! Hooray for him and me, now I don't have to feel bad for not liking him! Although it's also sort of bad, because EVERYONE ELSE has someone but me...but I'll save that for the bad list.
-It's Friday.

Bad things:

-I hate myself. Always a bad thing. I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm annoying, I'm a nerd...I could go on for a long time.
-I don't have anyone. I don't mean a boyfriend only, I mean ANYONE. No one that I can just be myself with and tell everything to and not worry about what they're going to think or say or do, because I know they'll love me no matter what. OK this is starting to sound really fruity so on to the next...
-I have no life.

That's enough for now, I have to go. Thanks for reading...